BOOK 1 - Thirty Years of Mortal Tribulation—Experiencing the Harshest Version of Human Life
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CHAPTER 3 - COMEBACK HOME
- PART 2 -
For many days, Shi Yan Si remained confined in his chamber, tending to his wounds. Only when the pain had somewhat subsided did he finally venture outside to cautiously inquire about his surroundings.
At that time, witnessing the hurried commotion within the Shi General's manor left Shi Yan Si utterly stunned. He had grown accustomed to the wilderness, yet now he found himself amidst a place teeming with intimidating figures—stern-faced maids and grim household guards who constantly scowled and glared. It made him feel uneasy, on edge. Thus, finding someone approachable to ask for information was proving to be an arduous task.
For several days, he merely hid in the shadows, observing. Only after identifying a few servants who appeared more amiable did he muster the courage to approach and engage them in conversation. It was then that he finally learned—the name "Shi Yan Si" was a forbidden topic, never to be mentioned. To them, the only acknowledged name was Shi Wei Jun.
"So the great Shi General has only one cherished son, Shi Wei Jun?"
How could two children, born of the same parents, walk such vastly different paths? That child had seemingly taken away every ounce of fortune and blessing that life had to offer, leaving nothing for him. One enjoyed boundless luxury, while the other was doomed to endless suffering.
Did those who bore him into this world even realize what they had done? Why had they inflicted such cruel injustice? Why could they not spare him even a fraction of the love they lavished upon Shi Wei Jun? Why was it impossible?
And yet, what right did he have to complain?
"What good would it do for you to lament?"
Could he possibly change the cruel hand fate had dealt him? Was this not merely the inescapable destiny he was condemned to endure?
Day by day, living within the Shi household only deepened Shi Yan Si's sorrow. Reality was far crueler than the naïve hopes he once harbored. Not only was he denied recognition from his kin, but they regarded him as nothing more than a beggar leeching off their household, treating him with disdain and contempt.
Despite the bitterness and humiliation, Shi Yan Si forced himself to endure, determined to remain until he uncovered the answers he sought. The moment he found the truth, he would leave at once.
One day, while discreetly seeking information, Shi Yan Si happened upon Shi Wei Jun playing in the courtyard. The child could not have been more than three years old.
The same age he had been when he was abandoned…
The little boy darted about in excitement, giggling as he ran, while the household servants anxiously called after him, "Young Master, slow down! Be careful, you might fall…!"
Sure enough, the child tripped and tumbled to the ground. The moment he fell, he began wailing loudly, as if purposefully crying for attention, waiting for someone to come and comfort him.
Watching this, Shi Yan Si felt nothing but disdain. He recalled how, at that very same age, his own flesh had been beaten to a pulp. The pain he endured had been thousands of times worse, and yet not a single soul had cared.
Deep inside, he thought the child would soon stop crying on his own. But just then, a breathtakingly beautiful woman approached. She smiled gently, lifting the child into her arms, softly soothing him.
The moment he laid eyes on her, Shi Yan Si's heart pounded wildly inside his chest.
From a distance, a maid hurriedly rushed over, bowing deeply before the woman. "Madam."
The maid's expression was fraught with worry, clearly fearing punishment for failing to watch over the young master. However, the Madam showed no concern for her. She remained wholly focused on comforting the child in her embrace, as though nothing else in the world mattered. Only after the boy had calmed did she finally hand him back to the maid, instructing her to carry him away.
Shi Yan Si watched, tears silently cascading down his cheeks.
He did not cry because of any particular thought or revelation. He cried because… because the tears simply could not be held back.
His mind felt trapped, suffocated by a storm of emotions. He could think of nothing—only pain, fury, and sorrow. He sobbed uncontrollably.
He envied that child. He grieved for himself.
Why?
The more he thought about it, the more the longing for truth ignited within him. His lips pressed tightly together, his face streaked with tears. Without hesitation, he turned away.
He would not look anymore. He did not wish to see it anymore. That happiness would never belong to him. Witnessing it only deepened his pain.
But just as he started to walk away, he collided with an elderly servant. The man appeared to be a long-time housekeeper.
The old man cast Shi Yan Si a look of disdain before barking at him, "You! You… Aren't you that beggar who caused a commotion outside the manor the other day? What are you still doing here? Get lost at once!"
Shi Yan Si, caught off guard by the sudden reprimand, stammered, "I… T-The General said I could stay until I chose to leave."
"What?!" The old man scowled, muttering under his breath, "Hmph, I don't know why the General allows such filthy, worthless vermin to remain here…"
Just looking at him was an eyesore.
Though the man spoke quietly, his words were sharp enough to pierce through Shi Yan Si's ears, as if he had deliberately wanted them to be heard. Yet, Shi Yan Si pretended not to understand, pretending as if he had not heard a thing.
Seeing him feign ignorance, the old servant's expression darkened with even greater contempt. He clicked his tongue, let out a scornful scoff, then flicked his sleeve and turned to leave. But before walking away, he spat out one final insult: "Shameful wretch! You should have fled long ago, before you disgrace this household any further!"
"Shame? Shame for what?"
Why should he feel shame?
Simply because… he had been born in the wrong place, at the wrong time?
Did they think he wanted to be here, to taint their precious home with his presence?
Just a few more days. He would leave soon enough.
After many arduous and painstaking days, Shi Yan Si finally uncovered the whereabouts of the maid who had once tormented him in his childhood. Now that he had obtained the information he sought, he no longer had any reason to remain in the manor. That very night, without a word, he silently slipped away from the Shi household.
This departure might very well be eternal—he may never have the chance to set foot in this place again. And that breathtakingly beautiful Madam… from now on, she would exist only as a fleeting memory.
And finally, after relentless searching, he uncovered the whereabouts of a certain maid.
A maid who had once tormented him.
That day, several years after Shi Yan Si left, the maidservant was also expelled from the Shi family for having an illicit affair with a household servant. Now, she lived as a widowed mother, raising her child alone in a small house on the outskirts of the city.
When Shi Yan Si suddenly appeared, the woman looked startled and asked, "Who… who are you?"
Years had passed, and she herself was not much better off than Shi Yan Si—if not in an even more wretched state. Seeing this, he smiled faintly and replied, "Perhaps Aunt Zhu does not recognize me, but do you still remember the ill-fated child, Shi Yan Si?"
"Shi Yan Si?" How could she forget? She had been the one who had tormented him so cruelly. Thinking of it, her expression darkened as she cautiously asked, "You… are?"
Shi Yan Si nodded. "I am Shi Yan Si."
Years had passed without any news of him, and since she had long severed ties with the Shi family, his sudden reappearance could only mean one thing—was he here for revenge?
Fearing for her life, Aunt Zhu felt a moment of panic. But when she looked again at Shi Yan Si's frail and emaciated figure, she thought to herself, This person… even a passing breeze could knock him down. Someone so weak—what could he possibly do?
With that thought, she straightened her back and spoke boldly, "What… what do you want?"
Shi Yan Si clenched his fists tightly and said directly, "I heard that Aunt Zhu's child is suffering from a grave illness, one that is beyond saving. Is that true?"
At the mention of her child, Aunt Zhu's gaze instinctively shifted toward the house, her face clouded with sorrow. She gritted her teeth and answered, "Yes… yes, it is true. But so what?"
Shi Yan Si's voice remained calm. "I have studied medicine for many years. Perhaps I can cure the child. In exchange, I want the truth."
"A cure? Is he telling the truth? Can he truly save my child?" His words were like a ray of salvation piercing through the despair that had long enveloped her life. Her face lit up with hope, but at the same time, suspicion flickered in her eyes. She had treated him so terribly—did he not seek revenge?
Sensing her hesitation, Shi Yan Si said, "The past is long behind me. I have no intention of harming your child. My offer is genuine. However, I need you to answer my question with absolute honesty."
"A question?" She did not understand why he was going to such great lengths.
Shi Yan Si nodded. "If Aunt Zhu agrees, I will treat your son. But remember, he is gravely ill. If left untreated…"
"Very well." Aunt Zhu clenched her teeth. "As long as you save my child, I will answer anything you wish to know."
Hearing this, Shi Yan Si felt an inexplicable sense of relief. Who would have thought that a woman as cruel as Aunt Zhu would agree to his request? But then again, no mother would willingly abandon her own child—only the people of Shi family were heartless enough to do so.
Afterward, he followed her inside to examine the patient.
The child was barely ten years old, thin and frail, confined to bed with a severe illness. His legs were nearly atrophied, unable to move. He depended entirely on his mother's care for even the most basic needs. His condition was truly pitiful.
Was this fate? If retribution existed, it did not require Shi Yan Si to exact vengeance himself.
After a thorough examination, he said, "I will prescribe a few herbal remedies. If he takes them continuously for seven days, his condition should improve."
Hearing this, Aunt Zhu was overjoyed, as if she had found a lifeline. Yet, a hint of doubt still lingered. "But what illness does my child have? Many physicians have examined him and simply shook their heads. How can a mere prescription from you cure him?"
"This child was born with a frail constitution and suffers from congenital asthma. Even his heart is weak. Right now, he has also caught a cold, which has worsened his condition…" A child burdened with so many ailments—was it not a mercy to let him go? But a mother's love was blind, and no matter how much he suffered, she could not bear to part with him.
Shi Yan Si sighed and continued, "I can only help him through this immediate crisis. In the future, you must be careful to keep him warm, and do not let his emotions fluctuate too drastically—it is not good for him."
After taking the medicine he prescribed and following his instructions carefully, the child could live for up to ten more years in good health. However, his legs would remain permanently paralyzed, beyond any hope of recovery. At this moment, Aunt Zhu finally started to believe in Shi Yan Si. His words aligned exactly with what the previous physicians had said, yet none of them had been willing to treat the child. Any forced prescriptions had only worsened his condition. Now, if no treatment was given, the child would surely die soon. Was it not better to place her trust in this person?
After a moment of hesitation, Aunt Zhu took the prescription from Shi Yan Si and said, "I accept this prescription. Thank you, young master."
Shi Yan Si nodded and instructed, "Brew the medicine as directed. I will return in seven days."
Saying this, he turned and left. Aunt Zhu followed behind, expressing her gratitude repeatedly.
"Gratitude? What for?" Shi Yan Si thought to himself. "Who needs her thanks?"
The cruelty of the past was met with his forgiveness, but did she ever regret the way she had once tormented a helpless infant? Or did she simply see him as a fool, making a meaningless bargain?
Whatever she thought, Shi Yan Si no longer cared. Hatred was a burden, and if it could not be avenged, then what was the point of carrying it? What he truly sought was the truth, the hidden secret that had been buried for so many years.
And now, that truth was finally within reach.
Leaving Aunt Zhu's house, Shi Yan Si ventured deep into the forest, for he truly had nowhere else to go.
Thinking back, even though that child was bedridden with illness, he was still far happier than Shi Yan Si had ever been. At least he had a mother by his side to care for him, unlike Shi Yan Si…
Other children had their mothers feeding them medicine with gentle hands, while Shi Yan Si wandered the wilderness, exposed to the elements, with no shelter to shield him from the sun or the rain. How was his suffering any less than theirs?
He continued to drift like this until the seventh day arrived, then he returned to Aunt Zhu's house once more.
After checking the child's pulse and confirming that there were no major concerns, he finally asked, "The child is stable now. Aunt Zhu, can you answer my question?"
Seeing that her son had improved, Aunt Zhu was overwhelmed with relief and joy. She never imagined that this young master, despite his past grievances, would still choose to save her child. Her heart filled with gratitude. She nodded and said, "I am deeply thankful, young master. What is it that you wish to know?"
Shi Yan Si wasted no time and went straight to the point. "Why did the general and his wife abandon me?"
"This matter..."
Aunt Zhu hesitated for a long time, as if unwilling to speak. Seeing this, Shi Yan Si urged her, "Did you not promise me? Answer me!"
She knew the full truth of what had happened to Shi Yan Si all those years ago. But as she recalled the past, she let out a deep sigh and shook her head. "It would be better if you did not know, young master. Knowing the truth will not change anything."
"Nothing can change?" Shi Yan Si murmured bitterly. He clenched his fists. Even if I learn the truth, it will not bring me back to my family, nor make them accept me. So why do I need to know?
Yet, despite this, he needed to know. If he never learned the reason, he would forever be haunted by the questions that tormented his soul.
"I…" He gritted his teeth and, after a long silence, finally said, "I just want to know the reason."
Even if it was meaningless. Even if it changed nothing. At least he would no longer be trapped in his own doubts.
Aunt Zhu looked at him for a long time before finally nodding. "Very well, I will tell you… but I hope that after hearing this, you will not be too heartbroken. It all began that year…"
It was not merely the words of some wandering fortune-teller that led to Shi Yan Si's abandonment. No, his very existence had been a mistake from the beginning.
The pregnancy was never intended. His mother had been forced into marrying into the Shi family, and though she never openly opposed the general, she harbored deep hatred toward him. In her heart, she had already belonged to someone else.
When she realized she was pregnant, she flew into a rage, pouring all her resentment onto the unborn child. There were many times when she tried to end the pregnancy herself, but each time, the general prevented it. Because of this, their already strained relationship deteriorated further.
The fortune-teller's words had only been the final straw. The child in her womb was not just a reminder of her suffering—he was also the offspring of a man she despised. The relentless torment of pregnancy made her fear and loathe the child even more.
The day Shi Yan Si was born was the day she endured unbearable pain, as if dying and reviving countless times. The moment he was delivered, she cast him away like shedding a heavy burden. From that moment on, she refused to acknowledge his existence, for she feared him more than ghosts and demons.
After his birth, the relationship between the general and his wife deteriorated even further. In the end, in order to restore peace to the household, he agreed to abandon the child. He told his wife that the child had died at birth. From that day forward, his name was erased from the family records, forbidden to be spoken ever again.
When she heard the news, his mother did not shed a single tear. Did she feel sorrow? No one knew. But to her, the child was nothing more than an unwanted parasite. If he was dead, then so be it.
Many years later, after witnessing the unwavering devotion of the general, she gradually softened her heart. Though she loved children, he never spoke of wanting another, perhaps out of guilt, perhaps out of fear of repeating past mistakes.
But in the end, she was the one who took the initiative to conceive another child.
Yet fate was cruel. Just before she could deliver the good news, war broke out at the border, and the general had to lead his army into battle for many months.
While he was away, news of her pregnancy reached him, filling him with joy. He vowed to return before she gave birth, yet war does not wait for the wishes of men.
The conflict dragged on. And when she was on the verge of giving birth, she received devastating news—the general's army was on the brink of collapse, forced into retreat, and he himself had been gravely wounded.
Overcome with worry, she risked everything, gathering a group of trusted guards to secretly visit him. However, on the way, they were ambushed by assassins. Only a few managed to escape, including a single trusted servant who helped her flee.
That very night, in a desolate hut, she gave birth to the second son of the Shi family. Amidst the chaos, his arrival was a beacon of hope, a fragile miracle. She held him in her arms and wept tears of both sorrow and relief.
With no time to recover, she immediately set out for Vệ City the next day, carrying her newborn child in her arms.
That day, the general lay on the brink of death, his wounds severe beyond measure. No one believed he would survive.
But then, she arrived.
She and her child became the miracle that saved his life.
And with their arrival, hope returned to the battlefield.
The Crown Prince led tens of thousands of elite soldiers to reinforce the battlefield, accompanied by a brilliant strategist who skillfully navigated the tides of war, paving the way for a victorious return and securing the nation's borders. Unlike Shi Yan Si, the second son was born into fortune and glory, not only preserving the life of the general but also becoming the reason for his triumphant return. From that moment on, both the general and his wife cherished the child above all else, pouring into him all the love that Shi Yan Si had never received, as though making amends…
"Making amends…?" Upon hearing this, Shi Yan Si could no longer hold back. Every word spoken by the maid was like a thousand blades plunging into his heart, an unbearable pain that left him trembling, his tears falling uncontrollably down his face. "What could possibly make up for all the suffering and loss I have endured? They claimed I was dead—why did they not truly let me die? If only they had done so, I wouldn't have had to live through such agony…"
Seeing Shi Yan Si's silent tears, Aunt Zhu could only sigh. "Did I not say, young master, that some things are better left unknown?" This truth, no matter how it was spoken, would never change anything. It would only bring more suffering to those involved.
Shi Yan Si understood this. From the very beginning, he had speculated countless reasons, but even in his worst imaginings, he had never expected such a fate… How could he blame his mother for her cruelty in abandoning him? He was nothing more than an unwanted burden, an existence she had been forced to carry, tormented by his very presence in her womb. How could she ever love him?
And when he was finally born, before any bond could even be formed, he had already been erased from existence… The more Shi Yan Si thought about it, the more unbearable the pain became. If cruelty had a name, it must be Shi Nan Xuan, a great general with a wolf's heart. Had he not forced himself upon his mother, there would never have been a Shi Yan Si.
And after taking her against her will, he had simply discarded the child born from that act, treating him like nothing more than a piece of refuse, an unwanted burden to be cast aside. How could a man commit such inhumane acts and feel no remorse? How could he look Shi Yan Si in the eyes and remain so indifferent?
The moment one question was answered, a thousand more arose. But by now, Shi Yan Si already knew the answer. Why ask why people were cruel? The truth was simple—cruelty was their nature. All of them.
Seeing Shi Yan Si lost in thought, Aunt Zhu hesitated before asking, "Young master… are you alright?" Her voice, barely above a whisper, pulled Shi Yan Si back to the present. He became aware of the tears still wet on his face and hurriedly wiped them away—but his hands were already dirty, and all he did was smudge the grime further.
Watching him, Aunt Zhu let out another heavy sigh. Without hesitation, she fetched a cloth and a basin of water, gently wiping his face. As she did, an overwhelming sense of regret and shame filled her heart. Each stroke of the cloth against his skin made her tears fall even harder. How had the child she once tormented become so emaciated? His face, once plump and full of life, was now gaunt and hollow. How had it come to this?
"All these years… how have you survived?" she murmured.
If she had known this day would come, would she have treated him differently? Would she have refrained from tormenting that helpless infant, sparing him from three years of endless nightmares?
But who could have known? Who could have foreseen that Shi Yan Si's life would be nothing but an unbroken chain of suffering, passing from one tormentor to the next? From her hands, he had fallen into the clutches of Y Thường Hoa, and from there, the cruelty had only grown more refined, more deliberate.
Shi Yan Si did not answer. He merely gazed at Aunt Zhu's weary face, unable to comprehend—why was she crying? Why now?
She asked how he had lived all these years? Did she even need to ask? Could she not see for herself?
But she knew. She had already imagined the answer before she even spoke. From the moment of his birth, this child had been shackled to misfortune, dragged through darkness, surrounded only by suffering. How pitiful.
And yet, the only two people who should have cared—the two who had brought him into this world—had never once spared him a thought. Not a shred of remorse, not a flicker of compassion.
And now, as Aunt Zhu had said from the beginning—knowing the truth changed nothing.
Shi Yan Si could carry hatred for Shi Nan Xuan, he could return and seek vengeance, but in the end, he chose to do nothing.
Would exacting revenge upon a great general, a man who had sacrificed himself for the nation, truly bring justice? A man who had fought and bled to protect countless homes—could Shi Yan Si truly lift a blade against him?
One wretched soul had already borne the weight of all suffering. There was no need to drag anyone else into this endless cycle.
And if revenge could not undo the past, if it could not heal the wounds carved into his very being, then what was the point? Would it not be better to let go? To accept that he had no family, no home, no place in this world?
From now on, he would retreat into the depths of the wilderness, living a quiet, solitary existence. In time, all the wounds would fade.
All the hatred—let it be buried.
Let it all be forgotten.
Just as they had wished, Shi Yan Si thought that he had truly died. If anything remained, it was merely a wandering corpse, drifting through the depths of the forest. As long as he lived like this, peace would finally be within reach. Cầm Sinh would no longer have a hold over him.
That day, he gave Aunt Zhu a final instruction—treat this encounter as if it had never happened. Then, without hesitation, he turned and walked straight into the wilderness.
Aunt Zhu, though reluctant, had no choice but to watch him go. She wished to keep him here, to offer whatever care she could, but it was too late. He had already made his decision. The time to atone for what she had done was long past. From now on, the weight of her guilt would haunt her for the rest of her days, gnawing at her soul until the very end.
For days, Shi Yan Si wandered through the forests, pressing onward with no destination in mind. Eventually, he came across a vast, desolate cave—large enough to serve as a shelter.
This place… perhaps this could be his home.
Here, no one would drive him away. No one would hurl insults or scorn upon him.
Deeper inside, a large, flat stone sat quietly in the darkness. It was just enough to serve as a resting place. Without hesitation, Shi Yan Si stepped forward and lay down. Before long, exhaustion overtook him, and he drifted into slumber.
A bed of stone was hardly comfortable, but at least it was a place to lie down.
The cave was cold and empty, yet it shielded him from the wind and rain.
This was enough. This was more than enough.
Truly… this was good enough.