I'm sorry, Remus." Sirius said softly. He'd liked Remus's parents; they had been good people.
Remus nodded an acknowledgement. "I was a mess. I'd lost too much of my pack all at once. By the time I came out of the depression, Harry was six years old."
"But you tried to see him." Sirius said firmly.
"Both of you, actually." Remus smiled at Sirius's surprise. "The mind healer said it would be useful to lay my ghosts to rest and I had so many questions, Padfoot, about why you'd done it. It didn't make any sense to me. I was very confused."
Sirius sighed at another lost opportunity for him to have seen someone; to have told his story sooner. "I'm guessing you didn't get permission."
"While I'd been wallowing in grief, there had been a backlash against werewolves including a new restriction that stated that we were not permitted to visit inmates of Azkaban." Remus shrugged. "I decided I had to leave you in the past and I'm sorry about that."
Sirius waved away the apology. "And Harry?"
"I decided to ask Petunia directly and managed to track her down through muggle means. I sent her a muggle letter reminding her that I was a friend of Lily's, and requesting to see Harry as he was of school age and possibly was curious about his parents. I offered to help her explain magic and the wizarding world to him." He harrumphed. "She actually did write back very politely telling me essentially to sod off. Harry was a normal child and he was going to a normal school, and any questions he had about his parents she would answer."
"Normal?" Sirius repeated. "Harry turned my hair pink at three months."
"I know." Remus sipped his tea. "I was concerned and wrote to Albus, leaving out that I had already approached Petunia. I asked for an update on Harry and requested again to see him. Albus…"
"Told you everything was hunky-dory."
"That was the gist." Remus gave a pained smile. "He reminded me he had promised Petunia minimal interaction until Harry went to Hogwarts. He suggested that it was not wise for me to dwell on the past and to focus on the present. He was certain I would be reunited with Harry in good time."
Sirius snorted.
"I know," Remus agreed mildly, "I had started to conclude that Albus had no intention of letting me near Harry. Well, on bad days when I couldn't find work or got heckled for being a werewolf it was me in particular and on good days it was anyone."
"You didn't give up." Sirius stated with a knowing smile.
"I did for a while," Remus conceded, "I had to go abroad for work, but I wrote to Albus in the June before Harry turned eleven. I offered to take him his Hogwarts letter, explain everything and take him shopping in Diagon Alley." He took another sip of his tea. "Again, he refused. Only Hogwarts' staff could inform students. I found out who he did send this year while I was teaching there. You know who Albus got to do it?"
Sirius shook his head. He hoped it hadn't been Snape.
"Hagrid."
"Hagrid." Sirius repeated numbly. He loved Hagrid, he did, but if he was asked to choose someone to send to introduce a child to the wizarding world… Hagrid would not have been on his list of candidates – even Snape would have been better. And Harry would have needed a proper introduction by the sound of it.
"Like I said, hexing Albus has been on my list of things to do this year." Remus put the mug down finally. "I wrote back to Albus once Harry began school suggesting perhaps I could begin a correspondence with Harry. Again, the answer was no: Harry was just adjusting to his life in the wizarding world and his unique history. I tried writing to Harry directly anyway and the owl returned just as it always did. Of course, half our world probably tried writing to him in his first year."
Sirius frowned, concerned. It made sense for Harry to have had an owl refusal ward placed on him but clearly exceptions could be made since Sirius's mail had made it to Harry.
"Then out of the blue, Hagrid wrote to me. He was hoping to put together a photo album of James and Lily for Harry." Remus gestured. "I went through my albums and what I had taken from your place and sent them to him. I asked him to let Harry know I would be more than happy to spend time talking Harry through the pictures. Hagrid sent a thank you but nothing more."
Remus rubbed his forehead. "So, once again, I waited until school started and wrote to Albus requesting politely to allow my owl through to Harry."
"You are nothing if not persistent, Moony." Sirius commented dryly. Others would have given up.
"I had nothing to lose," Remus responded, "and I was hoping Albus had run out of excuses."
"But?"
"Albus hadn't run out of excuses." Remus said dryly. "It was another 'please be patient' reply. I probably would have pushed it but I lost my job a week or so later and had to go back to France for work."
Sirius wondered if that had been Dumbledore's doing but he shook the thought away. Surely, even the old man wouldn't have gone to those lengths to deny Remus a place in Harry's life.
Remus smiled and it was not a happy smile but rather a predatory one. "And then you escaped from Azkaban."
"And suddenly Albus needed you." Sirius concluded. He had suspected from his sneaky observations of Harry over the previous months as Padfoot that Remus hadn't been part of Harry's life prior to the school year but he had hoped… "Well, that explains a lot."
"Oh, it doesn't stop there," Remus said, "as soon as he made his offer of employment, Albus said I must promise to let Harry come to me first and not to say anything about his parents until he asked; that it could be upsetting for Harry for me to bring up the topic."
Sirius lurched to his feet, too upset to sit still. "You didn't promise did you?"
Remus held up a hand, "I promised with no real intention of keeping it. Once a Marauder…" he let his voice trail away but Sirius got the message; Remus had intended to find some way of circumventing Albus's wishes. "But then I met Harry and I…I couldn't bring myself to tell him."
"What?" Sirius snapped.