The forest clearing should have been perfect.
Sunlight filtered like liquid gold through the swaying canopy above, dappling the mossy floor with warmth. Birds chirped in harmonious C major—one particularly showy robin even attempted a dramatic solo before being shushed by a bluebird with conductor-level authority.
In the middle of the glade, seven dwarves stood proudly before their latest creation: a massive "Welcome Prince Charming" banner strung between two apple trees. It would've been perfect—if not for the fact that the letter 'm' in 'Charming' was inexplicably on fire.
"Who enchanted the glitter glue again?" muttered Doc, batting at the flaming letter with his hat.
"I thought it was dragon-proof," Bashful mumbled, hiding behind a bush.
Snow White, wearing her least-stained dress and a forced smile, turned to Doc. "Are we absolutely certain he's coming today?"
Doc consulted a scroll longer than he was tall. "According to the royal itinerary: arrival at high noon, a modest parade, gift exchange, and… interpretive dance duel?"
Before Snow could process that—
THUD.
A figure in cobalt velvet exploded out of the undergrowth like a cannonball of poor life choices. He tripped over a tree root, got caught in his own embroidered cape, and faceplanted spectacularly at Snow's feet, launching a startled squirrel into low orbit.
"…That would be him," sighed Grumpy, adjusting his "This Is My Tolerating Face" mug.
Snow crouched beside the groaning man tangled in brambles. "You… meant to do that, right?"
The man looked up, revealing tousled hair, gleaming teeth, and a leaf stubbornly stuck to his forehead. "My lady," he declared dramatically, "I came as soon as I—oof!" His attempt to rise was thwarted by his scabbard getting tangled in a shrub.
Prince Florian the Graceful, in all his chaotic splendor, had arrived.
Back at the dwarves' cottage…
The prince stood before the hearth, his cape slightly smoldering at the hem, arms outstretched like a magician unveiling his grand finale.
"I brought gifts," he announced with flair.
They were, in order:
"Everlasting" Roses – Which immediately wilted when Sneezy sneezed within ten feet of them, igniting a pollen-based chain reaction that singed Dopey's eyebrows.
Chocolates from the Royal Confectioner – Wrapped in elegant gold foil… and tragically mislabeled. Within ten minutes, the entire group was sprinting to the outhouse like it was a game show challenge.
A Trained Songbird – Who chirped a sweet melody for five seconds before turning, biting the prince's finger, and launching into a bawdy rendition of "The Drunken Bard's Ballad."
Snow raised an eyebrow as she wrapped moss around Florian's bitten hand. "Less enchanted, more functional next time?"
"But magic is tradition!" Florian insisted, just as his enchanted "self-pouring" teapot began whistling ominously and then launched a jet of Earl Grey into his lap.
From the rafters, the magic mirror—now repurposed as a reluctant smoke detector—chimed in with dry disapproval:
"Romance Tip #1: Stop buying cursed junk from wizard flea markets."
Later that night, in the moonlit glade…
Florian extended a gloved hand. "May I have this dance?"
Snow hesitated, then took it, and together they twirled under the silver glow of the moon. For a moment, everything felt right.
"Observe my flawless—YIPE!" Florian's velvet boot caught on a root, and the couple went tumbling headfirst into the creek with an unceremonious splash.
As they surfaced, sputtering and soaked, Snow blinked. "Why is the water… glowing?"
The prince paled. "Ah. That might be the Fae Moonlight Elixir I accidentally spilled on my cravat. Side effects may include—"
POOF!
A burst of iridescent light erupted, and suddenly their legs had fused into a single, glittering mermaid tail.
"…unplanned aquatic transformations," Florian finished weakly, now bobbing awkwardly beside her.
Snow stared at the tail. Then at Florian's horrified expression. And then burst out laughing. "Well, at least this solves the 'stepping on each other's feet' problem."
Elsewhere in the woods…
Queen Evilia—still recovering from last week's moss incident and wearing a terrible disguise that consisted of heart-shaped sunglasses and a scarf labeled "LOVE EXPERT"—intercepted the prince during a midnight stroll.
"One sip of this," she purred, handing him a fizzing pink vial, "and your beloved will be utterly smitten."
Florian, slightly dazed and still damp from the creek incident, misheard her entirely.
He rubbed the potion on his horse.
The results were immediate.
The horse galloped straight into the woods and began nuzzling a particularly majestic oak tree.
The oak tree, which was actually an enchanted dryad named Fernadine, screamed and filed a magical restraining order.
Fernadine now refuses to attend any more enchanted weddings.
Back in Snow's satchel, the mirror groaned.
"This is why we can't have nice spells."
Dawn.
The clearing was quiet. Dew sparkled on every leaf. Birds softly hummed a lullaby.
A damp, twig-covered prince knelt on one knee, holding a half-crushed daisy.
"Snow White," he said, voice uncharacteristically sincere. "I may be a walking catastrophe, but—"
CRACK! A rogue acorn dropped from above and smacked him square on the head.
Snow doubled over in laughter, then helped him up. "You know what?" she said, brushing the leaf from his hair. "I like you better without all the magic. It's… refreshingly real."
Florian beamed—then immediately tripped over a pebble and faceplanted into a moss patch.
As the dwarves facepalmed in perfect synchronization, Snow leaned over and kissed his scraped elbow with a grin. "We'll work on the grace part."
Back in her gloomy tower, Queen Evilia peered into her scrying orb, watching the couple share pancakes and flirty insults.
She wrinkled her nose. "Ugh. How common."
She opened a dusty new tome labeled 'How to Break Up Couples' and grinned.
"Chapter One: Love Potion Grenades. Excellent."
The orb flickered. Somewhere far below, the enchanted goose from earlier laid a glowing egg.
The mirror, watching it all from a nearby shelf, muttered, "I need a vacation."