[1st Person | Lazy Author POV | Manhwa Style Format]
You know what's funny?
I only opened my laptop to delete my search history and microwave leftover noodles.
What I didn't expect...
was to see this:
> [Notification: Your Webnovel "Beauty is Shit" has been CONTRACTED!]
…
I stared at the screen.
The screen stared back.
We were both equally confused.
"…Huh?"
I leaned in like the screen owed me money.
> Congratulations! "Beauty is Shit" is now an official Webnovel Contracted Series!*
I blinked once.
Twice.
Thrice.
And then—reality slapped me across the face.
"CONTRACTED?! I—"
"YESSS!! I CAN FINALLY EAT MEAT THAT ISN'T FROZEN FOR SIX MONTHS!!"
I exploded out of my chair like a caffeine-charged sloth.
Started dancing like a broken marionette.
No rhythm.
No self-respect.
Just pure victory wiggling.
Then I screamed.
I jumped up from my broken chair like I just won the lottery.
Which, in broke-writer terms, I did.
I started dancing.
No rhythm.
No music.
No shame.
Just pure, poverty-fueled victory wiggling.
I grabbed my deodorant like a microphone.
"I'd like to thank my mom, my cracked screen, and the instant noodles who believed in me!"
I twirled. I moonwalked. I tried to backflip. I landed on my dirty laundry pile.
"WHO CARES! I'M RICH!"
I was already planning how to spend that sweet webnovel money.
—Buy actual toilet paper?
—Replace my keyboard where the 'E' key keeps flying off?
—Get a real meal?
Nah.
"I'm gonna buy drinks. And girls. And more drinks!
I put on my cleanest dirty shirt.
My fanciest flip-flops.
Sprayed deodorant like I was fighting demons.
Tonight... was the night.
No more broke-boy diet.
No more drinking expired cola just to feel alive.
No more staring at influencer photos and crying quietly in the shower.
I looked in the mirror.
"Damn," I whispered, slicking my hair back with a fork. "Is this the face of success?"
I smirked.
It was not.
But who cares?
Money makes ugly sexy.
Wallet? Check.
Phone? Charged at 12%.
Dignity? Left that behind years ago.
I kicked open the door of my apartment like I was in an action movie.
Stepped outside into the golden sunset.
Freedom. Wealth. Girls. Happiness.
I was finally
"OUTTA MY WAY, BROKE WORLD! I'M A CONTRACTED AUTHOR NOW!"
Down the stairs.
Across the street.
Then… I heard it.
Vrooom…
"…Huh?"
I turned my head.
Slow motion.
One glowing truck.
One very confused driver.
One very frozen author.
"…Wait a second."
My brain pinged with realization.
"No… no no no no no—"
THIS IS THE SCENE.
THE CLASSIC.
THE LEGENDARY TRUCK-KUN MOMENT.
I raised my hands toward the sky like I was being arrested by the gods.
"NOOO! PLEASE! NOT LIKE THIS! I JUST GOT CONTRACTED!!"
"NOOOOOO!! I DON'T WANNA BE ISEKAI'D!! I JUST WANTED BOOZE AND BOOBS!!"
"LET ME LOSE MY VIRGINITY FIRST!!"
"AT LEAST LET ME BUY ONE BEER!!"
Darkness.
No sound.
No movement.
Just… black.
Did I die?
Was this... the end?
No more writing. No more struggling.
Just eternal peace and—
sniff
Wait. Is that... Fresh air?
Birds chirping?
Heavenly bells ringing in the distance?
Did I make it to heaven?!
Yes! Thank god!
I'd rather be in heaven than in some messed-up isekai chasing demon lords, ancient swords, and "power of friendship" BS.
I smiled softly.
"Finally… peace."
> "HEY, YOU SLEEPY IDIOT! STOP NAPPING NEXT TO A CHURCH!"
I opened one eye.
Bright sky. Cobblestone path. Wooden fences.
Old bell tower.
And an angry girl glaring down at me like I'd just peed on holy ground.
"…Huh?"
She had freckles, messy brown hair, and was holding a giant bell rope like a weapon.
> "What are you mumbling, you broke weirdo? Move it or I'm calling the priest!"
I blinked.
Sat up slowly.
Looked around.
"…Wait a second. Where am I?"
> "WHERE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE, IDIOT! NOW LEAVE!"
She stormed off, muttering something about cursed outsiders and weirdos smelling like burnt noodles.
But I wasn't hearing her anymore.
Because I recognized something.
The mountain town.
The wooden houses.
The stupidly oversized pigeons on the roof.
This was…
This was the town I wrote about.
For fun.
As a joke.
In the same crappy novel I abandoned six chapters in.
I stood up so fast I got lightheaded.
"No… no, you've gotta be kidding me."
I spun around like a paranoid NPC.
Mountains. Windmills. Tavern sign that said "Drunk Goblin Inn."
"No way—NO WAY."
I grabbed my own face.
"This is *Fantasy Ruin*!! I'm inside my own shitty novel!"
Lightning crashed in the distance.
(There wasn't even a storm. That's just how cursed my life is.)
> "IT'S NOT FAIR!! I DIDN'T EVEN WRITE A GOOD STORY!!"
I collapsed to my knees in dramatic anime fashion.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
Marcus (me)
"…No."
"No, no, no, no, no—"
I bolted to the edge of town, eyes scanning the horizon like a madman.
Every tree. Every house. Every pixel of scenery—
All of it... was from my novel.
The one I wrote during a three-day energy drink bender.
The one with talking cows.
The one I abandoned after Chapter 6 because I ran out of snacks.
> "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
I fell to my knees.
Cough, cough.
Dust cloud around me.
My soul leaving my body.
"My contract…"
"My dream…"
"My MONEY—!!"
All gone.
Me, sobbing into the grass like an anime protagonist in Episode 1:
> "Do you know how hard it is to GET contracted?! Now they're gonna think I ghosted them like some scummy two-chapter dropout!"
> "My editor's gonna get on my ass—!!"
Sniff
> "I was gonna buy MEAT, damn it…"
I curled into a fetal position as villagers slowly walked past me, whispering things like:
> "That poor lost idiot..."
> "Is he... crying on a cabbage?"
> "That's what happens when you skip priest blessings..."
A cabbage vendor gently pushed his cart around me.
Me, quietly:
> "I was supposed to get rich… not reincarnated…"
I screamed one last time, toward the heavens:
> "WHY COULDN'T YOU LET ME LOSE MY VIRGINITY FIRST?!"