Lunch is almost over, this is probably the longest I haven't talked to Sarina in a day.
I really want to leave it alone, to give Sarina space, to not make things worse. But I can feel my willpower running out of its fuel.
That's it, I can't take it anymore. I shove my tray aside and stand, Sabrina looks at me confused, " Julianna whatever your doing I advise you not-", " I know what I'm doing Sabrina, don't worry" I give her a side eye.
I make my way towards her table. Lucas sees me first, his eyes narrow slightly, but he doesn't say anything.
Sarina on the other hand, barely acknowledges me. I clear my throat. " Can we talk?"
She finally looks up. Her expression is unreadable, but there's absolute coldness in her eyes.
"Talk?" She repeats, " now you want to talk?" I shift my feet. " Yeah, I-"
She sets down her fork, and rises up from her seat, making eye contact, brows furrowed.
" You lied about me Julianna", she cuts in. Her voice isn't loud, but it's sharp, slicing straight through me. " You made me look like some pathetic girl who couldn't handle a boy not liking her back".
" Thats not how it went, who told you-
" It's don't matter who told me, what matters is you knew how much I liked him, but still had the audacity to not only get together with him, but also made sure he wouldn't see me as anything more than some desperate, jealous girl".
My stomach twists. " Sarina, it wasn't like that, I swear".
" Even if it wasn't like that Julianna, I still don't wish to talk to you for your actions anyway."
She stares right into my eyes as those words come out of her mouth, I can see absolutely no softness in her eyes, no trace of the best friend I used to have. There's only hurt, and it's all because of me.
I swallow hard. " I get it, I messed up" I say, my voice barely above a whisper. " I didn't mean to, I thought-"
" You thought?" She snorts, " what exactly did you think, Julianna?" She says with crossed arms.
I don't know what to tell her at this point, there was no thinking in this, it all just unfolded so fast, like dominos tipping over each other.
Everyone is silent, they are all waiting for me to answer, Lucas looks at me with a face of pity, like he wants me to get this over with.
I am speechless, I have no words to give as an explanation.
Sarina is just staring into my soul, her cold stare felt like she was choking me, as if she with let go until I say a designated answer, which I don't have.