No More…
The gentle touch of her hand fades into a numb sensation, while the firmness with which she holds it dissolves into an empty echo. I open my eyes, only to find myself staring at her foot, a mundane detail contrasting with the internal chaos I feel. What happened? Where is the pain?
I scan around, but all I see are fragments of my body scattered on the floor. I keep one of my eyes closed, while with the other, I gaze into hers. "And the pain?!" I try to tense some part of my body, but there is no sensation whatsoever. "WHERE THE HELL IS THE DAMN PAIN?!"
I must pay. My sins, everything I did. "MAKE ME SUFFER!"
She looks at me with a surprised expression, her eyes wide open and her hands slightly trembling. She almost seems to not understand what's happening as she looks at me. A smile is the last thing she shows.
My consciousness fades as she takes a step back. "KILL ME! I want to suffer!" I exclaim, unable to contain myself. She, that damn woman, dares to disappear without saying a single word. I can't move a single muscle; however, my eye somehow functions. 'I don't know where my voice comes from.' Now all I can do is wait, yes, for that person.
I want to suffer; I want to die. I'm fed up, I'm tired. I was the one who did that, who committed those sins. I must suffer.
Did her authority fail? This makes no sense. It's impossible for me to be a good person. Yes, the fact that they use their authorities is just an illusion in this space. Authorities are inherent to genes and therefore shouldn't be able to use them. That it doesn't work must be her fault. It's Echidna who's planning this.
She doesn't want me to have peace of mind.
"I won't let anyone remain hurt!" someone shouts from the sky.
The scream resonates in my ears like an echo of my own despair. I find myself submerged in an abyss of confusion and hopelessness. Rage boils deep within me, a directionless and purposeless fury, only a burning desire for redemption through suffering.
My hands, or what's left of them, tremble with an intensity that matches the storm raging inside me.
"I don't want to escape from this!" I growl through gritted teeth, my voice full of bitterness and determination. But deep in my soul, I know it's more than her. It's my own destiny that torments me, the weight of my past actions now manifesting in this endless agony.
With each breath, I feel my odo fading, as if the very essence of my being is fading into darkness. But still, I cling to a glimmer of hope, a flicker of light in the darkness, even if it's just to fuel my thirst for vengeance.
Due to my position, I can't see her, denying even the slightest glimpse of the sun. If I open my other eye, I'm completely blinded, so there's nothing I can do.
The ground beneath my body becomes my only connection to reality, a reality I reject with all my strength. I don't want to be healed. I crave the pain; I desperately need it.
I remember the feeling of pain as I died, a suffering that, deep down, I knew I enjoyed. It was the only way to redeem my sins, to settle accounts with the universe for all I had done.
But now, although I receive blows, they fail to penetrate that invisible barrier I've erected within me. My body moves swiftly, as if directed by a force beyond my will, and I decide to close my eyes to escape this distorted reality.
When I come to, I find myself being hit in the chest, but the sensation is so distant, so irrelevant compared to the torment consuming me from within. Minerva is in front of me, her face contorted with anger and confusion. Her furrowed brows and tight lips reflect the bewilderment I feel inside.
She grabs me by the jacket, her voice echoing in my ears, full of disbelief and concern.
"Do you want to suffer? Do you want to feel pain?" she shakes me forcefully, as if trying to shake me out of my self-imposed lethargy. "Are you sick?"
Her words penetrate my mind like sharp darts, reminding me of the truth I try to avoid. My soul is sick, corroded by guilt and remorse. But what other choice do I have?
I already paid my crimes with death once, but that punishment wasn't enough to cleanse my soul of its sins.
I feel something rising from the depths of my being to my throat, a bitter taste of despair and self-loathing. I spit on the ground, watching as a purple mass merge with the earth, a physical manifestation of the darkness within me. 'Is it miasma, perhaps?'
"You already died once; you paid your crimes with death. I don't even have that right, no... I don't." My words sound hollow, devoid of hope or redemption. I realize my cowardice, my inability to face the truth looming over me like a threatening shadow.
"And?" Minerva lets go of me, pushing me forcefully and making me fall to the ground. "You can't hurt yourself just because you want to!"
I grasp the grass tightly, feeling its coolness under my fingers as the rage grows inside me like a voracious flame. I hurl it at Minerva, causing her to step back, but her determination remains unshaken.
"Can you heal it!?" I rise abruptly, extending my hand to point at her furiously. "Can you heal wounds that are not physical?"
Her eyes widen in surprise at my outburst, but her expression morphs into a mixture of doubt and concern. She places her direct her chest, her expression resembling hers, Emilia's.
Yes... like hers.
"I'm tired! I'm fed up!" I shake the air with my hand, as if I could dispel my own torments with a simple gesture. But reality remains relentless, devouring me from within.
I clutch my chest tightly, feeling like it's about to burst into a thousand pieces. My breathing becomes heavy, labored, as if each inhalation were a titanic effort I can barely sustain. But even as I try to draw breath, I feel nothing, as if my lungs had become an empty shell.
"Screw you! You're just an antisocial, you have no right to heal me if you're only going to fix the physical." My words come out as a growl, laden with bitterness and despair. I grab my head with both hands, feeling it pulsate with a frantic rhythm, as if it's about to shatter into a million fragments.
Her eyes begin to glaze over, filled with a pain that mirrors my own. She clenches her hands tightly, as if she could contain the storm raging within her.
I try to speak, try to explain what I feel, but the first thing I receive is a punch to the face, a blow that makes me stagger but barely manages to awaken a spark of pain in me.
I take a step back, noticing that, although it hurts a bit, my nose isn't broken. Then, she throws another punch, but this time I feel no fear. Just a sense of indifference, of emptiness, as if there's nothing in this world that can hurt me anymore.
"I don't care!" she exclaims, hitting my stomach with a force that should leave me breathless. But even that fails to disturb my inner tranquility. "What matters is what I have in front of me!"
Hypocrite.
"I'm in front! My mind is in front of yours!" My words sound like a roar, filled with rage and frustration. I grab her fist with steely determination, pulling her towards me and making her fall to the ground with a dull thud.
The world begins to tremble around me, as if the very earth were responding to my unleashed fury. Typhon emerges from the shadows, his imposing presence like a mountain rising against me.
With a stomp, he lunges at me, but not even that manages to shake my determination.
"You're useless!" I try to invoke the power of sloth, but my words fade into the air, powerless against the magnitude of the threat looming over me.
"I won't let you harm Nerva!" A voice interrupts the scene, full of fierceness and determination. A wave of energy surges, slamming Typhon to the ground with titanic force.
I turn my head and see Sekhmet, her imposing figure radiating an aura of power and authority. Although her expression remains impassive, I can feel the fire burning within her, the same fury that consumes me from within.
Minerva rises from the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks as she rushes towards me with renewed determination.
"No..." Carmilla steps between us, extending her arms bravely to protect me from her unleashed fury. But even she seems to tremble in the face of the tide of emotions threatening to engulf us all.
What is this spectacle? I wonder, observing the chaos unfolding around me. The words of Minerva and Carmilla mingle in the air, but none manage to penetrate the shell of indifference I have erected around me.
No one should care if I get hurt here or not. But their voices continue to echo in my ears, like a distant echo of a world I no longer belong to.
"No... I can't let you do anything to him," Carmilla says nervously, while I look at her curiously. Carmilla seems, how to put it? Sad? Unlike Minerva, whose tears express her annoyance, in Carmilla's eyes I see a deep sadness, as if she were aware of the abyss opening between us.
"But it was him!" Minerva points at me accusingly, making my heartbeat forcefully against my chest, as if it wanted to escape this nightmare. "Me!? I didn't do anything." I hit my chest with all my might, trying to calm this overwhelming sensation that threatens to consume me completely. "You were the one who attacked me first!"
She presses her lips, aware that it is the absolute truth. Then I hear a mocking laughter, making me smile as I remember to whom it belongs.
"Hehe, this is a little fun." With metallic sounds, grinding against each other and hitting the ground, I hear her. The person for whom I was waiting. With whom I can fulfill my mission. Now it's my turn to do it.
Without an ounce of hesitation, I slowly turn around and behold gigantic metal legs, spider-like, breaking the ground with an ominous creaking sound. A living coffin, with a girl inside.
I no longer hear what they are saying, all I can see is my target, my sole reason for existing in this moment.
I press the ground firmly, feeling the earth give way beneath my feet, and I lunge towards her with determination. She maintains her smile, as if she understands what I'm attempting, as if she's willing to accept her fate bravely.
I extend my hand, while I hear my name being called from afar, as if they were trying to stop me. But it's already too late to turn back. I open my eyes and feel a smile spread across my face, a smile full of satisfaction and determination.
"Finally!" I touch her stomach with the tips of my fingers, and then, reality disintegrates around me. A flash of light, an explosion of energy, and everything fades into darkness.
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¡H !
M s ki !
N I d e.
E t.
M ar is d ous, its t tes g t!
t
I.
W a I g?
T t's my l ? t es g d! B t it d 't f m p.
More.
I Want .
T is w at I d rve. What I r lly wanted, my life i ing, is nothing but food.
Its t tes g t!
I c 't feel my limbs.
I will die now.
I taste dirt in my mouth, and as I realize it, I discover I'm ingesting dirt. The dust sticks to my tongue, slides down my throat like a reminder of what just happened.
A sense of emptiness takes hold of me, as if my body craves something it no longer possesses. I find no support in arms that no longer exist, nor in legs that don't respond to my desires. How have I come to this point? Have I lost my limbs, or have I ingested them myself in a frenzy of desperation and madness?
'Wait. Am I using the Unseen Hand?' The realization hits my mind like lightning, clearing the shadows clouding my thoughts. I rise into the air, reviewing all my actions with the wind.
My gaze focuses on the chaos I've caused, with the ground stained with blood that now seems to have a more intense, more real taste than ever.
"The hunger is the worst, isn't it?" I hear a voice, and I direct several of my Unseen Hands towards Daphne, with a bloodthirst that consumes me from within. 'I want to eat.' She stops the attack of my hands, while I look around, perplexed by the sudden presence of my loved ones.
My parents, my friends, my team... when did they all arrive? I try to catch them to satiate my insatiable hunger, but I stop at the last moment.
"I won't allow hunger to control me!" My voice resonates in the air, charged with determination, and contained anger. But even as I resist, I feel the magnetic pull of blood, calling me with a powerful magnet that drags me into darkness.
"Marco!" Carmilla shouts at me, her voice cutting through the chaos like a sharp knife, but I can't locate her position among the crowd that gathers around me. Confusion mixes with anger inside me, forming a storm that threatens to unleash at any moment.
Hunger consumes me, a burning sensation that rages inside me like a voracious fire devouring everything in its path. Yes, without a stomach, I shouldn't feel hunger, but the insatiable need to feed persists, like a painful echo of the life I once had.
I pierce my stomach with a trembling hand, feeling an electric shock that knocks me to the ground, but still, the emptiness persists, relentless and unyielding.
I spit out more blood, a repulsive mixture of iron and despair, but all I manage to do is lick it from the ground, like a desperate animal searching for something to quell its hunger. I desperately try to use more arms, but it seems I can only control one, as if my own mind is rebelling against me in a final act of resistance.
I rise with effort, dizziness threatening to drag me back to the ground while the only sensation that engulfs me is the insatiable hunger that consumes me from within.
I look around, understanding that this is my end. I should crush my head, at least that's what I should do, but the compulsion to feed drives me forward, like a specter in search of its next prey.
"Idiot!" I receive a punch in the back, knocking me down again, but my only obsession is the need to feed. 'Food!' I use the Unseen Hand, watching as Minerva approaches me with an expression of horror and disgust.
I trap her still-extended arm and tear it off with a quick and ruthless motion. I bring it close to me and start chewing it forcefully, feeling every fiber, every muscle torn apart between my teeth.
Soft, incredibly soft, but it has no taste. I chew the bone eagerly, using the arm to break it and try to consume it, while Minerva hits me again and again, her fists raining down on me like a storm of fury and despair. The hunger persists, unyielding, despite the blows, despite the pain, despite everything.
A tingling sensation runs through me as I try to assimilate what happened, a feeling of horror and revulsion that threatens to drown me in its intensity. A final blow to my nose forces me to open my eyes and face reality, even though I can't even comprehend what just happened.
My body has returned to normal, but what just happened has no name.
All I can remember is:
Everything plunged into darkness, and suddenly, I found myself devouring earth, while Daphne stood before me, smiling maliciously, as if she were the only answer to all my unanswered questions.
Her smile, bright and piercing, reached deep into my being, like a beacon guiding my way through the storm. I knew hunger could wreak havoc, but what I am experiencing surpasses any pain I have faced in the past. There is no comparison to this ravenous emptiness that consumes my essence.
I look at her with a smile, feeling calm wash over me as I gaze at the sky. "That was interesting," I respond after a long moment, letting my words slide smoothly into the tension-filled air.
Echidna approaches with a smile, her imposing presence and penetrating gaze trapping me in a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. "I would let you enjoy a bit longer, but unfortunately, someone undesirable has shown up," she says, her tone calm but full of an implicit warning.
Someone undesirable? The only person that comes to mind at that moment is... "Satella?" I look around, but I fail to spot her, increasing my uncertainty and confusion.
"It's time for you to wake up, Marco Luz," Carmilla intervenes, standing by Echidna's side, but avoiding eye contact with me. Despite her attempts to help me, the motive behind her actions still eludes me, leaving me with more questions than answers.
I decide to approach Echidna for clarity, but at that precise moment, the world begins to crumble around me, as if reality itself were unraveling between my fingers.
"This will be the last time we meet, Marco Luz. I hope you say goodbye to your body," Echidna says, her challenging and enigmatic smile being the last thing I manage to see before the world shatters into a thousand pieces, engulfing me in overwhelming and enveloping darkness.
Now, I must wake up.
"Marco!" Emilia's voice shakes me forcefully, pulling me out of my stupor. She seems worried, her eyes filled with anguish and her trembling lips.
"Marco!" she repeats, her voice filled with urgency as she looks at me with desperation, her tears flowing forcefully down her face.
I open my eyes, meeting her gaze contorted by worry and fear. I silently observe her for a moment, feeling a strange calm invading my being.
'That's not something a human would do.'
I stand up with determination, examining her surprised expression carefully. I fix my gaze on her face, noticing with surprise that her lip is broken, a visible sign that something has happened while I was unconscious.
"Who did that to you?" I glance at my hand, discovering a small bloodstain on my knuckles. It seems I've been on the move, yet she still looks worried, ignoring her own wound.
"Don't worry about that!" Emilia cleans herself with magic in an instant, diverting the attention from my slight injury to her own concerns. "Marco, I need to talk to you," her voice resonates with urgency, but I am caught in a whirlwind of turbulent thoughts.
I observe Emilia closely as she stands up and approaches me, but instinctively I take a few steps back, keeping a safe distance between us. 'Don't come closer,' whispers a voice inside me, an instinctive warning that drives me to keep away.
"Emilia, my past is something I don't remember very well, but recently, my memories have been coming back," I confess, feeling the weight of the words on my tongue as they struggle to come out.
"Son, run away!" My conscience screams at me from the depths of my being, but the nausea threatening to rise in my throat forces me to contain my emotions.
"Ugh!" I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to contain the dizziness that threatens to overwhelm me. "Don't worry, in a few days, it will all be over," my voice sounds weaker than intended, but I don't have the energy to pretend strength at this moment.
Emilia tries to take me by the arm, but with a brisk movement, I free myself from her grip, making it clear that I don't want help, nor do I want to talk to anyone at this moment.
"Don't look for me, don't talk to me, I..." my voice breaks, my words trapped in my throat as I desperately seek an escape, a way out of this emotional whirlwind threatening to drag me down. "I'm tired."
I walk away with faltering steps, leaving behind the apparent safety of the sanctuary, and venturing into the surrounding forest. The sun shines overhead, illuminating the path I have chosen with a cruel and ruthless light.
At the camp, I request one of my soldiers to bring my gun. They hand it over without questioning, and my hand wraps around the cold metal with a disturbing sense of familiarity. My eyes meet Erick's, who seems to continue writing, oblivious to my internal anguish.
"Do you have more cigarettes?" My voice sounds rough and distant as I seek distraction in the smoke and the bitter taste of nicotine.
I take the box they offer me and move away to a secluded part of the forest, where the dense vegetation offers a momentary refuge from the inquisitive gaze of others.
Arriving at a clearing, I let myself fall onto the grass, allowing the weight of my body to sink into the soft, cool earth. My gaze rises to the sky, where lazy clouds drift in an endless sea of blue.
I light a cigarette and start smoking, letting the smoke mingle with the fresh, vibrant forest air. The warmth of the cigarette surrounds my hands, whispering promises of temporary relief as I deeply savor the taste of nicotine and burnt leaf.
The countdown has begun, each puff of smoke marking the passage of time that inexorably slips towards an uncertain end.
Ashes fall to the ground, leaves rustle in the gentle breeze, and I can feel someone approaching. I know they have been following me, concerned for my well-being, but it no longer matters.
Nothing I do or say now will matter. I must decide.
"It seems like Marco Luz has ceased to exist," Crusch looks at me with eyes heavy with sadness, while I remain lying on the ground, trapped in a sea of tumultuous thoughts that threaten to drown me in the darkness looming over my soul.
She watches me with deep sadness, as if seeing through my facade of indifference and discovering the truth hidden behind it. Or perhaps it is disappointment that her eyes reflect, disappointment in the man I used to be, now faded into the shadow of his own despair.
"I don't want to talk now," I mutter with a muted voice, feeling the weight of defeat crushing me, the burden of a failure looming over my shoulders like an insurmountable slab.
Crusch looks at me for a few more seconds, as if trying to find some spark of the determination that used to characterize me, some sign of the strength she once believed I possessed. Then, her gaze shifts to the sky, as if seeking answers in the scattered clouds lazily drifting above us.
"They say when a strong person shows weakness, it's because horrible things have happened," she whispers with a hoarse voice, extending her hand towards the sky before clenching it into a fist with determination. "But I don't believe that."
Crusch has always been a fervent believer in inner strength, in the ability to overcome any obstacle with firmness and determination. If there were heroes in this world, she would be one of their most fervent followers, a tireless warrior in the pursuit of justice and redemption.
"You know Beatrice isn't dead, so you should be fighting to save her," she reminds me firmly, her gaze searching mine for any glimmer of the person I used to be, any hint of hope amidst the desolation that consumes me.
"Yes, Beatrice... I," a flash of memory crosses my mind, reminding me of everything I have lost and what I could lose if I fail to find a way out of this labyrinth of despair and pain in which I am trapped.
'She'll be a girl.' The memory's flash pierces my heart, connecting the dots that were previously obscured by confusion and pain, reminding me of her smile as I held my gun in my hand.
Another memory breaks through my mind, like a crack in the wall I've built to protect myself from the pain and guilt threatening to consume me completely.
'We'll give him a surprise.' The words resonate in my head, echoing like a ghost of a past I thought forgotten, a reminder of the ties that once bound me to a different life, a fragile rope that threatens to break at any moment.
The weight of guilt intensifies, crushing my spirit and plunging me into the darkness that looms over me. There is no turning back now, no escape. Only the certainty that I must face the consequences of my actions, however terrible they may be.
Now I understand, what I never comprehended before. The missing memories in my mind, the memories that were altered, now unfold before my eyes like a bleak panorama of darkness and despair. The truth is revealed mercilessly, and I understand with clarity the monstrosity that dwells deep within me.
Now I know the truth, I know about the monster I am. I now understand the reason behind my suffering, the reason behind every painful memory that has tormented my soul.
I deserve it, I deserve to suffer and then die.
"I've already given up, I made a bet, in a few days I'll die if Emilia can't overcome the trials," I close my eyes, I have nothing more to say. It doesn't matter if Crusch knows; I know she won't say anything to Emilia.
Since Crusch can't take the test, it wouldn't serve any purpose either. My words hang in the air, laden with resignation and bitterness, as I accept my fate with an icy calm.
"You'll die? Are you serious?" Crusch's voice breaks into my consciousness, full of disbelief and concern, but I have already made my choice, and nothing can make me change my mind.
I Sigh gracefully, she's capable of seeing that I speak the truth, of sensing the coldness that has taken hold of my being and the determination with which I face my inevitable fate.
"With the intention of finding a way to save Beatrice, I made a contract, betting my soul," I confess hoarsely, laying bare the desperation that has brought me to this point. "If Emilia can't do it, then I'll disappear... I believe no one will notice, since my soul will be replaced."
My words fall like a slab between us, heavy with sorrow and despair, and I know Crusch is as lost as I am in the midst of this whirlwind of emotions and revelations.
Crusch no longer belongs in this world. It shouldn't matter whether I tell her or not, since I see no effect or I haven't died, the contract shouldn't have been broken. It doesn't count how to help Emilia, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Besides, Echidna owes me.
"Are you an idiot!?" Crusch explodes in a fit of anger, her hands clenched into fists and her gaze filled with fury. "How did you get into something like this?"
I shrug, saying nothing. What a surprise to see Crusch upset, her firmness and her expression, still disappointed, are capable of showing so much rage. But I no longer care what she thinks of me, I have accepted my fate, and I am ready to face it with my head held high, even if it's the end of everything.
"If it bothers you, I want to be alone," I declare coldly, stepping away from her and seeking refuge in my own silence, in my own pain.
Crusch looks at me incredulously, unable to comprehend the storm raging within me, the darkness threatening to devour me whole. She clenches her hands tightly and turns her back on me, leaving me to my own devices amidst the desolation that surrounds me.
"She doesn't know anything about me, yet she looks at me with those eyes." It's clear that if she knew the monster I am, she would hate me, understand the reason I must die, the reason it would be the best ending of all.
"I thought you..." her words fade into the air, drowned by the weight of disappointment and disillusionment. "I was wrong about you."
"Yes, you are completely wrong." Even I have been. I thought she knew me, I thought she remembered things as they were. But it seems like my brain had erased all the specific memories, all the traumatic situations.
Now that I remember what I did, how far my reckless actions went. All for wanting to be a hero.
This is the end; my story ends here. I will die, I will be trapped for the rest of my life in a body, watching as another soul uses it. But I don't care, I will ask Echidna for mercy and have her kill me.
As long as she doesn't make me an artificial spirit, I'll be fine. I don't want to live anymore; I don't need to live.
Not when my hands are stained with the blood of my loved ones.
The darkness envelops me, and I let myself be consumed by it, accepting my fate with resignation and bitterness.