My birth was a special day. God repeated over and over. When she didn't leave me alone in my cradle, she was staring at me and softly suffocating me with their chest. I was getting used to my new form, stubby legs that had yet to learn to walk and short hands that couldn't help but grab everything and anything in sight and nearby.
She was almost always absent, only present as much as they were gone, which was a lot. When they were with me, they took me out of my cradle and did many things. They fed me; the food tasted poor and cheap. She wrapped material around me; it felt itchy and itchy. When I had begun to try and stand and feel the world; they nudged their finger on my back and toppled me over. The humiliation was unbearable and I began weeping. God cradled me in their arms, they wept too.
They repeated many things, but as I listened more and more, I began to recognize the repetition of a word, a certain one. It took time and effort, but I had eventually learned to remember it. Messias, God said. Messias, They repeated, softly in my ear. They uttered this many times as if meant to hold significance, so much that I believed it myself.
Time had passed, almost a year in fact. I grew every more, slightly taller and with more flesh on my bones, I held more awareness and could even stand on my own feet I found myself in new territory, children running around me, jumping high and low, others playing with the stacking blocks or rummaging through the toy box, and the caregivers sitting at their desks, gossiping on the phone about their interests and new flirts.
I simply sat, still and indifferent.
I didn't know why but i couldn't bring myself to play with the kids, it felt weird and almost unnatural.
They were disgusting and infantile, lacking any decency as they drooled and spat, the thought was irking. The babysitter's weren't better, they just glanced at the children from time to time, leaving them to their own devices and potential hazards.
It made me think about something. Who was I meant to align with, the children or the caregivers?
Neither were I truly interested in, but I noticed that's what both members from each side had in common was they'd found connection through themselves, socializing.
I still had yet to know of such a thing and wished to experience it myself to get a good idea. For what better way to learn something than to explore its foundation. So as I pondered, staying in place and keeping still. My eyes observed, still constantly flipping between the two factions: I noticed one of the caregivers bumping against the shelf when their eyes were glued to their phone, knocking over a book.
That surely would have hurt one of the nearby children. With curiosity, I began to observe the new sight in front of me. I couldn't yet read, so I simply glared at it as if expecting a different result and that something would change. Nothing did.