"Remember," said Remus, once he'd gotten Sirius to calm down enough to continue, "I got most of this from the twins and some follow-up conversations with my fellow professors."
"You'd better just tell me." Sirius said. "It can't be much worse than what I'm imagining."
Remus smirked. "In Harry's first year Albus hired Voldemort to teach Defence of the Dark Arts."
Sirius's mouth dropped open. He snapped it shut. "He did what?"
"To be fair to Albus he hired a man called Quirrell; Voldemort just happened to be possessing him."
"And Dumbledore didn't know?" Sirius asked, shocked.
Kreacher popped in and delivered a tray with a bottle of Firewhiskey and two tumblers. He disappeared again.
Remus poured Sirius a drink and handed it to him before he poured himself one and retook his seat. "We'll come back to that excellent question later but let me explain properly."
Sirius nodded reluctantly.
"The first story the twins told me was actually about Harry getting on the Quidditch team. Apparently, in their first flying lesson, Malfoy stole something of Neville Longbottom's and took off with it when Hooch was absent. Harry went after Malfoy and when he tossed the item, Harry caught it. Harry has a very low tolerance for bullying."
His old friend gave Sirius a pointed look and Sirius had the grace to blush.
"I wouldn't call what we did bullying; it was pranking." Sirius muttered defensively.
"Pranking the whole school into being green for a day wasn't bullying," Remus agreed, "arguably, hexing Severus constantly just because he and Lily were friends and she wouldn't give James the time of day until our sixth year crossed the line. And I would very much advise that you confess to Harry. He'll respect you more for owning up than insisting that what you did wasn't bullying."
Sirius nodded slowly, although he chafed at both the criticism and the advice. "So, I saw Harry playing Quidditch," he said, changing the subject rather than arguing, "he is brilliant."
Remus's expression softened. "He is, isn't he? And apparently Harry almost falling off his broom is a tradition. In his first game, Quirrell, or rather Voldemort, jinxed his broom trying to kill him."
Harry had almost been killed by Voldemort in his first year? Sirius downed the Firewhiskey and coughed violently when it hit the back of his throat.
"Hermione Granger thought it was Severus and set fire to his robes…"
Sirius almost choked on the laugh that bubbled up. If he hadn't already liked the young witch who had helped Harry save him, that piece of news certainly would have done the trick.
"…and in doing so inadvertently stopped Quirrell – Voldemort." Remus gulped down his Firewhiskey. "The twins then told me it wasn't the only time Harry tangled with him."
Sirius reached over and poured them both another drink. "For the record, this is worse than I was imagining."
"Well, the second tale is worse than the first and it isn't even the last." Remus said, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "Apparently, Hagrid got a dragon egg and it hatched. Harry and his friends got Charlie Weasley who works at a dragon reserve to come and take the dragon in a midnight smuggling expedition. Unfortunately, they got discovered, lost a tremendous number of house points and had to serve detention. Minerva gave the detention to Filch who got convinced by Hagrid to give it to him – no doubt it was Hagrid's way of trying to say sorry for getting them into trouble."
Sirius waited for Remus to continue impatiently.
"He took them into the Forbidden Forest ostensibly to search for an injured unicorn. Harry came across the wraith of Voldemort drinking unicorn blood, and ultimately had to be rescued by a centaur." Remus said.
Sirius carefully downed his second drink. "Well, at least we know he's actually still out there. Voldemort, I mean."
Remus grimaced. "That's not the end of it, Sirius. Harry and his friends worked out that Albus had hidden Flamel's infamous Philosopher's stone in the school and that Voldemort would be after it to get immortality. When they realised Dumbledore was off the grounds at the Ministry, they went to check on Albus's protections, realised they had been breached and went after the potential thief."
"Don't tell me." Sirius slumped back and closed his eyes. He was getting a headache.
"Harry and his friends got past all of the so-called traps and Harry stopped him. The twins didn't know how Harry stopped him because apparently Harry has never talked about it and Hermione had stayed back to look after an injured Ron. What they do know is that at the end of it, Quirrell was gone – dead I suspect given the possession – and Harry…he was in the infirmary for days."
Sirius opened his eyes to see Remus downing his drink. "So, to recap, my godson goes to Hogwarts, supposedly the safest wizarding place in Britain, and survives three encounters with Voldemort in one year?"
"Not to mention, Albus bloody hiring Voldemort and hiding an artefact in the school that was bound to attract him." Remus added tersely.
It was a good point. It led to other good points such as whether Albus Dumbledore had lost the plot entirely…
"You'd better tell me about Harry's second year before I decide to just down the whole bottle." Sirius said, topping them back up.
Remus sighed heavily. "Well, firstly, I believe it relates to one of the items on your blackboard." He pointed his wand at the section entitled Horcrux Hunt and Destroy, and put a strikethrough one item. "Harry has already dealt with the diary."
Almost an hour later, Sirius finished listening to Remus telling the tale of Harry's rescue of Ginny Weasley and shook his head in disbelief. He took one deep breath after another trying to get hold of his whirling emotions. His godson had almost died – again!