ELI
I don't know when everything changed.
One minute, I was just… living. Going through the motions. The next, I was checking the clock every few minutes, waiting for Damir to show up like a dog waiting for his master to come home. It was embarrassing how obvious it had become. Even to myself.
But the thing is, I didn't care anymore.
Something inside me had snapped or maybe awakened and I couldn't fight it. I didn't want to. Not when it made my heart race like this, not when it filled my stomach with butterflies and something even heavier.
Every time Damir's car pulled into the driveway, I would rush upstairs. I'd pick out the shortest shorts I could find the ones that barely clung to my thighs and the tightest tops, the ones that molded against my chest and waist like a second skin. I wanted him to see me. Really see me. Not as a kid, not as his best friend's son… but as someone worth looking at. Someone worth wanting.
I started walking around the house like I owned it, knowing that at any point, he could be watching. I made excuses to pass by him, bend a little further, reach a little higher, just to test if his gaze would linger.
And sometimes, it did.
I'd catch it from the corner of my eye those sharp blue irises locking onto my legs, my waist, my neck. He thought I didn't notice. He thought he was being subtle. But I noticed everything. I memorized the way his jaw clenched when I licked my lips. I paid attention to how his hands would twitch when I leaned against the kitchen counter, too close, too casual.
I was playing with fire. And I loved it.
It scared me, how much I craved his attention. How desperately I wanted him to notice that I wasn't a boy anymore. That I was capable of making him feel something dangerous. But what scared me more… was that he was starting to notice.
Then it happened.
He came over that morning, earlier than usual. I was still in bed, half-awake, tangled in sheets that smelled like him faint traces of his cologne lingering from the sweater he gave me. I was about to roll over and drift back into sleep when I heard the knock.
Soft. Two taps.
It was always him.
I jumped out of bed, heart leaping into my throat. I changed quickly no, deliberately. The navy blue crop top that rode up whenever I lifted my arms. White cotton shorts that hugged my hips and barely covered anything. My hair was a mess, but I didn't care. He said once he liked it when I looked "natural." Whatever that meant.
When I came downstairs, he was there. Waiting. Leaning against the kitchen counter like he belonged there.
"Hey, sleepyhead," he smiled, his voice rough and warm. "I brought you something."
My heart did that stupid little flip again.
He handed me a stack of boxes, and I blinked. Trendy sneakers. A limited-edition hoodie. A sleek watch the kind all the K-pop idols were wearing lately. I looked at it, wide-eyed, and then back at him.
"Wha… Damir, this is too much."
"You like them?" he asked, pretending to ignore what I said.
"Of course I do but…" I hesitated. "Why all this? Did I do something?"
He tilted his head and sighed softly. "I have a business trip. I'll be gone for a week."
I didn't say anything. I couldn't.
A week?
A whole week without seeing him? Without his voice, his teasing smiles, his stupid jokes, the way he gently shoved my head when I annoyed him? A week without accidentally brushing against him in the hallway?
That sounded like hell.
"I just thought I'd spoil you a little before I left," he added, softer this time. "You always light up when I bring you stuff."
He said it so casually, so fondly, like he didn't know what he was doing to me. Like he didn't know how tightly his words gripped my heart.
I looked down at the gifts in my hands. My throat tightened.
"Do you have to go?" I asked, the question escaping before I could stop it.
Damir blinked, caught off guard. "It's important, Eli. I'll be back before you know it."
But that wasn't good enough. I didn't want "before you know it." I wanted him. Here. Now. Always.
I bit my lip and stared down at the watch again, at the reflection of my own torn-up expression in its smooth glass.
He noticed.
"Hey," he said gently, tilting my chin up with two fingers. "Why that face, huh?"
I stared at him, wide-eyed. His face was so close, too close. My breath hitched.
"I… just… I don't know." My voice cracked. "You're going and I… I'll miss you."
His brows softened, and something flickered in his eyes something I couldn't place.
"I'll miss you too, kid."
I flinched. That word.
Kid.
I didn't want to be a kid. Not to him. Not anymore.
Something in me snapped.
Before I could talk myself out of it, before I could even think, I leaned in. My lips brushed his cheek soft, trembling, a fleeting whisper of a kiss. I didn't wait for his reaction.
I dropped the boxes and bolted, my heart thudding so loudly it echoed in my ears. I ran into the house, up the stairs, down the hallway, not stopping until I slammed the door of my room behind me and collapsed against it.
"What the fuck did I just do?" I whispered to myself, breathing hard, my hand flying to my mouth.
I had kissed him.
I had kissed Damir.
My fingers tingled where they had brushed against his stubble. My lips burned from the contact. It had been nothing a stupid, childish peck on the cheek but to me, it was everything. A confession. A scream I couldn't bottle up anymore.
I buried my face in my hands, the heat rushing to my cheeks almost unbearable.
And yet… a small, sinful smile crept across my lips.
He hadn't pushed me away. He hadn't scolded me. He hadn't looked disgusted.
He had stood there, stunned.
That had to mean something… right?