Suddenly, the sky rained glitter. The ground? A pastel hellscape of rainbow vomit and plushie entrails. Queen Fluffikins rode atop a giant teddy bear with chainsaw paws, her crown woven from the wedding rings of 1,000 dead husbands.
"Darling!" she trilled, tossing a heart-shaped grenade stuffed with confetti. "Welcome to my happily never after!"
[System Alert]
New Quest: Survive the Plushie Apocalypse!
Reward: [Unhinged Sanity – Tier 1] (Because you'll need it!)
Failure: Eternal Snuggles (It's worse than it sounds).
Alex ducked as the grenade exploded, showering them in sentient glitter that hissed, "Why won't you let them KISS?!"
"Because I decide the tropes," Alex growled, their cybernetic arm glitching into a flamethrower. "Not some algorithm!"
Kairo's scar pulsed, now a neon GPS to the Storyweaver's core. "Weak spot's the third husband. The one crying in the corner."
***
The plushie horde parted. There he was—Husband #3, a threadbare rabbit with one eye missing and a nametag: "Timothy – Died of Plot Convenience."
Queen Fluffikins crooned:
"Timmy was my *favorite*! A hero, a poet, a… tax accountant. Then the Storyweaver voted him off. Sic 'em, darling!"
Timothy lunged, squeaking a war cry: "My only sin was being boring!"
[Combat Log]
Alex used [Fourth Wall Break]!
It's super effective!
Timothy's Trauma Level: 99% → Explodes into narrative confetti.
Queen Fluffikins wailed, her crown cracking. "You monster! He had two flashbacks left!"
***
The sky flickered with reader comments presented by the Storyweaver:
💬 ApplePie_188: OMG KAIRO'S SCAR IS HOT MAKE THEM KISS!!!
💬 NotTheEdgelord: BORING. KILL THE LASAGNA.
💬 MaternalFigure_11: Alex sweetie, when will you settle down?
[System Alert]
Poll Activated by Storyweaver!
What should Alex do next?
A) Kiss Kairo
B) Adopt Timothy
C) Burn it all
Alex's UI flickered. "Are these even real comments?"
Kairo snorted. "Option A's winning. Let's traumatize the audience."
They kissed.
It wasn't romantic. Kairo tasted like burnt code. The world vomited rainbows.
***
[Achievement Unlocked: [Fan Service]]
Reward: [Heart-Eater Debuff] – All attacks now deal emotional damage.
***
Queen Fluffikins clapped. "Adorable! Now meet Husband #666."
A plush Cthulhu in a tuxedo emerged, holding a wedding registry and a flamethrower.
***
The walls between fiction and reality crumbled.
Storyweaver's Voice:
"YOU THINK YOU'RE CLEVER? YOU'RE JUST A PARAGRAPH IN MY DRAFT."
Kairo's scar screamed. The GPS flared:
[Destination Reached: Storyweaver's Core – 1.2k Chapters Ahead.]
Alex grabbed Kairo, their skin pixelating. "We're jumping."
"To where?!"
"Where else?" They grinned, eyes bleeding ink.
"The next plot hole."