From Selena's perspective
In the middle of the night, the road we are heading down is dark and dangerous. If someone asked us what we were doing here at this hour, walking along the forest path, they would take us for crazy.
Literally, because who willingly pushes his way through the woods, fleeing from the psychopathic cousin of an ex-boyfriend — someone who himself has a dark past?
Another person would have told me that I was an idiot, staying in the woods with a man who thoughtlessly killed and buried his parents several years ago. I know that he was sick, that he was not controlling what he was doing, but should I 100% trust Felix? Apparently, I can see that he has changed, that he is an entirely different person after his treatment in the psychiatric hospital, yet I still get these strange fears in me that this could just be a mask....
Nevertheless, a person thinks impulsively, and I made such a decision to protect Felix at all costs and show him that life can be beautiful. It seems to me that only now I will see if he is okay, staying with him twenty-four hours a day.
I hope I will not regret this decision....
I'm scared as hell as we move along the torch-lit path, according to Mike, walking straight ahead. He used to frequent this place as a child, because somewhere near the end of this forest, there is a house where his grandparents once lived and now belongs to him.
In fear, I grab Felix's hand when I hear something moving in the bushes.
- Do you think it's a wild boar? - I ask, feeling my heart beating hard. Reason tells me not to shine a flashlight in that direction, because I will only anger the animal.
- It's a forest, so there may be many animals here, it's normal," he replies. - And don't you think that being here with me is more dangerous than running into a wild boar?
I nervously swallow my saliva, wondering why he mentioned it.
- Why do you think so?
- Selena... I know who I was before treatment, how many sinful things I did. I was mentally unstable, I thoughtlessly killed my parents and buried them in the woods.... - At this point he breaks off, and I clench the flashlight in my hand tighter from nerves. - I know that the disease doesn't choose, and I couldn't fight it myself, but I feel terrible remorse when I think about my past.
- You shouldn't think about her. The best thing for you would be to erase her from your memory and live in the present.
- In addition to remorse, I feel terrible shame because of who I was, how I behaved, how I treated you.... - he continues. I guess that this is the moment when Felix wants to completely open up to me and tell me everything.
- You shouldn't, you were sick, and remember that no one is perfect.
- Do you think they've managed to cure me completely, that it's irreversible? - His question makes my mouth go dry. - I'm sorry if I'm making you scared at this point, but I need to talk to someone about this.
- No worries, I'm not afraid. I decided to help you, so that means I trust you, Felix.
A silence falls between us. It lasts for a brief moment until my ex-boyfriend speaks up.
- I'm afraid that it will all come back, that my condition will worsen again, that all this treatment will be in vain, and I will lose control over myself. - I can hear his voice becoming weepy.
- Don't live your fears, don't think about it, Felix, please. I want the best for you, at this point I don't think about myself at all, only about you, to show you that you can be happy after all the nightmare you went through.
- You know... maybe I shouldn't say this, but I wish I had been born into a different family. All the anxiety and pain I experienced as a kid, it all made me paranoid. Every day was a nightmare for me....
- Do you want to tell me about your past? Help you understand what you went through? - I ask.
- Yes, I want you to know that not only my mother was the reason for what I became, but also Lucas. He was a monster from childhood, and I was blindly attracted to him. Just as toxic and merciless as my mother.
- Who is Lucas really? Why is he so powerful?
- He is the son of a Mafioso, my uncle, who died a few years ago of cancer. Since then, he has been performing all his functions. My mother was from New York, but escaped to Los Angeles from life there. It was here that she met my father.
- How did it happen that Lucas ended up in your family's care?
- Apparently, my uncle did not want to raise him alone in the local environment, he wanted him to have a normal childhood. However, I feel that there is another truth behind it.... perhaps someday I will know it.
- In fact, it sounds absurd, because Mafioso are rather ruthless and their tactics against children are very cruel. It always seemed to me that they raise children to be like themselves....
- I often got the impression that my cousin was actually my brother, because he was strikingly similar to my mother not only in character, but especially in appearance....
- Do you think this is possible?
- Lucas has always acted like an older brother, not a cousin, until now, he is too protective of me.
- Is it possible that he knows?
- He definitely knows more than me. He knows everything.
It seems to me that this forest path has no end as we follow it, looking at the light from the flashlight.
- So what happened to bring Lucas back to Los Angeles?
- He also has business here, but as I mentioned to you, he has been devious all his life. Everything he did was dumped on me because he kept telling me that he was not my parents' son, and they would send him back to his father if he was naughty. As a kid, I was very naïve and enthusiastic about Lucas. Everything he said was sacred to me. Something began to change in me after I met you in the sixth grade when you stood up for me. When I told Lucas about it, he said you did it sympathizing, that you wouldn't befriend me because I was a fat loser with no friends and I should be happy to have him on my side.
- What a ... - I don't finish because I feel like calling him the ugliest word.
- His words, and my desire to make friends with you, this made me decide to take selfies. I watched you from hiding, wanting to get close to you in some way, but I was afraid because of Lucas' words, and after a while, you just disappeared....
- Yes, my parents transferred me to another school," I say, feeling a strange sense of warmth when the subject comes up again.
- I underwent a giant transformation in middle school. Lucas introduced me to a new company and helped me gain confidence, I started to become an entirely different person as I lost weight and no longer wore glasses. I was as handsome as Lucas, people started to like me, it was really fascinating.... until. We would party on weekends, lying to our parents that we were studying at a friend's house. Mother believed Lucas. I remember that at one party, a girl showed up, she looked like you. It fascinated me. I was confident because I looked good, there was no way she could reject me. I wanted her. Lucas persuaded me all the time that I could have her, replace her with you, and that it was time for me to stop being a boy," he says, and his voice breaks at one point. - He forcefully poured alcohol into me, claiming that I would be braver. He repeated that he would make everything easier for me, make me worthy of being his brother, because I was already becoming like him. He got me drunk, and what's worse, he got a girl who I liked drunk. Furthermore, he led her to a room, and as it turned out, she was interested in him, not me. - Felix pauses and takes a deep breath. - I'm ashamed, it's hard for me to talk about it, because I don't understand how I could have behaved so cruelly. It sounds terrible, but looking at her, I saw you. Lucas laughed and held her forcibly on the bed, telling me to act, and I hallucinated under the influence of alcohol. It seemed to me that the whole world lay at my feet, that if I wanted her, I could take her by force.
I feel anxiety, but I remain calm, wanting him to continue.
- Did you hurt her?
- I kissed her forcefully, she screamed and when I looked at her face, I realized that it wasn't you, and it wasn't her I wanted. I couldn't do it.
- So at that time, you missed me so much, you wanted me so much that you would be able to hurt me?
- This is going to sound terrible, but I think it is. I was bloody obsessed with you. I was not controlling myself.
- What happened next?
- Lucas challenged me that I was still a loser and that he would show me how it's done, since she herself spread her legs in front of him. I still have that scene before my eyes, although I hurriedly left the room and did not react in any way to the girl's screams. Standing in front of the door, stunned, I let him rape her.
I feel the blood drain from my face. I am terrified.
- He raped a girl at such a young age?
- From childhood he was fierce. His peers were terrified of him, but the girls loved him because they thought his confidence added to his charisma. That night, one got a taste of that confidence of his," Felix declares. - The girl did not sit quietly, she reported what happened. My parents got mad, especially my mother. I thought she was going to kill Lucas that day. He defended himself, repeated to her that I was the one who wanted the girl, because I was crazy about her, that he did it for me, that we were both to blame. I did not defend him. I was shocked by what had happened, what he was capable of. Then I saw through it and realized that Lucas had awakened the monster in me. I put all the blame on him, I wasn't going to defend him. Mother then sent him back to New York, claiming that he was just like his father and that he should never return to Los Angeles, that he should stay away from me. She regretted having taken him under her roof. All this caused my condition to deteriorate, and over time I began to receive treatment from a psychiatrist.
- I think I am only now realizing what a monster Lucas is.... - I say in a whisper.
- And I will never let him do anything to you.... I will protect you at all costs, Selena.
I let out a breath of relief as the light from the flashlight falls on the wooden house.
- We are on the spot, Felix. We should be safe here for a while.
- As long as Lucas is in our lives, we will never be safe," he replies, and I turn to face him. The light from the flashlight illuminates his silhouette. - Since we've decided to take such a dangerous step, it's best if we flee across the border.
- We will defeat this demon, I promise you, Felix.