The neon clock on my streaming box blinked 10:00 as the familiar Revenge of the Weak opening theme erupted from my TV. I'd been preparing for this moment all week—clearing my schedule, stockpiling snacks, and even setting up a makeshift "Do Not Disturb" sign on my apartment door that read: "Watching Revenge of the Weak finale. Emergencies only (unless you have ice cream)."
I cradled my bowl of freshly cooked ramyeon like it was the Holy Grail. The noodles were perfect—three minutes of boiling had achieved that ideal chewy-yet-firm texture, and the spicy broth made my nose tingle just from the aroma. I'd even added an extra sprinkle of green onions for that ~gourmet~ touch.
"This is it," I whispered to no one, chopsticks poised dramatically in the air. "The episode where Charles finally exposes Koo Woo Tae's crimes and Kim Bu Hyeon gets her revenge." My heart pounded like I was the one about to enact a dramatic, decade-long revenge plot.
Across the room, my cat, Chairman Meow (yes, I named him after Revenge of the Weak's luxury apartment), gave me a judgmental stare from his perch on the bookshelf.
"Don't look at me like that," I told him. "This is cultural enrichment."
He blinked slowly, then began meticulously licking his paw—the feline equivalent of an eye-roll.
---
10:03 PM
Just as Kim Bu Hyeon was being wrongfully arrested (ugh, the injustice!), the doorbell rang.
"DING DONG."
I nearly launched my ramyeon into orbit. "WHO DARES?!" I screeched, broth splashing onto my "World Domination Tour" EX' ACT hoodie.
Security footage (if my cheap apartment had any) would have shown me answering the door with noodles dangling from my mouth like some kind of deranged marionette. Sis stood there holding two glittery tickets between her fingers, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
"Guess what just fell into my lap?" she singsonged, waving the tickets.
I squinted. The familiar EX' ACT logo gleamed under the hallway lights. My breath hitched.
"No. Way."
"Front row. This Saturday. Post-military-service EX' ACT in all their glory," Sis announced, clearly enjoying my stunned expression. "You in?"
My brain short-circuited. Front row? To EX' ACT? After years of waiting?
"I'd sell my soul for those," I blurted, then remembered my phone was recording for my reaction video. *"I mean, yes please, kind and generous sister whom I love dearly."
Sis snorted. "Meet me at my apartment at 6 PM. And wear your Obsession lightstick—it's the superior era."
"Excuse you, Love Shot—"
Ding dong.
We both froze. Wait. That wasn't my doorbell.
Sis pulled out her phone, and her face morphed into horror. "Oh no. Oh no no no—"
"What? What's wrong?"
She turned her screen toward me. A notification glared back:
"EX'ACT 'EXIT' TOUR – SEOUL: SOLD OUT"
"THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" I shrieked. "WE JUST GOT TICKETS!"
Sis's grin turned wicked. "Psych! I bought these months ago. Wanted to surprise you."
I gaped. "You evil genius."
"I know," she said smugly. "Now go finish your drama. I'll call you later to plan outfits."
As she sauntered off, I yelled after her, "YOU BETTER NOT BAIL ON ME LIKE Charles DID IN EPISODE 12!"
Her laughter echoed down the hallway.
---
10:07 PM
Back on the couch, I dove into my ramyeon with renewed vigor. The drama was reaching its peak:
- Kim Bu Hyeon, framed for murder? Check.
- Evil Koo Woo Tae smirking like the snake he was? Check.
- Charles Lee appearing in slow-motion through literal smoke, trench coat billowing like a K-drama Batman? CHECK.
"YEEEEESSSS!" I fist-pumped, sending a rogue noodle flying across the room. It landed with a wet splat on Chairman Meow's head.
He froze. Slowly, ominously, he turned to stare at me. His eyes said: "You are dead to me."
"Sorry! Sorry!" I whisper-yelled, but it was too late. With the dignity of a scorned monarch, he leaped off the bookshelf and stalked away, tail flicking in disgust.
I returned to the screen just in time to see Charles deliver his iconic line: "Some tragedies… are written in the stars."
Chills. Literal chills.
In my hype, I shoveled a massive forkful of noodles into my mouth— without chewing.
Big. Mistake.
---
10:08 PM
The noodle lodged in my throat like it had a lease agreement.
I gagged. No air. NO AIR.
Me: (clutching throat, voice strangled) "Kkh—S-Siri! Call 911!"
Siri: "Playing 'Don't Fight the Feeling' at maximum volume."
Me: "NO—"
I lunged for my phone, but my foot tangled in my blanket burrito. Time slowed as I pitched forward—
SPLASH.
I face-planted directly into my spilled ramyeon broth.
Chairman Meow reappeared, sniffed my limp hand, and stepped over me to lick the abandoned noodles.
This is it, I thought, vision darkening. I'm gonna die to the sound of Baekhyun's high notes, and my cat will feast on my remains.
Final Thought: "At least my search history will auto-delete… WAIT, NO IT WON'T—"
---
Later That Night – Sis's Group Chat
Sis:"GUYS. SHE DIED WATCHING REVENGE OF THE WEAK. I TOLD HER NOT TO EAT AND WATCH!"
Friend A: "So… we still using her concert ticket?"
Friend B: "I call her lightstick."
Sis: "MONSTERS."
—-
Next Morning – Twitter Trends
🔥 "RIPnoodlequeen"
🔥 "Revenge of the Weak claims another victim"
🔥 "EX' ACT concert now a memorial service"
Chairman Meow's Diary
"Finally. Peace. Also, licked the ramyeon. 10/10. Would kill again."