Chad froze, his brain short-circuiting. His mouth opened slightly, but no words came out.
Standing in the doorway like some kind of deranged mummy, Bishop had a long strip of toilet roll wrapped haphazardly around his head, trailing down his back like a regal cape. He jabbed a dramatic finger forward. "You are not the toilet king!" he declared, his tone filled with righteous indignation.
What are you even on about? Chad thought.
He started to say something, but Bishop cut him off immediately, raising a finger to his lips with the gravitas of someone delivering state secrets. His eyes darted around the room before he leaned in slightly and whispered, "Shhhh… Kerry is sleeping now."
"Sleeping already?! What a lazy hog," Bishop scoffed, inspecting his naked sister sprawled across the bed, soaked in urine and dripping with sweat. He started to step closer, a hand reaching out as if to tug her blanket up or something. He didn't even notice the stench—years of exposure to pungent odours had numbed him to it.
"Don't touch her…" Chad warned, his voice low as he stepped forward, eyes locking onto Bishop's hand. "Waking her from her post-sexual slumber is like disturbing a mummy and unleashing a pharaoh's curse."
Bishop stared at her, a twisted spark flaring in his mind—his sister, mummified in toilet paper. A grin carved across his face, and he burst into a manic laugh—"Ah ah ou haha!"
"At least somebody else is happy," he said, glancing at Bishop, who was laughing, wondering why he had paper wrapped around his head but really not wanting to ask. His attention shifted to Kerry, lying on the bed with her eyes shut, a smile playing on her lips, as if she were immersed in a happiness so pure it could only exist in a dream, untouched by the world around her.
Bishop glanced at her, his voice soft, almost wistful. "I've never actually seen my sister… you know…"
A cautious glint flickered in Chad's eyes as he raised an eyebrow, bracing for something perverse to spill out.
Bishop continued, "… seen her smile. She lost her smile years ago, and all I've gotten since is bitterness, swearing, and abuse."
Chad couldn't help but glance at Bishop, taking in the ridiculous sight of toilet paper wrapped around his head. He shook his head, trying to keep a straight face. "Maybe... umm... you kinda deserved it."
Not expecting that kind of response, Bishop's face fell. Before he could react, Chad shrugged and added, his tone softer now, "Maybe... from now on... she'll be nicer to you…"
"Pfft!! I doubt it!!"
A sigh slipped out as Chad adjusted his trousers, tugging his shirt over his head. "So... I'll be leaving now," he muttered, clearly uninterested in the chaos around him. He glanced around for his boxers but gave up, shrugging. "Just give me the Gold Pikachu card, and I'll be on my way... and I hope you and your internet girlfriend work out."
There was a slow, confused blink. "What Gold Pikachu card? I said, in exchange for your nude pictures, I'll give you something golden—my gold-ranked League of Legends account."
Rolling his eyes, Chad scoffed. "A gold-ranked League account? Why the hell would I want that? Gold rank is so noobie... you literally just play against bots to get there."
Bishop puffed out his chest with a smug grin and scoffed, "You're absolutely clueless! That account's stacked with about 6k worth of skins, and hiring girls off ePal to help me grind my way to gold wasn't a walk in the park. Imagine trying to play one-handed while some girl is whispering in your ear, her voice all cutesy and flirty, constantly cheering you on, asking you if you need help, and throwing in some random compliments every two seconds. It was way too much to handle!"
Chad rolled his eyes and thought, One-trick Lux players... He decided to just accept it. Having an account with so many skins was quite nice. It was just strange that he'd spent so much money on a game he was absolutely terrible at, but whatever. He shouldn't complain; the consolation prize of sexy time with his sexy sister, Kerry, hadn't been too bad—though it wasn't quite at the level of a Golden Pikachu card in terms of greatness. Still, the reward was sufficient enough. He was happy with it, and he just muttered, "Thanks," not wanting to sound ungrateful.
"I just sent you the account via CUM Swap," Bishop said.
CUM Swap is an app where you can trade items, following a principle very much like the Law of Equivalent Exchange from Fullmetal Alchemist—'to obtain, something of equal value must be lost.' You can trade all sorts of things, from books and electronics to rare collectibles, or even... well, let's just say 'well-loved' panties, used condoms that still have a bit of... freshness, and socks that have clearly seen better days (after about a week of wear).
"Oh, that app? I haven't opened it in ages… Every time I log in, my DMs explode—thousands of girls spamming me, all begging for my address like I'm some kind of prize to be won." He exhaled loudly, shaking his head. "Anyway, I gotta go… Good luck with your internet girlfriend. And make sure to look after your sister, yeah? She's… special." His tone softened, but the pause lingered just a little too long, making it unclear whether he meant it in a heartfelt way or if there was something deeply concerning about her.
Bishop's gaze drifted toward the bed, where his sister lay completely naked, her expression blank as if she had transcended the need for clothing altogether. He furrowed his brows. "She is?" His eyes flickered with uncertainty. "Well… she did get three COVID shots, and I read online they make people… artistic." His voice trailed off as if even he wasn't entirely sure where he was going with that statement.
Surely, he meant the other A-word and not artistic.
He turned back to Chad, who was already inching toward the door, clearly not wanting to be part of whatever bizarre logic Bishop was spiralling into. Bishop smirked, lifting a hand in mock farewell. "Good luck with your waifu."
Talking about his waifu sent his dick into overload. Flashes of images—her in revealing clothes—raced through his mind, overwhelming him. "Oh, no…" he gasped as he felt it happening—hot spurts of jizz shooting uncontrollably into his trousers, dripping down his leg. Massive, thick loads. No love sock to catch it. No boxers to soak it up. It all ran down his thighs, pooling over his balls, soaking into his tights.
Why couldn't he have unleashed this load on Kerry instead? No matter how close she was, she never stirred that raw, aching desire the way his waifu did.
Bishop glanced at Chad, noticing his uneasy stance. "What's the matter? You look like you forgot something," he said, as Chad stood awkwardly by the bedroom door.
He couldn't tell him he just shot his load down his leg instead of over his sister... that was waaay too embarrassing to admit. Instead, he said, "I was just… thinking about cream pies... I'm hungry for a cake." He quickly shut the door and walked like he was holding in a turd, the sticky jizz dripping and sticking to his legs.
As he left, Bishop called out, "I would like one as well!"
Chad grimaced as he felt the warm, sticky nuisance trailing down his leg. Great. A 30-minute walk home like this… urgh. He couldn't exactly duck into the toilet to grab tissues—Bishop could've dropped a monster shit in there, and it wasn't worth the risk. Maybe it'll dry soon... hopefully.
Back in the room, Bishop approached his bed, where his sister lounged, still stark naked under his sheets—he'd clocked that the second he walked towards her. She tugged the covers up, barely hiding her chest, and flashed a grin. "Thanks for setting me up with… Chad's dick."
"Uh… yeah, sure," Bishop muttered, caught off guard.
She sighed, all smug. "Best cock I've ever had, no contest."
Maybe Chad was right. Maybe she will be nice to me… for a while. I wonder how long it will last.
She met his gaze, a teasing glint in her eye. "As a reward…"
He didn't know what she was going to say. Did he really want a reward from his sister?
"…I'll buy you…" she drawled, milking the suspense.
Now he was intrigued.
"That $500 Ahri skin you've been obsessed with in League of Legends"
"No way! You're the best sister ever!" Bishop practically shouted, buzzing with excitement. He'd have hugged her if she weren't buck naked under the sheets and covered in Chad's various fluids.
"You're the best brother ever!" She fired back.
Wait… he had just given his League of Legends account away to Chad. No account, no skin. Dammit. He couldn't ask for a different gift—she'd turn feral again in a snap. He didn't want to appear ungrateful, so his heart raced as he forced out, "I can't wait to… play with my new fox-girl skin…"
His sister said, "Hey, hey… save some of your… energy for your internet girlfriend."
Bishop chuckled, deciding to push his luck. "Don't worry, I will, sis. But, you know… when you have one of your girlfriends over, I could return the favour. I mean, I could do to them what you did to Chad."
The reaction was instant.
"The fuck did you just say?!"
She shot up from the bed like Jason Voorhees rising from the grave, eyes wide with fury. Before he could even blink, she grabbed a heavy figurine from the night-stand and launched it straight at his head.
"You fucking pervert!!"
Bishop barely dodged as it smashed into the wall behind him.
"You stay the fuck away from my friends!" she shrieked, her whole body shaking with rage. "If I ever see your creepy ass anywhere near them, I will rip your fucking eyes out and shove them up your ass!!"
As she screamed, her breasts jiggled with every motion, something he really didn't mean to notice.
"I-I didn't… I mean, it was just a suggestion! No need to…"
His gaze barely flicked downward for a fraction of a second.
Her fury exploded.
"And stop staring at my tits! I am your fucking sister, for crying out loud!! You absolute fucking creep!!"
She yanked on her sweatpants, shoving her sweaty legs through them, then furiously pulled on her tank top. Just as she reached the door, she whirled around one last time, eyes burning with rage.
"And take that fucking toilet paper off your head, you dumbass lunatic! You look like a psych ward reject who lost a fight with a roll of Charmin!"
SLAM!
The door rattled on its hinges as she stormed out.
Bishop exhaled, rubbing the spot where the figurine almost took his head off.