In his office, the atmosphere was tense as we both hesitated to break the awkward silence. "What do you want to talk about?" I asked breaking the silence, "11 year ago," I quickly shook my head no. I was over what happened 11 years ago and I didn't want to talk about especially with him. "If that's what you want to talk about I don't want to talk." I told him. As I was about to grab the door handle he quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him.
I slightly pushed my self away because, I didn't want any of the things that was about to happen between us. "I'm sorry okay, what happened that day I never wanted it to happen. I was driven out of Korea by my own father and I was forced to make that video, I never ment anything I said in the video." He stated, "I don't care whether you ment it or not I could care less because, we were never anything to each other." I said trying to compose my tears.
The last thing I wanted was to break out crying infront of him. "We liked each other Joon, we did things that friends never do together." He proclaimed, "Those we're childish feelings, we were kids back then and we didn't know any better!" I added. "So the night you came to me and I held you all night meant nothing to you?" He asked.
Why were we doing this?
"You lied Min, you lied to me that night!" "So I don't know what you want me to say right now." I said my voice under a whisper. "I never lied to you Joon, I was a victim too! If I had i choice that day I would've stayed by your side." "I wouldn't have left you alone like that, and you know that because we were both going through the same things!" He stated.
As soon as he grabbed my hand I couldn't hold my tears, at this point they were just flowing down my face. "We were both hurting but you were hurting more, and I'm sorry." "Im sorry for not being there for 11 years but, I do love you Joon and I want to be yours." He wiped my tears and pulled me for a hug. As much as I loved being in his arms and feeling his touch I couldn't let myself fall that easily again.
So I released myself from him and wiped my tears away. "I love you too but, I can't do this anymore Min I've left everything we had back in the past and I'm not ready for a new start." I told him as I grabbed my bag off the floor and walked out of the office.
Leaving Min's office felt like escaping a storm, and the echoes of our unresolved history lingered in the air. As I walked through the corridors of Miracle, I couldn't shake off the mix of emotions that swirled within me. The confrontation with Min had opened old wounds, and I needed time to process it all.
Days passed, and I focused on my work, attempting to bury the resurfaced emotions. However, the presence of Min at Miracle made it challenging. Our paths crossed in meetings, elevators, and common areas, each encounter reopening the Pandora's box of memories.
——————
One afternoon as I was sitting with Nari and the other girls in the lounge Kyong came in looking a little bit nervous and excited. Kyong was the assistant manager in our department and we got very close after a few times of being around each other also, he was openly gay and that's one thing I admire about him. But at the same time we were in the 21st century.
"CEO Min needs you up in his office," he told me, the girls looked at me like they were scared for me. "Did you do something?" Nari asked, I shook my head no. "I'll be back." I said as I got up and headed up to the last floor to his office. I just want to know what he wants now.
Once I got to his office I knocked and to my surprise he opened the door, I thought he was just going to say "Come in" like every boss says. "Come in," he made way for me and I walked into the office my heart beating faster. "Do you need anything?" I asked, "I feel like the other day wasn't a very good time for us and, I feel that we should try to figure this out in a more private place." "So we can let our emotions out." He stated as he slowly grabbed my hands and walked closer to me.
"I want to be with you Joon, so please think about it and tell me when you are ready to talk." He pleaded me, I hated this I never wanted things to end up like this between us but; I also can't keep lying to myself telling myself that I don't like or need him. I had to come to a sense that whether my feelings were a sin or not I couldn't avoid them if I wanted too.
"Okay." I replied my voice under a whisper, I pulled my hands away from his and walked out.
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Min's pov:
I'm going to try everything to make him mine, I loved him from the start and I'll love you till the end. I wanted to fix his scars the ones I caused and, I want to reassure him that I'm going to be there for him from now to end.
Days went on and Joon was not showing me a sign of wanting to see or talk to me. Every time I tried to talk to him about something that was not work related he would ignore or avoid me, and I don't know how much longer I was going to stay like this. I wanted to hear his voice, I wanted to see his soft hazel eyes wanted to hold his soft hands but mostly I wanted to have him in my arms.
But maybe he didn't want that, maybe he didn't face his fear of breaking gods rules, or maybe his feelings for me are no longer. I wanted to talk to him really bad but I had to respect his decision.
———————
One evening on his day off I got a text from him asking for my address. Seeing the message I quickly sent him my address and I waited for him.
As I waited for Joon, my heart pounded with anticipation and uncertainty. The mere fact that he wanted to see me outside of work stirred a mix of hope and anxiety. I questioned what this meeting could mean for us—whether it was a step towards reconciliation or a closure to what once was.
When the doorbell finally rang, I hesitated before opening it. Joon stood there, a subtle nervousness in his eyes. "Hey," he greeted, his voice a blend of reservation and curiosity.
"Hey," I responded, inviting him in. The air between us was thick with unspoken words, and the room seemed to carry the weight of our shared history.
Joon took a seat, glancing around the room. "So I've thought more about everything and I've come to a conclusion," he went straight forward to the point, he looked up at me and I could see stars in his eyes. "I do love you Min and I can't deny that, no matter how far I try to push it down they are always still there and I can't keep pushing them down every time." "I also want to be with you, I want to be next to you every night and day." He confessed.
He shook his head wiping his tears away, "but I can't be with you, we seem close together but there's a big wall keeping us far away." "So please let's just forget that there's history between us, I want you to find someone you can be with." He stated. "Not a person like me who is afraid to face his feelings because of religion."
I sat next to him and looked into in his eyes as I wiped his tears, "what don't you get about me not wanting anyone else except for you!" "I want you and only you, I want to be with you and I want you to be mines." "So please need me please!" I confessed, "I do need you and that's the problem because I don't want to need you!" He exclaimed, "I need and want you every day but there's nothing I can do because I fear god!" He cried. "I don't want to be like this but I can't do anything about it, why can't I just accept me." He fell into my arms and cried even more.
My heart ached to see him cry like this and I was just sitting looking stupid without saying anything to comfort my him.
Holding Joon as he poured out his internal struggle, I couldn't help but feel the complexity of the situation. His heart-wrenching confessions unveiled the internal battle between his genuine feelings for me and the religious convictions that restrained him.
"I understand it's complicated, Joon," I spoke softly, gently stroking his hair. "But love shouldn't be something to fear. It's not a sin to embrace what you feel, and I won't force you to go against your beliefs."
Joon pulled away, his teary eyes searching mine. "I wish it were that simple, Min. I wish I could just follow my heart without these constant conflicts. But the fear of judgment, of disappointing those I care about, it's overwhelming."
To be continued