Romeo returned home with a smug smile plastered across his face, strutting in like he'd just won a Nobel Prize in romance.
Noa : (raising an eyebrow) How'd the date go, dude?
Romeo : (grinning ear to ear) She was playing hard to get. I think she got scared of my charm and left before she fell too deeply for me.
Noa : (trying not to laugh, covering his mouth) Yeah, sure, Romeo. That must be it.
Jack : (walking in, clapping his hands) Hey, brothers, let's get dinner outside tonight. I've booked a dating coach for our Romeo.
Romeo : (crossing his arms, offended) I don't need a dating coach, dude. I'm already a natural.
Jack : (rolling his eyes) Come on, learning a thing or two won't hurt, right?
Romeo reluctantly agreed, muttering under his breath about how the world wasn't ready for his greatness.
Noa : (leaning toward Jack, whispering) A dating coach? Do those even exist? Where'd you find this guy?
Jack : (smirking) Social media. He talks about dating and stuff, so I booked him. Maybe he can help our guy out a bit.
Noa : (eyes widening) And what did you give him in exchange?
Jack : (shrugging casually) Our allowance.
Noa : (face turning red, fists clenching) What?! You spent our allowance on a dating coach?!
Jack : (patting Noa's shoulder) Don't you wanna help our friend? Now let's go meet him. I booked seats at a restaurant.
They arrived at the restaurant, where the dating coach was sitting at a table, furiously typing on his laptop like he was writing the next great American novel.
Jack : (pointing) Hey, guys, he's over there!
They approached the table, and the coach looked up with a practiced smile.
Coach : (standing up, shaking hands) Hey, Jack! There you are. So, which one of your friends needs help?
Jack : (pointing at Romeo) The lanky one.
Coach : (nodding solemnly) Nice to meet you. I'm Fraudrick von Swipe.
Romeo : (puffing out his chest) I'm Romeo, the one who steals girls' hearts.
Noa : (snickering, covering his mouth) Oh, this is gonna be good.
Fraudrick : (leaning forward, steepling his fingers) So, what's your issue, Mr. Romeo?
Romeo : (leaning back, looking smug) I want to act normal. I'm all good, but girls get scared by my charm. They can't handle me, so they leave.
Fraudrick : (nodding slowly) Ah, I see. You're a little... special.
Romeo : (grinning) Exactly. Now, tell me how to act like a normal human being, not some divine being.
Fraudrick : (clearing his throat) Well, first, tell me about your last date.
Romeo proceeded to explain how he "conquered her heart" in record time but she left because she couldn't handle his overwhelming presence. Jack and Noa were now holding their laughter for dear life, their faces turning red.
Fraudrick : (nodding thoughtfully) I see. Why didn't you take her to a nice place to eat?
Romeo : (shrugging) I was short on money.
Fraudrick : (raising an eyebrow) Explain, please.
Romeo : (leaning in, whispering) I spent most of my money on premium packs for dating apps. I bought yearly plans so I could get more dates.
Fraudrick : (facepalming) Careless, I see. You should be more careful in the future. That's why you should buy my books on money management. I definitely wrote them myself. They're called.
- "Get Rich Tomorrow (But Pay Me Today)"
- "Millionaire Mindset: Just $49.99 Away"
- "If You're Reading This, I'm Already Rich."
Noa : (bursting out laughing) Wait, aren't you a dating coach? When did you become a financial guru?
Fraudrick : (glaring) Like, forever. Now stop interrupting, you small toddler. I'm talking to my student.
(Fraudrick starts talking about how to impress girls on date)
Romeo : (leaning in closer, eyes wide) You're telling me these tricks actually work?
Fraudrick : (smirking) Trust me, they'll fall for it. I have, like, 50 years of dating experience.
Noa : (snorting) Bro, you're our age.
Fraudrick : (pointing at Noa) Stop talking, you baby chicken. I am talking with my client, not you.
Romeo and Fraudrick talked for a bit longer until Romeo suddenly remembered he forgot to close the fridge door and had to leave in a dramatic hurry.
Noa : (leaning toward Jack) Are you really a dating coach?
Fraudrick : (smirking) You'll have to find out.
Jack : (crossing his arms) Now tell me, how does it feel to scam people?
Fraudrick : (laughing) Haha, caught me, I see.
Jack : (grinning) You really use some dark tactics, huh?
Fraudrick : (standing up, adjusting his blazer) Game is game, dude. (He leaves dramatically, flipping his imaginary cape.)
Noa : (turning to Jack) What were you guys even talking about?
Jack : (rolling his eyes) Is your IQ in the double digits?
Noa : (offended) What? No! At least I passed my exams.
Jack : (sighing) Okay, so that guy talks confidently and posts big on social media to trick people, make them insecure, and then sells them a solution. It's like creating a problem and solving it by selling a book.
Noa : (nodding slowly) So he's helping people...
Jack: (facepalming) No, my guy. He just reads dating strategies online and writes them as his own. If it works, great. If not, it's not his fault.
Noa : (grinning) Ask him in DMs how many girlfriends he's had. Did he even try these tricks himself?
Jack DMed Fraudrick.
Jack : (looking at his phone) Oh, he replied!
Noa: (snatching the phone and looking at the message ) What a joker!
Jack : (trying to grab his phone back) What'd he say?
Noa : He wrote, "I've had more than 0 relationships and less than 1 relationship."
Both burst out laughing.
Noa : His name really explains him. Wait, didn't he scam us too?
Jack :What? Huh? (Blinking in disbelief)
Noa : (smirking) You paid him to give Romeo useless advice.
Jack : (screaming in anger) Are you kidding me?!
Noa : (laughing harder) Haha, take that L, brother.
Jack: (pointing at Noa) It was your money too!
Noa : (instantly depressed, slumping in his seat) *Oh no...*
Suddenly, Fraudrick popped up from behind them like a magician.
Fraudrick : (handing Jack a book) Here, my book for you: "A $20 Guide to Control Your Anger."
He then turned to Noa. And for you, this one: "How to Not Be Depressed for Only $18.99."
Meanwhile, Romeo was back home, lying in bed, texting his potential next date with the confidence of a man who'd just discovered fire.