Chapter 17: The Increasing Pressure from Society
Saraswati stared at the ring that Boase had placed on the small wooden table in her living room. Its silver gleam reflected under the dim light, yet her heart failed to feel the warmth that should accompany a moment like this. She was supposed to be happy. She should have been jumping with joy like any other woman who had just been proposed to by a man who loved her sincerely. But instead, doubt clouded her heart.
Outside, news of Boase's proposal had spread faster than she had expected. Whispers at the market, disdainful glances from some of the older women sitting at the local stall, and greetings that felt more piercing than usual all served as a reminder that accepting Boase's proposal was not just about love—it was about challenging the world's judgment.
"A widow remarrying? That's common. But marrying a young man who has never been married before? My goodness, Saraswati has no shame."
"She must be after his wealth. A woman like her knows how to take advantage of opportunities."
"Poor Boase, he could have had someone more suitable. Why did he choose Saraswati?"
These words echoed in her mind, striking her like relentless waves crashing against the rocks. Each sentence planted deeper seeds of doubt in her heart.
At the kindergarten where she taught, she had also begun to sense a change in attitude from some parents. A few had suddenly pulled their children from her class, while others had started treating her coldly. As if choosing happiness with someone who loved her was an unforgivable sin.
Saraswati took a deep breath. Surviving as a widow had already been difficult enough, and now, just as happiness was knocking on her door, the world seemed determined to slam it shut.
That evening, Boase came over, as he usually did, with that calming smile that had always been able to ease her worries. But this time, Saraswati couldn't return the smile. She simply sat in silence, gripping her teacup, which had already gone cold.
"What's wrong?" Boase asked gently, taking a seat across from her.
Saraswati hesitated for a moment before lifting her gaze. Her eyes looked weary, as if the weight she carried had only grown heavier.
"People are talking, Boase. They say I don't deserve you."
Boase fell silent for a moment, then reached for her hand. "I don't care what they say, Saras. I love you."
"But what if they're right?" Saraswati's voice trembled. "I am a widow, Boase. I already have a child. I'm older than you. I carry so much baggage. And you… you could have anyone."
Boase shook his head and looked into her eyes. "I don't want just anyone, Saraswati. I want you."
Tears threatened to fall from Saraswati's eyes, but she held them back. Her heart wanted to believe him, but her mind reminded her that life was never that simple. She knew how cruel the world could be, how difficult it was to hold on to happiness without facing consequences.
Boase took a deep breath before speaking again. "I know it's not easy to go against what people say. But should we really let them decide our lives?"
Saraswati lowered her gaze. Boase's words were true, but her fears were also real. What would happen if they stayed together? Would Boase regret it later? Would she become the reason for his suffering?
When Boase left that night, Saraswati still hadn't found her answer. She stood at the doorway, watching his figure disappear into the night, before stepping back inside with an even heavier heart.
That night, she sat beside Amara's bed, watching her daughter sleep peacefully. She gently brushed a strand of hair away from Amara's face and whispered, "Do I deserve happiness, Amara?"
Without realizing it, her tears finally fell. That night, she prayed longer than usual, pleading for guidance on whether to accept Boase's love or surrender to the pressure that weighed so heavily upon her.
The following days only worsened the situation. The whispers grew louder, the stares became sharper, and the judgments harsher. Some of her colleagues at school had begun avoiding her, offering only tight-lipped smiles when they passed by. Even the parents who had once been warm now acted distant, their words laced with subtle disapproval.
One afternoon, as Saraswati walked through the market, she overheard a conversation between two women.
"I heard she's still considering it. Can you believe that?" one scoffed.
"Of course, she is. She's smart. If she marries Boase, she secures a future. She won't have to worry about money anymore," the other responded with a smirk.
Saraswati gritted her teeth, gripping the handles of her shopping basket tighter. It took everything in her not to turn around and confront them. But what could she say? Nothing she said would change their minds.
That evening, she sat on her veranda, staring at the sky. She thought of all the struggles she had endured. Losing her husband, raising Amara alone, fighting against the world's judgment—she had survived it all. But this… this felt different. This felt like she was being torn between what she wanted and what society demanded of her.
Boase arrived later that night, and for the first time, he saw the cracks in her strength. Her eyes were red from holding back tears, her shoulders slumped from the burden she carried.
"I don't know if I can do this, Boase," she whispered, looking away.
Boase knelt beside her, taking her hands in his. "Saraswati, happiness is not something you have to apologize for."
She let out a shuddering breath. "But what if… what if I make a mistake? What if choosing you costs me everything?"
Boase held her hands tighter. "Then we will face it together. Whatever happens, we will face it together."
Saraswati wanted to believe him. She wanted to trust that love could overcome all obstacles. But fear still lurked in the shadows of her heart.
As Boase left that night, Saraswati knew she was standing at a crossroads. One path led to love, uncertainty, and a battle against the world's expectations. The other led to safety, solitude, and an existence dictated by fear.
And she had to decide which path she would take.