"Stupid!" Scott said, his fingers flying across the keyboard as he no-scoped a player on his screen. The room was dark, illuminated only by the harsh glow of his monitor, casting shadows across his focused face.
The Uncanny Squad was at it again, wasting time on their favorite pastime: Call of Duty 6: Black Ops. The minute they get to their respective homes and get into their rooms, they sit down in their chairs and put up the game on their pc or ps5. All under the pretense of homework.
"On, your left Lonnie," Felix said quietly into the headset's microphone, the monitor illuminating his face. "What?" Lonnie said loudly into his. Felix flinched, his shoulders hunching as Lonnie's voice boomed through the headset. He nervously swept his bangs from his eyes. "I-I said, on your left," he muttered.
"What?" The fat boy said, stuffing his face with chips. "He said, on your left," Carl clarifies. "Bro. Speak up. I literally couldn't hear you. This is exactly why you don't have a girlfriend," Lonnie said, shifting forward in his chair.
Everyone groaned at that response. "Seriously?" Trevor said, bobbing his head in annoyance. "Yes dude. Girls are not going to be with a guy they can't communicate with. Then again, girls can't handle the guys they want to be with. It's weird," Lonnie rambled, as he watched his character crouch.
"You guys remember that chick from last year?" Lonnie said suddenly. "No," the others replied. "She was tall, wiry chick. Anyway, she dated this bad boy. I don't remember his name. I'm call him Nate," he said, as he put his controller down. "Anyway, so Nate and this girl dated and it was a nightmare. She was constantly arguing with him-"
"Dude!" Scott shouted as he left clicked his mouse, eliminating a guy behind Lonnie. "Why would you do that!" He demanded. "Do what? I don't understand?" Lonnie answered
"We're in an active warzone and-tell me you did not put down your control. Do you want to end up like Felix?" He asked him. "Hey!" Felix said, sitting back in his chair and brushing his bang out of his face, his arms crossed in protest. "Not his fault he got jumped. He just sucks," Lonnie mumbled. "I-I heard that!" Felix said loudly. "Wow, only when you're angry I can hear? I should insult you more often," Lonnie said in jest.
"Forget him. I wanna hear about the...chick who dated that bad boy? Yeah, her," Trevor cut into the conversation. "Fine. Well three weeks in, they broke up, lol. Then-"
"Did you just say lol in an active conversation?" Carl said, as he shot another guy. "Yes, I did Carl," Lonnie rolled his eyes. "Lonnie, that is so weird. You only say lol in text," he said, as he pushed up his spectacles. "You can only say lol in text," Lonnie mimicked. "Shut up!"
"Yeah. I wanna hear the damn story," Trevor muttered. "Hey! No cursing remember?" Scott reprimanded him as he exchanged bullets with another player. "Fine," Carl said, sniffing. "Anyway, the girl moved away. Apparently the heartbreak was too much except psyche! She was still in town. I saw her by Walmart weeks after the "breakup". And man she was pissed. Turns out, the minute her ex heard she'd "moved out", he hooked up with her cousin," Lonnie revealed.
The boys "oohed" in their headset mics. "Yeah. I guess she expected him to come crawling back to her, being all like, "I'm sorry babe. You're so right and I'm always wrong. Now let us kiss passionately" but the poor chick got hit with a reality check!" He said, the other boys joining in loudly.
Then, in a sweet twist of irony, an enemy player jumped out and no-scooped Lonnie's character. The boys "oohed" loudly and Lonnie, mouth agape, sat there in silence. "Bro! Kill cam now! That was too funny," Scott cackled as Trevor and Carl were basically howling. "Yeah...um...yeah," Felix snickered.
Lonnie sat in his chair, his face red with embarrassment. He glanced up at his poster of Ladybug. Her back turned to him, she was glancing behind her, posing with her yo-yo and winking. He points at the poster, anger in his eyes. "I'm throwing you away. You ain't no lucky charm," He spat. "Dude, you still got that? Throw it away. You're sus," Trevor joked. "Man, shut up. Who killed me?" Lonnie said, as he watched the kill cam.
To his shock, the player who killed him seemingly popped out from behind the crates and shot him. "There's no way. That's a hacker! He's hacking!" Lonnie shouts. "Wait, that's the same guy who hit me," Felix observed, his voice a murmur. "What?" Lonnie said. "He said—" Carl began.
"We heard him Carl," Scott cut in, shifting in his chair. "Okay, there's two players left and three of us. We can get these jokers," he declared. "I'm dead," Carl said flatly, even as he frantically mashed R2 in a last ditch effort. "Yeah, I'm dead," he said, placing down his controller as his character is hit and slumps to the ground. "Looks like it's even now, Scotty," Lonnie mocked in spectator mode. Scott sighed, adjusting his headset, frustration in his eyes. His eyes narrowed. "I can do this," he mutters to himself.
"Uh oh. Guys, I think cat cuddler just locked in," Trevor joked. "Dude, that is such a weird name. You should change it," Lonnie advised, spinning in his chair. Scott let out a sound between a scoff and a snort. "Dude, my name is weird? Yours is literally ValdtheImpaler. What sane person picks that?" He replied as he stalked around.
Felix's eyes keenly watched the live, before quickly spotting the potential hacker. That is weird. That player is really fast. Felix thought. "OMG, he's behind you, Scott!" Felix yelped. Scott's stomach dropped—he knew it was too late.
Then, like an action movie, Trevor's character popped out, pointing his gun right at the hacker. "Watch you left, mother—" The rest was cut off as he fired a perfect headshot, killing the supposed hacker. Scott got up and shouted, "Duck!" Trevor did and Scott lit up the guy behind him, running on pour adrenaline.
The boys shot out of their chairs, shouting in pure adrenaline-fueled excitement, some tossing away their hoodies and shirts. "Heck yeah!" Scott shouted as he tossed his headset aside, his hands wiping his face. "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh," he mumbled, over and over.
"Yes! We did it!" Lonnie screeched in his headset, as Scott puts his back on. "Good job, Trevor and Scott," Carl said, clapping. "Once again, saving our butts," Felix mumbled. "What?" Lonnie said. "He said—" Carl began. "We heard him, Carl," Scott cut in. "Thank you, thank you but the real MVP is Trevor. Give it up to Trev!" Scott said.
The boys start to clap for him, as Trevor squatted in his seat and bowed to his screen. "Good job, Treffy," Lonnie teased. "Don't call me that," Trevor said, pointing at his screen. This evokes laugh from the boys, with Scott shaking his head.
"Scott—what the heck are you doing?" Muriel's voice cut through the noise, making him jolt.. He quickly clicked off the game and turned around, a nervous smile on his face, his face matted with sweat.
"Sup sis. You said something?" He asks her. Muriel crossed her arms. "I saw the set up, don't lie," she said. "Lie about what?" Scott asked innocently, subtly shifting to block the screen with his chair. Muriel walked forward with purpose, pushing him aside and bringing back up the game. She puts on the headset, as Scott protests, "C'mon. Don't do this."
"Good evening boys," she said. "Oh crap—Muriel?" Carl's voice filled with dread. What up, little mama?" Lonnie tried—and failed—to flirt. "Hey, Ms. Denoise. Please don't tell my granny—I like my life," Trevor pleaded. Muriel smiled. "I won't," she promised sweetly. "Log off, now," she ordered, her smile fading. Groaning, each boy logged off, leaving only Lonnie. "So...are you single?" Lonnie tried one last time. She logs out, clicking off the game. Scott's wallpaper being SSJ4 Goku shooting a Kamehameha wave.
Tossing his headset aside, she shut down his pc before heading for the door. "Do your homework," she said to her brother, shutting the door behind her. Scott slumped back into his chair, staring at his powered-down screen. "Yes, sis," he muttered.
_
"Sorry about my psychotic sister!" Scott shouted over the sound of the motorcycles. "No big deal, dude. What's in my pants is in the past," Lonnie said as the wind whipping his face. Trevor glanced over at him. "That is absolutely not a saying," he shouted. "Obviously," Carl shouts. "He just made it up." "Yeah. So do Lawyers," Lonnie counters.
"Are we there yet?" Felix called out, gripping his rider tightly. The bikers slow down and the boys disembark. "Thanks Joel," Lonnie smiled as his cousin. Joel lifted his visor, grinning. "No problem. Just stay out of trouble," he said. Lonnie nodded. "L'hitraot (לְהִתְרָאוֹת)," Lonnie said. Joel tips his hat and revved his engines. He signaled to the others, their jackets emblazoned with "JMG"—Jewish Motorbike Gang.
Scott and the others watched them drive off into the distance before turning around and marching up the steps. "Dude, I can't still believe your cousin is in a motorcycle gang," Scott said to Lonnie. "I still can't believe he's a Jewish and in a motorcycle gang," Trevor muttered. "Hey, I'm Jewish. Watch you tongue," Lonnie warned.
"Man, how are we not popular? We ride with a motorcycle gag every day," Felix grumbled. "What?" Lonnie said. "He said—" Carl began. "We heard, Carl," Scott cut in. "People only care if the gang has a long-ass name, a dramatic backstory, hot dudes with tattoos, and a tortured leader. Otherwise, we're still losers," He adds.
"Yeah. Fun fact, the chick I was talking about is named Nancy," Lonnie revealed suddenly. "Nancy? Dude, there were, like, three Nancys," Trevor said, frowning. "You mean Nancy Lowell— the girl who almost died because some idiot dared to do so and then refused to pay her afterwards?" Scott asks.
"You mean Nancy Chapman— the one who tried to end it all by jumping off a roof, but a bird scared her, so she ran back inside, accidentally saving her own life?" Carl asked.
"Or do you mean Nancy Bryant— the one who was just...really annoying?" Felix questioned. Lonnie blinked then pointed to Felix. "The last one," he confirmed. "Oh," The boys exchanged looks before inside. "I still can't believe there were three Nancys in our school at the same time," Carl said as the bell rang.
The boys shoved their bags into their lockers and split off to their classes, Lonnie trailing after Scott. Scott barely stepped inside before a paper airplane smacked him right in the face. "Well look who finally decided to show up—Scotty Boy!" Josh cackled, his friends howling like it was the funniest thing ever.
Scott and Lonnie groan in unison. God, they hated high school. They headed to the seats, cautiously checking for gum before sitting down.
The Uncanny Squad might've gone to the same school but were not in the same grade. Scott and Lonnie were stuck in 10th grade. Felix and Trevor were in 11th and Carl— despite being a total nerd ( even though they weren't)— was only a freshman in their gloriously trash excuse for a high school.
They met each other one fateful day during lunch period. When every table was cramped, forcing them together at the "no-go" table— the table condemned for nerds. One thing led to another and they debated on who was the best James Bond actor, trash talked each other on their preferred anime and eagerly ranked every video game. The rest was history.
"What's the matter, Scott-boy? You're a little quiet than usual," Josh mockingly said. Scott turned around in his chair, a sly smile on his face. "I'm trying to tune you out doofus, like what your friends do when you're speaking to them," he said smugly.
The class "oohed" at the burn and Josh got up from his chair, anger burning in his gaze. "Uh oh. You got him angry. Whatever shall we do?" Lonnie said dramatically, clutching his chest. "Maybe, we should go to the principal," Scott answered equally as dramatic.
At the sound of word, Josh sat back down. "Hey now. We don't have to run to my uncle," Josh said quickly, his brow sweaty. Scott and Lonnie laughed and Scott shook his head. "Josh, you're all bark, no bite. Like your mother," he said, turning back around. The class exploded in "oohing", paper being tossed into their air, one boy fell out of his seat. Scott and Lonnie high-fived each other and Josh sat there, seething in anger.
Then, the door squeaked open. Everyone feel silent as their teacher, Mars. Wagner, a tall, thin woman dressed in a burgundy suit, her blonde hair styled in a bun, walked in. "I hope you all did your homework," Mrs. Wagner said, her sharp German accent cutting through the air as she placed her bag down. Lonnie and Scott slowly turned to each other, their faces white with fear, both boys were breathing heavily.
They forgot to their homework!
Damnit!
_
Scott and Lonnie drag themselves to the "no-go" table, where the other boys were waiting. They sat down, and sunk into the seat. "Let me guess," Trevor said. "You forgot to do your homework?"
The boys straightened and nodded. A smile spread across his face. "Me too!" He said. Scott and Lonnie's faces became animated and they high-fived each other. "I mean we all forgot," Felix mumbled as he high-fived his friends. Carl lifted up his orange juice carton into the air, and cleared his throat. "To failing high school," he said. the other mimicked his action. "To failing high school," they said, clicking their boxes together before stabbing the opening with their straws and slurping on the cold beverage.
At that moment, the cafeteria door burst open and five girls walked in, all dressed in the same outfits, sashaying down the hallway. "Guys," Scott said. "It's the DOLLS."
The boys turned at the girls direction, seemingly transfixed. "Diane," Lonnie sighed dreamingly. "Olivia," Trevor said, the named girl flipped her hair. "Lydia," Felix frowned. "Laura," Carl said, adjusting his classes. "And..." Scott narrowed his eyes at the last girl. "What was her name again?" He turned to the boys.
They turned to him, failing to remember her. "Uh...Sylvia?" Car shrugged. "I think her name is Semantics," Lonnie said. "What?" Trevor said, amazed. "What? One of my cousins is named "Softball"," he shrugged. "You'll never know cause it's said in Hebrew: סופטבול (softbol)."
Trevor shook his head, mouthing "Wow." in incredibility. "I think it's Sarah," Felix muttered, slurping on the box more. "Well, let's ask," Scott said. "Excuse me DOLLS."
The DOLLS turned to him, flipping their hair at the same time. "Yeah?" They answer in unison. "Don't...that's creepy. Um...what's the "S" stand for?" Scott asks. "On my world, it means hope," Lonnie mumbled, evoking a snort from Trevor. "Very funny. You think you're cute?" Diane sneered. "No, but you are," Lonnie said, pointing at her.
"Ignore him. The answer please," Scott begged. "Ugh. Since you asked so nicely, her name is Samantha," Lydia rolled her eyes. "Oh," The boys answered in unison. "Can you like, wear a name tag next time, because in the scheme of things Sam, you're forgettable," Scott said, his mouth set in a grim line.
The DOLLS scoffed and said in unison," Whatever," before sashaying away to their table. The boys turned back around and continued drinking their juice. "You're so lucky, dude, to have Diane as your neighbor," Lonnie said. Scott scoffed. "You mean cursed. Every Tuesday afternoon, I'm doomed to listen to her singing terribly to Taylor Swift," Scott shuttered. "Thank God it's Thursday."
Carl nudged Scott. "Don't look now, but your sister's coming," He whispers. Scott shovels some broccoli into his mouth as Muriel slams her food tray onto the table. "Hey," Lonnie said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Shut it," she said. Lonnie fell quiet.
"What the hell Scott!" She hissed. "Language," Scott mumbled before swallowing. "Don't. Even," she warned, shaking her finger at him. "I ran into your teacher in the hallway," she began.
"Oh no," Scott groaned.
"You didn't do your homework? What should I tell Mom and Dad?" She snapped. "Uh...do what you do best: lie," he replied smartly. Muriel raised her hand, hesitating to hit him before lowering it. "Did your friends fail too?" She asked. The boys nodded. "Unbelievable. Enjoy your lunch because it will be your last," she hissed as she stormed off.
"Oof. I'm glad I'm in the eldest," Trevor said. "Yeah, lucky you," Scott grumbled. Lonnie slung an arm around Scott. "Cheer up, dude. What's the worst that can happen?"
_
Scott watched in horror as his father unplugged his PC. "You're grounded," Mr. Denoise said grimly. "Are you serious?" Scott said as his father hoisted up the PC tower and carried out of the room. "Yes, Scott. You need to do well in school. You shouldn't be failing math," Mrs. Denoise said, arms crossed. "And your solution is taking away my PC? That's the only time I can connect with my friends," Scott whined. "Well, you have terrible friends!" Mr. Denoise shouted.
Mrs. Denoise sat down beside her son on his bed. "You know we're looking out for you," She said. Scott snorted. "Right, Mom. You dropped off Muriel today and forgot me. I had to ride with Lonnie's cousin's motorbike gang. The only time you remember I exist is when I get in trouble," he pouted.
There was a pause then—
Mr. Denoise popped his head back in. "You're in a gang now?"
"What? No," Scott said, rolling his eyes. Mrs. Denoise sighed. "No, honey. He rode with the JMG today."
Mr. Denoise frowned. "The Vegans? Oh that's worse!"
Mrs. Denoise facepalmed. "No, the Jewish Motorbike Gang, honey."
His expression shifted. "Oh, okay," Then he squinted. "Waite a minute. You woke up late. That's one you buddy," he pointed an accusatory finger before disappearing downstairs.
Mrs. Denoise shook her head, standing up as she headed for the door. She paused and turned around. "We love you Scott. This is for your own good. Now—do your homework," she said. Scott muttered, "Yeah, yeah."
As soon as she left, he groaned, grabbing his bag, and begrudgingly pulled out his math book.