"Are you seriously going to follow me wherever I'm going?"
"Are you going to finally forgive me?"
Finally realizing that it's official that Nicholas White does not backdown without a single fight is absolute annoying. I enjoy being in my own bubble, a bubble created for me personalizing my needs and wants, and it seems like I didn't want him in my bubble zone.
"If I forgive you, would you finally let go, and leave me in peace?"
"Depends, if I still needed you, and I think I do." Nicholas called out, "Especially when I know I need to explain a lot of things to you, and right now, Anaya." He stops, and I waited to listen for him, "You deserve an explanation to where I am. At least, if you wouldn't forgive me, you would understand why."
My fingers curled around the strap of my bag as I could feel my heartbeat pounding like crazy, I wanted to stop. I wanted to listen to what he had said, but knowing I was this easy. I was starting to hate myself for breaking my own oath.
I didn't have to respond, or even have to acknowledge him.
"Anaya," Nicholas called again, his voice quieter this time, but still reaching me like a ghost from the past. I hated how his voice easily slipped into the cracks of my walls, days I've been questioning what I've done wrong, and finally happy with the thought of moving on my life.
But I wasn't letting him win, not this time. So I took the steps I didn't think I was capable of going and closer to the gates—closer to leaving this moment behind.
Then, suddenly, a warm hand wrapped around my wrist.
I hated it, I hated how it wasn't tight not forceful. But it was enough to halted my feet's in the grounds. My whole body shut downs, as I felt his fanning breath closer. It felt crazy to know he was close, closer than before. Nicholas never touched me without permission. Not before.
So is because I couldn't see his expression, I couldn't see if he had held regret, guilt, or something worse. I could only listen his quivering sound as he called my name and suddenly the air felt to thick to breath it.
"I know you don't want to hear me," he said, voice steady but heavy, like he was choosing every word carefully. "But please, just… let me talk to you."
I swallowed hard, as I told myself to pulled away and leave.
But for some reason, my feet wouldn't move.
For some reason, the weight in his voice felt too much like the weight I had been carrying all this time.
And maybe—just maybe—I wasn't the only one who had been drowning in the darkness.
I didn't reply to him, but stood my ground and he clear his voice, as a signal that I was ready to listen to what he had said.
"Listen, I heard that there's a lot of people telling me that you were looking for me, I just knew when I had arrived this morning. I knew it is not an excuse because I disappeared suddenly without a thought, but I don't know how tell you, until I show but -" He stop his words, "I didn't know how to show you."
"You're wasting my time Nicholas, your beating around the bushed. I am not -"
"I'm sorry." He cuts, "I am sorry for being such an ass for making you worried, you were trying your best as a friend and I am messing this up, because I couldn't prioritize right."
"I am nobody to be worth of prioritizing."
"Not for me Anaya Moore. You are know set to know now I am going to prioritize you." My fingers curled slightly, and I didn't know exactly how to respond to him. Why was he going to prioritize everything for me? Was I more to him that he could confess this revelation as easy as it is.
"You can't just say that and expect everything to fix itself," I whispered. "I don't want to demand anything from you Nicholas, but as a friend, who I also care deeply about, I hope you know you hurt me. I don't see an easy apology from that."
"I'm not expecting that." His voice softened. "But I'm hoping for the chance… to try."
"Then tell me."
"I'll need to show you," He said, "I will show you why I disappeared."
"Why can't you do it now?" I asked him quickly. Suspiciously I could only question his intentions. I seem to lack trust over him because a silly incident. But it was something for me, and I took it a bit too personal.
"I can't just show you right now Anaya, without knowing it, I promise you, if you would come with me this Saturday - "
"Are you going to leave me again?" I asked him quickly. I had enough, I wasn't going to fall for the second time, it was bad enough that this was a mistake for actually listening. I wouldn't be bother to be doing it a second time.
"Trsut me Anaya. Trust me, I will show you."
But I guess I was just drowning in it. I shook my head and I could feel his happiness radiating.
"I will show you, over the next day, I will promise to make it up for you, I promise you."
I wasn't so keen over my stupidity, but this is Nicholas White we're talking about, was my expectation was so high that I let it pass through me? I guess I was pretty much smitten by Nicholas white by then. I knew I did.
"Fine. We can still be friends, I'll see to it, I'm going to act like nothing had happened."
"Thank you Anaya, I-"
"But that doesn't mean I will forget, I mean it Nicholas."
"You have my word, I will show what you've miss for the last few days Anaya, I promise you that. I will show my world Anaya, would you show me yours?" He asked, and I was debating on it. But seeing that he sounded so keen on learning my world. I trusted him, and everything went on from there.
If only I was more harsher on myself, maybe I wouldn't have to pay the price.