Rocking in the wheelchair, I felt the cold slowly taking over my limbs, creeping higher and higher. It was good that I sent all my relatives out of the house. I didn't want them to see me die. All those tears, the crying, and the like were never for me. As far back as I can remember, I never could stand such things. What was worse, I didn't know how to comfort anyone in trouble and always preferred to retreat as far away as possible. Sometimes, people thought I was a soulless bastard, and maybe there's some truth to that.
The cold spread higher. My hands barely obeyed, but I couldn't deny myself one last pleasure. Old age, it's such a sly lady. To fade over decades, knowing where everything is headed, is no joy. Fortunately, it seemed I had some preferences.
My old age wasn't stretched out over time like that. It took about two years for me to transform from a healthy, strong, and highly capable man into a gray-haired old man. In any case, I didn't get upset and spent this time raising and spoiling my grandchildren.
With stiff fingers, I struggled to get a cigarette from an unopened pack and clicked the old lighter. It didn't light on the first try. It wasn't because the lighter failed—no, it worked perfectly. It was my hand that betrayed me, jerking and missing the mark. The flame went out, and I had to click again. The tip of the cigarette flared up, and I took a satisfying drag. The first time in two years. The first and the last.
Exhaling the bitter smoke, I felt the cold settle in the very center of my chest. My lungs rebelliously protested, a tightness seized my throat. But I didn't allow myself to cough. I wasn't a boy who had secretly taken his first cigarette away from his parents. The effort was hard. My heart skipped a beat, then tightened once more and released one last, nicotine-laced, and filthy dose of blood into the aorta.
The world dimmed, but a slight, joyful smile remained on my face. I had lived a good life.
As always, someone flicked the switch, and I found myself once again on that familiar white plastic chair.
"Hello, Arch!" I said with that same smile. "I see the budget for your department hasn't increased."
Opposite me sat a pale-faced man in a strict business suit. Nothing remarkable, just a regular employee of some office, a bureaucrat. Except for one thing. The top of his skull was completely transparent. His brain didn't show, it was absent. Instead, inside, floating in slightly turquoise water, swam a tiny whale. A miniature sperm whale!
"And you, Danil, are doing fine," the man with the aquarium for a head spoke sadly. "They've rejected the tenth request."
"Oh, congratulations on the anniversary!" I said.
"Thank you," he nodded politely. "Same to you."
Archie was the little dolphin that swam in the aquarium, and the rest of his body was just a simple android made to look like a person. Sometimes, I thought the entire budget of the office went into creating and maintaining these robots, and that's why there wasn't enough money for anything else. We had to sit on plastic chairs and write reports with simple pencils on dark newsprint.
"Wait," I perked up. "Does the fifth time also count as an anniversary?"
"Of course, the fifth, tenth, twentieth, thirtieth, and so on."
"Not bad, I thought I'd have to work like a dog until the first opportunity!" I rubbed my hands joyfully.
"Not many can endure and stay with us even until the fifth mission, so the management made some concessions and rewards," the whale enlightened me. "But don't expect too much. All I can do for you now is send you on vacation, and the standard ability, of course, but you won't be able to use it during your vacation."
"No, that's not interesting," I said, getting a little sad.
"Well, what can you do, Dan?" the whale shrugged. "Those are the rules for all travelers without exception."
Archie wisely fell silent and gave me a chance to gather my thoughts. He was an incredibly strong telepath, and reading my emotions was easy for him. Maybe that's why they put people like him in the department that works with travelers.
Yes, yes, you, my dear, are not mistaken—I was one of the lucky ones who got to enter another world after death in my own world. First, there was the office, and only after that, I was sent to a different world. I'm not just some random traveler, no! Everything's official, I even have a work book, here it is!
The office of the Unknown Cosmic Whales—this is the name of my workplace, but no one in their right mind says it that way, everyone just shortens it to "the office." Whales, like Archie, catch the souls of potential travelers and offer them jobs.
There's a lot of work, actually. In one world, you need to restore the canonical events to their proper course, in another, you have to throw everything into disarray; in one, you need to save someone, and in another, kill a too cocky wild colleague. There's always work to be done.
As for me, I've already been to five different worlds. If I do everything right, if I complete the task impeccably, a reward awaits me later. A skill or some special ability, which I'll keep in the next world. Nothing too overpowered, but wild travelers don't get anything like that. They just get reborn and partially retain their memories. After the anniversary missions, we're supposed to get some special bonuses, and it looks like a vacation is coming my way. I just wish I knew what it was.
"So, what's this vacation?" I decided to clarify with Archie.
"Nothing special. A world of your choice and one life in it, with no task."
"Seriously?" I was surprised. "Any world I want?"
"I won't create anything special just for you, but we have hundreds of ready-made options, we can always find something. Just tell me what you want."
This question made me think deeply. The last mission was very successful, I did everything as they asked, and they even let me live to old age instead of yanking me out immediately.
"I'd prefer no anime, I'm already tired of those eastern worlds. Let's go for something simpler."
"Alright," Archie nodded, choosing a couple of papers from his desk. "What else?"
"You know what I want? Something light and carefree. A world with easy morals, where I won't accumulate a bunch of relatives or strong attachments."
The whale nodded knowingly and put the papers aside. I may have explained it in a roundabout way, but he understood my desires perfectly. Telepathy.
"There's one option, quite popular among your kind. A comic book world, let's make it Marvel, since you've already been to DC, but not the usual one. Earth-11."
"What's that?" I frowned.
Archie leaned over his desk, glanced around, and whispered confidentially:
"There are worlds where everyone just switches their gender. Men are born as women, and women as men. A global gender intrigue. I'm suggesting a version where it's almost the same, but there are more women. Men are few and far between. The ladies pretty much run the show and are very eager for male attention. The morals are easy, you can either build a harem or just spend each night with a new girl. No one will say anything bad."
"And what's your interest?" I asked, feeling that Archie was laying it on too sweetly.
"Oh, it's just a small thing," the whale smiled slyly. "All the kids you leave behind will be men. You'll slightly fix the demographic situation in the world."
"Dammit, Archie, I just told you I don't want to get involved with relationships, let alone kids! You have no idea how hard it is to part with my family every time! Even with dulled emotions!"
"You don't get it, Dan," the whale waved his hand. "The point is, you won't have to take care of anyone. The woman takes care of everything if she decides to have a child, she'll raise the little one. You don't owe anyone anything. Well, the only thing you'll be obligated to do is finish inside if she asks, or else you'll get a fine and might even be sent to the sperm donation room."
"Sounds like a terrible world!" I shuddered.
"Don't worry about it," the whale shook his head lightly. "You'll like it, I guarantee it!"
After thinking it over, I decided to give it a try. If it doesn't work out, I'll come back and punch Archie in the face.
"Alright," I nodded reluctantly. "Is there anything else I should know?"
"Yep, in this world, you'll have a very capable vessel. Its ability is imbalanced, so all your reward skills won't work. Also, there's a bonus task. You don't have to complete it, but if you do, you'll get a bonus."
"And what's the task?"
"Sleep with Galactus!" Archie laughed.
"Who?" I didn't understand.
"Remember Galactus? Well, this is his female version, hehe. She also suffers from a lack of male affection, so she's a bit crazy. If you get her pregnant, she'll calm down and stop rampaging, and your time in this world will count toward your stats."
"Archie, are you serious?" I was shocked. "You're seriously telling me this?"
"I never lie!" the whale replied, slightly offended.
"Alright then," I gave in and extended my hand to Archie.
No one's forcing me to approach the female version of Galactus. I could always just skip that part. And if it doesn't work out and she decides to devour Earth, no worries, I'll escape into space. Fortunately, the Marvel universe is large and full of life.
"Excellent!" Archie grinned way too smugly. "I knew I could count on you!"
"Wait," sensing something was off, I tried to pull my hand back, but the whale was quicker. Our hands touched, and off I went to yet another, my seventh world!