Megan's POV
Red's ears perk up when Blue says,
Red frowns not understanding so I tell her he just means that it could be a rare happening. Red disappears again but not altogether, just from me. I can still feel her presence.
Blue whines pitifully at her closed-off state.
Why is Blue coming at me? He seems to think I am the world's biggest liar when it comes to our alpha, and now with Red?
How did he know this? Red confided in him without me knowing? Of course, she did.
Upset but also knowing it is selfish of me to not want her to do her own thing, I let Blue's words sink in. He's right, I knew this but actually hearing it is frightful. Sulking about Red but not able to resist, Scarlette's- Jax's mother's, homemade cake, I finish it, licking my lips, not wanting to think of the pain I would have to endure for Red's survival.
Jax takes my hand in his. "I'm sorry Juliet, she will not make it, if you do not shift."
***
Intense scrutinising is what my flat stomach is under, as I examine my reflection in the old mirror, sticking it out to seem bigger, rubbing a flat palm in a circular motion, over it. Next, I surveyed my neck, butt and back because I read those areas tend to take on pounds and are usually the first places to give away one's pregnancy.
Widening my eyes, I check to see if my skin is glowing. Is it? Or was that that my skin gleaming from perspiration?
I still hadn't decided if I loved it or not. Though I knew I wanted to not get rid of it, but was I happy with it? I see the frown I wear in my reflection. No, I did not love it but I know I would make the right decision by it.
Twisting my head, I turn to view it from another angle- left. Same difference. Then I face the mirror, zooming in on the single dark mole on the side of my tiny navel. I mean, I want to birth the thing- my mind gives me flashes of videos I had seen of multiple women screaming their lives out during childbirth and my heart sped up. It more than scared me. Maybe I will have one of those shots- epidural or whatever.
Red doesn't know what it means and gives a confused sound. I quickly explain that it relieves pain from labour, and she turns away her snout, paw on top of it.
Should I- not, have it? I am too young to be a mother. What do I know about it? I should be the last person on earth to conceive- what on earth were the Goddesses thinking? I tell you; they do not like me- everything in life is wrong.
That's not a one-person decision, right? To- to- abort I mean?
My wolf gives me a side-eye glance and runs away. Sigh, I do not blame her. She was not involved with the alpha when I –we- did- the thing. It was my choice only. Plus, she is a baby still, so what does she know about anything- or even anything human-related?
It is the alpha's baby, and I am still uncertain if he would want it. Not with an omega as its mother, at least.
Beth's beautiful face comes to vision in my mind. Now her; definitely a yes from him there. A delta is an elite and an acceptable birth mother even though she isn't luna. Yet anyway.
I need someone to talk to. To advise me on this matter. Maybe confiding in someone would ease my burdened mind and unfortunately, I have no female friends whom I think would understand me. I can't go to the zetas, who are the older ones of the pack that would offer wise words of wisdom and such. Even though zeta is for this very reason, they would seek the alpha immediately as their loyalty lies with him, as pack leader. As it should be. They won't go to him because the baby is his, but rather because they would be under the impression that I am a troublemaker and making up stories. They would take me to him- by any means necessary for punishment.
Only Jax is my trusted friend. But Blue is worrisome to me. I fear he will run off and tell the alpha all I had confided in Jax about him. Last night I even dreamt after Blue did that, the alpha sent his claws through my neck. The werewolf version of him. Pretty scary right? I woke up drenched in sweat and unable to go back to sleep.
Still, I have not been back out to work yet at the main packhouse and it seemed nobody missed me. Even my housemates did not bring any news to me nor ask why I wasn't going to work to fulfil my share of duties.
And our alpha never dropped by again.
Jax inquired why I never spoke in the pack, if it was me or if Red was that weak. He meant through the mind link. And I told him the truth. It was because I was too weak, and I had never spoken to any other wolf besides Blue. He knows this because he cautioned me about losing my wolf- which I already knew of course, but I could tell, Jax is a guy who likes to be told.
He's not one to make assumptions.
He was stunned, however, letting me know that omegas usually are part of the mind-link. As long as a wolf existed- which I had. And I just shrugged my shoulders. And it fuelled his drive more to get me to shift. But I am worried.
Tonight, he wanted to take me to the other side of the pack lands, far from the river near us and to the mountainous side where I could attempt to transition. It's a full moon night, making it even easier than any other time to turn as the moon does a quarter of the work, he'd said.
Of course, I had tried to get out of it when I remembered the pain, making the excuse that the pack members would be rampant tonight, but he countered that with, yes, but that's the best part. They would be on this side of the fence and already howling into the moon so my cries would not alert them as his plan would take us to the opposite end of the pack lands.
"Your cries of pain would be too far off and even if they were heard Juliet, you are not one with the pack. Naturally, they would assume it's a lone wolf or a random wolf from another pack out, enjoying the Moon's bliss."
He'd also said, rogues aren't a threat right now. And a single one is nothing.
My cries of pain. Would not be so exposed because the pack would be too busy turning themselves. Howling up at the Moon Goddess and thanking her or whatever. My cries of pain.
My pain. The converting of my body. The shifting and stretching of my body parts. My organs shifting and moving elsewhere. My baby.
Nevertheless, Red is excited.
We never made it.
By the third attempt he made, and I feigned a migraine, Blue was livid. Screaming at me, calling me selfish and that I didn't care about Red's well-being at all. Neglectful when it did not concern me, and he understood why 'Soren' treated me the way he did. Because 'Soren' could sense I was self-centred.
We'd only just entered the kitchen and Jax's movement halted in the act of opening a cupboard door, to gape at me when he shuts Blue off. Then proceeded to take a box of cookies out, while apologising to me for his wolf's careless words and practically pushing me to sit down at the table.
"Are you okay?" He unclipped the pack inside the box and bit into one then offered the noisy bag to me which I refused. The smell was gross.
His expression is neutral.
This is not good. It's not showing scorn, and a wolf feeds off what his human feels. Which means Blue's harsh words were also Jax's, though heightened and more deranged. And my friend is good at concealing what's in his head, I have come to recognise.
Red is alert and eerie silent. Sitting, waiting for the next spoken words, although disheartened.