Summary:
After being on the receiving end of Gideon's sabotage, Stan and Amethyst team up to get some much-needed revenge.
"Well, ladies and gentlemen, we've just about reached the end of our tour," Stan told his latest crowd of tourists. He grinned when he heard a loud round of disappointed sighs from his enthralled guests; as sure a sign as any that he had them right where he wanted them. "I know, I know. It's a shame such a good time has to end. But… just because you folks have been such a great audience, I'll let you all get a glimpse at one last exhibit. What do ya say?"
The crowd didn't hesitate to show their loud, excited support. Stan obliged as he led them over to a covered cage. "Well, if you say so…" he began. "Other boring old 'museums' might claim to have authentic dinosaur bones , but what if I told you we have real, live dinosaurs right here at the Mystery Shack?"
"Ooo," the crowd crooned, leaning closer in fascination.
"Well, get those cameras–and your money–ready, folks," Stan grabbed the curtain before dramatically throwing back. "And behold! 100% genuine, real-life dinos!"
As confident as Stan was in his latest attraction's appeal, his audience's reaction proved to be the exact opposite of what he was expecting. Angry boos echoed from the crowd, and it didn't take long for Stan to figure out why. The wiring at the back of the cage had been cut completely through, leaving a massive, gaping hole. And through that hole, every last one of his "dinosaurs" had made a clean getaway into the woods.
"What?!" he asked, aghast. His alarm only grew as the crowd continued complaining behind him.
"I can't believe this!"
"What a rip off!"
"I want my money back!"
"Wait! No!" Stan cried after the tourists, trying his best to calm them. Even so, there was little he could do to stop them from leaving unsatisfied–and without paying the additional fee for what should have been a standout exhibit. "Kids!"
With how harsh this call was, it didn't take long for Dipper and Mabel to come running out of the shack to respond to it. "Grunkle Stan, what's wrong?" Mabel asked, concerned. Her alarm only grew when they both noticed the hole in the back of the cage in front of them. "Oh my gosh! The dinosaurs are gone!"
"Mabel, for the last time, they aren't dinosaurs," Dipper dryly pointed out. "They're just regular lizards Grunkle Stan dressed up in tiny t-rex costumes."
"I know that!" Mabel protested. "And they were soooo cute too! I was gonna come up with silly little names for them and everything! What could have happened?"
"That's what I wanna know," Stan scowled. "There's no way those little freaks could have busted out. I had Soos rig this cage up to be completely lizard-proof. Which means somebody cut that hole in it on purpose. And no one around here is resting until I found out who!"
"Yo, Stan!"
The twins were surprised when Amethyst suddenly joined them, dropping in from above. Stan, however, was in no mood for her antics.
"Not now, Amethyst," he sullenly brushed her off. "We're kind of in the middle of a crisis here!"
"Oh what, you mean your missing 'dinosaur' crisis?" she asked. "Well then, you might wanna take a look at this. Found it on the way down here." She handed him a small piece of paper, which he read aloud to the kids.
"Dear Stanford, hope 'ya'll' don't mind me fixing your cage for you. I thought your newest attraction could use some extra roaming space. But look on the bright side. With those little critters gone, all your customers are bound to come on down to my Tent of Telepathy instead! Warmest regards: Lil Gideon."
"You guys wanna see something funny?" Amethyst whispered to the twins. Her mischievous smile only widened as she watched Stan's face turn red as he crumpled the note in his fist. "Wait for it… In three… two… one-"
"GIDEON!" Stan shouted, furious. "That four foot, pig-nosed, pompadour-pedaling little creep! It took me ages to sneak those lizards out of the pet store without anybody noticing! And now I'll never find 'em!"
"Aw, don't be so blue, Grunkle Stan," Mabel encouraged. "Those little guys have gotta still be around here somewhere! I'm sure we can find them!"
"Uh, yeah, I guess," Dipper shrugged, much less enthusiastic. "Unless they've already been eaten by an owl or a mountain lion or something, which is… probably pretty likely."
"I appreciate the thought, kids, but it's no use," Stan shook his head, sighing. "Gideon probably cut through the cage while we were all sleeping. I knew I should have had Soos stand guard out here all night!"
"Geez, Stan, don't be such a sadsack about it," Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Look at it this way. Sure, Gideon's a clever little punk who ruined your new attraction and has a way flashier setup than yours. But you still have something that he doesn't."
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
"Oh… you wanted me to give you an answer to that? 'Cause I thought you would have one."
"Not helping, Amethyst," Stan grumbled. He stopped short, however, his frustration turning to surprise when he stole a glance up at the temple. "Uh, by the way… have you seen your place lately?"
"Huh?" Amethyst turned to find a truly shocking sigh. She hadn't noticed it when she'd left earlier, but now, there was no missing it. The entire surface of the temple's statue was coated in a layer of pale, powder blue paint, complete with a layer of sparkling glitter on top. Still, as dumbfounding as it was to everyone else, Mabel still managed to be dazzled by it all the same.
"Oh my gosh! The temple looks so pretty in blue!" she exclaimed, grinning. "When did you guys paint it?"
"We didn't," Amethyst shook her head. "Besides, even if we did ever paint it, we wouldn't-"
"AMETHYST!"
"Oh boy…" Amethyst winced at the sound of Pearl's angry shout echoing from up the hill. "I better run on up there before Pearl gets a crack in her gem. See you guys around. And hey, who knows? Maybe your missing lizards will turn up somewhere. You know, if they haven't been eaten or anything."
"Yeah, I sure hope they do," Stan said. He barely paid Amethyst any mind as she leapt off to return to the temple; he had far more pressing concerns than whatever was going on with the Gems this time. "'Cause if they don't, I've gotta find another pet store to rob, all because that skunk Gideon has to stick his dumb nose where it doesn't belong…"
Amethyst heaved a heavy sigh as soon as she caught sight of Pearl, Garnet, and Steven as they gathered outside of the temple. Her teammates were anywhere from confused to annoyed by the statue's sudden paint job, both sentiments Amethyst could relate to as she caught up with them.
"There you are, Amethyst!" Pearl huffed impatiently. "Care to explain this little disaster?"
"Uh, the temple's blue, dude," Amethyst shrugged. "Anyone with eyes could see that. Duh."
"No, that's not-" Pearl cut herself off with a frustrated groan. "What I meant was, what in the world possessed you to do something as ridiculous as painting the entire temple?!"
"Wait… you guys think I did this?"
"Wouldn't be the first time you did something like this," Garnet said, crossing her arms.
"Yeah…" Steven agreed, rubbing his arm. "There was that time you filled the entire house with golf balls… Or that April Fool's Day when you washed all my clothes and shrunk them in the dryer on purpose…"
"Or the time you emptied a box of cicadas into my room," Pearl listed, scowling.
"Or the time you broke the microwave trying to stuff it full of pinecones," Garnet added.
"Or-"
"Ok, I get it!" Amethyst cut in. "Sometimes I get a little carried away with my pranks, alright? I know that. But do you guys really think I would waste so much time painting the temple just to get a quick laugh out of it?"
"Yes," Garnet, Pearl, and Steven all answered in perfect unison.
"Amethyst," Garnet began, her tone firm. "We understand that you enjoy getting a rise out of others. But sometimes, you take things too far. And this is definitely one of those times."
"But I didn't do it!" Amethyst argued. "I'm serious! Steven, you believe me, right?!"
Steven flinched, purposefully glancing away. "Uh… well…"
"Oh come on!" Amethyst protested. "I swear, I didn't do this!"
"Well if you didn't do it, then who did ?" Pearl asked.
"Uh… I don't…" Amethyst bit her lip. Just when it seemed as though she was out of ideas and out of time, however, she stole a glance down at the Mystery Shack, remembering something important in the process. "It was Gideon!"
"Gideon?" Steven asked, confused. "But he hasn't been all that bad since the whole thing with the size crystal and the Watermelon Stevens a few weeks ago. What makes you think he did this?"
"'Cause he just punked Stan too!" Amethyst pointed out. "Gideon let Stan's new attraction loose, and he even left a note behind saying he did it! Heck, if you guys need proof, then I can even have Stan vouch for me!"
"Oh, because Stan is definitely a reliable source," Pearl rolled her eyes.
"So what, are you saying that little punk wouldn't do something like this?" Amethyst pressed. "I mean, the kid's made it pretty clear that he hates us. Messing with our temple like this would be just up his dumb little alley. Plus, the temple's painted like, the exact same shade of blue as his dorky suit is."
"We're not saying he couldn't have," Garnet said. "But there's just no real proof."
"So basically… what you're saying is that I'm getting the blame for this?!"
"For now, yes," Garnet nodded.
"Which means," Pearl added. "You're the one responsible for cleaning this little 'mess' up too."
"Aw, what?!" Amethyst exclaimed, dismayed. "You guys can't be for real right now! You want me to clean the entire temple?! That'll take hours !"
"Well then, that leaves you with plenty of time to contemplate the consequences of your actions while you work," Pearl remarked. "And maybe next time, you'll think twice about doing something so… destructive and defiant!"
"I told you, I didn't-" Amethyst ultimately cut herself off. After all, it wasn't like anything she had to say mattered anyway–it hardly ever did. "You know what? Who cares? I'll clean the stupid temple. Even though I shouldn't have to."
"Taking responsibility for your actions is an important lesson to learn, Amethyst," Garnet said as she and Pearl started to head inside. "You'll thank us for this later."
"I bet I won't," Amethyst muttered crossly.
"Aw, I'm sorry, Amethyst," Steven frowned. "To be honest, I think you… probably didn't do this? But I guess there really is no way to know for sure."
"Pfft, come on, Steven," Amethyst huffed. "That little freak Gideon did this, I'm sure of it. If only I could make Garnet and Pearl see that. Or better yet, get back at that scummy runt for it…" She paused, only for a moment, as a sudden, perfect idea struck her. "That's it!"
"What's it?" Steven asked, curious.
Amethyst drew in a sharp breath, catching herself and coming up with something just in time.. "Oh uh… nothin'. I… I just thought of a way to… clean the temple up really fast! Yeah."
"Oh… well, do you want some help?" Steven offered with a smile. "Because between the two of us, I'm sure we could get it done a lot faster!"
"Nah, Steven, I got this," Amethyst waved him off. A sly smile found its way onto her face as she turned her attention back down to the Mystery Shack. To where her old partner in crime awaited. " We got this…"
Stan let out a long, tired sigh as he cracked open another can of Pitt Cola. Without his pack of makeshift dinos, what was supposed to be a profitable day had turned into a total disaster. There'd been no sign of any of the lizards anywhere near the shack, aside from one of their discarded costumes lying in shreds on the forest floor. And without the draw of his new attraction, Stan ended up making far less for the day than he'd been hoping for. A brutal blow for someone who loved money as much as Stan did.
"Ugh…" Stan groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Stupid Gideon…. Always ruining everything…"
"Tell me about it."
Stan glanced up to find Amethyst perched in the open kitchen window. A scowl hung on her face as she stretched out, her entire body coated in flecks of blue paint and glitter.
"What are you doing down here so late?" Stan asked her. "And what happened to you? You look like one of Mabel's arts and crafts projects."
Amethyst blew her hair out of her face as she jumped down and headed over to take a seat at the table across from Stan. "I just spent the past seven hours scrubbing paint off the temple because Garnet and Pearl think I made the place all blue and sparkly." She took one of Stan's several empty soda cans, swallowing it whole. "Of course, I didn't do it. But you wanna know who I think did?"
"Let me take a wild guess…"
" Gideon ," they both answered, equally sullen.
"Ugh, that pint sized psychic is a real pain in the neck," Stan said. "Who does he think he is, anyway? Messing with us like we're just gonna lie down and take it. Somebody really oughta teach that kid a lesson."
"That's exactly what I was thinking…" Amethyst said with a growing grin.
"Hm, you almost sound like you've got a plan or something in mind," Stan asked, eying her curiously.
"Hey, I can come up with those too," Amethyst said, her smile widened. "'Sides, it's nothing too crazy. Just a lil' something you and I like to call a… Revenge Trip ?"
The second Stan heard this, any interest he might have had fell to pieces. "No."
"What? Come on!" Amethyst urged. "It's been years since we've done one! Don't tell me you haven't been itching for a wild night of righting wrongs, taking names, and getting even! You 'n me used to be revenge masters, remember?!"
"Yeah that's just it, we used to be," Stan pointed out. "We haven't pulled a Revenge Trip in over fourteen years. And back when we used to do 'em every week, something almost always went wrong. I already told you, I'm done with those."
"Since when did you get so lame ?" Amethyst pouted. "So what if we got busted a few times? It's like you always used to say: 'no pain, no gain'. And we gained a lot back in our revenge days. You can't deny that."
"Heh, yeah we did," Stan agreed, almost smiling. He quickly chased it away, however, when he caught the coy, knowing smirk Amethyst was sending his way. "B-but we can't go on another Revenge Trip. Not now. Things around here… they aren't like they used to be."
"Oh yeah? How?"
"Uh… well… I… I got the twins to worry about now. What if something happened, huh? Who'd take care of 'em?"
"They don't live here all the time, do they?" Amethyst let out a laugh as she threw her voice to playfully mimic him. "'Oh, look at me! I'm Stan and I've turned into such a huge softie all 'cause I took in two kids for the summer'. Chill out, dude," she said in her usual voice. "Dipper and Mabel would be fine. They'd just get sent home or whatever. No biggie."
"Sure, 'no biggie'," Stan scoffed. Because unlike Amethyst, he knew exactly what the twins getting sent home would mean–both for them, and for him. "By the way, don't you have one of your own you should be worrying about?"
"What, you mean Steven?" Amethyst asked, glancing away. "He'd be fine if something happened to me. Heck, he'd probably be better off with just Garnet and Pearl taking care of him anyway."
Stan's expression finally softened when he heard this, when he noticed the crestfallen look filling Amethyst's face. "Hey, uh… you know the kids told me about your little trip to the Kindergarten the other day. Is… is that what this is really all about?"
"What? No!" Amethyst adamantly denied. "This has nothing to do with the Kindergarten! This isn't about 'blowing off steam' or anything stupid like that! No, you know what this is really about, just as much as I do. It's about revenge!"
"Wouldn't be a Revenge Trip if it was about anything else," Stan conceded, grinning.
"And it won't be a Revenge Trip if I try to roll solo," Amethyst pressed. "Come on, Stan. I know you wanna go do this, as much as you might act like you don't. The look on Gideon's face will be priceless once we get even with him! It'll totally be worth it."
"It won't be if we get caught."
"Then we just won't get caught," Amethyst said, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. "Don't tell me that you miss the thrill of going out on the road, the excitement of sneaking in and out of places, the sweet reward of sticking it to the man! You used to be all about that kind of stuff before you got all old and boring."
"Hey, hey, hey! Who said anything about me being old and boring?" Stan protested.
"You did, by saying you don't wanna go," Amethyst smirked, crossing her arms. "Never would have pegged you to be such a scaredy cat, Stan. Especially given your track record. But I guess it was bound to happen eventually. You just can't keep up with me anymore."
"Oh yeah? Well, I think you're wrong!" Stan slammed his first down on the table. "I could keep up with you just as easily now as I used to back when!"
"Then prove it!" Amethyst goaded as she leapt onto the table.
"Fine! Then I will!"
"So you're in?"
Stan hesitated when Amethyst extended her hand out to him. It was a risky endeavor, perhaps the riskiest they'd ever considered undertaking. And yet… he couldn't deny the practically contagious spark of burgeoning excitement Amethyst was sharing with him through her eager smile alone. He couldn't deny it any more than he could deny just how he'd never been able to turn any of Amethyst's dares down before. This one was no exception.
"I'm in," he finally agreed, giving her hand a solid shake to seal the deal.
"YEAH!" Amethyst cheered, jumping up and down on the table, beyond exhilarated for the night ahead of them. "Stan and Amethyst are BACK in business, baby! Revenge Trip, here we come!"
Back in their Revenge Trip heyday, Stan and Amethyst had never left any stone unturned. Tonight's endeavor wasn't going to be any different. They took time to plot out their three-fold scheme to get back at Gideon, one that was bound to be more than enough to put him in his place. From there, gathering the necessary supplies was as easy as it was essential. After all, there was no room for error on a Revenge Trip; they'd learned that the hard way far too many times in the past.
"Ok, so Greg agreed to foot the bail this time in case things do go wrong," Stan said as he hung the phone up. "Apparently, he expects me to 'pay him back' this time or somethin'. I dunno."
"I don't even know why you bothered to ask him anyway. I already told you, nothing's gonna go wrong," Amethyst scoffed. She'd just finished laying out their supplies on the table, everything from hammers and screwdrivers to a fire extinguisher and a set of crowbars. There was no telling exactly what they'd need from this haul, but it was always better to go in prepared than the alternative.
"Still, we're better safe than sorry," Stan crossed his arms as he looked over their tools.
"Geez, Stan, since when did you start caring so much about the fuzz?" Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Weren't you the guy who crashed his car into the side of the jail just to break me out?
"You bet I was," Stan couldn't help but chuckle fondly at the memory. "And then the next time around, you shapeshifted into a bulldozer and broke me out."
"Hey, you know I always come through," Amethyst grinned proudly. "Still… we've had some pretty wild Revenge Trips. You can't imagine how hyped I am to finally be going on another one after all these years!"
"Yeah, well save that hype for the road," Stan advised. "Cause the last thing I wanna do is wake the-"
"Grunkle Stan?"
The pair froze when they turned to the threshold of the kitchen, where a sleepy, confused Dipper and Mabel stood watching them. "Uh… heeeeey, you guys," Amethyst offered them a forced grin. "What's up?"
"I feel like we should be asking you guys that question instead," Dipper said, yawning. "What are you doing with all that stuff?"
"Are you guys gonna go rob a bank?" Mabel asked curiously. "And if so, can we come! I've always wanted to be an accomplice in a high-stakes bank robbery, just like in the movies!"
"Yeesh, kid, we ain't robbing any banks tonight," Stan countered. "We're just going to take care of a little… personal business."
"At 11 o'clock at night?" Dipper asked, glancing over at the clock.
Stan and Amethyst exchanged an uneasy glance, but only a brief one. If there was anyone skilled at playing something like this off, at finding a way to dodge suspicion, it was them. "Yeah, maybe," Stan bluntly replied. "What's it to you, kid? I'm a grown adult and Amethyst is a… grown magical rock person. Which means we're allowed to be out as late as we want and do whatever we want while we're out."
"Oooo, you guys are gonna do something super mischievous , aren't you?" Mabel asked, thoroughly intrigued.
"We don't know," Amethyst shrugged. "It depends."
"Depends on what?" Dipper asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Depends on a whole lot of none of your business," Stan crossly concluded. "Now why don't you two just run on back to bed and pretend like this was all just a weird dream, k?"
"Yeah, and don't go telling Pearl or Garnet about any of this," Amethyst added firmly. "It'll be our little secret, got it?"
The twins looked at each other, bewildered. Still, it was clear they weren't getting any further answers, and by all accounts, they were both far too tired to challenge that as much as they might've otherwise. "Fine," Dipper relented. "We'll go and leave you guys to whatever most-likely illegal thing you plan on doing."
"Good luck with it!" Mabel exclaimed brightly as she followed her brother out. "And have fun!"
"Oh, we will…" Amethyst flashed a broad, devious smirk Stan's way.
"Yikes, that was a close one," he heaved a sigh of relief. "I thought those twerps were never gonna leave."
"Well, at least you managed to drive them off," Amethyst said. "Guess you are still as smooth as you used to be. Still, it doesn't prove that you can still handle a crazy, high-stakes, fast-paced night on the run."
"Well then I guess there's only one way to find out," Stan smirked as he spun his car keys on his finger. "Let's roll."
Amethyst could hardly contain her excitement as she hopped into the passenger's seat of Stan's car. "What are we waiting for?" she impatiently asked as Stan turned the key in the ignition. "Let's go, let's go, let's GO! We're burning moonlight!"
"Geez, hold your horses!" Stan laughed as he pulled the car into motion. "The Revenge Trip hasn't even started yet."
"I know, but I can't help it! I'm just so pumped! Tonight is gonna be legendary !"
"Sure, just as long as we don't get caught."
"Come on," Amethyst grinned. "I already told you. Nobody's catchin' us. We're way smarter than like, anyone in this lame old town. That's why they call us the Kings of Revenge!"
"Oh yeah? Who calls us that?" Stan asked, raising an eyebrow.
Amethyst paused for a moment, though she just as quickly perked back up when she said. "I do!"
The pair shared a laugh, one that eventually evened out into a pleasant sort of silence as they drove down the dark, narrow road. With only the dim moonlight lighting their way through the trees, the path ahead seemed strangely peaceful, comforting almost. It was a feeling neither Stan or Amethyst had known in quite some time, not since the last time they hit the road together years ago.
"Heh, I kinda forgot how nice this feels," Stan smirked as he sped freely down the empty highway. "Nothin' but the open road and revenge schemes… It just sorta takes ya back to the good ol' days, you know?"
"Yeah, I do," Amethyst readily agreed. "Oh man, remember that one time we got revenge on ol' Dewey for that zoning ordinance he put on the shack?"
"Of course!" Stan chuckled. "People around here still talk about how his dumb van was blaring 'Mayor Screwy' for a whole week! What a classic! Still, nothing compares to the time we pushed Toby Determined's car into the lake for that stupid article he published about you Gems."
"Hey, it served him right," Amethyst crossed her arms. "Dude should have known better than to try and get all up in our personal biz. But yeah, that was one of the best ones…" She sighed happily as she propped her arm against the car door and looked out the window. "Hey, Stan?" she spoke up after another beat of silence. "You still remember the night we met?"
Stan let out a small laugh, shaking his head fondly. "Please. How could I forget that mess?"
22 Years Ago…
"Good night, ladies and gentlemen! Thanks for visiting the Murder Hut! And remember: we put the 'fun' in 'no refunds'!"
Stan's broad, showman's smile slipped away the moment he saw the last tourists of the day off. He shut the door behind them, letting out an exhausted sigh as he leaned against it. "Sheesh, I thought they'd never leave…"
Now that they were gone, though, he didn't intend to waste any time. After grabbing a quick bite to eat out of the fridge, he could easily head down and get right to work on what was really important.
Or at least he would have if not for the sudden crash that rang out from right outside.
Though he would never admit it, Stan was almost always on guard these days, and with good reason. That's why he kept a baseball bat on hand under the gift shop counter, which he didn't hesitate to grab as he slowly crept toward the door. He creaked it open, sneaking out into the early evening just as quietly as he quickly scoped out the surrounding lawn. While he didn't see anything, he heard the same clatter again, clearly coming from the trash cans on the far side of the shack.
At first, Stan suspected it was probably just a racoon rooting through his trash. He was willing to let it be, at least until the can suddenly toppled over. Garbage came tumbling out of it, spilling onto the ground, but that wasn't all. A small, oddly purple figure landed along it, their face covered in dirt and their short, scruffy hair littered with scraps of trash. Stan couldn't help but stare at the… person? Child? Animal?--in disbelief as she grinned over at the pile of discarded cans sitting a short distance away from her.
"Hey, buddy," she looked up at Stan. "Mind kicking one of those cans over here? Those babies aren't gonna eat themselves."
"Uh… sure?" Stan shrugged, kicking the empty can near his foot over to her.
"Thanks, old guy!" she exclaimed, happily tossing the can into her mouth and swallowing it whole. Stan could only watch, dumbfounded, before he caught himself to question this strange little tresspasser.
"Hold it!" he scowled down at her, still gripping his bat. Just in case."Who the heck do you think you are and why were you rummaging through my trash? You know I could call the cops on you for this sorta thing. If I wasn't going to just fine you for it myself instead."
"Whoa, wait a sec," she hopped to her feet. "Your trash? You mean you live here?"
"Uh… yeah," Stan replied. "Why? You got a problem with that, kid?"
"Kid?" she chuckled. "I'm waaaaay older than you, old guy. But still, this is crazy! Rose always says nobody lives down here, but what do ya know?! And here I was, thinking Music Man was coming down here and squatting all the time, but no! It was you! …Whoever you are."
"Wait, wait, wait, did you just mention… Rose?!" Stan asked, suddenly alarmed.
"Uh yeah," she nodded. "Why? Do you know her? Because everybody knows Rose. Especially me, and Garnet, and Pearl! Oh, and Music Man too, I guess."
"So that means… you must be one of those Crystal Crones who live up in that statue on the hill!" Stan exclaimed hotly.
"Sure am!" she proudly proclaimed. "Though we're actually called the Crystal Gems . But I get it. You humans aren't always the best at pronouncing junk. At least that's what Pearl is always saying."
"Beat it, kid!" Stan snapped, pointing up to the temple. "Your kind isn't welcome around here!"
"Aw, what?" she asked, dismayed. "But we just became friends!"
"Friends?!" Stan scoffed. "Please. I wouldn't be friends with any of you 'Gems' if my life depended on it! I don't want anything to do with any of ya! Now go and scamper back up to your giant eight-armed statue before I have you run in for trespassing!"
She stared up at him, blankly confused for a moment or two before she simply shrugged and turned to leave. "K, fine. Whatever you say, old guy."
Stan watched sullenly as she began to make her way back up to her temple home. He only allowed himself a sigh of relief as she disappeared into the woods, leaving him to return to the quiet solitude he needed for the night ahead.
Except…
As soon as he shut the door behind him, something suddenly landed squarely on his shoulders. He let out a frightened yelp when a pair of hands covered his eyes, all but blinding him in the process. "What the–?!"
A frustratingly familiar voice rang out in a loud, rambunctious laugh. His uninvited guest stayed steady on his shoulders as she watched him stumble around in the dark. "Ha! Gotcha! Guess you weren't ready for a sneak attack, old guy!"
It didn't take long for Stan to catch his bearings and throw her off his back, glaring fiercely down at her as she landed on the floor, still howling with laughter all the while. "Well, that was fun!" she said, smirking. "Don't ya think?"
"No!" Stan shouted, infuriated. "Get the heck outta my house!"
"Oh come on," she pouted up at him. "You don't really want me to go, do ya? If your beef really is with us Gems, then don't worry! I'm not like Garnet, or Pearl, or even Rose, I promise! 'Cause unlike them, wherever I go, I bring the party!"
"I don't care! I don't want a party or company or anything else! All I want is for you to leave and never ever come back here! Got it?"
"Naaaah…" she flopped down onto the floor. "I think I'm just gonna hang around here for a while." With another laugh, she threw her arms up towards the ceiling. Stan stumbled back, shocked when her arms abruptly, unnaturally lengthened so she could wrap them around the support beam high above them. She pulled herself up, allowing the rest of her body to casually hang as if it were a hammock. "Get it? Hang around? Ha!"
"H-how did you…?" Stan began to ask before shaking his head. "You know what? It doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're outta here, purple. Or else."
"Or else what?"
"O-or… or I'll-"
"Ha! I knew you didn't have anything!" she chuckled, dropping down from the ceiling. "You humans are so funny when you try to act all tough like that!" Once again, she shapeshifted, this time into Stan himself as she mimicked his gruff tone. "'Oh, you better get on outta here, purple. Or else I'll… I'll uh… do nothing!'" By now, she'd worked herself into a fit of laughter as she shapeshifted back, hardly paying Stan's growing anger any mind at all.
"Yeesh, you Gems are even more annoying than I thought…" Stan grumbled, thoroughly irritated.
"So, you got a name, old guy?" she asked curiously.
"Yeah, I got a name for ya," Stan scowled. "It's amscray before I call the cops."
"Huh, kind of a weird name, but whatever," she shrugged. "K, Amscray-Before-I-Call-The-Cops, I'm Amethyst. Nice to meet ya!"
"Pleasure's all mine," Stan deadpanned, rolling his eyes.
"So, what do you wanna do now?" Amethyst asked, eagerly grinning. "Eat some more cans? 'Cause you got plenty of cans out there and I don't wanna hog 'em all to myself if you want any. That'd just be rude."
Stan's scowl shifted into a sly smirk as a sudden idea came to him. "Actually, yeah, let's do that. Why don't you head on out there and grab the rest of them up for us?"
"Sure thing, Amscray-Before-I-Call-The-Cops!" Amethyst hopped to her feet and headed for the door. "Oh man, we're gonna have such a great time! I-" She was cut off when Stan suddenly slammed the door right in her face, swiftly locking her out. "Hey!" she exclaimed, beating on the door. "Amscray!"
"Yeah, that's right!" Stan called with a satisfied smirk as he walked away from the door. "Just amscray back up to your little statue and your 'perfect' Rose. And stay the heck outta my hair! Goodbye, good riddance!" He heaved an exasperated sigh as he headed back to the gift shop. "And if I never see another Gem again, it'll be too soon."
Amethyst raised an eyebrow when she noticed Stan veering off into the suburbs, of all places. "Uh… Stan? Where are we going?"
"What?" Stan glanced over at her. "You said so yourself. For our plan to work, we're gonna need a good backdrop. And there's only one artist I trust with getting us that backdrop."
"Wait…" A wide grin spread across Amethyst's face when she realized what he was implying. "You don't mean…"
"That's right," Stan nodded, smirking. "We're heading to V's place."
Amethyst cheered as they pulled up to a familiar house. She rushed for the door, eagerly knocking on it as Stan followed not too far behind. "Oh man, V's gonna be so surprised to see us! Well… at least me."
"Hey, me and V always got along just fine," Stan said, defensive.
"Yeah, but were you ever her muse?"
Before Stan could respond, the door swung open, revealing the smock-clad, shotgun-toting woman behind it. "Who's there?!" she shouted fiercely. "It's almost midnight! You can't just-" She stopped dead in her tracks, her jaw and her gun dropping as she noticed the familiar pair standing on her doorstep. "Whoa, hold it… Amethyst?! Stan?!"
"Vidalia!" Amethyst happily exclaimed as she hugged her old friend.
"I can't believe it!" Vidalia laughed as she returned the embrace. "It's been years since I've seen you guys."
"Tell us about it," Stan chuckled.
"Man, you've changed!" Amethyst smirked as she sized Vidalia up. "You look terrible!"
"You look the same…" Vidalia grinned just as playfully. "Terrible! And Stan, well, I don't even think I need to touch on how you look."
"Yeah, yeah," Stan rolled his eyes. "Good to see your personality hasn't changed even if your looks have, V. You're still just as bratty as I remember you being."
"Hey, that's what I was known for back in the day," Vidalia shrugged. "Come on in, you two. Just keep it down. The kids are trying to sleep."
"Whoa, kids?" Amethyst asked, bewildered as they stepped inside. "What the heck happened? I thought you only had one! What, did you and ol' Farty Marty hook up again?"
"Please. I don't know where that fool is! And I don't care either," Vidalia smiled. "It's just been me and Yellowtail for a while now."
"Whaaaat? Yellowtail?" Amethyst gaped.
"How'd you manage to land that catch ?" Stan joked. "Get it?! C-cause Yellowtail's a-" He cut himself off when he noticed neither Amethyst nor Vidalia were laughing. "You know what, never mind."
"Same old Stan, same old awful jokes," Vidalia shook her head, grinning. "But yeah, things just kinda happened. Next thing you know, I'm living with a fisherman and I have another little troublemaker on my hands. And here he is now." Her smile grew as Onion ran into the room and jumped into her arms. "You're supposed to be in bed, mister." As usual, Onion didn't respond, even as his mother took the pair of scissors he was wielding away from him.
"Heh, we get it," Amethyst elbowed Stan in the knee. "Kids, am I right?"
"Whoa, I didn't know you, of all people, finally decided to settle down, Stan!" Vidalia exclaimed. "How'd you end up turning into such a silver fox?"
"Please," Stan scoffed, crossing his arms. "They're not my kids. I just took in my great niece and nephew for the summer. And honestly, the little scamps are more trouble than they're worth. Most of the time."
"Aw, looks like somebody's finally gone soft in his old age." Vidalia sat Onion down, allowing him to run back upstairs.
"That's what I was saying!" Amethyst exclaimed. "V, can you believe that this old loser nearly chickened out on going on a Revenge Trip with me tonight?!"
"Yeah, well I didn't!" Stan protested. "I'm here now, ain't I?"
"Only 'cause I dared you to."
"Oh, so that's what you guys are up to, huh?" Vidalia asked. "I kinda figured that this wasn't just a personal visit. So what are you two in the market for tonight? Disguises? Life-sized doubles?"
"Just a painting, actually," Amethyst shrugged.
"A painting? Of what?"
"The Tent of Telepathy," Stan said. "You know, that chump Lil' Gideon's place on the other end of town? We're gonna need a huge backdrop of it, as big and as real-looking as you can make it."
"Oh yeah?" Vidalia put her hands on her hips. "You guys are going after Gideon Gleeful? Sounds like kind of a risky move, especially since you two have been out of the game for so long. You really sure you're up to this?"
"You know we are, girl!" Amethyst pumped her fist. "We already got everything all laid out, we just gotta go do it! And we need one of your 'masterpieces' to help us, V!"
Vidalia let out a long sigh, shaking her head as she looked between the pair. "You two are never gonna learn, are you? But fine. I'll do your Tent of Telepathy painting. When do you need it by?"
"By the end of the night," Stan said, resolved. "If not sooner."
"What?!" Vidalia asked, alarmed. "Stan, it's gonna be a ten foot canvas! I'll be up all night if I-"
"V, come on," Stan urged with a charming smile. "You're the best artist in town. If you can't pull this off, nobody can. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time you performed a miracle for us. So… what do ya say?"
Vidalia gave him a skeptical look, one that ultimately petered out as soon as she caught Amethyst's pleading pout. "Flattery will get you nowhere, old man," she deadpanned, grinning. "But just for you guys, I'll have it ready by sun up. If you don't end up getting arrested first, that is."
"Alright, V!" Amethyst cheered.
"Thanks, V," Stan said, fully sincere. "I knew we could count on you."
"Who else would you count on?" Vidalia chuckled as she led them out. "I'm the only person who won't rat you clowns out. Now get on out there and get your revenge. And have some fun for me, will ya? After all, I am gonna be stuck in here painting all night…"
"Will do!" Amethyst saluted as she and Stan got back in the car. "See ya, V!"
"Later!" Vidalia waved them off as they drove away. "And good luck!" She laughed to herself as she shut the door before heading for her workshop to begin the task ahead of her. "Hard to believe that after all these years, the dynamic duo is finally back again… Who could have guessed?"