Jin was slouched in his seat of the carriage, his head pressed against the window. He could feel the sweat still sticking to his skin from that stupid bath. His life, or at least his "NPC hero journey" or whatever it was, had hit an all-time low.
"Why... why did I even think a bath would be a good idea...?" he groaned, sinking lower into the seat as the carriage rumbled along.
Yuna—his new best friend, even though they've known each other for a grand total of TWO DAYS—wasn't even in the carriage with him. So why did this feel so... awkward? Was it because she wasn't here? Nah, it was probably the fact that he had just survived the Bath of Eternal Friendship and that was still haunting him.
"Just let me sleep through this... please." Jin sighed deeply, staring out at the blurry landscape. "I can't take another thing from this game."
DING!
He froze. No. No. Nooo. A notification. Of course.
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "Champion of Eternal Friendship Bath"]"Congrats! You've endured the Bath of Eternal Friendship, where bonds are forged in the steamiest of circumstances! (+1000 Bonding Points)"
Reward: "Friendship's Embrace" (This will make your relationship with NPCs super awkward for 24 hours. Enjoy the weirdness!)Note: You've earned the title "Bath Enthusiast"!!Gold Reward: +1000 Gold for your suffering (You deserve this... kind of)
Jin stared at the screen, mouth agape. "WHAT?! Gold?! No, NO, I didn't sign up for this!!!"
He could feel his eye twitching. This is absurd. He was supposed to be the hero, but he was being rewarded for... that?
"Well... at least it's gold…" Jin muttered, then sighed, rubbing his forehead. "But at what cost?"
DING!
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "Unwilling Hero"]"Congrats! You've bravely endured yet another 'bonding event' despite being clearly uncomfortable. (+500 Heroic Effort Points)"
Reward: "Cursed Towel" (Equipping this gives you an uncomfortable level of attention in any public bath! Be warned: People might think you're a hot spring expert...).Gold Reward: +500 Gold (Look, you're a hero, kinda. Here's some gold. Enjoy the embarrassment!)
Jin gave a small smile at the gold. "Okay... okay, I can get behind the gold. But seriously, I don't need the towel! What is this? Some kind of joke?"
He almost felt like the game was mocking him... or worse, teasing him. And yet—there it was again.
DING!
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "Master of Escape"]"Congrats! You've escaped from an uncomfortable situation (The Bath of Eternal Friendship) in the most dramatic way possible. (+1000 Points for style points!)"
Reward: "Thunderous Exit" (Gives you a 5-second cool down of loud dramatic music when you exit any room. Everyone will notice your departure. And probably hate you for it).Gold Reward: +800 Gold (For your escape skills. Not bad, right?)
Jin's heart sank. "Wait, so I get rewarded for running away?! Why am I even here?!" But... the gold... okay, the gold's nice.
"Fine... Fine... I'll take the gold," he muttered, watching the total rack up. "It's just... why do I have to go through all this crap to get it?"
Then, the notifications came faster. DING!DING!DING!
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "Surrounded by Butlers"]"Congrats! You've encountered the muscular butlers of ultimate power and survived with minimal brain damage. (+200 Points)"
Reward: "Muscle Gazing Glasses" (Allows you to see muscles in full detail—even the most subtle flex. Good luck.)Gold Reward: +300 Gold (For surviving that freak show of a situation. You've earned it.)
Jin almost laughed, shaking his head. "Seriously, muscle gazing glasses? And more gold? This game is trolling me at this point."
But as much as he grumbled, he couldn't help but feel a little pleased at the gold. "Okay, so maybe the rewards are not the worst thing ever... but come on! Couldn't I get something useful? Like a sword? Or some armor?"
Another DING!
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "Reluctant Sidekick"]"Congrats! You've embraced your fate as the universe's least competent sidekick. (+300 Sidekick Points)"
Reward: "Sidekick's Badge" (Wear this proudly! It does nothing but serve as a reminder that you're not the hero… but you are the person everyone uses for comedic relief.)Gold Reward: +500 Gold (Because someone has to take the fall. Might as well be you, right?)
Jin groaned loudly, flopping back in his seat. "Sidekick's Badge? Seriously? Why does it feel like I'm just the punchline of some joke?"
But then again, more gold was pouring in. His total was climbing, and even if it was for all the wrong reasons, it was still... well, gold.
"I guess if there's one thing I can take away from this... it's the gold. As dumb as it is, I'm... kinda into it," Jin admitted, letting out a long, defeated sigh. "But the cost, man. The cost is too high."
DING!
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "World's Worst Hero"]"Congrats! You've officially earned the title of World's Worst Hero. (+0 Heroic Points, because you've given up completely.)"
Reward: "Heroic Defeat" (No one will ever take you seriously again. Congrats!)Gold Reward: +200 Gold (No one thought you'd make it this far. Here's your pity reward.)
"WHAT?! No—no, no, no... I'm not even trying to be the worst hero! This game is ridiculous!"
And yet, despite all his complaints, Jin could feel a small flicker of satisfaction as his gold total kept going up.
"I hate this. I really do... but hey, at least I'm rich now," he said, staring at the growing number. "Just... please, let me get back to my house without any more random achievements. I'm begging you."
---
Jin fINALLY arrived back at his house. The amazing house that's been his humble abode... for who knows how long. He didn't really care. It was dark outside, as usual, and the streetlights were flickering like they'd given up on life—just like his entire existence in this stupid game.
sigh "Home sweet home... or... should I say home sweet broken-down nightmare," Jin muttered, dragging his tired self toward the front door. His eyes landed on the place—the cracked window, the crooked door, and the sad excuse for a house that was his "NPC's" home.
"Right," Jin said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, as he dug for his keys. "I really earned my place here."
He finally unlocked the door, the familiar creak echoing in the silence. Of course, the lights didn't turn on. "Because why would they, right? What's a little electricity between NPCs?" He muttered under his breath, flicking the switch a couple times for good measure. "Yep. No power. As usual."
Jin sighed and shuffled inside. Same old depressing smell of mildew and stale takeout. It wasn't even surprising anymore. At this point, this house was basically a shrine to his misery.
"Maybe I should just live with the butlers. At least they had muscles." He kicked the door shut, sending a cloud of dust swirling around him. "They probably have running water. Electricity. Heat, even."
sigh He plopped onto the couch, which was about as comfortable as a rock with a blanket over it.
DING!
Oh, joy. Another system message. Jin groaned but reluctantly pulled out his phone.
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "Welcome Home, NPC"]
"Congrats! You've finally made it back to your humble abode. (+100 NPC Points for actually coming back home and NOT abandoning the place.)"
Reward: "NPC Homelessness" (Increases your tolerance for living in run-down conditions by +50%) Gold Reward: +500 Gold (For bravery in returning to the source of your suffering).
Jin blinked. "Wait, what?! 500 gold? For what? Coming back to this mess?" His eyes drifted over to his broken-down furniture. "Whatever. I'll take it." He leaned back, trying to ignore the squeaks of the couch. "Gold... okay. Maybe this isn't the worst. It's basically the equivalent of a good day in the real world. 500 yen for surviving my house. Woo-hoo."
He stared at the screen for a moment, then sighed. "Wait, the exchange rate... One gold is ONE yen here, right? So basically, I have... 500 yen. Great." He shrugged. "Whatever. It's not like I'm gonna spend it on anything useful. Like, what's the point?"
Jin opened the fridge—empty. Shocked? Not really. "Maybe I'll buy some instant ramen... with my 500 yen. Maybe I'll get some lights for my house, too." He stared into the dark fridge like it was going to magically refill itself. "Nah. I'll just sit here and get gold for dumb stuff. It's the NPC way, right?"
DING!
Another freaking notification.
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "Grateful to Be Alive"]
"Congrats! You've survived yet another day of humiliation and absurdity without completely losing your sanity. (+200 Sanity Points)"
Reward: "Cushion of Relief" (Increases comfort level by +10% while lying on uncomfortable furniture. You're welcome.) Gold Reward: +300 Gold (For continuing to endure the madness. It's almost impressive at this point.)
Jin stares at the message. "Wait... 300 more gold? What the hell did I do to deserve this? I'm just trying to exist here!" His hands flopped to his sides. "You know what? Fine. I'll take it. I mean, I'm not gonna get real gold out here, so this is like... my weekly paycheck or something. Who cares?"
He glanced around at his sad excuse for a home and sighed. "Whatever. At least I'm not broke. Wait, maybe I should be worried. 800 yen now? What do I do with it?"
Jin laid back, trying to ignore the weirdness of the game. "Gold for suffering, huh? Honestly, it's a deal. But... yeah, what a cost."
And just as he was about to close his eyes, his phone buzzed AGAIN. "Really?"
DING!
[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked! "Gold Digger Extraordinaire"]
"You've unlocked the rare achievement for gathering gold through ridiculous means. (+150 Gold)
Bonus Reward: "NPC Gold-Digger" Title. (Let's face it, you're just here for the loot now, aren't you?)
Jin threw his hands up in the air. "GOLD DIGGER EXTRAORDINAIRE?! I didn't even do anything! Am I seriously just getting rewarded for complaining? Is this what this game's about? Because if it is, I'm in the wrong line of work."
He groaned. "Screw it. At least I can buy a meal tomorrow. And maybe some lightbulbs."
With his total gold now up to a healthy around a 3,000 Gold, Jin couldn't help but think, Yeah, I guess the system thinks I'm a total joke, but at least I can buy some ramen and a new couch with this…
Jin slumped further into the couch. "I'll figure it out tomorrow... Right now, I need a nap. Or a comatose vacation from all this."