What am i thinking? Sorry for that i don't know why I'm thinking stuff like that all of the time. Maybe that's the problem. My mind is always active, always wandering, yet it never seems to arrive anywhere meaningful. It drifts, aimless, from one random thought to the next, cycling through memories, half-formed ideas, and things I don't even care about. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about things I don't even remember starting. It's like my brain is running a program in the background, something I have no control over, and all I can do is let it run its course.
And through it all, time keeps moving—too fast, too uncontrollably. I blink, and another hour is gone. Another day is lost before I've even had a chance to acknowledge it. I don't know if I'm just not paying attention, or if time itself is broken, but lately, it feels like my life has been put on fast-forward.
Nights stretch out longer than they should. I don't sleep early—not because I have anything important to do, but because I don't feel tired in the way I should. I should be exhausted. My body should be crying for rest. But instead, I stay up, scrolling through my phone, flipping between apps like I'm waiting for something—something new, something interesting, something that will finally make me feel awake.
But nothing ever does.
I tell myself I'll go to sleep soon. Just one more post. One more video. But before I know it, it's already 3 AM. Sometimes 4. The world outside is silent, everyone else is asleep, but I'm still here, trapped in the glow of my screen, lost in thoughts that lead nowhere. I don't even know why I stay up so late. It's not like I'm doing anything important. I'm just… existing. Waiting. For what? I don't know.
And then, finally, exhaustion takes over. I don't so much fall asleep as I do shut down. Like my body just decides, That's enough for today, and I have no choice but to comply. But even then, sleep doesn't feel like rest. It's light, shallow, full of strange dreams that I don't remember when I wake up. It's just another gap in time, another part of the cycle.
And then morning comes.
The alarm goes off. I open my eyes. But I don't get up.
Instead, I reach for my phone—because that's the easiest thing to do. The screen lights up, and suddenly, I'm pulled back into the cycle. I don't even remember unlocking my phone. My fingers move on their own, muscle memory guiding me through the same motions as yesterday, and the day before that. Notifications. Messages I won't answer. News articles I won't read. Memes, videos, mindless content. Just noise.
The clock reads 8:00 AM. Then 9:00.
I tell myself I'll get up in five minutes. Five minutes turns into ten. Then twenty. Then an hour. The next time I check the time, it's already past 10. Maybe 11.
I sigh, finally forcing myself to move. My body feels heavy, like it's resisting, like it doesn't see the point. I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom, where another hour disappears.
I don't even know what I do in there. I just stand in front of the mirror, staring at my own reflection as if waiting for something. But nothing happens. I don't feel anything. No burst of motivation, no sudden realization, no change. Just the same blank expression looking back at me.
The water runs. I don't remember turning it on.
My mind drifts. Maybe I'm thinking about the things I need to do today. Maybe I'm thinking about nothing at all. I let the minutes pass, not really aware of them, until suddenly an hour is gone, and I realize I've just been standing there, lost in thought.
By the time I finally leave the bathroom, the day has already started without me. Breakfast is cold. I eat it anyway, though I barely taste it. It's not even about hunger. It's just… something to do. Something to pass the time.
And then, before I know it, I'm back in bed.
Back on my phone.
Back to scrolling.
I don't even realize how much time is passing. It's like my body is here, but my mind is somewhere else—somewhere detached from reality, floating in the endless stream of information pouring through my screen. Sometimes, I pause and think, I should do something productive today. I should read a book. Exercise. Go outside. Do anything other than this.
But that thought never turns into action.
Because thinking about doing something is the closest I ever get to actually doing it.
The afternoon drags on in the same way. I sit, I lie down, I scroll, I eat when I remember to. Sometimes I watch a show, but even that doesn't feel the same anymore. I used to get lost in stories, in other worlds. Now, I just press play and let it run in the background, barely absorbing anything. The characters talk, the plot moves forward, but my mind is somewhere else. I could rewatch the same episode three times and still not remember what happened.
And then suddenly, it's night again. Midnight. 2 AM.
Another day gone. Another twenty-four hours wasted, and I don't even know how.
I think about how fast time moves now. How one day blends into the next, until I can't even tell them apart. I think about how nothing really happens in my life, yet time refuses to slow down for me. It's like I'm watching my own existence from the outside, watching a version of myself go through the motions, stuck in an endless loop.
I wonder if anyone else feels like this.
I wonder if people ever notice how time speeds up when you're not paying attention.
I wonder if I'll ever find a way to slow it down.
But for now, the cycle repeats.
Again. And again. And again.
And the worst part is… I don't even know how to stop it.
Sucks.
Repetition of the thoughts that are always the same, Repetition of life that is always the same, Repeating actions that will make my life always same.
Repeating everything over and over and over