Zeke ducked into a back alley behind a neon-lit burrito stand, heart racing, hoodie flapping, and his face still glowing faintly from the bounty hologram above.
"I've made mistakes," he wheezed. "So many mistakes."
"Yeah," Tess muttered, peering around the corner, "like broadcasting your face across the city like it's a limited-time fast food promotion."
"I didn't mean to! I thought that icon was a flashlight!"
Nyx piped up:
"To be fair, your interface design is… tragically outdated. Possibly pre-apocalypse."
"Thanks, Nyx."
...
The smell of artificial spice filled the alley as they passed a food stall, where a lanky android chef stirred a pot of suspiciously vibrating meat.
"You hungry?" Tess asked.
Zeke blinked. "Are you seriously asking me if I want to eat mystery meat burritos while being hunted by corporate assassins?"
She shrugged. "Could be your last meal."
"…I'll take two."
...
As they sat behind an upturned crate, munching on questionably edible burritos, Zeke's wrist suddenly vibrated.
He looked down at his neural watch. A glowing pink icon had popped up.
"CONGRATS! You've matched with: D34DLY_K1TTY99"
"…What is this?"
Tess peeked over. "You signed up for DarkDates?!"
"I didn't! At least—I don't remember—wait, is that a bounty hunter dating app?!"
Nyx buzzed.
"Correction: You did sign up. Five nights ago. While drunk. You listed your interests as 'quiet nights, chaos theory, and not dying.'"
Zeke buried his face in his hands. "This is how I die. Because I'm hot and lonely."
...
The comms beeped again.
Incoming Message from D34DLY_K1TTY99: "Hey cutie. You smell like a 10 mil payday. Let's meet~ <3"
Zeke yelped. "She's tracking me through the app!"
Tess took his burrito and smacked him with it.
"I am surrounded by idiots."
...
Suddenly, a sleek figure in red leather dropped down from the fire escape, landing gracefully on one knee like a cybernetic assassin in a dating sim.
"Zeke Virelli," she purred. "You're cuter in person."
Zeke pointed. "You're D34DLY_K1TTY99!"
She winked. "And you swiped right."
He squeaked.
Tess rolled her eyes, stood up, and drew her pistol. "He's not available."
"Oh? Then I guess I'll just take him."
...
What followed was a fast-paced blur of parkour, plasma blasts, burrito-based distractions, and Zeke accidentally hacking into a billboard to display:
"Zeke's NOT single. STOP SHOOTING HIM."
They escaped down a sewer grate, barely avoiding a high-heeled kick to the face.
Zeke gasped as they slid into the dank tunnel. "I think I'm allergic to dating."
"You're allergic to life," Tess muttered.
Nyx added helpfully:
"Next time, consider reading Terms of Service before consenting to cyber-flirt with bounty hunters."