To whoever finds this, know that I am a wild creature. My skin shifts at will, fur rising, bones melding, changing, shortening, elongating almost instantaneously to my will. A will so indomitable that none could hope to control it. I am the last of the touched, the original pact and therefore our best hope of surviving this war alive.
It doesn't feel this way, each day I wake up to more dead and more dread. The hope is gone, it fled with the blessings we once enjoyed as a member of the twelve sacred packs expired.
Each day I wake and pray, a people abandoned by the Moon Goddess, for a touch of her moonlight to grace us with her strength --her vitality -- her wisdom.
Each morning I'm disappointed and forced to face the ugly reality of our dwindling supplies. The hateful legacy left to me by my father after his murder of the true queen. The blood debt he could never repay, even in death, and the people I've continued to lose since then.
There is no end in sight. There is no hope. There is no way out. Goddess help us. Please, come back. I am the last touched but we are now the hunted.
-Diary of Elsbeth Moonchild, last Alpha of the cursed Southern Pack.
The sun is hot on my face when I emerge from the makeshift lean-to against the jungle tree. We'd fled our original home at the southernmost tip for our sacred lands only days ago. The last refuge, the last temple, remaining on our land for the moon goddess. I used to dream of her but my bloodline has been cursed, tarnished, by the acts of my father. This blessing felt like sand dancing away on the wind.
Life outside of the warm glow of the goddess, even in the pressing heat of the tropical sun, was cold. I feel her absence like a gaping wound in my chest but my responsibility to the pack my father left behind keeps me from faltering under that pressure. Even if I die for his crimes, they must survive.
My beta, Fred, is breathless when he arrives at my side. In the summer months here it's too warm to shift, but in the winter months it's too cold not to. A land of extremes. His face is covered in a sheen of visible perspiration despite the early hour, the humidity is worse than the heat at this hour.
"Alpha, I've done it, the omegas have finished a boat." He whispers, worried someone may hear. I growl deep in my chest, "I've told you before, I won't leave them."
Them being the 300 remaining lives left in our pack, too many to board the dingy they'd managed to secure at the coastline without being noticed, chased down and slaughtered.
Fred reaches out to grip my shoulder, "You're the true target Elsbeth. They won't rest until you're gone. If you leave willingly they won't have any reason to continue to kill them. It will be over."
I shake my head, if only it was that simple. The eleventh pack were fanatics and the last true queen had been from their pack. They would hunt us until we were dead.
"We both know why that won't work." I sigh.
"Well we have to do something. Before what he did you were one of primary candidates to next rule the 12 packs. Fuck, why did he have to go and doom us all." Fred punches the nearby wall, his knuckle bleeds for a whisper of a second before his skin stitches itself back together like magic.
"Calm yourself beta." I command but restrain myself from answering his question, because I don't know why he did what he did. He didn't tell me before he took off, half mad, into the wilderness that night.
I did need to find a solution though, and I had one last play to make, one mad dash that could protect my people.
"I need to claim her throne. I don't want it, goddess knows I'm standing alone screaming into the void, but I've still got a valid claim." I say to him, I'm sure looking every bit the fool I feel voicing those words out loud.
None of the other 11 packs had dared to try. My father's actions would be wiped from memory if I took the seat. All hostility would stop and we would become the royal pack, blessed amongst the 12.
I felt his claws dig unwittingly dig into my shoulder before I saw the palpable anxiety cross his features. "You know that's a death sentence."
I shake my head, "I don't have a choice, it's succeed or die." I answer back, hoping there's more strength in my voice, more conviction, than the empty well of despair I've been muddling around in for weeks now. His claws release me and my marred skin heals quickly with a pinch.
"Is that why we're here?" He whispers, almost like he'd finally looked around for the first time since we'd arrived at the temple a few days ago. I give a curt nod.
"For fuck sakes Elsbeth" he roars, the sound echoing through the stone walls. This time I grip his shoulders, looking deep into his eyes, "You know I'm right. It's a gamble, and all likelihood I'll die but if I succeed the pups will be safe permanently. Until then I need you, I need you to use that dingy and take the youngest to the island off the coast first. Make a hundred trips under the cover of darkness if you have to but make sure you get everyone away."
He wrenches his shoulder free and punches the wall. Instead of allowing his knuckles to heal he grinds the torn flesh against the rough surface of the stone and I think for a fleeting second that I've finally pushed him too far, I've broken Fred. The stone is stained a light poppy red and I see a whisper of bone.
His eye remain fixed, his nostrils flared, and I can see him visibly struggling to restrain the wolf.
"You will leave me and save everyone. I will enter the trials where they can't touch me. They'll know I remain by the coloured fire that will spread circling the temple, they'll know because I'll do it right in front of them." Fred growls angrily but bares his neck, submitting, so I continue, "Out of respect for the goddess they won't be able to enter until the flames are either extinguished at my death or they turn a bright crimson showing I've ascended. If I ascend they won't be able to touch me regardless." He knows I'm right, my former mate would never leave to chase the pack while those flames were still lit. He would stand an angry vigil to make sure I couldn't escape. The queen had been his sister.
"If you take them and flee to the island, they won't follow until the flames are extinguished. That gives you a chance. The pups a chance. A chance is better than certain death and their lives are the most precious things we have." I continue and his shoulders sag. He faces away from me and I can sense his deep overwhelming sadness through our bond. I don't need to see his tears to know they're trailing down his beautiful cheeks.
I wrap my arms around his waist from behind and press my head against my best friend's back. I know I've won, and lost, and there's nothing left to say. There remains only making our peace with the situation and moving forward to save as many as we can as quickly as we can for as long as we can.
Tomorrow as the 11th pack arrives, I'll make a show of entering the temple and slicing my palm on the door starting the ritual. When the fires ignite they will rage against them, but they won't be able to stop it. That won't stop them from trying though and it's that effort to prevent me from becoming queen that will save my people.
I am resigned to whatever comes next. At least my sacrifice will be worth it and maybe, in death, the moon goddess will grant me her forgiveness or my people peace.