Sinner
I surrender to the inevitable truth unfolding before me like a dark curtain of tragedy. The book, Roswaal's initiative, Echidna's gambit... it all makes sense now, in a flash of understanding. I have been defeated.
"Shit," I mutter as my hands desperately seek support against the wall, dust seeping into my senses.
"Don't come any closer."
Emilia's words resonate sharp, cutting like blades. She has glimpsed my past, delved into the darkest recesses of my being. Now she is aware of Echidna's machinations, her insatiable desire to snatch fragments of me, of my memories.
With Emilia conscious of my past actions, of my mistakes and sins, there is no escape.
I have to reset, start over from scratch, hoping to be lucky enough to renegotiate the deal. But losing a life like this, in such an absurd way, is a blow that resonates deep within me.
A sigh escapes my lips as I slump down, trying to quell the whirlwind of emotions threatening to engulf me. The only option left to me at this moment is to unleash all my mana, to unleash its power in a desperate torrent.
It would be a quick way to end it all, to extinguish the flame of existence burning within me. But a voice, a distant echo of humanity in an abyss of despair, stops me.
"That's not something a human would do."
The pain in my chest intensifies, as if being crushed by an unbearable weight. My breath catches, trying to convey something that my mind refuses to comprehend. Of all the people I have met on this journey, Emilia was the one who managed to carve a place in my heart, despite my initial resistance.
I discovered in her qualities I didn't believe possible, subtle changes revealing an unwavering determination.
Her unchanging view of others, her sincere desire to help... all of that drew me towards her in a way I never imagined. Desperation fills my words as I utter them in a whisper laden with bitterness and self-loathing.
"I can't go through the test again." I can't go back; I can't undo what's already done. And although I cling to the hope of redemption that now seems illusory, I know deep down that the path I have chosen will lead me to ruin.
And, right now, I know there's no turning back. Reality unfolds before me like a bottomless abyss, and I find myself being dragged into its relentless darkness.
"Why?" I ask, looking at the ground, trying to regain my composure. Why do I feel this way? All I longed for was to be happy, to find a glimpse of peace in this ruthless and chaotic world. But now, if I don't have the chance, if I lose this life in vain, I'll let chaos reign.
I'll destroy everything, this sanctuary, the crystal, and I'll end Roswaal. My hands clench with uncontrolled fury, the latent power within me waiting to be unleashed.
I'll destroy the world, for taking away what I love time and time again. Anger boils in my veins, a current of dark energy threatening to overflow at any moment.
"I'm fed up!" I shout, hitting the wall with desperate force, feeling the pain resonate in every fiber of my being. But even the pain feels fake, distant, overshadowed by the storm raging within me.
'This can't be happening to me.' I hit the wall over and over again, each impact raising clouds of dust that dance in the air like specters of my own despair. Blood begins to flow from my battered knuckles, staining the wall with a dark red that mixes with the gray dust.
The drops of blood fall to the ground with a dull sound, marking the frenzied rhythm of my racing heart.
"Enough!" With one final blow, I feel my hand fracture, an electric sensation coursing through my body like a stormy torrent of pain and fury. The bloodstain on the wall is all I see, a tangible reminder of my impotence, of my failure.
My heart hurts, my hands hurt, my head hurts. I was supposed to be in control, to be able to master my dark side, to become the monster I needed to be to protect what I love.
"Why are you giving up?" I sigh, looking at my fists torn by the blows. I can't move the fingers of my right hand, which remains clenched in a tight, useless fist.
"Who cares? If she gives up, then there's nothing I can do." Both of their plan worked perfectly. I can't help Emilia, and now I'll have to wait and see what happens. The future is unchangeable, once written, no matter my actions; everything I do will go according to that inexorable fate.
I was an idiot. I let my emotions take over, I know. My past... I don't understand what Emilia saw, but there must be a reason for such a strong reaction.
"I know I'm a monster," I say. I get up, patting my sides in search of my gun, but then I remember I didn't take it. I'm tired. Tired of fighting, suffering, of losing those I love over and over in this endless cycle of pain and despair.
But even so, I know I can't give up. Though the abyss of madness and despair threatens to engulf me, I must keep going, I must find the strength to fight once more.
I don't want to leave the sanctuary; I don't want to see anyone right now. The weight of failure rests on my shoulders like a slab of granite, crushing me with its relentless cruelty.
I close my eyes tightly, trying to block the torrent of emotions threatening to overflow.
Now, I must do what I must do. I begin to gather mana, slowly, absorbing the energy from my surroundings with mechanical, emotionless movements. I guess there's nothing else I can do; now, all that's left is for me to die to atone for my mistake.
And when I do, I'll only have an extra life left, a pale consolation amidst the desolation consuming me.
"I'll have to face the trial on my own," I conclude the spell, the words leaving my lips with a somber determination as I prepare to unleash the fire magic that will end my existence.
I just need to increase the power a bit more, take the last step towards the abyss that opens before me.
The heat begins to intensify, a wave of fire threatening to consume everything in its path. Around me, the vision distorts, the world losing its shape and coherence under the influence of my uncontrolled power.
Everything I did was in vain, and yet, I still regret every step.
"If only I didn't resurrect," I imbue more mana into the spell, letting the energy flow through me with an almost painful intensity. But as I'm about to conclude the spell, I hear something.
Footsteps, barely perceptible at first, but growing louder with time. I recognize them instantly, almost as if it were the most natural thing in the world. The presence approaching, a presence I never expected to feel again.
With drill-shaped pigtails, a faint smile, and the figure of the person I love the most.
"So, it's you," I hold back the urge to scream, feeling like my heart is about to sink into an irreparable void. 'No, I didn't want to see her. I don't want her to see me like this, not now that I'm so close to the abyss.'
"Hmpf! It seems you'll always need Betty; I suppose." Closer and closer, I see her figure again, the familiarity of her presence enveloping me like a warm blanket amidst the darkness.
I hear her voice, the soft music of her words resonating in the tense air. For a moment, my body relax, my worries fading away in the warmth of her presence.
I collapse to the ground, unable to do anything to stop it.
It's as if everything is okay, as if for a brief moment I could forget the pain and despair consuming me. But despite what my body wants, I know this peace is fleeting, illusory.
"You don't need to do this," the cold crystal clashes against my skin, reminding me that the person in front of me is nothing more than an illusion, a mirage in the desert of my despair.
"Carmilla. This is just a deception."
Carmilla opens her eyes forcefully, stepping back and shrugging, looking at me with a certain fear. Her lips and hands visibly tremble, while the illusion surrounding her slowly fades away, revealing her true form.
Though I wish she would remain as Beatrice, I know this illusion is just that, a distorted reflection of reality.
I watch as she assumes her true form, at the same time wishing she would remain as Beatrice. Her gaze, slightly tense, her eyes not looking at me, but as if they were seeing behind me.
She seems afraid, as if I could do something to her.
The real question is when I entered the dream castle. If she can't manifest in reality, that means I'm already there.
"You, you looked..." Without being able to finish her words, I see the walls starting to break around us, revealing the illusion that enveloped us.
The truth is, I can't die in this plane on my own, so now I don't know what's going to happen. If she got my memories, I guess she already knows about the death loop. That means she brought me here to prevent me from being killed and breaking the contract.
A masterful plan, I suppose.
But the strange calm I felt the first time doesn't come; instead, I only feel a void so deep that it feels like I'm about to be consumed entirely. Ironically, I'm about to die forever, but not in the way I expected.
I'll lose control of my body, be forced to make decisions as if I were just a puppet. And yet, my heart says nothing. Helplessness takes root in the deepest part of my being, growing like untamed weeds that threaten to suffocate any glimmer of hope.
Carmilla keeps looking at me, while the stone ceiling is replaced by a blue sky. The walls fall and disappear, leaving only a green field stretching into infinity. I find myself immersed in an unreal landscape, a manifestation of someone else's mind, where every detail seems carefully designed to disorient me.
"Did Echidna tell you to come?" I ask Carmilla, trying to stay calm as the surroundings change around me. She seems to struggle to stay close, as if afraid that at any moment she might get lost in the vastness of the landscape.
If I see her too long, her authority will be activated, so I must be careful not to succumb to her power. My muscles tense, ready to react to any sign of danger, any hint that my will might be manipulated in her presence.
"It's not that you matter to me, it's just that..." Carmilla seems to hesitate, her words faltering in the air like leaves carried by the wind. I have no memories of Carmilla, nor any information.
Her personality is also not something I know beyond what I read in arc four. From what I perceive, she will be a counterpart to lust. She doesn't care about anyone or watch out for anyone's love. It'll be something like that.
"Don't worry, thank you for showing me my daughter." I smile, trying to contain myself. I try to approach, but she takes a step back, as if something about my presence disturbs her. What is she afraid of? I guess she'll have some trauma from the past, but until I know it, I won't know how to deal with her.
She was never a character of interest to me, but something about her seems to make me feel close. It's a strange feeling, as if a part of me recognizes something in her that I still can't fully understand.
She disappears, without saying another word, leaving me alone with my turbulent thoughts.
"I still want to know why you showed her my past." I turn around, just to see her smile as she takes a sip of her tea. Her elegant posture remains, her smile seems truly genuine, but there's something in her gaze that makes me suspicious. She already considers herself victorious.
"You also tried to cheat somehow." Her words come laden with deadly poison, while her gaze goads me to come closer. She smiles, narrowing her eyes with malice, knowing that she has already won this battle of wills.
Every step I take feels heavy, as if I'm dragging invisible chains that cling to my feet with every movement. The air around me is thick and dense, as if I'm walking through a sea of oil.
Why do I feel this weight, this burden dragging me down? I shouldn't feel anything in this place, where reality and illusion intertwine so confusingly.
My hands tremble slightly as I look at them, searching for any trace of the blood that once covered them. However, they are now clean, without signs of the battle I just fought. But, despite this, I can still feel the thickness of the blood on my hands, a persistent sensation that reminds me of all those I have faced, all those I have defeated.
My legs give way beneath me, unable to bear the weight of my own memories. An avalanche of memories rushes into my mind, dragging me into an abyss of pain and despair.
"No... I thought I had forgotten," I murmur, fighting against the images that threaten to tear apart my sanity.
Echidna's voice pulls me out of my internal tumult, drawing my attention to her. She rises gracefully, approaching me with elegant steps. Her eyes, cold and calculating, scrutinize my face for any sign of weakness.
"The bet we made puts everything on the line, your memories and mine were scanned by Od Lagna," she explains, her voice echoing in the tense air that surrounds us.
A sense of disbelief washes over me. How is it possible that I forgot something so crucial as this? Echidna leans towards me, her penetrating gaze trapping me in her web.
"The test administrator used my memories, which shouldn't be allowed since you don't own them until I lose," I object, trying to find some semblance of justice in this desperate situation.
Echidna straightens slowly, a sinister smile curving her lips.
"I don't know, the one who administers the test is Od Lagna himself," she replies, her words resonating in my mind like a distant echo.
'Od Lagna. I still don't know what it is.'
But it doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is the present, and what I must do now.
"Then, why did you bring me?" I inquire, trying to keep my voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions threatening to engulf me.
Echidna's smile widens, revealing a facet of her I had never seen before. "Your body must be in good condition," she declares, her tone filled with confidence and determination. "Don't worry, I'll retrieve that girl."
But even as she speaks those reassuring words, I can see the shadow of doubt dancing in her eyes. For a brief moment, her expression clouds with a darkness that sends shivers down my spine.
My heart beats forcefully, a mixture of anxiety and determination taking hold of me as I face the imminent threat looming over my daughter. My mind is clouded with turbulent thoughts, but one conviction holds firm: I must help her, protect her at any cost.
My body seems to act on instinct, as if guided by a higher force. Without even realizing it, I find myself over Echidna, my hand raised with ferocity, ready to strike with all my might.
"In the end, you couldn't do anything," her voice sounds sarcastic, fueling the flame of my anger.
"Damn it!" I shout, unleashing my fury with a punch that seems destined to shatter her, but my blow only finds the grass.
"We are equals, Marco Luz," her voice resonates in my mind, an echo of challenge that shakes me to my core.
I try to regain my composure as my hands cover my face. The memory of those moments hits me brutally: the smell of blood, the hatred consuming my soul, the blinding rage.
Her malicious smile, the pungent aroma of drugs poisoning the air around me.
"Stop!" I exclaim, struggling to contain the tide of emotions threatening to overwhelm me. I press my hands against my face, trying to suffocate the pain threatening to devour me from within.
"I curse your existence, Marco Luz," my best friend's words echo in my mind like an ominous echo, reminding me of the darkness that has always haunted my life.
"Stop..." my voice is barely a whisper, drowned out by the avalanche of memories threatening to engulf me completely. I fall to my knees on the ground, feeling the despair enveloping me like a dense, suffocating fog.
"Maybe I should have bet on you taking the test," Echidna's voice pulls me out of my inner turmoil, bringing me back to harsh reality. "In the end, you chose to leave it to her because you knew you wouldn't overcome it the right way."
"And what of it?" my voice sounds rough, laden with a challenge I can barely contain. "Not everyone can overcome their past. Some of us carry our sins forever."
I face Echidna with determination, but inside me, doubt and fear threaten to consume me entirely. Why do these tormenting memories resurface now, in the darkest moment of my life?
I try to suppress the thoughts threatening to overwhelm me, focusing my attention on the present. But before I can even react, an unfamiliar voice resonates behind me.
"You..." I turn sharply, finding myself face to face with a woman of enigmatic appearance and tired countenance, reclining indolently. Her pale skin and magenta hair catch my attention, while her gaze seems to pierce me with disinterest.
"Sekhmet," I try to stand up, but I lack the necessary strength.
"Do you... know me?" her voice sounds weary, as if each word costs her an extraordinary effort. But the presence of this woman awakens a curiosity in me that I cannot ignore.
"Only your name and your condition as the sloth witch," I reply, feeling the weight of her words. "Now, I am the one who harbors the gene."
She closes her eyes with a deliberate gesture, plunging me into a tense silence. When I think she's reached the limit of her patience, she opens her eyes and meets me with a penetrating gaze.
"You... There's no need for you to be like this," her voice sounds gentle, but her words resonate with an intensity that shakes me to the core. "The authority will take the form of the nature of who you are."
I am perplexed by her words, feeling uncertainty seizing me.
What is the true nature of my being? I have strived to be a benevolent man, to help others. But now, what is left for me?
"I am who I am, there is nothing more to consider," I respond with determination, trying to ignore the fear threatening to paralyze me completely. I struggle to stand up, but my strength falters under the avalanche of emotions threatening to overwhelm me.
The woman disappears before my eyes, leaving me immersed in her enigmatic words. If they are interrupting Echidna, it must be for some hidden reason. But nothing matters anymore, everything is lost.
"Listen, I'm not interested in chatting, just get me out of this castle of the..." my voice fades as my eyes land on a tiny figure in front of me.
The green-haired girl smiles at me innocently, extending her hand towards me. Her red eyes shine with unsettling curiosity, and her short dark green hair seems to vibrate with an unknown energy.
She wears a crown of blue flowers on her head, her arms adorned with bracelets of the same tone. Despite her fragile appearance, she exudes an aura of power that leaves me breathless.
"Another witch..." My voice sounds rough, laden with tension that I can barely contain. But the girl simply smiles at me with a calmness that bewilders me.
The words stick in my throat as a threatening darkness that loom over me. I am alone, facing an uncertain fate in a world crumbling around me.
"Are you, perhaps, a sinner?" The question, heavy with weight, seems to hover in the air like an ominous shadow casting over my destiny.
I could use that question as a final escape route, a release from the chains that bind me to this torment. The pains that await me when facing her power are something I do not know, an abyss into which I am unwilling to fall.
Or maybe...
"That depends on who you ask." My words flow cautiously as I step back, moving away from her outstretched hand. Typhon seems to hesitate for a moment, but her smile slips back onto her face like a mask of indifference.
Even with her hand extended towards me, she advances.
"I could determine if you are a virtuous being or a sinner." Her eyes narrow slightly, trying to persuade me. "What is your name?"
"Marco Luz, it's a pleasure... Typhon." I seize the change of subject to steer the conversation towards safer grounds.
"Have we met before?" Typhon leans on her chin, fixing her gaze on mine intently.
"I doubt it, but your name is familiar to me." Echidna will not be an ally in this situation. She wants my resistance to break, for me to fall into the trap they set for me. As I retreat, I feel my mana fading, leaving me exhausted and disheartened.
"Do you consider yourself a sinner?" Her question awakens painful memories in my mind, like thorns piercing my heart.
"I love you..." My lips tremble at the memory of those words, so sweet and distant now. Trapped in a whirlwind of emotions, I respond with anger and despair.
"A sinner? Of course I am! I am the worst of them all!" My voice resonates with bitterness and self-loathing as the dark and tragic past stirs within me, threatening to devour me whole.
My mind plunges into a sea of memories, each one more painful than the last. The images of my past, of my mistakes and regrets, dance before my eyes like shadowy figures in the darkness.
And amidst this emotional chaos, a voice whispers in the depths of my being, feeding the fire of my anger and resentment.
'It's time.'
That voice propels me forward, pushing me towards the abyss of madness and despair. And as I sink into the darkness, I know that there is no turning back. My life has slipped out of my control, dragged along by the relentless current of destiny. And now, I can only let myself be carried away, allow the chaos to consume me completely.
I grab my head, feeling a sharp pain that makes me fall. My head torments me, but the smell of gunpowder invades my senses, blood pools in my hands, and suddenly, I perceive a soft touch.
I take the gun with trembling hands, feeling its cold weight like an extension of my own desperation. The icy metal seems to burn my skin, reminding me of the path of blood and suffering I have chosen.
"Are you alright?" Typhon's voice breaks the silence, dragging me back to reality with a harsh blow. And then, the memory returns like a furious torrent, dragging me down, towards the darkness of my own demons.
I was the one who did it.
I really did it.
The memory hits me like a punch to the stomach, making my hands tremble intensely as I try to cover my ears, as if I could block out the echo of my own atrocious actions.
I feel the grinding of my teeth, clashing again and again in a desperate attempt to silence the voices that torment me.
'That's not like a human being,' a voice resonates in my mind, accusatory and full of condemnation. And I know it's right. I don't deserve to be called a human being.
"I'm a monster, a sinner." My words escape my lips with indescribable bitterness as I turn my gaze towards Typhon, feeling her gaze upon me. "But my sin is something I still pay for; that's why I shouldn't die. Yes, in the end, I'll live as a prisoner in my own body."
"Shouldn't you pay? Typhon will judge sinners!" She steps closer, extending her hand towards me, but I recoil with a sharp gesture, rejecting her touch.
"You have no right to judge me," I retort, my fists clenched tightly, feeling the burn of anger in my veins. "I'll pay for my sins! But you have no right to judge me!"
Her eyes narrow, eyebrows furrowed, lips pressed into a tense line.
"I am the one who will judge!" Her voice resonates with authority, sharp as a blade. "Sinners must pay!"
Anger boils inside me, fueled by her defiant words.
"Cursed lunatic."
"You must pay for yourself! After all, you are a sinner too!" My words are a desperate cry, full of anger and despair.
I'm now arguing with a disturbed child, but I no longer care. Fury consumes me, drowning out any trace of rationality that may remain in my mind.
"Good or evil isn't judged so easily," I continue, my words bursting forth with uncontrolled ferocity. Justifying myself to avoid suffering, even though I should pay for it.
'What's happening to me? I can't stop.'
Killing is killing. Stealing is stealing. Vile actions cannot be compensated for by good intentions, but does it matter when the world is at stake? When the balance between good and evil tilts towards survival?
The dilemma consumes me, devouring me from within. My heart is filled with doubts and contradictions, but in the end, I can only cling to the one truth I know: killing is killing.
And now, with the weight of my actions on my shoulders, I confront Typhon with all the fury and pain I've accumulated.
"You judge according to your beliefs, but to me, you're a sinner who should be judged, you and everyone else." My fists are clenched so tightly that I feel my nails digging into my own flesh, but I can't stop the words that spill from my lips, full of rage and despair. "We are all sinners; from the moment we are born, we are corrupted by the world."
I smile bitterly, trying to find solace in justifying my actions, though I know there is no absolution for what I've done. Darkness looms over me, threatening to engulf me completely, but I can't retreat. I can't allow myself to surrender to the madness consuming me, even though I know it's already too late.
"In the end, perhaps we're born with corruption in our souls," I continue, my words resonating in the tense air as I display the palms of my hands, marked by the weight of my actions. "I killed, I did it. Perhaps I should accept it and face the consequences. I should suffer for it. The actions I carried out, everything must have consequences."
'I should've died after fulfilling my purpose.'
The echo of my words fades into the void, but still, they persist in my mind like a constant echo of guilt and remorse.
"I should never have wished to find a new one," I whisper, feeling the weight of the truth crushing me. "But here I am, facing the consequences of my own choices."
Typhon's aura grows, her presence seeming to shake the very castle of dreams that surrounds us. The ground trembles beneath my feet, the sky seems to stir in response to her anger. Everything is about to collapse around us, but I stand firm, facing my fate with determination.
"Only a sinner speaks like that." Typhon's voice cuts through the air like a sharp blade, and her words resonate deep within me, shaking my very core.
'Isn't it better to accept it? Admit it, Marco. What you really wanted was to provoke her, to make her angry.'
A sense of calm washes over me, a peace I've never experienced before. I feel as if I'm floating in a sea of tranquility, removed from the pain and anguish that have haunted me for so long.
The world around me fades into an ethereal mist, and only Typhon and I remain, facing each other in the midst of the darkness that surrounds us. Her presence seems closer now, more tangible, as if she's about to take my hand at any moment.
"Are you a sinner?" Her voice resonates in the space, filling it with her powerful presence.
"Yes..." My response is barely a whisper, but it's filled with a deep and resigned acceptance. I've embraced my destiny, embraced my true nature.