"I guess I understand him? After all, when we chatted before, he told me a lot about himself."
An image surfaced in Kiana's mind: the two of them sitting on the rooftop edge. It was right after the Coral Island battle, and the reunited pair had talked all night under the moonlight. She vaguely remembered Ren being completely different that night, rambling on and on about himself.
It was that heart-to-heart that allowed Kiana to see a more genuine Ren, learning many of the secrets hidden in the boy's heart. If Ren wasn't lying back then, I should be the person who understands him best in this world.
Thinking of this, a small smile touched Kiana's lips.
"Is that so? Then let me ask you a very simple question: when is Ren's birthday?"
"..." The budding smile withered before it could fully bloom. Kiana opened her mouth to answer, the answer seemingly right there on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't utter it.
Because nowhere in her memory was there any information about Ren's birthday.
In an instant, panic spread through her heart. All this time, Kiana had believed she understood Ren best. But Himeko's casual question shattered that illusion completely.
Her panic wasn't just about not knowing the answer; it was about how simple the question was.
"If you're friends, remembering each other's birthdays is pretty basic, right?" Himeko said, carefully observing the changes in the girl's expression.
"I..." Kiana pressed her lips together, wanting to say something, but her azure eyes held only panic and trembling.
She slumped onto the bed, feeling as if all her strength had been drained, forced to lean against Himeko's shoulder. Because she suddenly realized that all her understanding of Ren seemed shrouded in a thick fog. The boy's once clear smile now felt hazy, like looking at flowers in mist, impossible to recall distinctly.
Do I... really understand Ren?
"Looks like you already know the answer." Himeko reached out, supporting the girl's limp shoulder, and sighed heavily. She had thought that knowing the root of the problem would make things easier to solve. Now, it seemed the situation was far worse than she imagined.
"Himeko-sensei, I... I think... I really don't understand him." Intense self-doubt flooded her heart. Kiana, completely broken down, trembled violently, trying desperately to hold back tears.
But the more she suppressed them, the more tears welled up, blurring her vision until she could no longer clearly picture Ren's face in her memory.
It felt like he was constantly receding, fading away from her memories.
This fear terrified her. She subconsciously grabbed Himeko's hands, asking almost pleadingly, "Himeko, what should I do?"
"Don't get worked up first. Ren hasn't actually disappeared. If you want to see him, just go next door and find him," Himeko comforted softly, patting the girl's back.
Thankfully, her reassurance worked. Hearing Ren's name, Kiana remembered he did indeed live right next door. Instantly, the blurred memories in her mind began to reform, though many details remained fuzzy.
Wiping away the tears, Kiana's eyes were still red. She sniffled, tightly gripping the edge of the bedsheet as if that could somehow let her hold onto Ren's hands.
"Don't worry. It's normal not to understand Ren completely. He's the type of kid who keeps everything bottled up. If he doesn't want to say something, it's hard to know what he's thinking."
Once the girl finally calmed down, Himeko helped her analyze, "Before we discuss this further, let me ask you again: in your heart, what's the difference between Mei and Ren?"
"They're both... friends?"
"What if it's more than friends? You said before you had feelings of 'like' for both of them. Have you ever thought about the difference?"
"..." Kiana looked blank, wracking her brain. "During the three years I lived with Mei, I never really thought about it much. If I was hungry, I'd go find her for food. If I wanted to hang out, I'd find her and Bronya. Every time we went on a mission, she was the first person I thought of. But other than that, it seems..."
"But after you left, you often missed the times you were all together, right?"
"Mhm. Especially after the Great Eruption, during the time I was wandering. Sometimes I'd think, 'It would be nice if everyone was here.'"
"Did you think about Bronya then too?"
"Of course, but..."
"Meaning, unlike Bronya, Mei is even more special to you, right?" Himeko guided gently. "So, what about Ren?"
"The first time I met Ren was during a Honkai Eruption. Back then, I thought you were dead, Himeko-sensei, so I was basically falling apart."
"All I could think about was destroying all the Honkai Beasts, thinking that if I just eliminated all the enemies, I could find release. But while I was fighting, he suddenly burst onto the battlefield."
"And so you saved him."
"Mhm. Although he later confessed he entered the battlefield intentionally."
"Have you ever thought about why he deliberately let you save him back then?"
"..." Kiana, having never considered this question, was struck speechless.
"Because he knew you were on the verge of mental collapse. The only way was to appeal to your inner kindness, to tie a thread around you that you couldn't easily cut, to curb your self-destructive tendencies." From an outsider's perspective, Himeko saw much more.
"You should feel it, right? Your interactions with Mei are mostly based on shared interests and companionship. But your time with Ren... that was salvation found in despair."
Illuminating the path forward in darkness, igniting the flame of hope amidst destruction, supporting each other through the long night towards the dawn.
"I... I always thought we were just partners."
The weight of salvation was too heavy. Kiana had never considered romantic feelings. Her heart had long seen Ren as an inseparable part of her, but the dazzling light of that bond had blinded her, preventing her from recognizing her own feelings.
"Clearly, after your long journey together, your feelings for him are no longer simple. You just haven't realized it yourself."
Himeko looked at the contemplative girl and said earnestly, "Feelings don't have ranks, but you must understand yourself clearly. Think carefully: when you saw Mei and Ren standing together this afternoon, who were you really thinking about?"
"..." Kiana didn't speak, but her gaze towards Ren's room answered for her.
Adding flowers to brocade could never compare to sending charcoal in snowy weather. Only when one has experienced true despair can they understand what it means to have someone pull them out.
Back on Mount Taixuan, Fu Hua had once asked Kiana about Ren's place in her heart. Kiana hadn't understood why Fu Hua asked back then. Now, thinking back, her class monitor had probably seen the signs long ago.
But now, Kiana could answer her clearly.
"I like Ren."
The moment the words fell, Kiana's eyes seemed to brighten considerably. The unease that had coiled around her heart like a venomous snake completely dissipated, replaced by an unprecedented sense of relief.
Seeing the girl finally understand her own feelings, Himeko couldn't help but smile, letting out a long sigh of relief. Just as she was about to say something, she saw Kiana look at her again, puzzled.
"So... if I like Ren, what should I do? Back when I wanted to hang out with Mei, I just went to mooch food..."
Himeko slapped her forehead, remembering this girl was still a complete novice at romance. Looks like they still had a long way to go. "Kiana, liking a boy is different from liking a girl. Your relationship with Mei is more like close best friends; it doesn't count as romance."
"Besides, relationships need to be nurtured slowly, step by step. You might crash in Bronya's room if you play games too late, but you can't just sleep in Ren's room, right?"
Despite being single for nearly thirty years, Himeko became quite the talker when it came to romance, constantly offering advice and strategies.
"Uh, I can't?" Kiana's eyes were clear and innocent.
"Of course n— Wait, have you two slept together before?"
"Mhm."
Back in the ARC City mirage, during that freezing trip through 'Berlin,' the two had huddled together for warmth throughout the night.
Of course, Himeko didn't know the specifics. Hearing Kiana's confirmation, her head just buzzed.
Her expression suddenly turned serious. "You were wearing clothes, right?"
"Uh." Kiana's face flushed red. Back then, Ren had been frozen unconscious, so she had to use her own body heat to save him...
"Hiss." Himeko sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes wide. She thought she was the seasoned love guru ready to flex her skills, but it turned out the main characters were already speeding down the highway.
"Suddenly feel like there's nothing left for me to do," she mumbled, looking down despondently.
Kiana had no idea what Himeko misunderstood. She just assumed her counseling session had exhausted the older woman. Feeling a bit guilty, she nuzzled Himeko's cheek with her head and said apologetically, "Sorry, Himeko-sensei, for making you worry again."
"It's not your fault; I wasn't thinking things through enough. Kiana, promise me, you'll tell me in advance when you two get married."
Before learning the truth, Himeko felt their relationship was progressing too slowly. Now that Kiana actually understood her feelings, she suddenly felt things were moving at an almost alarming speed.
Thinking about it, their relationship had actually developed naturally long ago; all that was missing was the final push.
"M-married?" Kiana's voice suddenly stammered. The pure-hearted girl understood her feelings now, but in her mind, dating just meant becoming closer.
Marriage was different. Based on Kiana's limited knowledge of sex education, marriage meant... physical intimacy.
"What's the big deal? You two have already slept together anyway; marriage is just a formality. But don't overthink it. Given your current situation, there will definitely be challenges ahead."
Himeko's reminder quickly brought Kiana back to reality. There was still a more serious problem unresolved.
She didn't understand Ren well enough.
"Himeko, what should I do?"
"Simple. Actively observe Ren's daily actions, try to understand his true thoughts, spend more time alone with him, and think about the purpose and reasons behind his behavior."
"Ultimately, most of what you know about him comes from information he chose to reveal to you. That's far from enough."
"Ren is a whole person. He has his own dreams, his own hobbies. You need to use your whole self... to understand all of him."