Chapter 8: Lies and Regrets
"She only has three weeks to live..." Those words kept on echoing inside my mind. My whole body froze as if my soul had shattered all on its own.
I couldn't move a muscle nor utter a single word... I felt so lifeless...
Why the fuck is this happening... What did I do to deserve this? Is this God's way of punishing me because I abused my power? This can't be happening...
I mindlessly walked outside the doctor's office... I didn't know where I should go... What that doctor said still hadn't sunk into my system yet... No... I couldn't accept it...
I walked out of the hospital like a dead corpse... I didn't know where I was going... I just walked and walked until I ran out of energy...
As I wandered the streets, I heard a loud shrieking sound, and when I looked to where the noise came from, I saw a flash of light hurtling toward me.
I see... So this is how I'll die, huh?
I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact, waiting for the car to run over me. I guess this is as far as I can go too...
"Horace!" I heard someone shout my name, and before I knew it, I was yanked backward. By the time I opened my eyes, I was in another person's arms, and he was crying non-stop. "What the fuck are you doing, bro!? Are you trying to kill yourself!?" Shawn's voice was frantic, filled with terror and rage. He shook me, his grip tight on my arms. "Are you out of your goddamn mind!? What were you thinking!?"
It was in that moment that reality came crashing down on me. I gasped, the weight of it all suffocating me. My knees buckled, and I fell against Shawn's chest, sobbing. My tears poured down endlessly, my chest tightening with unbearable pain. "It hurts, Shawn... I can't— I don't know how to do this... I don't know how to live without her..." My body trembled, my breath came in ragged gasps. "I don't want to be alone... I can't lose her..."
Shawn held onto me, gripping my shoulders tightly. "You're not alone, Horace. You still have people who care about you. And right now, Yue needs you more than ever. Are you really going to throw everything away when she's still here, fighting to stay alive?" His voice was firm, but I could hear the pain in it too.
I wanted to answer, but the overwhelming agony in my chest was too much. My vision blurred, the world spinning around me, and before I knew it, darkness swallowed me whole.
When I woke up, I was lying in a hospital bed. My head pounded, my body felt heavy, and for a brief moment, I forgot why I was here. Then, I turned my head and saw her.
Yue was looking at me, her weak frame curled under the hospital blankets. A faint, tired smile adorned her lips, but her eyes... they held so much sadness.
My breath hitched, and my vision clouded again. The tears I had tried so hard to suppress came rushing out. It hurt...
It hurt so bad...
I forced myself to sit up, ignoring the dizziness in my head, and stumbled to her side. I took her frail hands in mine, gripping them tightly. My own hands trembled as I held onto her, terrified that if I let go, she'd slip away.
"Why, Yue?" My voice was barely above a whisper, cracking under the weight of my emotions. She didn't answer. She only gave me that same weak smile, but I could see it—how much she was suffering, how much she was trying to be strong. "Why did you hide it from me? Why did you keep me in the dark!? What am I to you, Yue!? Tell me!" My voice grew desperate. My chest heaved with every breath I took. "It hurts that you're going to leave me... But it hurts more that I had to learn it this way..."
She squeezed my hand, her own trembling slightly. "I'm sorry, 'Race..." Her voice was so soft, so fragile, and hearing her say those words shattered me even more.
"Sorry? That's it? You're going to leave me by myself, Yue!?" My throat tightened, the lump in my chest unbearable. "Goddammit!" I turned away from her, unable to face her, unable to hold in my emotions. And then, without another word, I ran.
I ran through the hospital halls, ran past the people calling my name, ran until my legs burned and my lungs ached. I didn't stop until I found myself in my apartment.
I locked myself inside. I didn't want to see anyone. I wanted to be alone.
Days passed in a blur. I sat in the corner of my apartment, my knees pulled to my chest, staring at nothing. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I could only think about her... and the inevitable future that was waiting for me.
A future where she wasn't there...
A future where I had to live without her...
It crushed me on the inside.
The silence was unbearable. The loneliness was suffocating. The pain was consuming me, drowning me in an ocean of sorrow. I wished I had learned about it sooner so then maybe... just maybe... I could change everything. I wished I could trade my life for hers.
I was in the middle of crying my heart out when there was a loud banging on my door. I ignored it at first, burying my face into my arms. But the knocking persisted, growing louder and more insistent.
"Horace! Open the damn door!" Shawn's voice was filled with frustration.
I didn't respond. I couldn't.
A moment later, the door burst open, and Shawn stormed in. Before I could react, he grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug. I broke. I screamed. I sobbed against his chest, gripping his shirt like my life depended on it. My body trembled violently, and I could feel his arms tighten around me, holding me together when I was falling apart.
When my cries finally died down, he sat me down on the couch and handed me a bottle of water. I took a few sips, my throat raw from all the screaming and crying.
Shawn sighed and looked at me seriously. "Are you sure about what you're doing right now?" His voice was calm but firm. "It's been a week, bro. You only have a few days left to spend with her... Are you seriously going to waste your remaining time with her by locking yourself inside this apartment?"
His words hit me like a slap to the face.
This wasn't what I wanted. This wasn't what Yue deserved. She was still here. She was still fighting. And I... I had abandoned her when she needed me the most.
Shawn's voice softened. "Go to her, bro. She needs you right now."
I took a deep, shaky breath and nodded. "You're right... I need to be with her."
Without wasting another second, I rushed to the bathroom, took a quick shower, and changed into fresh clothes. I barely gave myself time to think as I grabbed my keys and bolted out the door.
The cab ride to the hospital felt like an eternity. My hands wouldn't stop trembling, my heart wouldn't stop racing. When I finally arrived, I sprinted down the hallway, stopping just in front of her room.
I hesitated. My hands clenched into fists as doubt crept into my mind. Would she forgive me? After everything I said... after leaving her alone when she needed me the most...
But then I remembered—she only had two weeks left.
No more holding back.
I took a deep breath and stepped inside.
I needed to be by her side.