Chapter 32: Reason
Alexander sighed tiredly as he rested against the icy walls of the cave that him and Arbus had sought shelter in.
Over an hour had passed since Arbus had dealt with the giant puppy that had pursued them through the frozen ravine.
After the ambush by the mutated puppies — and the possible death of most of the trainees, he had thought about quitting the mission, but ultimately decided against it. Arbus didn't seem like he had any intention of quitting, so naturally he couldn't either. He also remembered head instructor Ty's words about how much they wanted to be here. This was what it meant to be a knight, so he wouldn't run from it like Bastain always thought he would. Stopping now only meant failing the final exam, which would render the last few months almost meaningless.
They had decided to take shelter for now, to hide from the giant mutated puppies who were still running around, hunting each and every one of the trainees.
Alexander decided to distract himself, becoming lost in thought about Arbus's ability.
After he had officially joined the Renegades a few months ago, His brother, Bastain had sent him another message explaining why Arbus had been allowed to become a knight. For some reason, he left out the fact that Arbus had an ability, which made Alexander quite furious.
Bastain had told him that Arbus was the one responsible for killing the Reincarnator that massacred Terytl-b. Alexander had found that news extremely hard to believe after watching Arbus for the last few months.
Arbus was most definitely strong. In fact, Alexander wasn't sure if either him or Jet could beat him in a straight up battle. While both of them had been given better training than him at one point or another, he didn't think it would matter in the end. That was because Arbus possessed something they lacked: real battle experience.
That was only natural since Arbus had been a sentry for over nine months while the two of them were allowed to simply skip that tedious process, to Alexander's displeasure.
Even with all that, he still couldn't understand how Arbus, someone only marginally stronger than him, could defeat a Reincarnator without a Heart shard.
Now he did. Arbus's partial immortality wasn't something Alexander would have ever anticipated. It didn't mean that much right now due to the "Negation" that every high level Renegade had, but it opened up multiple possibilities for the future. Alexander understood his brother's thought process well enough to speculate about some of his plans for Arbus.
He also thought about the possible implication of a discovery like this. It essentially meant that the Reincarnators could sire countless offsprings with powers just like theirs. This was a terrifying possibility that Alexander desperately hoped that the Reincarnators hadn't thought of . If that were to happen, the Renegades would find it almost impossible to wipe them all out. They would eventually control the universe with enough preparation using this plan. The only bright side he could find concerning this matter was that the powers of the offspring were weaker than that of their parents, according to Arbus. They also had to awaken them and weren't simply born with them.
He shook his head tiredly.
He didn't want to think about these things too much when there was very little he could do about it.
His thoughts drifted back to Arbus.
"Still... That's so broken" He murmured to himself, a bit jealous.
Suddenly, he frowned as a realization dawned on him.
"Is that why?" Alexander asked, his voice cutting through the silence.
Arbus, who was sitting beside him turned towards him with a raised eyebrow.
"Why what?" He asked, puzzled.
Alexander considered his words carefully before continuing.
"Is your ability.... the reason you're the way you are?"
Arbus continued staring at Alexander with a confused look
"What exactly are you talking about?"
Alexander's frown deepened. "I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. For months, I've watched you take beating after beating from Jet, Rin, and the others without so much as a complaint."
"You act like you don't care about anything, as if you're some kind of ragdoll. Was it because you could simply regenerate afterwards? Did you let them get away with all of that because the pain was only momentary?"
Arbus remained silent for a few moments, his expression unreadable.
"Yes, I suppose it is. So what? Why exactly are you bringing this up now? We have far bigger problems to worry about"
"I disagree" Alexander said simply.
"Did you know? That Jet and the others were planning to kill you today."
Arbus's eyes widened momentarily before he regained his composure and chuckled. "Seriously? wow, I had no idea. Although I did have a sneaking suspicion that they were planning something"
"The expressions on their faces when they failed would have been priceless to see."
Alexander continued to study him intently, causing Arbus to roll his eyes in exasperation.
"You're making this a big deal for no reason. I'm immortal, things like this are the norm for me. My pain resistance is also incredibly high, I'm not worried about people like Jet."
Alexander lingered for a moment, then sighed.
"I see how it is. You don't value your life that much, do you?"
"Your immortality isn't what's causing you to act recklessly, it's actually the other way around. It's the only thing that's keeping you alive."
Arbus scowled, trying his best to keep his voice down.
"What are you talking about? I can't die. How does not caring about unimportant things like their plans and harassment matter? I'm not trying to get myself killed, I have too many things I have to accomplish."
Arbus paused for a moment, then continued slowly.
"The main reason I let them do what they do is because I understand them. I understand their hatred and the anger they feel for me. Humans have laid waste to half of the known universe, either wiping out galaxies, or taking control of them. They've slaughtered countless innocent lives across the universe. They've caused this ever constant war that has existed for far longer than most species have been alive for.
"If hurting me gives them a little bit of control, some reassurance, a way to vent their anger..... then I can't blame them for it. I don't have any right to. I would do the exact same thing as well."
Alexander stared at Arbus with a complex expression, then asked incredulously.
"Is that what this is about? You're letting them hurt you because you believe you deserve it? Because of what people you've never even met did?
"I have no intention of answering for the countless crimes my race has secretly and openly committed. And neither should you. You're not them, and you do not represent them. You haven't done anything to deserve carrying that mental and emotional burden."
Arbus's expression turned somber.
"No, actually I have. It's not just about their crimes and sins. It's also about mine as well."
His gaze drifted outside the cave entrance, where the endless snowstorm raged. He sighed deeply. "The crimes I can't bear to live with, and yet, at the same time, I can't die because of. It's quite paradoxical, really."
Alexander stared silently for several moments before asking cautiously.
"...and what exactly would those crimes be?"
Arbus sighed deeply, as he thought long and hard about what he wanted to do next. Alexander already knew about his ability, so he honestly didn't see any reason to keep this a secret from him. Bastain had never forbidden him from talking about this event either. He just never brought it up because it was too painful. He always did his best to forget about it to no avail. He could also sense that Alexander wasn't going to simply let this matter go.
Arbus hesitated for a few more seconds, then spoke suddenly.
"Fine then, I'll tell you"
"....I'll tell you about my best friend, Arora."