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Chapter 9 - Why me? So it's punishment.

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Raven (gazes at Blade with curiosity, then asks calmly): "And what about your personal life? Before all of this… before the chaos, the killing, and ending up in this world?"

Blade (chuckles slightly but quickly falls silent, furrowing his brows as he slowly stands up, as if the question struck a nerve deep inside him): "Oh, a philosophical inquiry from our mysterious sorceress? Intriguing…"

Raven (crosses her arms, watching him): "You're avoiding the question."

Blade (walks over to the window, shoving his hands into his pockets, staring at the ocean before him in silence for a few moments, as if gathering his thoughts): "A personal life, huh? Well… a personal life is a nice thing… for those who have one."

Beast Boy (tilting his head in confusion): "What do you mean?"

Blade (smirks faintly, but there's a tinge of sadness in it): "Nothing important. Just old memories… long stories… and a whole lot of blood."

Robin (eyes him sharply): "Why don't you just answer directly?"

Blade (turns to them, snapping back to his usual sarcastic tone, claps his hands together): "Because I feel like exploring the city! Yes, I think I need a little tour… fresh air, potential chaos, maybe a few random alleyway brawls? What a wonderful city, don't you think?"

Raven (narrows her eyes): "That's a blatant dodge."

Blade (places a hand on his chest, faking shock): "Me? Dodging? Impossible! I'm just a curious man who wants to see every beautiful detail of this new world! And now, if you'll excuse me, I shall go explore before I completely lose my mind from all these emotional questions!"

Cyborg (laughs): "Man, you are the weirdest guy we've ever met."

Blade (winks at him, then jumps out of the window): "That's the nicest thing you've said to me today!"

Beast Boy (rushing to the window): "Wait, did he just jump?! Does he even have a plan?!"

Raven (sighs, walking away): "Most likely not…"

Blade (plummeting at full speed, only realizing way too late that he didn't actually think of a proper landing strategy): "Ooooh shiiii—! Wait! Blade, remember, think first THEN jump! BUT NOOOOO—!"

(A loud crunching sound of bones breaking, followed by complete silence. And then… an ear-piercing scream fills the air.)

Blade (lying in a twisted, mangled heap on the pavement, one of his knees bent in a direction that defies all logic, screaming in agony): "AAAAAAAHHH!! FFFFUUU—FUUUUUUCK!! GODDAMN YOU, YOU MONKEY-DICK SIZED SCREENWRITERS!! WAS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?!!"

(The Titans stand at the window, watching from above, struggling to hold back their laughter… but utterly failing.)

Beast Boy (collapses against the wall, clutching his stomach): "This… this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life!"

Starfire (trying to keep it together, but laughing while covering her mouth): "Friend Blade, are you… alright?!"

Cyborg (recording the scene on his phone): "I'm keeping this forever—this is my new ringtone!"

Robin (crossing his arms, smirking sarcastically): "So… you didn't think about the landing, did you?"

Raven (trying to hide her smile but failing): "You know, you could've used the door…"

Blade (crawling on the ground as his bones slowly regenerate, still screaming in pain): "AAAH! NOOO! How do you people just stand there and laugh at my suffering, you monsters?! Has no one ever told you to comfort your new friend?! Is this how you treat strangers?!"

Beast Boy (wiping tears of laughter from his eyes): "Oh, trust me, we are comforting you… in our own special way!"

Blade (sitting up, clutching his still-regenerating leg, dramatically raising a hand to the sky): "Oh, God! WHY ME?! WHY ALWAYS ME?! What did I do to deserve this?!"

Cyborg (patting Robin on the shoulder): "Man, I love this guy. Can we keep him?"

Robin (shaking his head, smiling despite himself): "We'll see how long he can handle us…"

Blade (finally sprawls out on the ground, fully surrendering to his fate): "Alright, I'm just gonna lie here for a bit… rethink some life choices… don't mind me, just give me five minutes…"

(They all burst into laughter as Blade remains on the pavement, cursing his luck, the writers, gravity, and quite literally everything else.)

Blade (lying on the ground, staring straight at the sky—but in reality, looking right at the writer, his tone dangerously pissed): "Oh, no. NO, NO, NO! I am not letting this slide! YOU! Yes, YOU, you sadistic, fish-faced excuse for a writer! Did you have a rough childhood?! Did someone steal your sandwich as a kid?! Or do you just enjoy torturing the characters you create, you twisted lunatic?!"

Blade (raising a finger toward the sky—but we all know he means the writer): "Why do you keep messing with my body whenever you damn well please?! Why does your magic pen always decide that I must suffer?! What's next?! You gonna rip off my arm?! Make me talk in a different voice every minute?!"

Blade (suddenly looking directly at the reader, smirking mischievously, lowering his voice as if revealing a dark secret): "You know… this writer has a real problem… I swear, they enjoy my suffering… Is this part of some divine plan? Or am I just their personal puppet?"

Blade (screaming back up at the sky): "AND YOU! YES, YOU, THE READER! WHY ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS?! DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY?! DOES IT MAKE YOU LAUGH?! I BET YOU'RE SITTING THERE, EATING A SNACK, LAUGHING YOUR ASS OFF WHILE READING THIS! WELL, REMEMBER THIS… I'LL FIND YOU SOMEDAY… AND I'LL MAKE YOU FALL OUT OF A WINDOW JUST LIKE I DID!"

Blade (finally sitting up, placing a hand over his chest, taking deep breaths): "Alright… that was a good emotional cleanse… Now, I need a sandwich… and probably some intense therapy…"

(The Titans are still watching him from the window, laughing quietly, unsure if they're dealing with a genius or a complete lunatic.)

Blade (finally stretching out his legs after they've fully regenerated, grinning): "Ooooh, FINALLY! My beautiful legs are back to life! Ah, how I've missed you, my dear friends! No more pain, no more—"

BOOOOOOM!!

(Blade gets absolutely wrecked under the wheels of a massive speeding truck.)

Blade (screaming in agony): "AAAAAAAAAGHHH!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME, YOU GENDER-BENDING, FISH-REBORN, SADISTIC WRITER?! ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!!"

Blade (yelling while stuck under the tires, struggling to lift his head—but the driver, oblivious, keeps driving): "YOU BLIND-ASS DRIVER! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME ON PURPOSE?! …Oh no, wait, this isn't your fault… THIS IS THE WRITER! THAT SICK BASTARD IS GETTING REVENGE ON ME!!"

Blade (shouting at the sky again, directly addressing the writer): "Oooooh, NOW I get it! This is your revenge, isn't it?! Because I exposed you to the reader?! Because I made you look like a dickless villain in my own story?! Fine, fine! You've won this round… but the war isn't over yet, you cursed pen-wielding bastard!!"

Driver (finally noticing through the rearview mirror, slamming the brakes, rushing out of the truck, looking horrified): "Oh my God! Are you okay?! I swear I didn't see you!"

Blade (crawling out from under the truck, half his body crushed but regenerating quickly, looking at the driver with a burned face—yet still smirking sarcastically): "Oh, don't worry… I've survived explosions, bullets, falling from the sky… getting run over by a truck? Just another Tuesday in my miserable life."

Driver (still in shock, staring as Blade fully heals within seconds): "W-What… what are you?!"

Blade (patting the driver's shoulder with a grin): "A victim of a heartless writer."

(The Titans watch from a distance—Robin facepalming in frustration, Raven desperately trying to stifle her laughter, Beast Boy and Cyborg literally rolling on the ground howling, while Starfire looks utterly confused.)

Blade (glancing at them, then back up at the sky): "Alright, writer… I got the message… BUT WAIT A SECOND… Were you the one who made this guy reach for his sandwich in the glove compartment?!"

Blade (closes his eyes for a moment, then suddenly SCREAMS at the top of his lungs): "FUCK YOU, WRITEEEEEEEERRRR!!!!"

Blade (now fully regenerated, standing up with effort, dusting himself off): "Ooooh, finally! My legs are back! And I'm sure that this sick writer definitely won't do anything else to me now… right?"

Driver (still pale and shaken): "Dude… what the hell are you made of?!"

Blade (grinning slyly, placing a hand on the driver's shoulder): "Broken dreams, shattered hopes, and a whole lot of bad luck."

Raven (floating down from the tower, approaching him with a neutral expression but a faint smirk): "You are the worst creature I have ever met… but I guess I'll be the one keeping you out of trouble here."

Blade (placing his hands over his chest in fake sentimentality): "Oh, dear goth queen, does this mean we're going on a date?! Will I finally get to see the city lights with a stunning woman?!"

Raven (rolling her eyes, sighing): "No, it means I'll be stopping you from accidentally destroying half the city with your stupidity."

Blade (winking at her, walking beside her): "Ooooh, someone doesn't want to admit she enjoys my company, huh?"

Raven (trying to hide her smile but failing slightly): "Shut up before I drop you into another dimension."

Blade (chuckling, then suddenly stopping—he turns back, staring directly at the reader, and whispers with a sly grin): "Ha…ha… you see this, writer? Look who I'm walking with now… Seethe, you bastard."

(The Titans watch from a distance—Beast Boy nudging Cyborg, whispering with a smirk): "Dude, I think Raven kinda likes this lunatic."

Cyborg (laughing, whispering back): "If that's true… the world is officially screwed."

(Blade and Raven continue walking into the city, but Blade's expression turns strangely serious, deep in thought about something.)

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If you liked the story and want to read more

or just to support me, copy the link below.

You will find a special membership for:

4 chapter

 and another one for:

7 chapters.

patreon.com/zakx205

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