(First-Person, Yuuta's POV)
I was standing near the balcony, cigarette in hand, watching the sunrise from my tiny apartment. Peaceful, right? But all I could think was: how the hell did I become a family man overnight?
Name: Yuuta
Age: 20
Status: Married
Yeah, married.
To the Queen of Disaster.
And we have a kid—
Wait, two. Somehow.
Life was already complicated, now it's just... anime-level crazy.
Last night, I thought I was dreaming when I slept with her. Turns out, it wasn't a dream.
Now I'm stuck in this surreal reality.
Who's going to believe this bullshit?
A tear slid down my cheek.
Goodbye, my high school crush.
So much for proposing.
Now they'll just think I'm a weirdo who's already married with a dragon wife and two kids.
Just as I was lost in my tragic thoughts, a voice cut through the air:
"Oh, mortal! Come here—I made breakfast for you!"
Me: "Wait, you did what?"
Erza: "I made breakfast. Why? You don't believe in my cooking?"
I stared at her. "Really? You sure it's edible?"
She crossed her arms. "Of course. If you don't eat, you'll be weak! If I take you to my kingdom like this, everyone will think you're a puny stick!"
I... was honestly touched. She's still wild, but she made breakfast for me.
Being married might not be so bad.
I opened the lid of the plate.
Silence.
Just... raw chicken. Sitting there. No seasoning. No oil. Just... meat.
Me: "What the fuck is that?"
Erza: "Meat. What? You don't like meat?"
I blinked. "Is this what you 'made'? You just put raw chicken on a plate and called it breakfast?!"
Elena (our daughter): "Mama's dish is tasty! I like it!"
Erza squinted at me like I was the problem here, like her cooking was Michelin star level and I was ungrateful.
"Fine!" she huffed. "You make something then, you worm! Show me your so-called cooking!"
Me (imagining a shounen-style cooking battle):You just wait... I'll show you the power of human cuisine!
Elena: "Daddy, you know how to cook?"
She looked up at me with those big eyes—so pure, so full of faith.
Me (heart exploding):She's the goddess of my life.
Nosebleed.
"Yes, my dear daughter. I'll make you the most delicious dish ever."
Elena: "Yay! I love you, Papa!"
...Nosebleed intensifies.
Erza turned her face away, arms crossed in dramatic offense.
"Hmph. Whatever. I'm eating my breakfast. I'm not touching your psycho-dish."
I narrowed my eyes, stepping into the kitchen like a warrior walking onto the battlefield.
"You dare insult my skills, Lizard Queen?" I smirked. "Well then—witness true culinary power! I hold a Hotel Management degree!"
Evil laughter echoed in the air.
"Muahahaha!"
Time to cook.
I checked the ingredients:
- Chicken breast
- Flour
- Bread crumbs
- Eggs
- Oil
- Mayonnaise
Hmm... oh yes.
Crispy Chicken with Mayo.
> "Chickin... Crity... Manogos!"
Elena tried her best to pronounce it, looking up at me with sparkly eyes.
So. Damn. Cute.
She's definitely my daughter. No DNA test needed.
I cracked my knuckles.
"Alright, let's cook."
First, I poured oil into a pan—medium heat only. We don't want it burning while I prep.
Next, the chicken.
Butterfly cut—gently slice it open to flatten it. Then I poked it lightly with a fork.
> "Why is he talking so much?" Erza muttered. "It's just cooking, weirdo..."
I ignored the hater in the back.
Next up: prep stations.
Three trays:
- One bowl for the eggs (crack three and whisk)
- One tray with flour
- One tray with breadcrumbs (mixed with a pinch of salt and black pepper)
> "Important tip!" I said to my imaginary camera. "Don't overcook the chicken—just 3 to 5 minutes!"
> "Okay, Papa!" Elena cheered.
"Always wash your hands first, Elena. Then—egg, flour, egg, crumbs. Got it?"
Together, we dipped the chicken into the egg wash, rolled it in flour, back in the egg, then pressed it into the breadcrumbs.
Ssshhh... the sound of frying filled the room.
The aroma spread like magic.
> "What... is that smell?" Erza twitched. "It smells... delicious. No way. What the hell is he making?!"
> "Papa, is it ready yet?" Elena tugged at my shirt. "Please, just a little bite?"
I held back a proud tear.
"Not yet, princess. It's still hot. Go help Papa set the table."
> "Yes, Papa!"
She ran off like a spark of light.
I turned back to the pan, smirking.
"Alright... almost ready. Now I just need to add—"
Garnish Evil laugh...
Evil laugh mode: ON.
I placed the golden crispy chicken on a big serving plate, garnished it with style, and carried it like a five-star chef.
BOOM.
Presented it on the table like I just summoned Excalibur.
Elena and Erza were sparkling.
"Woahhh... it's golden!"
"And that aroma… is this… a heavenly dish?!" Erza gasped.
I smirked, wiping my hands dramatically. "Hah! Looks like someone enjoys my psycho cooking!"
Erza:"Tch! You probably just used illusion magic to deceive us—this isn't real food!"
I covered my eyes with one hand, tilted my head back, and let out the most dramatic villain laugh:
"HAHHAHAHA! I've always seen losers scream when they lose!"
Elena munched happily.
"Mama, it's sooo tasty! Elena loves it! It's delicious!"
"Papa, you're the best dad ever!"
I gave her a proud dad smile. "Dip it in mayonnaise, my princess—and chew properly, okay?"
Meanwhile, Erza was dying inside. Her pride battled her stomach. She wanted to try it—but she folded her arms, pretending not to care.
Me: (smirking like a menace) "Oh, are you avoiding it, my Queen? Let me help."
I picked up a crispy piece and waved it in front of her.
"Look, it's flying! Wheee~ wheee~"
She struggled, face twitching, trying not to show weakness.
I loved every second of it.
Then—plot twist.
Right before she opened her mouth, I swerved and fed it to Elena.
"Heh. Revenge is sweet, Lizard Queen."
But… then I saw it.
A little tear welled up in Erza's eye.
Crap. I went too far.
I stopped messing around and offered her a real piece—genuinely.
She huffed and looked away.
"I'm not eating it. I'm just… checking the flavor. For research."
She bit into it. One piece.
And then her soul ascended.
A full-body foodgasm.
The flavors exploded across her tongue like a symphony of meat and magic.
She blinked. Then blinked again. Then quietly devoured the rest. Didn't leave a single crumb.
Elena was laughing. I was laughing. Erza was… smiling?
Maybe… this chaotic, crazy, disaster of a life… is actually kind of fun.
I finally sat down at the table, wiping sweat off my forehead like I'd just completed a boss fight.
Erza had devoured half the plate, pretending she wasn't impressed while secretly loving every bite.
Elena? She was already asking for seconds.
Elena: "Papa's food is better than school lunch! Can you cook every day?"
Erza: (grumbling) "Hmph… it was okay. Maybe."
I leaned back in my chair, arms crossed smugly.
"Admit it, Queen. You lost. My cooking wins."
She glared at me like she wanted to throw the fork.
"Don't get cocky, Worm. Next time, I'll cook something that blows your tiny human brain away."
I laughed.
Me: "Can't wait to see you try, Lizard Queen."
Everything was peaceful… until I checked the time.
Me: "...Wait. What time is it?"
I grabbed my phone and nearly died.
8:57 A.M.
My college class starts at 9.
I shot up from the table like my chair was on fire.
Me: "NOOOOOOOO—!"
Erza: "Why are you yelling now?"
Me: "I'M GONNA BE LATE! I HAVEN'T EVEN SHOWERED—ELENA WHERE ARE MY SOCKS?!"
Elena: "I made a hat out of them, Papa!"
Erza: "Good. Let them see what kind of disaster you really are."
And just like that, I was sprinting around the house, half-dressed, with my daughter laughing, my wife smirking, and my life spiraling into madness.
This is married life, huh?