Sometimes you can't be who you want to be and sometimes you can't do what you want to do.

That is the daily life of our anti-heroine. She is over powered with innate and learned magics and abilities but she does not have them to use them. she has them because she was born with them and she learns quickly. 

for her it is about acquisition not utilization. She wants to have power to understand power but she doesn't want to serve and protect. 

but it is out of her hands because she is Rachel, the Milana of Trannisa realm. her purpose is to maintain a balance dictated by the realm.

she is there when she has to be and when she is not needed she is off learning new things. 

so what happens when she is suddenly needed all the time? will her habit of avoidance become a mask of doubt and insecurity. 

so will she be a flawed being and pass the torch or will she endure in self doubt and constant insecurity. 

or is there a third option that has been there all along and completely out of her control?

Amala was free. Free of the self imposed curse. A curse in the form of one of her own children's dreams. She never wanted to face it. Face the fact that facts that her baby's had always been Elbin. And with each she did one of three things. Sent then away, gave them over for experimentation, or killed them outright. She never tried to love them. She never tried to acknowledge them as her own. And still her self punishment involved them.


She felt that she never wanted to remember. When she found out the babies that she thought never were most likely were born Fasarian it was a last straw for her. For her she was a failure on many different levels. As she watched friends love their Elbin offspring when they began to understand the Fasarian were of then as well. 


Chapter 244 - Amala’s Sin