Ep 17: (intermittent piece): why tears bleed red
Li Haoli quickly descended the mountain and made his way back to camp in less than a day, using his qinggong to hop from place to place.
He made it by the next morning, and after finishing his morning tasks, made his way over to Hei Jingyi's lab. He sat in the back, fingering the legendary item he'd finally got in his hands. He could feel the incredible strength from within it, its very touch, chilling him to the bone. With this, the peak of power was easily within his reach, but rather than thinking of ways to reach there faster and in as nondescript a way as possible, his mind was on other things.
Hei Jingyi finally finished his newest pill packaging and was currently going through some documents, before he finally looked up. "Okay, what's going on with you, brother Li?"
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't spoken or tried to kill me in over twenty minutes, it's quite worrying, yet you ask me what do I mean? What's actually going on? Were you rejected by a crush, did your favorite pet spider just die?"
"I guess you could say that.." mumbled Li Haoli, still staring at the emblem in his hand distractedly
Hei Jingyi, unimpressed, just rolled his eyes at him, before Li Haoli suddenly opened his mouth again. "Brother Hei, what do you think about your work?"
Hei Jinyi was confused. "Hmm? What do you mean? Isn't work just work, I mean it's pretty fun to try out new pills, especially ones that others found impossible to create."
"I mean, do you ever wish that you didn't have to kill others daily for your creations?"
"But isn't it just natural?" Afterall, no one would be his friend even in the demonic sect, excepting Li Haoli, who was insane, since he literally cooked up children daily for simple pills to help cultivators.
"Do you ever wish you weren't a murderer?"
Hei Jingyi was very confused by now. "What has gotten into you, Brother Li, if you've killed someone, you've killed someone, it's not like anything you do is going to change that fact. You murder once, you're a murderer forever, there's no big deal adding on a few more and no way to change the original fact."
'You can change.' Suddenly Li Haoli felt Hui's words reverberate through his skull, directly contradicting his own thoughts.
He shook his head, even if it was possible, it wasn't like he had the ability to do so, not with his meager strength.
'You are able to change'
Once more the words thundered in his head, and he was reminded of a quiet girl, and remembered who he was. A first-rate warrior, well respected all around. He'd made it from the bottom to the top, with his own strength, if he couldn't even change his behavior and actions, who was he?
Only, why should he change? Did he ever have the desire to do so?
'You want to change'
Right, in his heart he knew it, he hated who he was. Every day that passed, he never felt satisfied with who he'd become. Despite his accomplishments, they all felt worthless, because of what he'd paid to get there.
Only, even if he wanted to change, it didn't necessarily mean he would decide to change, he wasn't ready, he'd never been ready for that sacrifice.
'You are willing to change'
The words echoed in his mind. Forcing unbidden thoughts. His mind was in disarray, as he realized, he really was willing to change, was willing to give everything up, just for a chance to start over, only, who in this world cared if he did? What did it matter, if only he was the one who wanted to change, if only he was the one who wanted to see something different in himself?
"I want you to change." Suddenly, rather than the words written in ashes, he seemed to be able to hear her voice, he could feel her soft hands, her gentle lips, that were willing to kiss his ugly, marred face.
Tears came unbidden, his hands covered his face, grinding his hot eyes into the coldness of the medallion. Hei Jingyi, who he'd been speaking normally to earlier just stared at him in confusion, confused at why Li Haoli was crying. "Okay, what did I say that made you cry, just tell me. I don't remember saying anything that was tear worthy. Was it really the spider?" He commented dryly, unmoved by Li Haoli's tears.
Li Haoli ignored him, as the ice around his heart slowly shattered, and then guilt overwhelmed him, and he cried even harder, every moment spent with Hui grinding through his brain, every pain he'd inflicted on her burning into his own body. Every gentle gaze she'd shown him flickering through his eyes. And then came his past actions, every time his blade had pierced through the innocent, and everytime they had pierced through the guilty. Every time a man begged for mercy, and he responded with cruelty. Every life he took, every pain he'd imparted, every torture he'd inflicted, every possession he'd stolen, all, just to hide his own broken heart, just to make it seem like he was right. His cruelty had no rhyme or reason, endlessly searching for meaning, for feeling again.
Suddenly, he'd taken on the guilt of all of it. All of the consciousness that he'd locked away, behind bars and bars of lies, finally burst forth, and he saw who he really was. Blood began to flow amidst the tears from the eye under the eyepatch as well. Blood flowed out both eyes, as the pain hit him from every side, the guilt of what he'd done completely eating him up, as he finally let his heavily barred conscience loose. He suddenly realized why Hui looked at him with so much pity, and yet, had no fear for a man that could kill her with a thought. Because he was that pathetic. He was that useless, and he was that dumb. Tears of blood mixed with tears of water, dribbling over the item in his hand.
Hei Jingyi was even more dumbfounded, as he saw Li Haoli, not only cry for the first time, but also cry tears of blood, completely falling into a wretched state, even beginning to wail incessantly into his palms. Also, did Li Haoli have two eyes? Why was it that he never showed the other one then? But there are clearly two eyes bleeding there! He quickly made distance between them, choosing to look away and try to distract himself with work, which caused him to fail to notice the bright light that suddenly flashed from the black medallion in Li Haoli's hands. Li Haoli was also too absorbed in his own self hatred, he didn't notice the changes, until suddenly he felt his surroundings change, and the ground gave way, he finally opened his eyes to only see darkness around him, but it wasn't complete darkness, it was darkness that glowed slightly, except for right in front of him where a deep black, perfectly spherical ball floated.
'Crying to death for the one who saved you, and you threw away. Unable to look for glory, because of the sorrow it took to attain. The conditions have been met, the seal has been unlocked. The Great Black pearl has now been revealed.' An ancient voice, old and withered, holding a thousand sounds in one sound echoed through Li Haoli's mind. And he could feel it The vastness and deepness of the sphere before him. Power he could never imagine enveloped his entire being, and a whole new world of possibilities opened. His Path was set straight before him, and a martial art, he'd never heard of before, entered his mind. He would no longer walk the path of the small, but would walk with the ancients. However, now that he had it before him, now that it was within reach, he'd already realized his mistake, he no longer wanted it. He sneered, turning around and walking away from it.
"I don't want what I got with the blood of the only worthwhile person on this worthless earth."
He felt a smile from the world around him, and suddenly the ground opened up beneath him, and he could feel himself returning to his body.
The same voice echoed out in his head. 'Fine, you passed the second test, your soul will be allowed to return to your body.'
???? Li Haoli was shocked. He couldn't believe what he had been in hadn't been a chance to gain enlightenment but instead a prison for his soul.
He woke up, his eyes stuck fast to the clam, now opened in his palm, a black pearl laying inside of it. Fine. If you're going to do it that way, why waste a perfectly good person's death?