"So, what you got this morning?"
"Free first period, then Runes. We've all got double Defence after lunch. What about you?"
Draco looked at his timetable. "Magical Creatures, then Runes"
"You think you managed to catch up?"
"I dunno. I mean, I passed the test to join this year, and you said I'm doing ok, but-"
"Yeah. It's not easy stuff. Still, though, it's more useful than Divination"
"You could say that again. That Trelawney bint wouldn't know a prophecy if it hit her in the face"
Harry shrugged.
"At least the week's pretty chilled, overall. Shouldn't be too bad"
Harry groaned. "That's cause you don't have my Wednesdays. Double Arithmancy, History, and Herbology! And then Theory and Astronomy that night!"
"But you like Arithmancy and Theory?"
"Yeah, But they're still exhausting classes. And we're meeting Snape three times a week, and you just know he's gonna give us lots of practice to do. And I've got those fucking 'detentions'!"
"When're they gonna be?"
"I don't know yet. Hopefully in a free period, when everyone else is in class. Guess I'll find out"
Just then, the bell rang.
"See you later," Draco said, as he joined the crowd heading out. Harry stayed in his place for a few minutes longer, debating about whether he should go over the first chapter of the Runes textbook again.
' Screw it. Snape says I should do stuff I like. I'm going to fly. Besides, I read it over the summer. I'll be fine'
Flying just for the hell of it was totally different to playing Quidditch. In Quidditch, no matter how much he loved the game, there was always an element of stress. An overarching goal forcing his moves. But just flying alone, jetting over the lake and around the forest, Harry found his mind was set free. Stress seemed to drip off of him with his sweat.
' Damn. Snape was totally right. I need to do this more often. Especially if there's no quidditch this year'
Looking at his watch, he yelped and rushed to land.
He barely had time for a quick shower and ran into the Runes classroom seconds before the bell went off, without even drying his hair.
"Welcome back, class. I trust you all had an enjoyable summer?"
"Now, I believe you all have a good enough grasp on runic languages for us to be able to move onwards. We will begin learning about the uses of runes in magic. As you all know, runes have many advantages over classical spells. They can last far longer, they can be used in far more variable ways. However, runes cannot always be used. If a rune is used at a time when it should not be, it can have any effect from doing nothing whatsoever, to blowing up in your face. Obviously, we'd like to avoid such situations. Therefore, we're going, to begin with, discussing how runes are used at all"
Quill poised, Harry waited for Babbling to continue.
"Just like a wand, runes are a conduit for magic. When using a wand, rules must be obeyed. The wand must be moved in specific ways, the wand must be pointed in a specific direction. And just as these rules have exceptions, so to the rules governing rune magic have exceptions. I want to make it perfectly clear, however. You are not to attempt any rune magic without a teacher presiding over you. It is extremely dangerous. You will not be given any practical work for homework until after your OWL year. Even then, your assignments will be specifically chosen so as to have the least possibility of going wrong. Is that understood?"
Once the chorus of yes's died out, Babbling continued.
"Now, as a general rule, runic magic is performed when a witch or wizard carves a rune into an object and channels their magic into said rune. While doing so, they must have in mind the desired effect, and in some cases may even require an incantation. Once successfully performed, the rune will remain active indefinitely. This is one of the advantages of runic magic over wand magic. Yes, Mr. Potter?"
"What happens if the rune is later erased?"
"Good question. If a rune is erased while it is still active, it can result in a large magical discharge. This can cause absolutely nothing to occur, or it could have terribly catastrophic effects. I know of a case, nearly fifty years ago, where a witch accidentally erased a rune. The very oxygen in the air around it caught fire. She didn't survive"
' Ok. No messing around with runes'
"This is why runes are usually carved on materials that will last. As a general rule, runes are never to be carved on something that will lose its form. Also, runes will often be paired with a rune that renders them unchangeable"
Once everyone had finished writing, she continued.
"There is another form of runic magic, most famously used by the ancient Scandinavians. They would carve runes into pieces of wood, and throw those onto the floor, causing the rune to take effect. This was often used in battle. We will eventually learn more about that form of rune usage, but for now, we will focus on the more common method. Let us begin by discussing the rune Dagaz, and it's uses in providing magical forms of light"
"Wow. That was intense"
"Yeah. I told you it'd be. But it was cool, no?"
"For sure. Way, way better than Divination. I think I actually learned something today"
Harry started laughing at Draco's tone of wonderment. He stopped, however, cut short when he noticed a pair of Gryffindors walking down a staircase.
"Draco, I'll meet you at lunch. Just need to take care of something"
Draco followed Harry's gaze.
"Harry-" he said, a warning note filling his voice.
"Don't worry. I need to apologize to them. Might as well do it now, when there aren't tons of people around"
"Fine. Just-don't lose it"
Harry walked over to the pair, hands raised.
"Granger, Longbottom, I just wanted to-"
Granger spun around, raising her wand. Longbottom flinched.
"What do you want?" She hissed.
"I-I just wanted to apologize"
Granger raised an eyebrow slightly and stared at him for a few seconds before lowering her wand.
"Ok," she said doubtfully, "let's hear it then"
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done… what I did. It really wasn't right. None of you deserved it, and-"
"You're right! None of us deserved it! We were sitting in our compartment, having a nice conversation, when you and Malfoy had to come in and ruin everything!" Bright splotches colored her cheeks as she spoke. "And when Ron answered you back, not that he was right to do so, you attack us all! What did you think was going to happen? Did you really think he would just listen to your insults without standing up for himself?"
"I didn't think. Not really. I-I've just been so upset lately, and I took it out on you guys. I really wish I hadn't, but it's too late to take it back. The only thing I can do is apologize, and not repeat my mistakes"
Something in her expression seemed to soften as she stared into his eyes. Then she frowned and said quietly "Tell me the truth. Dumbledore said you had to apologize to us, didn't he?"
' Be honest. Maybe she knows, or maybe he'll check with them to see if I actually did'
"Yes. But I was planning on it before I spoke to him!"
"Were you? Would you have apologized if it wasn't so bad? If none of us ended up in the hospital wing?"
Harry was about to speak when something in her eyes warned him not to.
"I only ask, because you have never apologized for anything you did before. And yes, we deserved some of what you did to us in the past, but definitely not all of it. So tell me, and be honest. Are you actually trying to change? Or do you just want to get out of trouble?"
' Bitch!'
"I really am"
"Then prove it. Stop insulting us whenever we walk past. Stop mocking Ron. Treat us like normal people"
' Don't make demands of me!'
Harry breathed deeply. "That's fair," he said.
She nodded. "I thought so too. I'll be glad to accept your apology, I just want to know that it's sincere"
"Me too" Longbottom added, still staring at his shoes.
"Good. Is We- is Ron still in the hospital wing?"
"Yes. He should get out tomorrow, hopefully,"
"Thanks. I'm really sorry"
As Harry walked away, Hermione whispered to herself. "So am I"
They arrived in the Defence classroom after lunch, to find there was no teacher there. Harry and Draco were one of the first people to get in, so they took seats in the middle row. Slowly, the classroom filled and still, Moody was nowhere to be seen.
"Maybe he refuses to teach Slytherins. He's probably one of those who thinks we're all evil"
"I doubt it," Theo said back. "I mean, someone would have said something, wouldn't they?"
Blaise didn't look too convinced by that, but he nodded anyway.
"Possibly. Which begs the question. Where is our dear teacher?"
"Probably hunting down some Dark wizards"
Draco snorted.
A second later, a jet of red light shot out of thin air. As Harry hastily threw up a shield, the jet exploded into harmless sparks, centimeters away from the front row of desks.
"None of you saw me"
Moody faded into view, sitting behind his table.
"I even made sure not to put the disillusionment charm on properly. If any of you had paid attention, you'd have noticed a ripple in the air where I was sitting. You'd have seen movement when I waved my wand. But you didn't"
He sighed. "And I need to teach you to defend yourselves. Fool's errand. And no, Zabini, I have no problem with Slytherins. Once a former Hufflepuff tries to kill you, you come to realize that houses really mean far less than what you think they do"
He stood up and began pacing behind his desk. His wooden leg clanked with every step he took.
"Now. We're going to be focusing on curses. But you need to understand. No matter how well you know to counter curses, no matter how well you know to fight. It all means nothing if you aren't aware of what's going on around you"
"Potter. You cast a shield. Had you been paying attention, you'd have been able to stun me before I attacked. Greengrass. You rolled out of the way. I could have attacked again as soon as you came to a stop. Battle is not a game. If someone is trying to kill you, they aren't thinking of being noble. They'll curse you in the back and laugh as you die. You need to be aware. You need to know what's there. You need to put that away while I'm talking, Parkinson"
Pansy blushed and muttered an apology as she stowed a copy of Witch Weekly into her bag.
' So his eye can see through wood? Cool'
"When you walk into a room, you should automatically identify the possible threats within it. You should have plans in place for how to deal with said threats. Bulstrode! What would you do if I shot this table at you?"
"Erm, I-"
"You would be crushed underneath it, that's what you would do! Be aware! Be awake! Constant vigilance!" He was shouting by the end of it. He took a breath, and strode back to his desk, limping with every other step.
"Evil never rests. So, unfortunately, neither can we. By the end of this year, I will have you sitting here with eyes open. I will have you ready to face whatever's waiting for you out there in the big, wide world!"
' Snape and Barty are already trying to do that. For some of us, at least'
"So this is how it's going to work. We'll alternate lessons. One lesson working through the syllabus, discussing curses and how to face them, the next working on your awareness. Let's begin"
He made a curt gesture with his wand, and three jam jars flew out of the closet. There was a spider in each of them.
"Curses," He said, clapping his gnarled hands together. "We'll start at the very top. Who can name one of the Unforgiveables for me?"
He looked around the room.
"No-one? Never been told about the scariest effects of magic? What, your families tried to shelter you? Come on, someone put their hand up!"
Slowly, Draco raised his hand.
"Yeah?"
"The Imperius"
Both of Moody's eyes focused intently on Draco.
"You'd know all about that one, wouldn't you?" He muttered.
"The Imperius Curse. It gives total control over to the caster. Let's have a demonstration, shall we?"
He opened one of the jars. The spider started scuttling around, trying to climb the walls of it.
Moody breathed deeply for a few seconds, eyes closed.
"Imperio"
Immediately, the spider relaxed completely. Moody tipped the jar on its side, and it fell out. It started dancing, standing on two legs.
"Nasty curse, this. When I say total control, that's what I mean. I could make this spider do anything I wanted. I could keep it dancing here for days on end until it died of exhaustion"
There was some muttering at that. Moody smiled grimly. "I saw a man forced to kill his own brother under the Imperius," he said softly. "When you don't know what it feels like, you are totally unprepared to fight against it. Which is why I petitioned the ministry for permission to perform it on all of you"
He looked up at their flabbergasted expressions and scowled. "They said no. Just, try to understand this. Being placed under the Imperius is kind of like drinking a calming draught. Everything feels right. What the caster tells you to do, it seems like it's your own idea. It seems like a natural action to take. The only way to learn to fight against it is to experience it. Nevertheless, the spineless idiots said no. So if any of you ever feel extremely relaxed and comfortable, you might be under the Imperius"
' Is he for real? He needs a damn mind-healer!'
"Now, who can tell me another one of the Unforgiveables?"
Shocking everyone, Crabbe raised his hand.
"Yeah?"
"The pain one"
Moody looked at him for a second before nodding. "The Cruciatus Curse"
This time, the spider seemed to be asleep. It started scuttling around once it was poured out of the jar though, and Moody growled out a body bind.
"You can't see while it's this size. Engorgio"
He ended the spell when it was about six times its previous size. Even from his relatively far seat, Harry could make out its pincers.
Again, Moody closed his eyes and breathed deeply, this time only opening them after a whole minute had passed.
"Finite"
As the spider started moving again, Moody said softly "Crucio"
It started shaking horribly, legs twitching and curling in on themselves.
' Good to know I can pull it off quicker than he can'
When Moody lifted the curse, the spider just lay there, legs twitching a bit. He moved it back into the jar.
"There might be ways to cause worse pain than the Cruciatus. But all of them leave physical damage. The Cruciatus doesn't. You could keep someone under it for hours, and they would survive. They wouldn't be sane, not after that, but they'd be physically unhurt"
He looked at the class. "You don't get used to the pain it causes. It always feels just as bad as the time before. And the pain is everywhere. Every nerve, every cell in your body screaming in agony. There are plenty of brave men and women who would rather die than experience the Cruciatus again"
The class was absolutely silent. You could have heard a pin drop.
' I wonder if he wanted to demonstrate that on us also?'
"Which brings us to the last of the Unforgiveables. Who knows what it is?"
' Honestly, it'd be weird if I didn't'
Harry raised his hand.
"Potter?"
"The Killing Curse"
Moody nodded.
He opened the final jar. As the spider started scuttling across the desk, he raised his wand.
' No prep time for this one?'
"Avada Kedavra"
"There's no counter-curse to that. It'll punch straight through a protego. The only way to survive it is to dodge it or to have a physical barrier in place. Or to be Harry Potter, apparently"
A few people laughed nervously at that, breaking the tension somewhat.
"There are many, many curses. None as regulated or punished as strictly as these three. Using any of them on another human will land you with a one-way ticket to Azkaban"
' So I've got, what? Four life sentences? No, more. Six?'
"If you're ever facing someone who's using them, take them out as quickly as possible. Don't play nice. Don't give them a chance to fight back. Someone like that will do anything. They know what waits for them if they get caught"
"Homework," He said, clapping his hands together again. "Ten-inch essay on the Unforgiveables and I want each of you to give me three ways you could be more aware of possible threats. Remember. Constant vigilance!"
That night, Harry and Draco met with Snape for their first meeting of the year. Whether it had been the Dark Lord or Barty who had spoken to him about not going easy on them anymore, it didn't matter. What mattered was that he pushed them harder than even Barty had.
He seemed to be going all out in his dueling against them, flinging spells almost too fast for them to see. He jumped around the room, disillusioning himself and shooting hexes at them from all angles.
And he didn't say a single incantation. It was all wordless.
They barely managed to stay standing for more than a few minutes at a time.
By the end of it, they were absolutely coated in bruised and cuts and sweat dripped off of them.
"You need to learn to think quicker! It will come with practice, but only if you actually focus on it. Only if you force your minds to do the work will they learn to."
He healed them, and then, while he tested Draco's Occlumency, Harry relaxed and watched, catching his breath back.
"You have definitely improved," Snape said, giving Draco a calculating look. "Let us see whether Harry has as well"
As Snape's obsidian eyes locked onto Harry's, he cleared his mind. He fought against his teacher, keeping his mind blank even though memories were trying to rise. A bare, split-second glimpse of him standing over Weasley popped into his head and he vanished it, not allowing it to take form.
After several minutes, Snape blinked and moved his head.
"Adequate. In our next session, we will be moving onto the split-mind technique. Draco can give you a background on what exactly that refers to"
' Cool. Moving onwards!'
"We will continue, working mainly on fighting and Occlumency. I will also be placing you under the Imperius. Moody may belong to the enemy, but his idea was intelligent, nevertheless. We will be meeting on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights. You do not have practical Astronomy on those nights, correct? "
"No. Only on Wednesdays"
"Harry. The mind-healer will be here on Thursday afternoon, during your free period. You will be meeting with him in my office"
"That's gonna be every week? Sir?"
Snape frowned slightly. "Perhaps. He will discuss that further with you. You are to be totally honest with him"
"Even about-"
"Yes. He is one of us"
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Ok. Do I know him?"
"Doubtful. You probably met him at your initiation though. Now, both of you, out of my sight"
"So, What is the whole split-minds thing?"
Draco tapped on the wall, and it turned into a door. He opened it, and they started making their way through the shortcut to their dorms.
"It's hard to explain. It's like- you make a fake memory of stuff. But you have to keep part of your mind blank the whole time, otherwise, he can see what you're doing"
"How do you even do that?"
"You kind of split your mind. One part of your mind stays blank, and you keep that on top. But you let the lower parts make the fake memory, and then you send it up"
"Sounds like it takes a hell of a long time"
"It did. It's getting easier to do, though. It's really hard at first, not to get confused between the two parts of your mind"
"I'm sure"
' Sounds the next thing to impossible, actually'
"Although, Snape says that an Occlumency master can split their minds further. Have it going on three or four levels at once. How crazy's that?"
"Totally wild"
"He also reckons you once you've got it down, you can keep it going always. Have part of your mind always blank" Draco looked at Harry. "I think that'd actually help you. With losing your temper, I mean"
"I hope so. Got to apologize to Weasley tomorrow. I actually do feel bad about it"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I mean, it's not like it was with the muggles"
' Screams for help, pleas for rescue filling his ears like a choir of angels'
"He didn't deserve that. They did. That's really the difference. I shouldn't have gotten so angry with him"
"No, you really shouldn't have"
"I know. Hopefully, this mind-healer will help. I really don't want that type of shit to happen"
"I'm sure he will. Especially if he's with us"
"Yeah"
They reached the door to the common room, and with a muttered: "Phineas Nigellus" they entered.
It had been an exhausting first day back.
"'Scuse me. Ron, can I talk to you for a minute? Please?"
Weasley stared at him, fear evident in his eyes. There was a thin layer of blue paste smeared over his throat.
"Yeah, sure. Why not?. I'll be back in a minute, guys" He left the group of scowling Gryffindors, and followed Harry a few meters away from the crowd.
"Listen. I just wanted to say sorry. I really shouldn't have done that. I feel terrible. You didn't deserve that, and I just took out a lot of anger and frustration on you. For what it's worth, I really wish I hadn't done it"
"What, tried to kill me?"
"Yeah," Harry said, shuffling his feet a bit.
' Don't make me wish I had succeeded'
He banished the thought, hoping against hope that none of that brief flash of rage had shown in his expression. Thankfully, Weasley was looking at the floor himself.
"I get it," the ginger said, looking back up. "I mean, I don't, but I get that I pushed you. But why did you come to start up with us in the first place? Why did you have to come over and insult my family like that?"
Harry opened his mouth to say something, but Weasley wasn't done.
"I brought up stuff I shouldn't have, and that pushed you over the edge. I get it. I was wrong. Doesn't justify what you did, but still. But you did the same thing to me, first. So? Why'd you do that?"
' Because I don't like you. Because Draco thought it would be fun to fuck with you, and I just went along with it?'
"I don't know," Harry said quietly. "I guess I just wanted to make myself feel better. About my own life"
Weasley was silent for a few minutes as he stared at Harry's chin.
"Hermione told me what she said to you. I agree with her. I'll forgive you if you stop treating me like dirt"
"Deal"
Harry stuck out his hand, and after a moment, Weasley gripped it.
"I don't think we can ever really be friends," he said. "But I'd like if we didn't hate each other. I mean, I almost died. Changes your perspective on things. I don't want to be hating people, or to have people hating me"
' Please. Tell me more of the wisdom you acquired in the hospital wing'
Instead, Harry just said, "I'd like that"
Weasley nodded, letting go of Harry's hand.
"Could you-tell your sister I'm sorry? I wanted to tell her, but she runs away when I come near"
That made Weasley look far more uncomfortable than the rest of the conversation had.
"Look she-she doesn't want to hear that right now. Just give her some time. Try again in a few months, maybe"
Harry nodded.
"My friends will probably get worried if I don't come back soon"
"Yeah. I'll see you around"
Weasley walked back to his friends, leaving Harry standing alone in the corridor.
"Always a hard thing to do, dearie. But it shows character strength, being brave enough to face up to what you did wrong"
"Thanks," Harry said, and the portrait behind him fell silent.
The split-mind technique was way more difficult than Draco had made it out to be. While Draco practiced non-verbal spells, Snape had lectured Harry on how to do it for a good ten minutes before even attempting.
When Snape entered Harry's mind, he cleared it. He let the memory Snape wanted to see, the memory of his fight with Weasley, slowly start rising, and immediately he started trying to remember it differently, to remember Weasley as shouting at him and casting curses in his direction. It started taking shape in his mind.
Then, there was a second of horrible confusion, where Harry couldn't even keep track of what was true and what wasn't, and then he lost his grip on the fake memory.
It fell apart totally. His mind was filled with half-formed images, and then Snape had control.
"You need to practice this in an easier setting, without actually facing an opponent. Try doing it, every day for ten minutes or so. Clear your mind, and then split it. Focus with a part of it in something else"
"Anything in particular?"
"No. For now, just use the active part of your mind while keeping the top section totally blank. No thoughts should be allowed into it"
"I just-I don't think I really understand how to do that"
"It's very difficult to explain. The best way to learn is through experience. Do not take this metaphor too seriously, at all. But imagine as if your mind is a series of rooms. You keep the main room empty and hide your treasures in the secondary room. Now, if someone breaks in, you throw them fake baubles for them to steal and leave. But that only works if they don't see you doing it. If the existence of the second room is not known to them"
"So-I should be imagining my mind as a place?" That was really confusing. There had been nothing like that in any of his previous Occlumency lessons.
"No! I told you not to take it too seriously. Your thoughts are incorporeal, if you start trying to see them as physical you will just confuse yourself!"
"But-"
"The metaphor was just that! A metaphor! A way for you to understand something that you couldn't otherwise. Bah! Why I'm wasting my time on this, I'll never know"
Grumbling, Snape stood up, looming over Harry. "Understand this. If you master this technique, you will become a force to be reckoned with! This technique forces you to think faster, it trains your mind to react quicker! You will be able to watch, and deal with every situation based on thought, and not flashes of emotions. You will be able to outwit Veritaserum! It will help you in duels, and most importantly, it will make you unable to be bested by a legilemens! Does none of that appeal to you?"
"It all does"
"Then you will have to work. Nobody is going to hand you such skills on a silver platter. You will only acquire them with your own efforts. And so, you will listen to me when I tell you to practice"
"I will"
Snape gave a curt nod. "I truly hope you will"
Arithmancy wasn't as intense as Harry had been afraid it would be. Professor Vector decided that they had a good enough understanding of basic math, and could now move on to the actual magical properties of numbers. Of course, that did result in her spending the entire lesson lecturing on the meaning of the number '1' and assigning further reading for them to do on it.
Magical theory as well wasn't too tough. They spent the majority of it quickly summarizing what they had learned the previous year, as well as the summer reading they had been assigned. About ten minutes before the class ended though, Waffling stopped the ongoing discussion.
"That's enough of the old, I believe. This year, we will mainly be focusing on trying to reach an understanding of one specific point. I say trying because I believe that there are realms of magic that we can never hope to understand. Be that as it may, I want you to spend some time in between now and our next class thinking about this. Hopefully, you'll come up with something to contribute to our discussions next week. Ponder this: why do spells have the effect that they do? Why does saying the words 'wingardium leviosa', with the correct wand movement and intention, of course, result in an object being levitated? Is this an inherent rule within magic? Or have we forced magic to obey our call? We have discussed this, a little bit, but not in great depth. We will be spending much of this year trying to understand this idea. Again. Do spells cause their results due to innate laws of magic, or do they cause their results due to us? I expect you all to share some illuminating insights next week. Have a lovely week"
After Potions the next day, Harry made his way to Snape's office. He didn't have long to wait before the door opened, and Snape walked in, followed by a wizard with an angular face, and large, brown eyes.
' I think I remember him? He was talking to Daphne's dad, wasn't he?'
Harry stood up as they walked in, and shook the man's hand.
"Potter, this is Healer Deschain-"
"Call me Steven, please"
"And he will be treating you. Be respectful"
With that, Snape nodded to the healer and stalked out of his office.
As the door closed behind him, Steven drew his wand and started casting spells at it.
"Privacy charms" he explained. "No healer wants to be overheard. Much less so in this case"
Turning around, he put away his wand and walked over to Snape's desk pulling his satchel off of his shoulder as he did.
"Before we start, I've got a message for you"
He pulled a Pensieve out of his bag.
"This is a Pensieve. It allows you to-"
"I know. Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt"
Steven laughed. "Don't worry about it. Ok, so you know what a Pensieve is, that's good. It's standard practice for a mind-healer to use a Pensieve during therapy. Allows the patient to revisit traumatic memories from a position of strength, among other benefits. Maybe we'll get to it in that context, at some point. Either way, I've got something for you to see"
He muttered something, and a thin black sheet that had been covering the stone bowl disappeared.
"All Healer's Pensieves have passwords on them. Nobody wants their private memories seen by anyone they haven't allowed"
' I'm not showing you my memories. Fuck that'
Steven touched the tip of his wand to his temple. When he pulled it away, it dragged a silvery mist with it. He dropped it into the Pensieve.
"Just touch it. I'll do the same once you enter"
Hesitantly, Harry stuck his finger into the memory.
He was pulled, spinning. His surroundings changed.
He found himself standing in a gloomy room.
' I recognize this. This is in the Dark Lord's manor, isn't it?'
Kneeling on his left, was Steven.
A second later, another Steven appeared, standing on his right.
"This was yesterday," he said to Harry. "Pay attention, please"
"You will give this memory to Harry" came a cold voice from the gloom, startling the boy in question.
"As you wish, my lord"
"Good"
The Dark Lord stepped forward, his thin frame visible. His eyes gleamed, fires in the dark.
"Harry. You have been given a position of greatness and power. I have looked at you as one of my most trustworthy followers. And how do you repay me? On the very day you return to Hogwarts, before even arriving there, you disobey my orders"
Harry shivered.
"I asked you to keep quiet. To be unnoticed. To raise no suspicion. And you do the opposite. Have I not helped you become greater than you were? Have I not aided you, in fulfilling your desire for revenge? You swore to obey!"
Harry dropped to his knees. Even though it was just a memory, the Dark Lord's sheer rage shook him, made him want to beg and plead. The real Steven placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I do not abide failure. If failure is ignored, it will only be encouraged. You deserve to be punished severely, to have an example made of you"
' Oh god, please no. Please, don't let him hate me too'
"And yet. Severus has spoken in your defense. He believes that if you use this correctly, it will not only fix your mistake but will prove objectively beneficial. I am inclined to accept this"
' I'll do it, I'll make it right! I swear I'll do whatever you want, just don't throw me out, don't-'
"Fix it!" The Dark Lord hissed. "Regain Dumbledore's trust. Learn to control your anger. Shackle it, and only unleash it when it can serve you. Unless you are so weak as to be ruled by your feelings? In which case, it would appear that I was wrong about you"
' No! You weren't! I can do it, I can, I promise!"
Tone softening somewhat, the Dark Lord continued. "You could be one of our greatest assets. When we are victorious, you could have a position of such honor, many would kill to be in your shoes. But only if you can be strong enough. Only if you are not foolish enough to ruin everything beforehand. Trust Deschain, and work with him. And do not ever fail me again"
"I won't," Harry said, still shaking, as the memory around him began fading away.
"Time to go," Steven said, as the mist around them started solidifying again. "Just focus on being back in your body, in Severus' office, ok? I'll wait until you're out, to make sure you manage"
Harry nodded and focused.
He was standing back in the office, finger withdrawing from the Pensieve. An instant later, he noticed Steven's hand moving as well.
"So, you've been shown that. Now, let's talk. Take a seat"
He did so, still extremely unnerved by what he had just seen. To have the Dark Lord angry at him was terrible. To have the Dark Lord disappointed with him, filled him with such shame and self-loathing that he wanted to vomit.
"Let's discuss our aims. You need to get control of your anger. Which means, we will very possibly have to address the source of it. Eventually, if you feel comfortable enough, we'll use the Pensieve together. For now, though, we're going to be focusing on tools to control yourself"
"Snape tells me to use Occlumency. And to spend time doing stuff I like" Harry muttered, still not meeting Steven's eyes.
"Occlumency, eh? I'm not particularly good at it, but it could help. And having a hobby is exceptionally healthy. Tell me, what do you like to do? For fun, I mean?"
' I like the feel of a Crucio. And cumming in Pansy's mouth, that was cool'
Harry laughed bitterly.
"What's funny?"
"You wouldn't understand"
"You'd be surprised. Try me"
"The things I like to do-they're not healthy"
"Such as?"
Harry looked up. Steven watched him, looking interested. Looking caring, in fact.
"When I use Dark Magic, I mean the real stuff, like the Unforgiveables, it feels really good. That's what I like doing"
"That's quite common, in fact. The-"
"It's different for me. I react strongly to it. It's really, really good"
"I see. And nothing else gives you the same pleasure?"
"I had a girlfriend. She made me feel good"
"Oh? What happened?"
"She-she was scared of me. Said I kept pushing her to go further than she felt comfortable. Said I was too rough with her when we were-you know-"
"Having sex?"
"We didn't-she wouldn't-she didn't-"
"I see. And were you? Pushing her, being too rough with her?"
"She was holding back on me! She-she wouldn't. I mean-"
"Come on, Harry. We can only get anywhere if you're honest with me. If you're open. Don't you want to be in control of yourself?"
"Fine! I was rough with her, all right!"
"Did you hit her? Choke her? That type of thing? Or was it more-"
"It was just. Fine, you wanted me to be open" face starting to burn, Harry looked down again. "When she was-sucking me off-I'd-I'd pull her hair. Hard. And squeeze her. Scratched her a few times. But I wasn't trying to hurt her!"
"But you did. Because you couldn't control your urges"
"Yeah". Harry squeezed his hands together.
"We'll come back to these points in later sessions. For now, I want you to tell me two things you like to do for fun, that are not unhealthy"
"I like flying. And reading"
"And how often do you do those just for yourself? Flying, not for a Quidditch match, you're on the team aren't you?" Harry nodded. "Reading, not for classes, but simply because you like doing it?"
"Not that often" Harry admitted. "I've been flying twice this week, just on my own, but I was making an effort. And I've been trying to read, but I don't have that much time!"
"You flew this week. Did it have any effect on the rest of the day?"
"Yeah. I definitely felt calmer, more relaxed"
"Would you be able to make it a regular thing? Even just twice or three times a week, to fly for a bit in the mornings before the day truly gets started. Not for long, mind you. Even just half an hour could help"
"Maybe. It's hard, cause I'm not necessarily going to bed early, but I could try"
"Try it. And you said you don't have time to read. What about in bed, before going to sleep?"
"Usually, by the time I get to bed I'm so exhausted I just pass out"
"Even for five or ten minutes? Reading a novel, or something light and relaxing?"
"I could try, but I won't manage every day. My schedule's intense"
Steven nodded, grimacing in commiseration. "I know. Severus showed me a copy of it. Tell me, do you ever vocalize your feelings? When something makes you angry, do you talk about it?"
"Yeah. I'll usually tell one of my friends"
"I don't mean when something really makes you furious. I mean, when it's just an annoyance. A mild upset type of thing. Like, someone cuts in front of you in a queue. Do you talk about it?"
Harry wracked his brain, thinking hard.
"No. Not really"
"I want you to start doing so. It should help, to prevent minor events from compiling and causing a huge blowout. I'd also like for you to keep a journal, just of things or events that upset you. You may find, that writing them out is a cathartic act. Even if it isn't, keeping a journal is useful. It allows you to track what pushes you toward losing your cool entirely. One other thing I'd like you to try is if something upsets you, I want you to stop, do nothing, and count to ten. After that, talk about it or write it down. But have a little bit of separation. Just ten seconds. You have time for that, don't you?"
Harry smiled weakly.
"Not every one of these tools will work for you. Some work for some people, others work for different people. But you have to try and find what does work for you, and then capitalize on that. Can you do that for me? Over the course of this next week, try these all out, see what works, and what doesn't. But really try them. Put effort into it"
"I'll do it. If you think it will help, I'll try it. I mean, He said to trust and work with you, right?"
"That He did. Trust me, Harry, I've been doing this for a long time. And not to sound too egotistical, but I'm good at it. I don't think you require potions, not at this stage. You just need to be aware, and work on your issues"
"Now, as Dumbledore told you, I'm going to be reporting back to him. Don't worry, I'm not going to blow your cover. All he wants to know is if you're improving and if you're a danger to yourself or others. I'm not good at Occlumency, So don't make me have to lie to him, ok?"
"I'll try"
"Good. We'll meet again next week, same time, same place. Try these methods out, and let me know how they go"
' Merlin, this week has been crazy. Thank God it's the weekend'
Harry lay in bed, a copy of Hogwarts: A History propped open in front of him. He had made an effort to get into bed earlier than usual, and lay there in his four-poster, in the otherwise empty common-room. It was really relaxing if he had to be perfectly honest.
' I really like this. Maybe Steven's not so full of shite'
' Of course, he isn't. Otherwise, he wouldn't be so trusted, would he? Merlin, I hope He can trust me again. I won't fuck up that badly again, I won't!'
Harry fell into the deepest sleep he had since his return to Hogwarts. And in his dreams, he was powerful. Powerful, and in control of himself.