Sarutobi Hiruzen often worked late into the night with paperwork. Sometimes, bureaucratic duties kept the leader of the Hidden Village up until morning. Even shadow clones couldn't ease this burden—firstly, because the flood of information they transferred upon dispelling was immense; secondly, because the clones, just like the Hokage himself, absolutely despised this kind of work.
However, tonight, the Third Hokage had more pressing matters than documents. Or rather, more pressing than his usual paperwork. The issue was that Naruto had stolen a secret scroll (more paperwork!), forcing the Kage to dispatch dozens of shinobi to comb the village in search of the boy and the scroll. Hiruzen already had his suspicions about who might have put Naruto up to this.
But as if that weren't enough, half an hour later, a massive explosion echoed from the direction of the forest. Two squads of ANBU were immediately sent to investigate, accompanied by two jonin. The Hokage himself followed at a distance, trailing his subordinates...
Once in the forest, the sensors—Hiruzen included—detected three chakra signatures.
Arriving at the clearing, they found a wounded Umino Iruka, a grinning Uzumaki Naruto, and a strange bald man in odd attire.
The stranger was immediately surrounded by ANBU, while medics attended to the injured chunin.
Iruka tried to stand but failed. Naruto began chattering carelessly about something. Yet the boy's words contained valuable information, and the Hokage quickly pieced together the key details.
First, as Hiruzen had suspected, it was the traitor Mizuki who had manipulated Naruto into stealing the scroll of techniques. Second, this Mizuki had been knocked out with a single punch by the stranger. The rogue chunin was currently unconscious, hanging from a nearby tree—the source of the third chakra signature.
But one question remained unanswered: Who was this stranger? Friend or foe?
The bald man gave off no extraordinary presence. Just an ordinary person. Except even ordinary people had *some* chakra—this energy permeated the entire world. Yet this stranger had *none*. Worse, if Hiruzen hadn't been looking at him with his own eyes, he might have mistaken him for an illusion—a genjutsu. Where the man stood, there was only emptiness, an anomaly.
This was simply impossible. Or rather, it *should* have been impossible—unless they were dealing with a shinobi who was a master of fuinjutsu. Or someone using specialized sealing techniques to completely mask his aura. Only fuinjutsu could conceal one's presence so flawlessly. Such skill was known only to one famous clan—the red-haired Uzumaki. But they had been wiped out long ago. So who *was* this man?
What confused the Hokage most, however, was the stranger's appearance. Utterly ridiculous attire, a vacant expression, no signs of being a shinobi whatsoever. Right now, he was just standing there, picking his ear.
Fixing the stranger with a stern gaze, Hiruzen asked:
—Who are you? And which village do you hail from?
—Oh, old man! Hope you can help me out. I'm Saitama. B-Class hero—Caped Baldy. Was fighting some weird monster in the city earlier, and now I'm stuck in this forest. So I'm looking for a way out. Need to get home, to City Z. Mind pointing me in the right direction?
Sarutobi's eyebrows rose in bewilderment. Everything about this "Saitama" baffled him. His speech, his strange accent, his complete disregard for the dozen shinobi surrounding him, his apparent ignorance of who he was speaking to—despite the hat making it obvious he was addressing a Kage. And that was just the start of the oddities throwing the Hokage off balance.
So Hiruzen couldn't tell if he was dealing with a complete idiot or a brilliant actor and spy. And he *needed* to find out.
***
Saitama glanced at the short old man in the hat, then scanned his surroundings.
—You guys aren't friends with that… uh, what's his name?— The hero scratched his head. —The Joints- O'-Pain Panic?.. Um... Sunic?..
The shinobi exchanged glances. To them, it was sheer madness for an ordinary person to disrespect the Hokage so blatantly. They were also starting to suspect the bald man wasn't quite right in the head. Because he clearly didn't grasp the situation he was in. If not for Naruto's testimony about the stranger's actions and Iruka's confirming nods, they would've already restrained him—he could've been responsible for the explosion earlier. Though, looking at his dumb face, that seemed absurd.
—Got it!— Saitama exclaimed, lightly smacking his fist into his palm. —Speed-o'-Sound Sonic. He's like a shinobi or something. You know him?
Sarutobi pulled out his pipe from under his haori. A small flame flickered from his aged finger, lighting it, and he took a calm drag.
—Never heard of such a shinobi. But I'd advise you to drop the act, boy, and come with us to answer some questions. Otherwise, you'll have trouble. That's a warning from the Third Hokage—Sarutobi Hiruzen.
Hiruzen was a well-known figure. For added effect, he'd brought out his pipe. Maybe now the stranger would recognize the Hokage.
Something shifted in Saitama's expression—a flicker of concern. Sarutobi smirked, but the bald man only said:
—Old man, you know smoking at your age is bad for you, right?
The Hokage nearly choked. This Saitama was starting to get on his nerves. A barely perceptible signal from Sarutobi, and the dozen ninja prepared to apprehend their target. Some drew kunai, others opted for shuriken or senbon, while a few began weaving hand signs.
—Gramps, what're you doing?! He's not an enemy!— Naruto shouted.
But Saitama's reaction was barely above zero. He just absentmindedly scratched his bald head and said:
—Guess talking won't work without a fight, old man. You're in charge here, right? So how about a deal…
—You're in no position to bargain, boy,— the Hokage cut in. —Don't worry, we won't kill you. At least, not yet. But a suspicious outsider on our village's territory, having slipped past ANBU patrols, *plus* the recent explosion… We have no choice.
One of the jonin grabbed Naruto to haul him away from the impending scuffle. The boy immediately started thrashing and yelling at the Hokage. The second medic was already retreating with Iruka on his back.
Though the opponent didn't seem dangerous—didn't even look like an opponent, more like an unlucky idiot who'd wandered into the wrong place—orders were orders.
If the young man had surrendered immediately, the medics wouldn't have needed to evacuate the wounded chunin and the child, and the ANBU wouldn't have had to resort to force. But he'd said it himself—no talking without a fight. At least, that's how they'd interpreted it.
The corner of Saitama's mouth twitched, and he muttered:
—Great. Gotta beat someone up first before they'll talk properly…
—Last chance to surrender,— Hiruzen exhaled smoke.
—And you'll tell me where City Z is?— Caped Baldy scoffed skeptically.
—...You brought this on yourself. Apprehend him!— the Hokage ordered.
Three shinobi finished their hand signs and spoke in unison:
—Suiton: Strong Wave!
Three torrents of water surged toward the bald hero, attempting to knock him off his feet. The other shinobi stood ready to restrain him once he fell…
—Thanks for the shower, I guess. But weren't you trying to capture me?— asked a soaking-wet Saitama, still standing in the same spot.
—Huh?!— Every shinobi on the clearing blinked in confusion.
"He must've anchored himself with chakra," Hiruzen thought. "But why can't I see him using any?"
The next moment, a barrage of sharp metal objects flew at Caped Baldy—mostly shuriken and kunai, with a few senbon mixed in.
—Take him alive!— the Hokage reminded his subordinates.
Saitama effortlessly dodged all the projectiles, though his evasion technique looked bizarre. It seemed like he accidentally ended up mere millimeters away from each weapon. Sometimes he froze in ridiculous, downright silly poses while dodging.
"Damn brat, daring to toy with a dozen ANBU right in front of the Hokage?! Got guts, I'll give you that!" Hiruzen puffed furiously on his pipe but chose not to intervene yet. He was curious to see what this strange shinobi could do.
Judging by what he'd seen, the bald man's strength was at elite jonin level—probably not higher. If he were Kage-level, it'd be odd—such shinobi were rare and usually world-famous figures.
No matter how strong he was, he couldn't possibly stand against a dozen ANBU.
Meanwhile, explosive-tagged kunai came into play. Saitama dodged the blasts with uncanny (if not exactly graceful) precision. Suddenly, one shinobi flashed through hand seals, stepped right up to him, took a deep breath—and exhaled a massive fireball that nearly singed the bald hero's clothes.
—Hey, hey, I can air-dry myself just fine,— Saitama frowned, hopping back from the flames. —But how'd you do that? I wanna try!
These shinobi's abilities amazed him. Three could shoot water jets like firehoses, one spat fireballs...
—Maybe I should try exhaling something too? Who knows what'll happen?— Saitama asked an ANBU agent.
He paused, attempting to twist his fingers into the strange gestures he'd just seen—but they kept tangling up. The only thing he managed were rude hand gestures. The surrounding shinobi froze in shock. How could anyone treat a battle against a dozen ANBU so lightly? This bald guy was outright mocking them. No shinobi could possibly *not* know hand seals... right?
Saitama gave up on the confusing gestures, deciding he didn't need them. Taking a deep breath, he simply exhaled sharply toward the nearest group of shinobi.
**WHOOSH**
A monstrous gust of wind erupted from his mouth, sending three ninja flying dozens of meters. They crashed into trees and went limp. Two others barely dodged, using substitution jutsu to leave logs in their place.
Hiruzen frowned:
"Fuuton: Atsugai—though weakened. And performed without seals. He's still playing around. If he crosses the line, I'll have to step in."
—Hey, stop it, dattebayo!— Naruto burst onto the scene, followed by the jonin who'd failed to restrain the noisy academy graduate earlier.
Everyone paused. Saitama mumbled blissfully, *"See? I can do it too..."* He was thrilled—he'd never used his powers like this before.
—Enough, old man! They—
—You don't understand, Naruto,— the Hokage cut in. —He's an outsider!—
—So what?! I'm the demon fox! Mizuki told me everything!
Hiruzen nearly choked on his smoke. The clearing fell silent, save for the faint hiss of grass smoldering from a Katon technique.
—But those whiskers are on point! Knew right away who you were cosplaying,— Saitama gave a thumbs-up. Of course, he was lying—he'd only just noticed the marks on the boy's cheeks.
—Naruto...— Ignoring the hero's comment, Hiruzen locked eyes with the young jinchuriki.
He didn't know what to say. The conversation about Kurama's sealing was supposed to happen much later. But now, the young Uzumaki had blurted it out at the worst possible time.
—I won't back down! I'll help Saitama...
He formed hand seals and shouted:
—Shadow Clone Jutsu!
White smoke filled the clearing, revealing hundreds of Naruto clones.
"Learned Kage Bunshin from the scroll? Not bad..." Hiruzen thought.
—Naruto, you—
—Charge! There's more of us now, Saitama! Let's show 'em!— The chorus of identical orange-clad kids yelled before swarming the ANBU.
Saitama winced at the noisy brat but couldn't stay idle—especially when he saw a third of the clones wiped out in seconds. Seven elite ANBU operatives were no joke.
He was about to wrap things up with these masked guys when he heard:
—Doton: Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu (Earth Release: Decapitating Earth Technique)!
The next moment, Saitama was dragged underground, leaving only his head exposed.
—This... feels like déjà vu,— he muttered. —Gotta admit, it's kinda cozy though. Warm, like a bamboo shoot.
—You're an amusing guy,— A shinobi with silver-gray hair and a face-concealing mask appeared before him, one visible eye crinkling. —Don't resist. Once we handle Naruto, we'll take you to the village...
—We could've managed without you, Kakashi-san,— an ANBU grumbled.
—Can't resist joining the fun,— Kakashi smiled with his eye, scratching his head.
—Let me go, jerk!— Naruto yelled as he was caught like a misbehaving kitten, his arm twisted painfully.
The remaining clones were effortlessly dispersed, while the "original" blond was dragged toward the Hokage.
Naruto struggled again, only hurting himself further. Tears welled up—not from pain, but from helplessness. The gap between him and these adult shinobi was staggering. He wanted to be Hokage, but the Hokage had to be strong. And he... was weak.
—Let. The kid. Go.— Saitama's voice turned icy. His goofy demeanor vanished, replaced by killing intent that sent shivers down every shinobi's spine.
The rabbit-masked ANBU tightened his grip, making Naruto yelp.
Saitama frowned. The next instant, the ground trapping him exploded into rubble as he appeared behind the redhead, twisting the ANBU's arm with a sickening *crack*. The man released Naruto with a choked groan.
Rubbing his freed arm, the blond glared at the Hokage:
—Old man, stop this!
Silence fell, broken only by Hiruzen's raspy voice:
—Sorry, Naruto. I can't...
He turned to the ANBU:
—Enough holding back. I've seen enough. Apprehend the outsider.
The Hokage formed a seal and leaped into the trees. Naruto was yanked underground, only to reappear moments later beside Hiruzen—carried by an earth clone of the Third, spitting out dirt.
—Cough... old man...
The clone deposited Naruto on a branch while chaos erupted below.
Kakashi lifted his headband, revealing the legendary Sharingan, and cast a powerful genjutsu at the bald man.
—Huh?— Saitama blinked, loosening his grip just enough for the redhead to substitute away. He stared, baffled, at the strange red eye. *"How much overtime does this guy pull to get eyes like that?"*
The ANBU hurled another barrage of projectiles—only for Saitama to blow them back with his "new wind technique," sending them ricocheting toward the attackers.
Some dodged with Kawarimi; others weren't so lucky, sustaining minor injuries. But the assault continued—torrents of Suiton techniques drenched Saitama before the silver-haired shinobi lunged at him, a crackling technique forming in his hand.
—Ready? Now!— Kakashi shouted. —Chidori!
The screech of a thousand birds filled the air as the Raiton technique was intercepted mere inches from Saitama's stomach. When the lightning faded, it revealed a scorched Hawaiian shirt—and completely unharmed skin beneath.
Kakashi's eye nearly popped out of his skull.
Saitama looked down at his ruined shirt and tsk ed:
—Hey. That was my favorite shirt. You're paying for this, Red-Eyes.
The Copy Ninja tried another Sharingan-enhanced genjutsu—but again, nothing. Then came a single, seemingly light slap—one Kakashi couldn't dodge despite the Uchiha clan's legendary taijutsu. The next thing he knew, he was crashing into a tree with a bone-cracking *thud*.
Still, his sacrifice bought time. While he'd distracted Saitama, six ninja completed their seals in unison:
—One-Way Isolation Barrier Technique!
Ink-like symbols spread across the ground, converging on Saitama. Curious, he let it happen. When the technique completed, a circle of seals formed beneath him, and a violet barrier dome materialized overhead—a prison that trapped its target while allowing attacks to pass through. Even a Kage would struggle against this.
The rabbit-masked ANBU wrenched his dislocated arm back into place as the others maintained the barrier.
—Not so tough now, huh?— he sneered, pulling out a sealing tag.
—Shut up, Usagi. Just throw the sleep-gas seal already,— the cat-masked ANBU snapped.
Saitama scratched his head. *"They're planning something... Trying to knock me out?"*
Enough games. Time to get serious.
—Kid, I liked your technique,— Saitama called to Naruto, —but I've got something to show too. Check this out...
—Hurry up, Usagi!— a barrier-holder urged.
The redhead didn't need telling twice (though he'd already been told twice). Attaching the seal to a kunai, he hurled it into the barrier—and upon his activation, dark gray gas erupted around Saitama.
The B-Class hero pinched his nose and prepared to demonstrate his *serious* move.
—Serious Side Hops,— he announced nasally.
The barrier popped like a soap bubble. The shockwave sent all seven shinobi flying dozens of meters, leaving them broken but alive.
To the untrained eye, Saitama's blurred form seemed to multiply—but Hiruzen's sharp gaze recognized the truth. No clone technique. The man had simply moved *so fast* he left afterimages and a shockwave in his wake.
"Damn it all! Where did this guy come from? Shattered a barrier that could restrain a Kage... What do I do? I can't fight him with wounded shinobi and Naruto here. But he hasn't shown real aggression—just defended himself and Naruto... Oh, Rikudo. I'm too old for this..."
Saitama stopped hopping. His "technique" had carved a half-meter-deep, five-meter-wide trench. He climbed out and strode toward Hiruzen.
—Old man, your men need help,— he said calmly, eyeing the injured shinobi, —and I don't hold a grudge. I did trespass. You had every right to attack a stranger. But I won't let myself be captured.
Hiruzen glanced at a nearby medic-nin and signaled for reinforcements. The man nodded and vanished into the trees.
Exhaling a smoke ring, the Hokage opened his mouth—but Naruto beat him to it.
—That was SO COOL, dattebayo! Saitama-san, train me! I'll get strong like you and become Hokage! Then everyone'll respect me, and—
Saitama's eye twitched. Then his mouth joined in. Finally, he snapped:
—Shut it, kid! I'm not taking apprentices. Genos is enough. Besides, I'm just passing through. Once the old man gives me directions, I'm outta here...
—Naruto. Saitama is right,— Hiruzen took a long drag. —He won't be staying long. As for directions...— He exhaled smoke rings. —Let's talk in my office. There's no "City Z" on this continent. I don't know where your home is—but I'll do everything to find out and send you back.
—Oh... thanks, old man!— Saitama scratched his head.