The sound of burning wood in the fireplace is the only noise I hear now. There is an awkward silence between me and Felix as we sit in the living room. He lies on the couch, resting his hand on his forehead, while I curled up in the leather armchair, looking at his silhouette, which is illuminated by the fire.
I reflect on everything, starting with our long acquaintance, the deep affection, my weakness for him, ending with his childhood and Lucas.
I still can't imagine what happened when Felix was in middle school. For me, it is beyond comprehension.... The scariest thought is that it was Felix who nearly raped that girl, even though he held back, it was only because he realized it wasn't me, and that sounds even worse....
Chills go through me when I think about the fact that he would have been able to hurt me at that time because he wanted me so much.
Now, at this point, I'm all alone here with him, in the fucking middle of nowhere, ruining my life just to save him.
Why do I also have such a weakness for him? What is it about him that has such a damn effect on me, and despite what I've been through, I still want to be around him? I still hope to create a happy relationship with him....
I'm an idiot.
- Telling you about my past.... I know it released fears in you, but I would rather not hide anything from you any longer. Now that I'm myself, and I'm definitely feeling better, I wanted you to know everything about me," he says in a quiet voice, looking up at the ceiling somewhere.
I close my eyelids, wondering if this is the moment when I too should finally open up and tell him about the painful past. When we were young, I was afraid to do so because Felix was a madman, but now that I'm watching him and seeing powerful changes in him, I to no longer want to keep any secrets from him.
- There is something I never told you," I say in an uncertain voice. I see him raise his head, leaning on his elbows.
- Is this from when we were together? - he asks with frightened eyes, and when I shake my head, I think he breathes a sigh of relief.
- Remember when you asked me why one day, in the second semester, I suddenly disappeared from school? - He looked at me intensely and nodded. - Something had happened. I don't understand why I didn't tell you about it once, maybe because at the time it was still too painful and embarrassing for me? However, the worst thing I can say about it is that Lucas....
- Did he hurt you at school? - Felix, in a fit of anger, until he rises to a sitting position.
- No, calm down, he didn't do anything to me," I say quickly, but I can still feel his concerned gaze on me. - The point is that the art teacher saw in me the potential of an artist," I declare, laughing nervously. - I would call it something else though, he saw in me the potential to be a victim.
- What does it mean? - I can see that Felix is terrified.
- For a long time, I hated proximity. I hated it when someone touched me, kissed me, or at least hugged me. You jumped over that wall, because over time I allowed you to get close to me, although it was hard for me at first.
- Why didn't you tell me about it then? If I had known you were suffering....
- I wanted to defeat those demons, Felix. You helped me do that.
- I helped you so much that I added more," he says in a broken voice. - I'm sorry, Selena, for hurting you so much in the past. - The fire from the fireplace burns in his eyes, which are glazed over. I jump down from my chair and approach him. Crouching in front of him and keeping my hands in his lap, I join his hands with mine.
- We already talked about it, stop apologizing to me for the past. You were not yourself, I understand that.
- But then what does Lucas have to do with this case? - he asks unexpectedly, looking at me with those beautiful eyes.
- The point is that he saw me being molested by the art teacher. I wanted to run away from him when he pressed me against the wall, holding my hand.... - My voice is trembling, it's hard for me to finish my sentence when I recall that terrible moment. - Lucas saw this and rushed into the classroom. He was only thirteen, but I saw him push him away in a rage and start slapping him across the face. He was terrifying, but at that moment all I could think about was that he helped me.
- Lucas helped you? - Felix looks shocked.
- Yes, I also now wonder why he did it, if, as you said yourself, he was a monster from a young age and raped a girl," I say, still watching Felix's face. I see his lips trembling anxiously. - The teacher did not report the attack, but I told my parents about it, not wanting to go to that school anymore. The man was arrested, and I had to go on with my life...
- Lucas must have been watching you.... He did so because he knew you had caught my attention. However, it makes me wonder, what contributed to him helping you?
- He told me that he couldn't look at it like an old grandfather.... - I stammered again, unable to get it out of me.
- ...and did the same himself a few years later.
- If you can't, who can really understand him, Felix? - I ask, squeezing his hands as I sit on the fluffy carpet and, with my head raised, look into his eyes.
- I think he first needs to understand himself before anyone else can understand him.
*
From Lucas' perspective
With excitement in my eyes, I look at Hannah as I painfully tear the tape from her mouth. Although she is imprisoned here by me, she does not look frightened. She pierces me with her eyes, looking as if she is planning to murder me.
It's funny. I'm starting to love it.
- I don't know, dumbass, what's wrong with you, but I have to earn a living to survive. My mother disinherited me a long time ago when I told her I wouldn't go to college, also she won't look for me," the girl declares, and Sebastian, who is standing to the side, looks horrified.
- Why are you telling him this? - he asks.
- I just want to make him realize that there is no one to worry about me. It's all the same to me if he locks me up here for eternity or kills me. At least I won't have to work so hard to survive. Well, and I'll get a decent night's sleep. Only, if you're going to keep me captive, then prepare me, at least a comfortable bed, please.
I laugh like a man possessed. This is the first time I've seen someone as crazy as me.
- I like you," I declare in an amused voice, pointing my finger at her. - Sebastian, you went to class with a fantastic girl.
- But the most incredible thing was Selena, whom everyone is still obsessed with," says Hannah, not giving a damn about the fact that she has just betrayed herself. - No need to lie, after all, you already know everything," she turns to me. - And did you also know about the fact that I kissed her best friend in the school corridor to save Sebastian from that crazy girl?
It's been a long time since I was as amused as I was at that moment.
- Sounds interesting, keep telling the story. We still have plenty of time until dawn.
- And what are you planning at dawn? Are you a vampire? Do you go to sleep then? - She asks, measuring me with her eyes. - Because you have quite a beauty, I would say you are inhuman. And in appearance and in character.
Sebastian puts his hand to his forehead.
- At last someone has appeared at my side who is not dull as oil. My brother eternally sighing with longing for a little witch and she who is even worse. Was she so boring in high school too? Perpetually weepy and whiny? - I ask her.
- She wasn't that bad. Worse is this friend of hers. You wouldn't last a minute with her, because I'm guessing you haven't had the pleasure of meeting her. There's no worse whacked babe, seriously.
Her former classmate looks at her with his mouth open. He can't believe she's acting as if she's just talking to a compatriot she hasn't seen in a few years, while she's imprisoned here by me.
Is this her strategy to gain my trust?
- You are really cool," I declare. - However, I still don't like the fact that you helped them escape," I threaten her with my finger. - Was it worth it for you to suffer now?
- And who said I was suffering? Maybe it's our fucking destiny? Are you someone like a Mafioso? - She asks, squinting her eyes. - If so, then destiny will fuck me. Have you watched "365 days"? I've always dreamed of being kidnapped by an evil, sexy type," she adds, measuring me with her eyes. - I think my dream has finally come true.
- I don't have time for TV, but the plot sounds interesting," I claim, watching it with a cocky smile on my lips.
- I'd like to declare to you that I'm a good actress and present you with one scene after the dissolution, but I'm afraid you'd then think that all I'm saying now is a performance, so I'll also give myself away.
- Then we make a perfect duo, because I'm a good actor too, Hannah," I declare to her as I rise from the chair set up across from her. - I've been great at it since I was young, until it's a shame that I wasted such talent. - I stretch in front of her and see out of the corner of my eye that Sebastian looks concerned. - Don't think to yourself that you will charm me so easily with your charisma. You are unique, but no more so than I am," I add, lifting the corner of my mouth.
I walk up to her and squeeze her chin with my fingers, looking at her with frantic eyes.
- Boss, don't hurt her, please," says Sebastian, looking at me with pity in his eyes. - It's not her fault. I'm the one who helped Selena and Felix escape, I talked them into it.
A sinister smile appears on my face as I let go of Hannah's face and shift my gaze to my hitherto trusted man.
- I was waiting for you to confess, you bastard," I say through clenched teeth. - So that I would have on what basis to kill you.