(AN 1: Guess who isn't reading a sloppy sex scene between a pear-shaped shortstack and a self-insert? YOU! jk, when I get the time, I'll probably write it)
(AN 2:Go read The Aura Farmer In DXD)
(Heaven)
"Good evening, you two. Let us go over your mission briefing, shall we?" Micheal said, sitting behind a large wooden desk in front of the two angels. The office had very clear inspiration from Greek and Roman infrastructure, being made of white bricks and including arches that displayed a night sky twinkling with stars.
"Yeah, Mike, what are we doing here?" Ramiel smugly asked, trying to get under Michael's skin. "Well, Ramiel, maybe I'd tell you if you would stop talking." He said, his eye twitching. "Honey, can you not antagonize our boss?" Ramiel gave a childish pout at Cassiel's words. "Ugh, fine."
"Now that someone has stopped talking, I can now give you your mission." Michael reached under the desk and pulled out a large yellow file, opening it on the table to reveal the faces of James, Amery, and Vaggie. "Your main target would be the dark one, James."
Ramiel raised an eyebrow "No last name or anything?" Michael just shook his head. "Even after our attempts at divining him, we can only figure out his general location, not his last name." Ramiel raised an eyebrow but let Michael continue as he pointed towards Amery and Vaggie.
"The other two are, at best, secondary targets. Unless you must, do not engage with them." His eyes narrowed at the two. "We can't afford Lucifer or his seven deadly cronies getting a good whiff of this, so get in and out as quick as possible. Do you understand?" Before either of the two angels could respond, Michael cut them off. "You know what? It doesn't matter since I asked Adam to bring us one of his best soldiers to assist you two."
Ramiel swiftly clicked his tongue. "Are you kidding me? Adam's entire division is the exorcists; we're like a hundred times stronger than them, Mikey." The aforementioned "Mikey" showed no visible reaction and leveled a glare at Ramiel. "Although you are much stronger than the average exorcist, I don't think I'm the first to remind you of your sadism with your divine rite."
Ramiel pouted in his chair but didn't say anything, letting Michael snap his fingers, pointing at the door behind the two. "You will meet her out there. She has already been informed of the mission briefing. Do you understand?" Before his boyfriend could continue antagonizing their boss, Cassiel quickly agreed and pushed Ramiel and himself outside of the room.
When they got out they were greeted by a long hallway and a single woman leaning against the wall. She had milky white skin along with a long-sleeved grey minidress and white thigh-highs. She looked at the two and quickly stood at full attention, standing up in a salute. "Greetings, senior officers Ramiel and Cassiel. I am Lute, sent by Michael to watch over you two while in hell."
Ramiel looked over at his boyfriend, an annoyed expression on his face, before reaching down to his pocket, seemingly grabbing something that isn't there before it materialized. A long golden horn appeared in his hand as it suddenly extended up to the ceiling, with the front of Lute's dress being hung at the top. Yet, throughout this, she wore an impassive expression.
"You know, I'm really not feeling senior officers; are you feeling senior officers, Cassiel?" Ramiel didn't leave his fellow angel a chance to respond as he looked up at Lute. "How about… Superior Lords, Cassiel, and Ramiel?"
She nodded. "I understand, superior officer Ramiel." Ramiel's face fell as he didn't get the reaction he wanted.
"Mr. Cassiel and Ramiel."
"Yes, Mr. Ramiel."
"Big Daddy Ramiel."
"Yes, Big Daddy Ramiel." Ramiel clicked his tongue again as he looked to the side, trying to think of something to rile Lute up.
"How about Sir, Cassiel and Ramiel?"
This time, it got Lute to look at Ramiel with something other than indifference, this time with anger. "There is only one man that I will call sir and you will not be him." She stated firmly.
Ramiel finally smiled as he finally got the reaction he wanted, letting Lute down with only apathy returning to her face. As she readjusted herself, Ramiel shoulder-checked her while making small talk with Cassiel, who similarly didn't care for Lute.
(Hell)
"James, you dirty boy; that's the wrong hole~'
James slowly opened his eyes, for the first time in a while not experiencing excruciating pain processing information and looked over at who had awakened him. When he looked over, he saw a naked Nifty, lying her head peacefully on his chest while seeming to have a… certain dream about him.
After having so much… fun with Nifty that she had lost consciousness, James didn't want to repeat it and quickly got out of bed to start his morning routine to calm his dragon. 'I thought that kind of shit only happened in hentai. I guess peak performance really put everything to the peak, huh?" He thought as he brushed his teeth, admiring his eyes in the mirror while doing so.
James finished brushing his teeth and started to experiment with the six eyes, moving his hand around his eyes with reinforcement, making the hand seem like after-images to the naked eye. Yet, to James, his hand seemed as if it was in slow motion. 'Weird, I'm pretty sure that I was seeing at a normal human pace before. Maybe the six eyes just automatically adjust to how much is needed."
But while he was experimenting, a thought suddenly flashed through his mind. 'Oh, yeah, System, what the hell was Moldy? Why didn't you tell me what it was?'
[Aplogies, Host, downloading the information now]
'... System.' James thought, his eye twitching. 'I know for a damn fact that you did NOT just give me the mold from the resident evil games, the same mold that is not only a bioweapon but is also very contagious and drove a family into madness… Right?'
[...Host, in my defense there is no side effects from being infected, and the mold could only spread through bodily fluids]
'Bodily fluids, huh?'
(Flashback: Last Night)
"C-C-CUM INSIDE, I NEED YOU TO CREAMPIE ME~~~"
(The Present)
He sat down his toothbrush. 'So I basically just drugged my girlfriend with my moldy cum; is that what you're saying?'
[...Yes, Host]
James sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'Well, it can't get worse from here. It's not like I somehow boned her so hard, she can't walk, right?'
THUMP!
'...No… Fucking …Way.' James quickly rushed to his room, where he heard the thump, seeing Nifty holding onto the bed, legs quivering like a baby deer with a shaky smile on her face. "C-c-can I get some help?"
'...What's next, some sort of harem? Wait a minute; I didn't really mean that. God, I'm sorry if i pissed you off; please don't turn my life into some sort of trashy harem fanfic some kid would write because he can't get a girlfriend.'
(AN: Fuck you too, James)
James felt a wave of hostility from… somewhere, which he waved off, dressing nifty and putting her on his shoulders since she couldn't walk. 'I'm strong, I saved someone from slavery, and my head is in between my girlfriend's thighs. Life is good'. He thinks as he walks down to the lobby, a small blush on his already derpy face that was smiling.
As he walked into the lobby, he saw Amery sitting on the couch blankly watching TV, Vaggie was absentmindedly sharpening her spear with one hand while reading her contortionism book with the other, and Angel Dust was sitting down next to Amery, his eyes looking everywhere but the TV and being generally more jittery.
But when they all landed eyes on James and Nifty they all said only one sentence.
"Darkside/James/Master, did you fuck/sleep/have intercourse with The shortstack bitch/Nifty/Cyclops!?"
"Oh, c'mon is it written on my face or something?" Angel raised an eyebrow. "No, but I can smell a virgin getting their virginity stolen from a mile away. Also, you weren't exactly quiet last night."
James managed to stutter out an "O-o-oh." Before Charlie came down the stairs, her red suit being slightly more disheveled than before. "Hey gan–" She looked at James. "...Did you and Nifty do the devil's tango last night?"
"Yes, now can we move on?"
"Right," She clapped her hands. "It has occurred to me that normal trust exercises haven't exactly been working, so now we'll be going on personalized trips; how about that?" She said with enthusiasm, though nobody cheered. "Right, so the list will go as follows: Angel Dust, Amery, James, Nifty, and finally Vaggie!"
As quick as lightning, she appeared right beside Angel Dust, spooking him. "So, Angel, what do you want to do?" Angel Dust calm down and thinks for a moment before snapping his fingers and looking at her with a small grin. "I want to take all of you back to my old stomping grounds:
The Cup's Casino!"
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(The End)
(Shameless plug: Ko-fi.com/mrlegantrop)
I am so lonely … *unzips pants*- Jimbo Conquest