Awakening in my solitary chamber, the morning serenity envelops me. Sunbeams filter through the window, piercing even the thick curtains. The previous night's nightmares pale in comparison to the intensity of emotions swirling within.
Though my cheeks remain unblemished by tears, I sense a subtle yet profound transformation within me. Reflecting on the decisions made in the past hours, I confront my own insensitivity with the unfiltered gaze of truth.
How could I have entertained the thought of abandoning her in such a critical moment? I feel like an insensible being, one who has finally glimpsed light after wandering in darkness.
"So, this is what it feels like, isn't it?" I whisper softly, sharing my thoughts with the surrounding silence. "Rem..."
Memories flow like currents in my mind, bringing forth past situations where I faced similar choices. Despite rescuing Crusch from the clutches of destiny, I now see clearly that I could have done much more.
My life, which will not fade with death, holds lesser significance than others'. My gaze shifts to the window, where the sun rises with determination, filling the world with light and warmth.
I contemplate the new day with a renewed sense of hope and possibility.
"This is a new dawn, the one I always yearned to witness," I murmur to myself as I open the window, allowing the morning breeze to caress my skin. Yes, this marks a starting point, a "from zero" for me.
My eyes wander over the outside panorama, witnessing the world come alive under the golden rays of the ascending sun. My father's words, his teachings about each day as an opportunity to start anew, resonate with deeper meaning at this moment.
Every day is like a blank page, a chance to create; to shape our actions and emotions on the canvas of life. Determination grows within me, and I decide to visit the laboratory unannounced.
Upon entering, my eyes land on Emilia and Beatrice, engrossed in their tasks. My sudden appearance seems to surprise them, but a warm and genuine smile forms on my lips, dispelling any unease they may have felt.
"It doesn't matter if you hide; I will always find you," I assert, my steady gaze meeting theirs, conveying my determination. "I want to speak with both of you, here and now."
Both nod in response and settle on the bed. I stand tall, a strange but comforting sensation stirring within me; something I hadn't experienced in a long time.
"Marco," Beatrice captures my attention by touching her chest and closing her eyes with an enigmatic smile. "Can you feel it?"
Momentarily puzzled, my focus shifts to her words and gesture. Seeking answers in her expression, before I can formulate a question, she continues.
"I don't know how you achieved it, but now..."
Her words hang in the air, and before I can react, an inner impulse guides me. Without thinking, I rush towards them and embrace them tightly.
I hold them in my embrace, their expressions of surprise fading into the warmth and security of my gesture.
"I was lost, exhausted," I confess in a low voice, keeping them close, letting my voice bridge our emotions. "I longed to escape, desired rest, but I was afraid to confront my own nocturnal torments."
Emilia's head rests on my shoulder, but I gently lift it, wishing to look her directly in the eyes. "My apologies, Emilia. I erred in my words, in my actions."
Her eyes open, revealing surprise and a trace of sadness.
"Yes, I suffered for you, and that won't change."
A lump form in my throat, but I press on, wanting to be honest; transparent. Both women are the reason I persisted, fought, and continue to move forward.
Everything I've done has been for them: for my princess and for Emilia. Of course, I also factor into the equation.
"But, like me, you've also suffered because of me. And that's why I want to apologize."
Both shake their heads in denial, but I release my embrace to look them in the eyes, wanting to convey the sincerity of my words and the complexity of my emotions.
Now I understand.
"I was a fool, but I know you'll find forgiveness in your hearts."
A genuine smile forms on my face, their gazes meeting mine, releasing the feelings they had been holding back.
In this beautiful dance of intertwined emotions, they are an essential part of me, a vital part of my yearning.
"But why do you do this? Why do you sacrifice yourself in this way for us?" Emilia looks at me with devastated eyes, tears shining in her eyes. "I know you love Betty, but... What you do for me?" her gaze filled with expectation and longing.
"You say you love us, I suppose, but we also sense your silent suffering indeed. If you're willing to endure such pain for us..." Beatrice shifts her gaze towards me, her expression full of sorrow.
I gently place my hand on their cheeks, tenderly wiping away the tears adorning their skin.
Experiencing profound suffering for others' pain is the deepest manifestation of affection we can offer.
"Both of you are mistaken," I say, tilting my head, a smile of understanding on my face. "My actions are not based on what I do for you, but on what I choose not to do for someone else."
The tribulations I've endured, internal struggles, the yearning for escape— all of this has been conceivable because I am certain both shall stand by my side. They embody my anchor, a steadfast support upon which I am willing to wage my battles.
In their presence, I find tranquility and strength— a strength hitherto deemed impossible.
"Indeed, I shall, at times, inflict wounds upon them." My voice resonates with a serene firmness as I acknowledge my humanity in all its intricacies. "And it is equally true that you, too, shall inflict wounds upon me."
The genuine essence of this relationship lies in the mutual acceptance of our imperfections and errors.
I used to believe I must tread my path in solitude, bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders, while others were mere pawns in a game of chess. However, how mistaken I was.
"Undoubtedly, we shall cause each other mutual harm," I declare, taking their hands and intertwining our destinies with a significant gesture. "Yet, that is part of life, part of our journey."
Our hearts beat in unison, aware that shared suffering bestows upon us an extraordinary strength.
"The advent of spring entails embracing the risk of winter; becoming presence involves accepting the possibility of absence." Every wound transforms into a lesson, every fall an opportunity to rise again.
It matters not if suffering looms on our horizon because what truly matters is that pain will evolve into a lesson, an experience from which we will learn and use to prepare for future seasons.
"Both of you are significant to me, and my desire is to witness your smiles and happiness. That's why I believed I had to suppress all my emotions and bear the weight alone." I close my eyes, feeling the warmth of their hands on mine. "I wished to do anything to see you happy, but there was something I did not comprehend."
Right at that moment, interrupting me gently, both intertwine their hearts, demonstrating that we are united on this shared path. Their gazes meet mine, reflecting my own being in their precious eyes.
"For us, part of our happiness is seeing you happy." Both smiles, and their words settle upon me like a gentle balm.
It is true; initially, I thought I had come into this world to suffer. However, I am the same individual who led me to defeat, pain, and this internal struggle. Though I have not fundamentally changed, perhaps now I am at a point where I can begin to accept myself in a deeper and more complete way.
"So, let us face the challenges together, let suffering unite us on this shared journey." I embrace them again with my arms, and both softly sob while holding onto me. "I love you, and that's why I apologize for what I am about to share."
I feel the willingness to be vulnerable, to open my heart and share my deepest struggles and fears. I begin to recount my challenges— how work has consumed me to exhaustion, how the pressure of expectations has kept me awake at night.
I share the responsibility I feel towards the inhabitants of Irlam.
I mention the incident during the battle, how the miasma invaded my body, and the archbishop thrust something into me. I describe my concerns and fears about the future. Emilia seems to be the most affected by my words.
But at this moment, there are no more options than to be honest.
"I am afraid, but I cannot allow myself to fall into despair," I say, releasing a contained sigh. "That is not the way I wish to live."
They remain close to me, surrounding me with their support as we share the burden of my thoughts and emotions.
"You are not alone, Marco," Emilia responds, her voice soft but filled with determination. Beatrice gently places her hands on my cheeks and with her sweet strength makes me face her.
Her eyes, beautiful, with butterfly-shaped irises, gaze at me with sincere intensity. Despite her smile, her eyes convey deep understanding and affection.
"Speaking about your troubles does not make you insensitive in fact; quite the opposite, I suppose," she approaches, bringing our foreheads close. "You should not wait until you're on the brink to share your thoughts and feelings, indeed. No matter how much you may be suffering, I suppose, no matter how much it may be necessary for you to endure, indeed. As long as Betty is with you, I suppose, she will be happy, indeed."
Her words are laden with deep emotion, with a love so beautiful and precious that I can only listen with admiration.
"Betty's life changed since you arrived, I suppose, but you are also the reason for my happiness, indeed." With a slight blush on her cheeks, she places a kiss on my forehead. "You don't have to be exceptional to be extraordinary, I suppose. You don't need to be strong to be a knight, indeed. You just have to be Marco Luz, I suppose."
I open my eyes in astonishment as Beatrice holds me captivated with her gaze.
"The person Betty loves is the knight Marco Luz, indeed. There is no other, I suppose." She gently kisses my cheek, leaving a trace of love in her gesture. "It doesn't matter if you are vulnerable, it doesn't matter if you are strong, indeed. For Betty, Marco Luz is the only knight capable of bringing her happiness, indeed."
My eyes fill with gratitude as I firmly hold onto their hands.
"So, let Betty make you happy." I close my eyes, pondering on what the person I love the most has just told me.
A feeling I thought was lost forever, a familial love I believed I would never experience again. The joy of having a family, something I lost long ago.
"There is a reason why I am in this world," I confess, letting my voice reflect my commitment, "and I am going to find it."
Both observe me with admiration, a glimmer of understanding in their eyes.
"No matter the challenges we face, we shall confront them together," I declare, sensing our connections strengthening. "From this point forward, everything is a new canvas that we shall paint together."
Tears shimmer in their eyes, and I embrace them tightly, feeling our bond grow even stronger. The vulnerability we share unites us on a deeper level.
"Thank you both for being here with me," I whisper, feeling the comforting warmth of their presence in every fiber of my being. "I love you, love you from the depths of my heart."
My strides forward shall be resolute, propelled by love and the determination to do what is right.
No one can stop me now that I have Emilia and Beatrice by my side. I also have much to be grateful for to Crusch.
Together, we will face any challenge, knowing that shared suffering will only make us stronger, and mutual appreciation is our greatest support in this constant journey called life.
After my words, both conclude their preparations and change, while I take the opportunity to take a bath. Once I emerge, dressed in military attire, I encounter Crusch, who is heading towards my room.
"Good morning," I greet, checking the clock to confirm it's approximately seven in the morning. She doesn't seem to have a particularly busy schedule, so waking up at this hour might indicate a new purpose.
"Good morning, Marco," she smiles, extending her hand towards me. "A new day, ready to begin our work."
I pose a question I've been considering, knowing it might be an interesting idea. "Have you considered joining the military?" I inquire, noting the surprise in her gaze.
I have been contemplating this for a while. I believe the military could be a place where her wind magic and skill could be truly valuable. Even without her sword, her wind magic could combine impressively with a bullet. The concept of it sends shivers down my spine. A bullet propelled by her wind blessing could reach incredible speeds.
"Me? I thought you'd want me to help with administration," Crusch comments, crossing her arms and looking at me with curiosity. I tilt my head slightly, rejecting that idea.
Crusch is an ideal candidate to train soldiers in close combat skills, a deficiency we have had in the army. Since I have reservations about who I allow into the high ranks, having someone of her strength and character would be beneficial.
Additionally, her ability to detect lies could prove extremely useful.
"Your strength would be of great use in training soldiers in close combat, enhancing their chances of survival," I observe the town, pondering what would be the best choice. "You will be part of the high ranks, granting you more authority. However, to achieve that, you must undergo an examination."
A smile forms on her lips, showing she understands what I am implying. "An examination... I have no issue with that."
In the context of this world, Crusch is the ideal candidate to be promoted to a significant position in the military, perhaps as a deputy commander. However, such a promotion must wait for an appropriate time.
If I elevate her too quickly, soldiers might doubt the truth of my words, thinking it's all a scheme.
The elite corps examination is a common practice here. Anyone can be recommended to undergo it, and the decision to participate or not lies with the individual. Luan and Crusch, both will take the exam.
This will allow me to ensure that Luan faces a substantial challenge. If he truly is an exceptional talent, he must prove his worth by facing a significant difficulty. It is not my intention to crush his spirit but to help him understand his true potential.
Though the idea of subjecting someone to hardships is not something I relish, it is necessary. Luan comes from a village that suffered irreversible losses, and facing difficulties in the military could be overwhelming.
However, his growth is essential for our cause.
If I make Crusch take the exam first and she succeeds decisively, it might demotivate Luan. Crusch will be a crucial figure in our strategy, so I must expedite her promotion for her involvement in various tasks.
Determining someone's loyalty is crucial. Crusch's blessing will be valuable for detecting any attempts at infiltration by Lugunica spies. Though the detection methods work in most cases, they are not foolproof, and there are situations where they can fail.
"Let's go; there is much work to be done," I announce, urging her to move alongside me. Together, we will face the challenges that lie ahead.