Waiting to be born felt like it took forever. But once the contractions started, it felt like no time at all had passed from when I died.
I'll skip the icky details, but let's just say my mom opted for a C-section. Not a bad thing. It was a safe procedure and would keep everything tight down there. I strongly thought that was how I would handle birthing if by some miracle I found time and someone I wanted to have kids with...
Well, at least one of those happened right before the end.
So here I am, lying in a little plastic container all wrapped up in pink. Staring up at the blurry but clearly modern fluorescent light. Everything was blurry, especially my sibling one plastic tub over. Assuming pink meant we were both girls, I found it odd having a sibling, having already been an only child.
I was, frankly, disappointed. Getting isekaied would have been a dream come true. But it seems like I was born in the same mundane world I'd died in. But who knows, maybe this was another dimension. I did try to mess around with a quantum immortality device, before giving it up because I realized I'd need to die to test it out, and I didn't want to take Pi up on her offer because even I wasn't evil enough to release an unfettered rogue AI into the wild... even if she thought classics like Romeo and Juliet were comedies.
The theory behind that was I'd wake up in a universe where I wasn't dead, still in my original body, and fully prepared to counter whatever it was that killed me in my former reality.
What should I do with this situation? I wonder. Before promptly passing out.
Getting born is hard work for a baby! I deserve a nap.
The next time I wake up, after dreaming my way through eating a Mediterranean salad on the couch with Pi pestering me about why sitcoms are funny before the TV ate me, I notice that my twin is still asleep, and we seem to be the only babies in our area.
Are we even in a hospital?
The answer to that comes when a blurry face hovers over mine before I'm picked up. "Look who's awake! You're so calm, Aislin."
Aislin? Ash-lin. That's my new name? Ugh, I'm going to have to go by 'Ash' just to retain some dignity... and then everyone will think my real name is Ashley.
I'm trying very hard to ignore the feeding part of my babyhood as I go through it until it finally ends with a tiny burp from me before my Third Mom wipes my face. Did I mention I had two moms in my past life? Fuck. If they're still out there, I need to find them. I'd already funneled enough "work" to them to set them up for the rest of their lives, but they'd never known I was an anti-villain, freedom fighter, eco-terrorist...
What if they know now? Wait, when even is it now?
Involuntarily I jerk as what I just drank threatens to come back up, but luckily I keep it down.
"It's okay, sweetie, mama has you."
That's when First Dad makes his appearance. His voice makes me want to wretch as I notice it sounds an awful lot like the man who killed me. I can vaguely see a wave of golden hair atop his head - Mom's was dyed, judging by the red roots.
"Let me hold her," Dad says, more a demand than a request.
"She's moving a bunch. I don't want you to accidentally hurt her."
"Come on, Destiny, I've kissed hundreds of babies."
"And cracked the ribs of a half dozen."
"Babe, she's my child too. Don't make me insist."
"Don't be an asshole, Chris. Fiona and Aislin are a day old. You can wait a month."
Getting my voice to cooperate is a mess that nearly makes me puke and certainly makes me burble, but I manage to throw my hat in the ring and say "Ma-ma."
"Did she just..."
"Oh my god! Your first word!" Mama - Holy shit her real name is the same as her heronym?! - Destiny coos and touches my forehead with her own. "Our little girl's so smart!" Her voice is so motherly, I tear up a bit remembering my moms.
"Can you say da-da?" Chris - no - Crusader approaches, and leans in close enough that I can see his smarmy face.
"Ass-ho" I manage to say.
"And now she's calling me an asshole," he returns to a regular stand and raises his arms only to let them flop on his legs. "Look what you taught her."
What follows is a more than standard argument as they bicker back and forth.
I don't enflame the situation any further as the reality hits me.
My parents are the people who killed me.
Well, the person who killed me and the one who let him. She could have fucking flown up to catch me but she clearly hadn't.
All at once I felt terrified and angry. My emotions started to spill into my body and I flailed, and then I cried.
As far as ugly-crying goes, it's hard to top a baby. I felt my body leak tears and snot and spit in equal measure, and I might have also leaked from below but it was hard to tell.
It's not fair! It's not fucking fair!
"She's crying, Chris."
"I can fucking see that. You don't want me to hold them, fine, you take care of it." Crusader was quite the pottymouth in his own home.
My wails were so loud, I only noticed my sibling had awoken and started wailing after he turned and walked away.
Destiny tried to soothe me by bouncing me before laying me in my baby box. After a few minutes, I heard the room quieten as my twin, Fiona, was held at Destiny's breast. By that point, I'd grown tired and calmed myself.
An idea came to me. One I could only consider in the wake of my spent emotions.
I smile toothlessy, because I realize that my situation is actually the best possible one for me to get what I want...
Revenge.