March 19, 2032
Destroyed Denver, Old Colorado
One pleasant afternoon, when there were not many people at the clinic, Elena gave her nurses the task of looking after the patients telling them she was going to the city to check on the herbs in her greenhouse.
Elena, however, had an entirely different reason for going beyond the Perimeter. She did not go to get herbs this time. She went because she needed an escape.
She made her way down the mountains and through to Destroyed Denver below. She was one of the few people who had permission to pass through so that she could gather herbs and supplies for her clinics. She was well-respected by the Nazis in the city after her father had saved the commander's wife.
She tried not to look at the refugees when passing by the fence of their ghettoes because it always made her guilty. She wanted to help them all but it was impossible. Helping them convicts was a serious criminal offence punishable by death. She had on rare occasions helped some of the poor people in the destroyed city if they were seriously injured though tried to avoid it as much as she could because their presence in the destroyed city was illegal. A few months ago, she had brought one of them who was terminally sick into the clinic. She had looked after him for two weeks and in return, he had stolen most of her belongings and run away. Her father, too, had once brought in a patient from the destroyed city who had stayed inside the clinic for a few days. Elena had been changing his bandages when he had attempted to rape her. She remembered it very vaguely but she could recall that he had grabbed her and shoved her onto the bed. She had had no idea what was going on at the time but thankfully, her uncle had been right outside and had thrown him off her. She remembered her uncle dragging the man out of the cabin. She remembered hearing sounds of struggle before hearing a sick crunch and a painful moan from her assailant. She had tried to see what had happened but her uncle had forced her inside and ordered her to stay inside. Her uncle had dragged the dead body and dumped it somewhere. After that incident, her father had stopped treating the people of the destroyed city. She had only helped Michael because she had felt he was someone from the Peak City.
She walked for an hour and approached an alley where there were a group of people drinking rum. She did her best to avoid any eye contact. The people of the destroyed city did not normally stay outside keeping to the crumbling buildings for fear of getting detected by Nazi patrols. She heard someone whistle at her. Looking around, she saw a man with shaggy hair and bushy beard staring at her.
"Hey, you lookin' fine gi-" He stopped when he saw that Elena had her rifle aimed at her. He raised his arms in an apologetic surrender and hurried away.
Yeah, you better run you pervert.
Elena trudged ahead and the city started to appear more deserted until eventually, there was not a single soul in sight. She looked up to her right and saw the meat factory. That was where the Perimeter was, the threshold till which the people occupied the destroyed city. Many people did not dare to cross the Perimeter out of fear of the unknown. Out of fear of the terrible things that happened beyond it. Beyond that was where humanity stopped. Murderers, gangs, drug trades, human trafficking; it all occurred beyond the Perimeter. Elena crossed it without any hesitation.
The stories of the murders at the meat factory had now turned into a story meant to scare kids into finishing their food and going to sleep early at night. Elena had heard it plenty of times from her friends and it had frightened her. It was the reason why she had been so scared when her father had taken her into Destroyed Dener for the first time.
The stories aren't real, Elena. Trust me, there's nothing scary about the Peak City. Don't you want to see where I grow my herbs?
Yes I do, Dad.
Then come along now. You've got nothing to fear when I with you.
She liked to recall the times she had gone with her dad to the greenhouse with the afternoon sun shining on them like it was at that moment. She imagined talking to him whenever she went there after his death. It had been one of the only times in their busy lives that they had been able to have proper conversations.
I saw you checking out Andre's son the other day, he's hot, isn't he?
Shut up, dad.
You don't seem to hang out with your friends that often, nowadays.
I told you, Dad. They're busy. We're all busy. But on the inside she would think, most of them are dead. But she did not tell him. No, he already felt sorry for her. She did not want him to worry more about her. He had his own demons to deal with. Like the death of his wife, which had been his daughter's fault. Her friends' deaths too were because of the curse she had afflicted on them.
Elena had a smile on her face, a bitter-sweet smile. She missed her father so much. She wished she had savored the moments that they had spent together. They hadn't been very close before the respawners' arrival because of her father being off to conferences all the time. This also caused heated feuds between him and his wife which Elena hated to see. She remembered hiding away in the store room whenever they argued. But her father had loved his wife and he had loved her too. He had shown his love to her after his wife's death. She knew he regretted fighting with her mother, that he would take all that back if he could.
He had eventually fallen to her curse too. Why can't I die and just join them? A question she had asked herself many times. And asked God too if he was listening out there but so far, the only answer she had got was silence. Silence was an answer too.
She carefully traversed the huge hill of debris and then slowly slid down the other side. She was in the backyard of a red-brick house at the start of a cul-de-sac. She moved forward, cutting through the backyards, of which most of the separating walls had been destroyed or crumbled until she arrived at the greenhouse that gleamed in the afternoon sun. She approached the adjoining small cabin that had been built by her father with help from her uncle. It was here where he had conducted his research on medicines synthesized from the plants he grew in the greenhouse.
She opened the lock and entered inside. The whole place smelled musty. Her father's office consisted mainly of a desk and shelves that were piled with all sorts of medical books and journals. There were thick registers too consisting of his research that Elena had already memorized but liked to look at from time to time because she liked to read her father's handwriting. In this instance, however, she grabbed his research registers and put them to the side. She grabbed the small plastic bag of marijuana that was behind them. She also took the small mp4 player with earphones that were placed besides it which had been gifted to her by one of her patients on his deathbed. It was one of the greatest gifts she had ever been given.
There was a small lawn chair right outside the cabin and she sunk into it. She carefully rolled out a joint from the pot and popped in the earphones. She lit the joint and inhaled deeply. She let the smoke numb her mind and she felt a rare moment of peace. She scrolled through the songs and put on her current favorite, Move Along by The All-American Rejects.
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking.
That was what she was doing, thinking about him. This was the song she listened to whenever her thoughts about him were too difficult to handle.
And even when your hope is gone;
Move along, move along just to make it through.
She wished she could move along, move on from him. She hated him with a strong passion, she hated everything about him.
And yet, she still wanted him.
His name was Chuck which had the same number of letters as her name. That was the sort of thinking that had made her attached to him. These small coincidences that she had made herself believe were heaven-sent, that it was meant to be. Chuck had been a patient of her father's after he had broken his leg in the mines. He was a tall, strong guy with straight, dark-brown hair and a moustache which she hated but was a part of him, as if without the moustache he was a completely different person. She had taken care of him and she had listened to him intently as he had bragged about himself and joked around with her. She had found him annoying at first but at the tender of age of fifteen, it did not take long for her to develop a crush on him. She would think about him all day and all night, she would even skip helping her dad so that she could spend time with him.
The song had finished and she had been too lost to realize it. Shit, I missed the best part. She took another deep puff of the joint and put the song on again.
She had known for a long time that her father smoked weed and that he grew it in the greenhouse. She had tried her best to convince him to stop smoking but he had never stopped. She hated smokers until she found out that Chuck smoked too. He had convinced her to try it out and she had obliged in an effort to please him. He had convinced her to do many things which she regretted. He was the first and only one she had had sex with and she had thought that she was his first too.
Boy, had she been wrong.
He had left her suddenly, one day. Just completely cut off from her. He hadn't contacted her in a week and it was beginning to bother her. Maybe something bad had happened to him. She was on the way to his house when suddenly, she had seen him enter the bar with another girl. Maybe they're just friends, she thought. That's when she saw them touching each other as they got drunk at the bar. Every second of it had been heart-wrenching. She had watched as they had exited the bar and made their way to a nearby alley. She had watched as they had kissed and undressed each other.
And that's when she broke.
Into a million million pieces.
She remembered vaguely confronting him and yelling at him. She remembered him trying to calm her down and that he would explain everything to her. But she had not wanted to hear it and had run away.
And even when your hope is gone;
Move along, move along just to make it through.
She would move on from him some day. Yes, some day. It had been years and she had never stopped thinking about him. In fact, she had been stupid enough to forgive him. She had been stupid enough to believe him when he had come to her after a whole year and begged her to take him back. She had finally given in, given in to the sweet words that he told her thinking that they could patch things up. That everything would be back to normal. She had let him use her again thinking that he loved her. It was inevitable but suddenly, he had cut off contact with her again and moved on to another girl. He had broken her heart again. She had tried desperately to fix herself, to patch up her mental wounds but it was impossible. She knew she was depressed. She knew she had all the symptoms but did not bother to take anti-depressants because she did not want to waste any effort over him. Denial is also a part of depression. She was a healer who could heal anything, except her broken heart.
She would see him sometimes in the streets, after days, after months and it would destroy her. Often, he would be with another girl and the sight of it was mental torture.
The song had finished and she moved on to a metal song. A song about killing and annihilation and destruction and lots of screaming. She would imagine killing Chuck when she heard this song. Killing him in various bloody, merciless ways because she hated him. She imagined his blood spilling on the blue sweater she was wearing at that moment. It was his favourite sweater. He had told her back then that she had looked sexy inside it and loved the way it hung and exposed her shoulder. You'd probably look sexier outside of it. Back then, the words had pleased her. She could not believe that someone had found her sexy. Now she wondered, how many more girls had he said that to?
Rage boiled inside her as she remembered all the days she had spent with Chuck. All the days she had wasted on him rather than spent with her dad. The day he had left her again was the same day her father had died.
Her father had asked her to come with him to the greenhouse but she had refused because she had wanted to spend time with Chuck. She had returned that night with tears in her eyes. All she had wanted was a hug from her dad, him telling her that everything was going to be okay. She never got to feel his embrace ever again because he never returned. All those tears that she should have shed over her father had been wasted over Chuck. Annihilation. She imagined shoving a knife through him and watching him cry. Yes, all those tears I wasted over you, I want them back. Cry. She stabbed him again. Cry, you asshole!
She could never understand why she hadn't moved on from him. She had tried to date other guys but it had never felt the same. Her nurse Amanda dated people all the time and she had seen her cry many times after break-ups. But, within a week, she would be dating someone else. Elena did not like her at all because she fell in love to easily. Or maybe she's just strong, maybe she just has enough self-respect to get over a guy. Maybe you're just jealous of her. She wanted to be like Amanda. To be crying one day and smiling that annoying, too-much-lipstick smile. But she was too broken to love ever again. She didn't care even if a white knight came from the sky- referring to a crappy, catchy song she sometimes listened to- and gave her all the love she deserved. She was done with love. Was it even love with him? Was it obsession? Passion? Attachment? Aren't they all the same thing?
Elena finished smoking the joint and waited. She had heard from people that smoking weed helped you get over someone you loved. That it helped to forget heartbreaks and betrayals. Then she remembered it was Chuck himself who had said it. Well, Chuck, that's another thing you lied to me about.
March 20, 2032
Chuck took a deep whiff of the blunt he had in his hand. The smoke had filled the whole room which was making Michael cough like crazy. He could not understand why Chuck was enjoying it.
"Come on, amnesia boy," said Chuck. "Take a puff. It ain't gonna hurt. Might even jog your memory."
Chuck had spent most of the nights with his friends and Michael could not understand how someone was to have any fun in the city with its strict rules and surveillance. Michael was feeling really bored with the way he was living. All he was doing was work from morning till evening, eating and then sleeping. He couldn't stop thinking about Elena. It was as if he had grown attached to her ever since she had found him, like how a newborn baby got attached to their mother when they first came into the world. She was the first one who had treated her with kindness in this new life of his and wanted to be a part of her life. He had often pondered about visiting her but he did not want to go to her empty-handed. He didn't want to be a nuisance to her. How was he going to prove to her that he thought so highly of her if he couldn't even repay her?
There was still the problem of his existence. He could recall none of the people or the places he had been to yet. Lying down in bed at night, he had focused all his thought power into remembering until he would fall asleep. Even his sleep was proving to be fruitless. He was still unable to remember anything from his dreams. Maybe he belonged somewhere else in the world? And if he did, how had he got here?
So the only other way to kill boredom was to hang out with Chuck which he felt would make him uncomfortable. But Michael wanted to explore the city, explore Destroyed Denver and everything beyond it. He remembered deserts and forests and all that stuff but could not remember visiting them. It was as if those images were in his mind like the images you saw in books. He felt adventurous but was too afraid to explore it all alone. If he could get on Chuck's good side, maybe he would let him hang out with him and he could get to explore the city.
"Okay," Michael said finally giving into Chuck's insistence.
"That's the spirit, amnesia boy," said Chuck handing it over to him. Michael took the blunt in his hand trying to figure out how he was going to smoke it.
"You just puff it and then blow it out. It's as simple as that."
Michael put the blunt between his lips and breathed in. The smoke burned inside his lungs and he instantly started to cough wildly. Michael eyes had gone hazy and for a moment he felt like he didn't exist. Then his vision cleared and was embarrassed to see Chuck laughing at him wildly.
"The first blunts of many," said Chuck. "You're going to become a party boy before you know it.'
I hope not, Michael thought.
The next day, after work Chuck invited Michael to come with him.
"It must be really boring just working and sleeping all day," said Chuck. Tell me about it, Michael thought. "How about we go out for a drink tonight or something? It's on me for today."
Michael was really tired. I just want a nice, hot bath and sleep. But what would he do after? He had no friends or family with whom he could enjoy with. The boredom was agonizing and this was a perfect opportunity for him to have some fun and make friends.
"Yeah, sure, why not?" said Michael with a smile. "But where will we go? Curfew is almost going to start. Do you mean at Tim's around the corner?"
"No, no. That place is whack. The alcohol there tastes so bad and he puts so much water inside it makes it taste and look like piss. I've got another place in mind but I won't tell you just yet. It'll be surprise," he said with a gleam in his eyes that made Michael uncomfortable.
"Well, I guess that's fine," said Michael wondering where the place was. At least we get to explore parts of the city I haven't visited. Michael followed Chuck through the city and he could only see a few people out in the late evening. The time for curfew was already upon them. Michael was starting to get worried.
He realized they were going away from the other mountains heading towards the direction of the destroyed city. There's no pub in that direction, thought Michael. As they got closer to the exit, Michael asked him. "We're leaving the city?"
"Yeah, amnesia boy. Don't look so tense. The guards shouldn't be a problem."
They reached the checkpoint at the bottom of A1 and the guard stopped them. Michael was scared now. He didn't want any trouble with the Nazi guards which made them nervous. They showed them their passes.
"Just heading outside to have a little fun," said Chuck rummaging inside his pockets for something.
"At this time of night Chuck? You know the drill." The guard was acting friendly with Chuck as if he knew him.
Chuck handed him two weed joints and the guard let them through.
"See, that was easy," said Chuck.
"But how? They're so strict within the city."
"Yeah, that's why we're going outside the city. There's no way we can have fun here," said Chuck.
"But why did he let you go past for some weed?" Michael asked. "I thought it's a serious crime to be outside during curfew?"
"It is but not when you've got the commander's son protection."
"His son?"
"Yeah, the commander's son, Thomas Wolfgang. He's the one who controls the weed and pubs outside the city."
"Outside the city?"
"Yes, we're heading there right now. Boy, you really don't remember anything. Well, anyways, Thomas has this pretty clever idea. He sells you weed in Destroyed Denver but then if you want to go there the next day, you have to pay with weed to the guards that are in the operation with him. He basically sells you weed and takes it back, the bastard. You can't even say no to the guards otherwise you're getting arrested."
"Why doesn't his father say anything?"
"Well, word is that Amadeus, his father, was pretty tense with all the stuff with his wife being sick. He believed that the lack of motherly love had left Thomas sad and so let him do whatever the hell he wants. Even if he wants to break the rules and well, we ain't complaining. What Hitler doesn't know won't hurt him," explained Chuck. "Even the off-duty guards go there to have their fun. Though they do have raids there at times so that the people don't get too comfortable but they let them off pretty easy. A few unlucky ones get publicly whipped and humiliated as a lesson to the public but hey, a small price to pay. I'm sure you'll see those people back there the next day!"
"Where exactly is 'there'?"
"You'll see."
They walked for half an hour and Michael started to notice people hanging out in a street. Chuck explained to him how these people lived illegally in the destroyed city coming from various locations to zones which had respawners subdued. He looked around carefully at the people in the destroyed city trying to see whether he recognized someone or someone recognized him. Chuck started to joke around asking people whether they had seen him.
"You see this ugly mug before? No? Yeah, I wouldn't wanna see it either."
"Hey lady, you ever slept with this guy before? No? Well do you want to?"
"Hey that kid looks like you Michael. Maybe he's your brother. Or maybe it's your son, you seem like the kind of guy to knock up a gal."
They had no luck with identifying anyone who knew him but Chuck said they would try again later. The population of the people began to decrease steadily as they approached the Perimeter and Michael began to feel uncomfortable. He wondered why he had thought about going beyond the Perimeter before he had lost his memory. Am I going to end up without any memories like I did last time?
"You said you were naked when you were found roaming in the city? It wouldn't surprise me if you banged a girl that night and she found out you were cheating on her and she threw your clothes away. You were probably really drunk and ended up falling to the ground and hitting your head. Or maybe you're just having a really wicked hangover," Chuck laughed at his own jokes. He thought he was hilarious and Michael found the jokes funny too. Too bad they're aimed at me. "I wouldn't be surprised Michael. You act like a pussy but I'm pretty sure you're a party animal. Once you get the hang of things, you'll be set for life! You should be glad you ran into me."