Chapter 33: Filler Chapter IDK (Still Important Please Read)
AIGHT LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YA
Internal Affairs Interrogation Room
The interrogation chamber looked like it hadn't been cleaned since the clan's founding - one pathetic sunbeam struggling through the grimy window to spotlight Fang Yuan like a low-budget stage play. Three elders sat in shadow, their wrinkles deeper than the plot holes in their accusations.
Karen Elder (slamming table): "For the fifth time - explain how you're the only survivor when your entire team got clapped by the beast tide!"
Fang Yuan (deadpan):
"Let me elucidate this situation with the precision of a Grandmaster Rank Gu tactician analyzing battlefield metrics. First, from a purely mechanical standpoint, the boar's tusk hitboxes were fundamentally broken - the active frames began a full 0.47 seconds before the animation windup, creating phantom range that would fail any modern quality assurance testing. This is further compounded by the clearly miscalculated hurtbox prioritization on the knife scale web, which shouldn't have shattered under moonblade impact unless the clan's forgers were using substandard materials - have you audited your blacksmiths' supply chain recently?
Second, examining team composition reveals critical flaws: our group lacked proper role distribution. Where was the dedicated tank with damage mitigation Gu? The off-healer for emergency sustain? Jiao San built this squad like a gold-rank player queuing for Mythic+ - all DPS, no utility. The female Gu Master's positioning during the web phase violated fundamental aggro mechanics - she stood directly in the cleave zone like someone who skips tutorial pop-ups.
Third, let's discuss the environmental RNG: lightning wolves spawning during phase transition? That's either deliberate developer malice or the worst procedural generation algorithm I've ever witnessed. The spawn tables were clearly bugged - their aggro radius exceeded standard parameters by at least 40%. And before you blame 'player error,' consider that our so-called leader used his ultimate ability - the Yellow Poison Cloud - at 27% boss health instead of the standard 15% execute threshold. That's not just bad play, that's mathematically illiterate.
Fourth, from a game theory perspective, my actions represented optimal survival strategy given the parameters. When presented with a choice between guaranteed party wipe and 60% survival odds through unconventional tactics, any rational actor would—"
Boomer Elder (generational crashout): "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!1"
Fang Yuan (leaning back): "Funny, because last I checked, dead teammates and broken mechanics feel exactly like ranked play."
Twitch Chat Explodes:
🐍 SNAKE TEAM DIFF LMAOOOO
💀 I AIN'T READING ALLAT BRO
🍿 THIS INTERROGATION GOT MORE BACKSTORY THAN THE CLAN'S LIBRARY
FAKE MORALITY HOUR
The memorial crowd looked like a bad RPG crowd scene - all recycled character models and identical sad faces. Fang Yuan walked past them like they were background decorations.
Mo Bei (blocking his path): "Jin Zhu was our friend! Have you no shame?"
Fang Yuan (not breaking stride): "Dead is dead. Your performative grief won't change it."
Chi Cheng (loud whisper): "Heard he used a female teammate as a human shield... disgusting."
Random NPC #37: "No honor! No dignity!"
Fang Yuan (over shoulder): "Says the guy who hides behind clan rules. At least my survival strategy worked."
Fang Zheng (voice cracking): "Big brother... how can you be like this?"
Fang Yuan (finally stopping): "By not being weak. You should try it sometime."
Meanwhile, in Uncle's manor...
The estate shook as Uncle Dong Tu went full Karen mode, his face redder than a Rank 2 Gu Master's belt.
Dong Tu (yeeting a priceless vase): "RANK TWO?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! HIS TALENT IS LITERALLY WISH.COM QUALITY!"
Corrupt Elder (counting bribe money): "Relax fam. Gave him the 'Killer Bee Vietnam Flashback' mission. No tank Gu = instant wipe."
Dong Tu (pacing like a caged tiger): "But what if he somehow survives? That little demon's luck is unnatural!"
Corrupt Elder (smirking): "Then we'll say he cheated. Clan rules are... flexible for the right price."
Dong Tu (evil grin fading): "...why do I suddenly hear boss music?"
...
Fang Yuan's living space looked like a college dorm after finals week - empty food containers, scattered notes, and the distinct aura of someone who hadn't slept in days.
Inventory Status:
Moonrizz Gu (Lv.1) - "Basic DPS, needs upgrade"
Jade Skin Gu (Lv.1) - "About as useful as paper armor"
White Boar Gu (Lv.1) - "Chonky but needs fusion"
Primeval Stones: "LOL barely enough for one gacha pull"
Fusion Options:
✔️ Moonrizz + 2x Little Light = Moonglow Gu (Glass Cannon Build)
✔️ White Boar + Jade Skin =White Jade Gu (Tank Meta)
What Fang Yuan is probably thinking rn:
"Defense meta >> offense meta for honey runs... but if this fusion fails I'm turbo-screwed. Worst case scenario? Guess I'll just have to kill my way through those bees old-school."
[SCENE: FANG ZHENG'S FAILURE MONTAGE - TRAINING ROOM]
The clan leader's private dojo looked like a bad infomercial set - suspiciously perfect lighting, dramatic music cues, and Fang Zheng sweating like he's in a sauna.
Gu Yue Bo (wise mentor voice): "Fusing Gu is like matchmaking - you must make their energies vibe together."
Fang Zheng (panicking): [Fusion attempt #3 - critical fail]
💥 "MY MOONRIZZ GU CRACKED LIKE MY SELF-ESTEEM!"
System Alert:
⚠️ FUSION FAILURE - GU DURABILITY -20%
⚠️ NEXT FAILURE MAY RESULT IN GU DEATH
Gu Yue Bo (facepalming): "You're thinking too hard. It's like dancing - you don't force it, you feel it."
Fang Zheng (near tears): "I'M TRYING TO FEEL IT BUT IT JUST KEEPS EXPLODING!"
Twitch Chat:
🤣 "FANG ZHENGLUL"
💎 "PAY TO WIN WHEN?"
🍵 "CLAN LEADER SHOULD JUST DO IT FOR HIM"
PEAK APERTURE
BRO. The primeval sea was BOUNCING like a TikTok thirst trap—waves CRASHING like a Gen Alpha discovering caffeine, light-red like demon Gatorade mixed with Skittles blood. Ts (this) ain't no green copper sea (ew, NPC energy), nah, this was thatred steel sigma grindset aesthetic. 💀
The aperture? Flexing that Rank two initial stage coating like it just got a fresh low taper fade. And floating above it? The Spring Autumn RIZZ, looking less like a crusty twig and more like a Gu worm that just discovered luxury skincare.
"GYATT DAMN, IT'S GLOWING UP FASTER THAN A VIRAL TIKTOKER!" Fang Yuan's mind SCREAMED in all caps.
A year ago, this cicada was crunchier than a stale Cheeto—wings yellowed like a forgotten McDonald's fry. Now? Glossy. Leaf veins SNATCHED. Tips SHARPENED. It was giving "I survived my villain arc AND got a sponsorship" energy.
"Ohhhhh, so it needs ✨seasons✨ to heal? Mew, that's kinda poetic—WAIT NO, FOCUS." Fang Yuan mentally facepalmed. "Brainrot's infecting me like a Discord meme."
GU WORM SQUAD
Liquor Worm – CHONKY, curled up like a Discord mod after a 3 AM Cheeto binge, floating in the primeval sea like it owns the place.
White Boar Gu & Jade Skin Gu – Spinning around each other like they're in a K-pop dance battle for dominance.
Moonrizz Gu & Little Light Gu – Chilling in Fang Yuan's palm like "we're the main characters, btw, no diff."
And on the bed? Three money bags (two THICC, one EMOTIONALLY DEPLETED) and a snow-white tusk from the Wild Boar King—looking like an elephant tusk but edgier, like it listens to Phonk while lifting.
Fang Yuan's expression? Sigma male grindset with a side of sleep deprivation.
"Bruh, my primeval stones are on LIFE SUPPORT." He sighed. "If this fusion flops, I'm gonna be broker than a Twitch streamer with 2 viewers."
FUSION ARC (HIGH-STAKES GACHA PULL)
White Boar Gu and Jade Skin Gu floated up like: "We're about to serve cunt."
Fang Yuan took a deep breath. "RIZZ THEM TOGETHER, KING. NO FUMBLING."
BOOM.
A dazzling light ball formed—brighter than a TikTok flashbang challenge. Fang Yuan started YEETING primeval stones into it like he was feeding a Tamagotchi on crack.
"Eat. EAT. EAT, YOU GLUTTONOUS LITTLE—"
The ball grew THICCER than a Discord kitten poster.
Then—PLOT TWIST—Fang Yuan CHUCKED THE WILD BOAR KING'S TUSK into the mix.
"WAIT WHAT?!" (Hypothetical observers, probably.) "THAT'S NOT IN THE META!"
The light softened, pulsing like a lo-fi beat for sigma males. Then—SHEESH—out popped the White Jade Gu, looking moisturized, unbothered, thriving.
Fang Yuan exhaled. "Thank the sigma grindset gods."
WHY THIS WASN'T JUST LUCK
Multitasking Diff – Imagine drawing a circle with one hand while writing your villain monologue with the other AND ratio'ing haters in the chat. Fang Yuan's brain was built different.
Gu Worm Rizz – The longer you simp for a Gu, the higher your fusion success rate. Fang Yuan? Ultra-simp. "I know your hitbox mechanics, your cooldowns, your favorite snack—"
Secret Recipe (NO CAP) – Adding the Wild Boar King's tusk was like putting hot Cheetos in ramen—game-changing, meta-breaking, ILLEGAL IN SOME COUNTRIES.
But even with 500 years of rizz, failure was possible. Why?
"BECAUSE I'M HUMAN, NOT GOD." Fang Yuan mentally screamed. "AND GODS ARE CRINGE ANYWAY."
FINAL VIBES (IT'S GIVING POST-GRINDSET CLARITY)
Fang Yuan sat back, White Jade Gu floating smugly in front of him.
"Mission passed. Respect +100. Sigma aura +200%."
Meanwhile, his wallet: "I'm in danger."
But did he care? Nah.
Sigma Rule #69420: Broke is temporary. Power is forever.