It is the middle of the night when there is a knock at the door. Drowsy, dressed in a bathrobe, I look through the peephole, concerned about a visitor at this late hour. I crease my eyebrows when I recognize that it is Sebastian.
I open it and look at him with surprised eyes, not understanding what he might want from me in the middle of the night.
- You have to come with me, Selena," he declares, looking nervous. - Get dressed, there is no time.
- Where should I go with you? Man, it's the middle of the night, besides, you're blacklisted with me because of...
He doesn't let me finish. He grabs my hand, looking at me with intense eyes.
- Selena, you are the last resort. Something bad is happening to Felix, Lucas no longer has the strength for him and wants to lock him up in a psychiatric hospital if your visit does not help him in any way.
Chills of fear run through my body. I don't even ask for details, I just put on my shoes, ignoring the fact that my hair is uncombed, I'm in my pajamas and my bathrobe imposed on me. Now, I don't care about anything more than Felix.
I grab the phone and, leaving, slam the door behind me. With a hasty step, I follow Sebastian, feeling my heart beating hard.
When we are in his car, I look at him with concerned eyes.
- When you said that something bad is happening to Felix, what did you mean? I'm terribly worried, Sebastian," I continue the topic.
The boy, squeezing his hand on the steering wheel, looks at me for a split second.
- He tried to slit his wrists, good thing Lucas had some foresight and rushed into his room. That's how he saved him. All the time he repeats that there is no point in him continuing to live, that he is just a nuisance to everyone. He believes that throughout his life he has only caused harm to those closest to him. He keeps saying that he has to disappear from your lives so that you can finally be happy, that he should join his parents, whom he thoughtlessly killed.
I put my hand to my mouth, feeling tears gathering under my eyelids. I'm scared as hell.
Is it my fault? Did running away with me cause his condition to dramatically change for the worse?
- If he hurts himself, I will never forgive myself. It's my fault," I say in a weepy voice.
- There is your fault in this, but a small one, Selena. After Lucas took Felix away from you, he went with him to a psychiatrist. The doctor made it clear to him that the discontinuation of his medication had caused his remorse to return. He still can't get over the fact that he inadvertently killed his parents. And you know what the worst part is....
- Don't tell me that! - I interrupt him with a shout, not wanting to hear anymore. I already blame myself enough for the mistake I made. If I had known that he was still healing, that he had to take medication, I would never have taken him away from Lucas in my life.
I believed the patient, not his brother, who wants the best for him.
- However, I think you should hear about it to understand how advanced the disease Felix has is. - Sebastian continues to drone on about it.
- Until I see it, I don't want you to tell me," I reply in a whisper.
*
I feel that I am in a strange amok as I run into Lucas' residence, passing his bodyguards. I head for the stairs, ignoring everyone around me. Furthermore, I don't give a damn if they look at me strangely because I came here in my pajamas.
Now I don't care about anything more than Felix.
I nervously look around the hallway, trying to identify which room is Felix's room. I run over to where the door is ajar and run inside, spotting Lucas sitting on the edge of the bed, looking tiredly at his sleeping brother.
- Felix," I say quietly, slowly walking toward them. Lucas shifts his gaze to me, and his face is completely exhausted.
- I have done everything to help him. I would rather not lock him up in the hospital again, but if you don't help him in any way, I will have no choice. I can't let Felix take his life," he turns to me, getting up from the bed. - As much as I used to like you as a kid, I can't stand you now, but since you can be a last resort, I want you to be there for him. - Despite his fatigue, he lifts the corner of his mouth in a smile. - Actually, you care about my brother, since you came here just as you got out of bed. Impressive, Selena," he adds, then heads for the exit.
- Did you give him a sleeping agent? - I ask. Lucas turns to face me, but looks at the sleeping Felix.
- We had to, because I was unable to handle him. He is my only family, I don't want to lose him.
As Lucas leaves the room, I squat on the edge of the bed and grasp the cold hand of the man I love. Tears gather in my eyes.
- I apologize for everything. I vow to take care of you as best, as I can so that you don't end up again in the hell I sent you to in the past, so please, Felix, pick yourself up and show that you are strong. You are everything to me, I love you more than life. I can't imagine being happy aside someone else, so don't give up, fight for me, please," I say, laying my head on him. Tears flow from my eyes, which soak into the quilt. - I will do everything to get you out of this grand fatherhood.
Keeping my head on him, I don't even know at what point I fall asleep, but I am awakened by stroking my hair. I lift my face and, massaging my abraded neck, look at Felix's pale face. He watches me with those beautiful but sad eyes, forcing a smile with his cracked lips.
- Selena," he says in a hoarse voice, and I do not control my emotions and, crying like a child, I snuggle into his neck.
- Why did you want to do this to me? How could you even think of taking your life!
- I'm sorry," he whispers. - I don't know what I wanted to do. I really don't understand what is happening to me. I can't fight it, Selena.
- Me and Lucas will do our best to help you, I promise.
- So you can be a duo? - he asks jokingly, and I lift my face and look at him with weeping eyes. - Well, yes, a common goal can bring enemies together.
- Are you kidding about such a situation?
He puts his hand to my cheek and looks me straight in the eyes.
- You know... at that moment I just thought about how much easier it would be for you without me. I am a nuisance to both Lucas and you.
- No, you are not an affliction. You are the person we love and want to fight for.
*
Holding Felix's hand, I descend with him to the first floor. Together, we enter the dining room, catching Lucas' attention. Sitting at the table, the man measures us with his eyes, eating his breakfast.
- Sit down, Felix hasn't wanted to eat anything for days," he declares, not taking his eyes off us.
We take our seats at the big table. I look with astonished eyes at all the dishes that line the entire table-top.
- You yourself can eat that much? You can't tell," I turn to Lucas, making him send me a fake smile.
- Don't try to befriend me and I won't like you anyway. Even though you helped Felix out of his room and I decided that you will temporarily live here, don't count on me to give you a second chance to get along with me. We are not on the same wavelength.
- At school, however, you claimed otherwise. Even though I was much younger, you wanted to be friends with me.
- I was young and stupid. Now I am mature and wise, and you are just still stupid.
- Brother. - Felix sends Lucas a meaningful look. - If this is how you're going to treat Selena, I don't want her here, even if her presence can help me. Respect her, please.
The brunet tightens his lips, but nods.
- I will do it only for your sake," he declares, rising from his chair. He takes boxes out of the cabinet and puts them in front of his brother's plate. - After breakfast, please take all the pills so I can be calm. I've already acquired enough gray hair because of you. She can, because she makes dyes anyway," he adds, again forcing a smile in my direction.
- If you let me be with him, I promise to take proper care of him. I will make sure he takes all his medications.
- This thought gives me a headache, but I'll put up with it for Felix. However, it's best if you try to stay out of my way.
- This is a giant house, so no problem, Mr. Lucas. All I ask is that you take care to assign me a room close to Felix. I have to take my things out of my apartment anyway, I won't walk around in one pajama forever," I declare, seeing how I'm driving him crazy with small steps, but controlling my emotions so as not to explode in front of Felix.
- Well, what are you, Miss Selena? You look stunning in this edition. The messy hair adds to your character, which you don't have," he replies to me bitingly.
- If you are so fond of women with character, why did you treat Hannah so cruelly? The initial excitement about the pet quickly turned into boredom? - I ask.
Felix puts down his spoon and looks at me with disappointed eyes.
- Please don't provoke him. I really need you here, Selena.
I see Lucas swallowing his saliva nervously. He looks at me with a scowl, as if he wants to say something malicious, but ultimately bites his tongue.
- Since she is a woman of character, I gave her the freedom she wanted. She would have been miserable with me. That's a good deed on my part, Miss Selena," he says to me in a soft voice, then leaves the dining room.
I look at the sad Felix and put my hand on his back.
- Eat a lot, because you have lost a terrible amount of weight.
- You don't look better," he replies to me. - So you also have to eat a lot to recover.
I'm forcing meals into myself just because I want Felix to start eating healthy. The food is delicious, but I feel sick with nerves and feel like returning everything.
I'm worried about him. I'm terribly worried, and I realize that this is only the beginning of the nightmare I will face to save him.