"Hey!" The voice was irritated and growing more so by the second. "Stop looking at that forsaken book and get me off the floor!!"
My head turned to the hat, but when I turned it back to the podium the book was no longer there, at that precise moment, my migraine got worse and in my mind the image of the spellbook grew clearer, more physical? I wasn't sure how to explain it. It was as if the book had somehow merged with my consciousness, becoming both external and internal at the same time.
Yet as I thought of the book, it materialized in my hands. The weight of it felt right, the leather binding cool against my fingers. I dismissed it without much reproach, watching with fascination as it dissolved into golden motes of light before vanishing completely. I then walked over to the Sorting Hat and placed it on the podium, making it as comfortable as I could for a being without a body.
"So what's your great plan now?" The hat asked, its fabric creasing into what I could only interpret as a scowl.
I massaged my temple, trying to ease the lingering migraine. "Simple I'm gonna study you and when I finish with it I'll return you to Dumbledore simple as that."
"Study me!"
"You inconcievable wretch, what do you mean study me! When you return me I'm going to snitch on you so hard, you'll regret it for the rest of your abysmally short life." The hat's "voice" rose to a near shriek, its patched fabric puffing up indignantly.
"Oh come on don't be that hard, I just want to know how you work. Besides you're in no position to talk like that here, I have a few questions for you." I leaned closer, examining the intricate stitching that ran along its brim. The magic flowing through those threads was fascinating - complex circuits that somehow granted consciousness to fabric and leather.
"And what makes you think I'm going to answer you?" The hat sniffed, its tone haughty despite its precarious position.
I looked at the hat in silence for a bit before raising my hand. The familiar tingle of magic rushed through my veins, gathering at my fingertips.
"I Cast Fireball."
Fire burst in my hand but I kept it in place, the flames licking eagerly at the air as if hungry for something to consume. The heat radiated against my face, though I felt no pain - my own magic wouldn't harm me.
"Oh and what are you going to do with that, you aren't going to burn me, first of all you said you wanted to study me, and second of all you don't have the ball-"
The hat was interrupted as the fire reached the edges of its form, catching a small wisp of smoke. The smell of burning fabric filled the room.
"Ah, hey stop, you aren't going to do that." There was a note of genuine fear in its voice now, the bravado crumbling.
I remained silent, the fire etching closer and now catching itself at the hat's edges. A small black mark appeared where the flame had kissed the ancient fabric.
"You said you wanted to study me right, what are you gonna study if I am burnt to ashes." The hat's voice had risen several octaves, its panic evident.
I remained silent, the fire began to spread further, the black mark growing larger. I watched dispassionately, though in truth I had no intention of actually destroying the artifact. It was too valuable, too interesting. But the hat didn't need to know that.
"Ok, ok, your bluff worked! Stop burning me!" The hat pleaded.
The fire dissolved into nothingness with a thought, leaving only the small scorch mark as evidence of my threat. The smell of burnt fabric lingered in the air.
"You insane blonde haired bastard." The hat's relief was palpable, though it tried to mask it with indignation.
"Why does everyone call me a blonde haired bastard, I mean the first part is true I am blonde, but I'm not a bastard my parent's had me in wedlock, well maybe not, I think they got married before I was concieved, not sure now, huh, maybe that statement is true." I tapped my chin thoughtfully, genuinely contemplating the timing of my conception versus my parents' marriage.
"You, you-" The hat sputtered, clearly thrown off by my casual tangent.
"Ok, enough," I said interrupting the hat once more. "First question does Dumbledore know about the Room of Requirement?"
The hat seemed to consider this, its fabric creasing in thought. "Not unless those elves told him, heck I didn't even know about it!"
"Hmm, yeah the elves could have told him about it." I paced back and forth, my mind racing through possibilities and contingencies.
As I thought this, the book appeared in my hand, pages fluttering of their own accord, as if guided by an invisible wind. They stopped on a page titled:
School of Conjuration
Demiplane
You create a shadowy door on a flat solid surface that you can see within range. When opened, the door leads to a demiplane that appears to be an empty room 30 feet in each dimension, made of wood or stone. When the spell ends, the door disappears, and any creatures or objects inside the demiplane remain trapped there, as the door also disappears from the other side.
I examined the spell, noting the complexity of the magical formula. It was clearly beyond my current abilities - the magical theory alone would take months to master. But at the end of the page something was written which made me smile.
Room of Requirement
Created by Merlin.
1259 demiplane rooms connected.
Owner: Felix Serendipity
"So it doesn't really matter if Dumbledore knows about the room, since I'm the owner I can stop anyone I want from entering. I guess the walking in front of it, was a password that Merlin had placed on the room after dying."
My fingers traced the words 'Owner: Felix Serendipity' with a sense of awe and growing excitement, being a scribe was turning out to be even more awesome than I thought possible, the book disappearing from my hands and back into my mind.
I thought of a room that would help me learn magic and study, picturing in my mind a perfect sanctuary for magical exploration and discovery. I imagined shelves lined with books on every subject, tables for potion-making, comfortable seating for long hours of reading, and magical implements of every kind.
The room began to shake, the transformation starting with a low rumble that quickly grew in intensity. The stone walls rippled like water, transforming before my eyes into warm wooden paneling. The podium disappeared as shelves of books filled the sides of the room, emerging from the walls as if they had always been there, merely hidden. A large desk materialized along with cauldrons, vials, and ingredients for potions, all neatly arranged at the back end of the room.
Comfortable armchairs appeared near a crackling fireplace that hadn't existed moments before. Instruments for measuring magical energy, scales for weighing ingredients, and even a small area for practicing wand movements completed the transformation. The room had become the perfect magical study, tailored exactly to my needs and desires.
"Ok second question," I began, but since the podium had disappeared, the hat had once more fallen to the ground with an indignant "oof."
I grabbed him once more and put him on the desk, positioning him so he could "see" the room. The hat seemed to take in the new surroundings with interest, though it tried to mask this with continued grumbling.
"So second question, what else do you know about scribes?" I leaned forward, eager for more information about my newfound identity.
"I don't know anything more, honest, I only know the basics because of Merlin but it isn't like he was a headmaster here, neither did he put me on every year for updates." The hat's voice held a note of genuine ignorance that I believed.
"Yes, but he received the book when he was one, so you knew about it didn't you?" I pressed, sensing there might be more the hat wasn't telling me.
"About the book sure, I also knew about the threads, hence why I wanted to get you away from them, after all Merlin's mind went blank when the threads consumed him, he was dead, I don't know how he survived but even when you have done this to me, I didn't want a student of Hogwarts to die." The hat's tone had softened slightly, revealing what seemed like genuine concern.
So the Sorting Hat probably really doesn't know about the order, I thought. It makes sense - Merlin wouldn't have shared the secrets of the Order with an enchanted object, no matter how sentient.
"Thank you for your concern, but it was fine." I offered, feeling a small twinge of guilt for the earlier fire threat. The hat had, in its own way, tried to protect me.
"So are you done with all your questions?" The hat asked, sounding weary.
"Indeed I am. Now bye bye I'll keep you here until further study, I have to go get some sleep, have to do my radio show in a few hours." I stretched, suddenly aware of how late it must be and how exhausted I felt after everything that had happened.
As I said this I went over to the front of the room and placed my hand on the wall, concentrating on the desire to exit. A door appeared in front of me, materializing out of the solid wall as if it had always been there. I pushed it open and stepped through.
Outside waiting for me with those big doey eyes was Tillery, wringing his hands anxiously. His ears perked up when he saw me, relief washing over his wrinkled features.
"Master Felix is safe." He squeaked, bouncing slightly on his feet.
"I am." I confirmed, touched by his genuine concern.
"Tillery doesn't know what happened, the room shouldn't change while you are inside." He looked deeply troubled by this apparent violation of how the Room of Requirement was supposed to function.
"You don't have to worry about it, just don't tell anyone about the hat or the room and we'll be fine, also tell the other elves to be quiet about it as well please." I kept my voice gentle but firm, making it clear this wasn't optional.
"Tillery will do his best." He nodded solemnly, his ears drooping slightly with the weight of this responsibility.
"Can you please apparate me into the Ravenclaw tower." I asked, realizing how difficult it would be to make it back without being caught after hours.
"Of course Master Felix." His long, bony fingers grasped my hand - the touch cool and dry against my skin.
pop
We appeared instantly in the Ravenclaw common room, the familiar blue and bronze decor a welcome sight after the night's adventures. The room was empty, everyone else already in bed. Tillery seemed to be going to apparate to his duties once more but I stopped him before he could.
"Tillery wait, what favor do you want." I remembered my promise, and despite everything else going on, I intended to keep it.
"Favor?" He looked confused, his large eyes blinking rapidly.
"Yes favor, I promised you one for helping me with the hat." I reminded him.
"Oh," Tillery said his fist slamming atop his other hand's open palm, as realization dawned. "Tillery and the rest love American Pie, hearing it more in the early morning would be great."
I couldn't help but smile at the unexpected request. House elves with a taste for Don McLean - who would have thought?
"You got it Tillery, for the next week, the first song I'm gonna play will always be American Pie." I promised, already thinking about how I'd work it into my morning broadcasts.
"Thank you Master Felix." His face lit up with genuine delight.
"Good night Tillery."
"Sleep well Master Felix."
pop
He vanished, leaving me alone in the quiet common room. I looked to the ceiling of Ravenclaw common room, the enchanted stars twinkling overhead, my mind already turning to new problems and solutions.
"I need to learn how to make fake memories and implant them, I trust the elves but in front of Dumbledore I'm sure they will crumble under the pressure. No loose ends." I muttered to myself, already planning my next moves.
Yeah that was right, no loose ends.