Haruto groaned as he sat up in the middle of the forest clearing, cradling his face in both hands like a man personally betrayed by gravity.
Birds chirped. Magical sparkles floated through the air like the forest was permanently set to "low-budget fantasy filter." The breeze whispered nonsense in his ears, like:
"Get a job, loser~"
His spine throbbed like it had been lovingly massaged with a +5 Tree Branch of Regret.
"…Okay," he muttered. "I'm calm. I'm alive. I'm probably cursed."
A shimmering screen popped into view with a sarcastic ding.
[Demon Lord: Haruto Kisaragi]Level: 1Skills: …NoneMagic: …NopeTitle: Emergency Fill-In Demon KingPassive: Unreasonably Durable SkullEquipment: Slightly Torn Hoodie (Cursed)Description: We apologize for the inconvenience.
Haruto stared blankly at the screen. Then at the sky. Then back at the screen.
"WHAT KIND OF RPG SYSTEM IS THIS?!"
Somewhere in the distance, a bird screamed and immediately hit a tree.
He pushed himself up, wobbling like a retired Jenga tower, and glanced around. The forest was quiet. Too quiet. The kind of quiet that usually ends with something slimy leaping at your face and chewing your save file.
Suddenly—RUSTLE.
The bushes trembled. Shadows shifted. A pair of glowing amber eyes peered out.
Then—POOF!
A tall, fox-eared girl burst into the clearing in a swirl of smoke and leaves. Her long orange twin-tails bounced, her oversized fluffy tail swished dramatically, and her shrine maiden outfit had been heavily modified to accommodate physics-defying cleavage.
She struck a dazzling pose.
"TA-DAAA!"
Haruto blinked.His brain lagged.
"…What the hell is this," he muttered, annoyed, squinting at the sparkly fox maiden in front of him like she was a hallucination from a very budget gacha game.
The fox girl narrowed her glowing eyes. "Who are you, human?"
She circled him like a predator, analyzing him from head to toe with suspicious elegance.
"You don't smell like anyone from this forest, huuuman," she said with a smug grin.
Haruto's left eye twitched.No seriously, what is this, he thought. A cosplay convention for forest spirits?
"I'll ask once," the fox girl said, raising her hand. "If you don't answer, I'll kick your intruding huuman butt into another dimension."
Her hand began to glow—pulsing with yellow light like a holy hadouken was charging in real-time.
Haruto panicked.
"WAIT WAIT WAIT—misunderstanding! It's all a big misunderstanding!" he yelped, waving his arms like a drowning civilian. "I'm just a… a jogger! I got lost! Y'know, morning jog! Forest cardio!"
The fox girl tilted her head, ears twitching. "Jog…? You mean running?"
"YES. Totally running. Fitness. I'm very committed," he said, sweating.
If I don't think my way out of this, he thought, heart racing, my isekai adventure's gonna end before the opening theme even starts!
The glowing energy in the fox girl's palm flared brighter.Leaves rustled. Birds screamed and bailed. Even the grass looked like it was preparing to run.
"DANGER LEVEL: WAIFU BOSS FIGHT – EXTREME MODE," Haruto's internal narrator wailed.
"I'm giving you three seconds, huuman," she said with a wicked grin. "Three… two…"
"WAIT—HAVE YOU TRIED LIMITED-TIME GACHA?!"
She paused.
"…Gacha?"
Haruto nodded so fast his neck cracked.He was already taking cautious steps backward like a cowardly NPC in stealth mode.
"Yes! Today only! Kitsune-themed SSR! Super shiny drop rate! You'd be top-tier!"
The glowing faded slightly.
"…I am top-tier fox girl material," she muttered to herself, momentarily distracted.
Haruto seized the moment.
He grabbed a stick and hurled it into a nearby bush. "LOOK! AN EVEN FLUFFIER FOX!"
"WHERE?!"She whipped around instantly, tail popping straight up like a fuzzy periscope.
Haruto ran.
Not like a hero. Not like a ninja.Like a man who knew full well that the only skill he had was being somewhere else.
Branches slapped his face.He tripped over a rock.He bounced off a mushroom the size of a beanbag chair.And for some reason, he rolled downhill twice—despite being on flat land.
From somewhere behind him, a furious shout:
"YOU LIED TO MEEEEE!!"
"I REGRET NOTHINGGGGG!!"
Haruto dove behind a fallen log and pressed himself to the ground like a discount Metal Gear Solid cosplayer. He held his breath. Silence.
Three seconds passed.
Then the log casually flew into the air.
Standing above him, arms crossed, tail flicking, one eyebrow raised, was the fox girl.
"So," she said flatly, "you're either the worst liar I've met… or the bravest idiot alive."
Haruto, still wheezing, managed a weak smile. "Why not both…?"
Her eyes narrowed like a predator zeroing in on a particularly stupid rabbit.Glowing energy sparked in her hands again.
Haruto panicked.
He patted his hoodie pocket—and felt it.His one remaining hope from Earth.
He slowly, shakily pulled out a red-wrapped chocolate bar.
"H-here!" he shouted, holding it up like a holy relic. "A peace offering!"
Her eyes instantly locked on the shiny red wrapper.
"…What's that?" she asked, striking a weird warrior pose but not launching the spell. "If this is another trick, I will incinerate your very soul, huuman."
"No no no, look!" Haruto shoved it toward her. "It's chocolate! My gift to you!"
"Choco…late?"
She stared at it like it was a divine artifact. The spell in her hands fizzled out.
"It's sweet!" Haruto said quickly. "Sugary! Delicious! Trade item! I give you this, you don't explode me into forest confetti, and maybe tell me where I even am!"
Kohana now looked exactly like a fox caught mid-theft. Her gaze locked on the bar, her head slowly following his hand every time he moved it.
"…Fine," she muttered, eyes not leaving the snack. "I'll spare you—for now. But you have to state your business in this sacred forest, huuman."
Haruto blinked.
"…My business?"
She nodded.
"…I got lost."
Kohana cautiously took the chocolate bar from Haruto's trembling hands.She stared at it like it might explode.
Then—slowly—she unwrapped the shiny red foil, sniffed it, and bit off the end.
Her eyes widened instantly.
She froze.
She blinked.
And then—
"WHAT IS THIS HEAVENLY MIRACLE?!"
She dropped into a dramatic combat crouch like the chocolate had personally challenged her to a duel.
"It's... it's sweet! Rich! Creamy! It melts! IT MELTS! IN MY MOUTH!"
Haruto watched in horror as she inhaled the rest of the bar with one huge bite, then sank to her knees, mumbling in an ecstatic daze.
"Cursed gods above, I am reborn... Is this what love tastes like…?"
"…Okay," Haruto muttered, "maybe I shouldn't have given that to her…"
Still munching the crumbs off her fingers, Kohana stood up and stared at him again—but this time, with a different expression. Her ears twitched. Her eyes narrowed.
"…Huh. That's weird."
Haruto blinked. "What's weird?"
"You," she said bluntly. "You're glowing a little."
"Glowing?!" Haruto looked at his arms in panic. "Is that radiation?! Did the trees curse me?! DID THE MUSHROOM BITE BACK?!"
"No, no," Kohana said, waving a hand dismissively. "It's… faint, but there's definitely some kind of aura around you. It's weird. Magical, but wrong. Like someone wrapped a divine artifact in a trash bag and set it on fire."
"…Wow," Haruto said. "Thanks for that flattering comparison."
She dusted off her sleeves. "Anyway, you can't stay here. This part of the forest? Super cursed. Like, one wrong step and the plants start reciting ancient demon contracts. You'll be eaten by magical squirrels before nightfall."
"YOU'RE JUST TELLING ME THIS NOW?!"
She shrugged. "I thought you'd die quicker."
"…What a lovely first impression."
Kohana stretched, tail swishing proudly behind her. "Lucky for you, I'm generous. I'll take you back to my village. You can sleep there tonight—at least until the local wildlife stops wanting to murder you."
Haruto opened his mouth to argue—
But then a vine hissed at him from behind a tree.
"…You know what? Yeah. Lead the way."
The deeper they went into the forest, the more Haruto realized how cursed this place truly was.
One minute, a vine tried to strangle him.The next, a squirrel the size of a motorcycle launched itself out of a tree with a war cry.
"SKREEEEE—"
BAM.
Kohana punched it in the face.
It flew ten meters backward and exploded in a puff of sparkles and fur.
"Stay close," she said calmly, brushing off her sleeve. "The ecosystem here is… spirited."
Haruto screamed internally.
"That was a squirrel!!"
"A battle-class squirrel. Don't let your guard down."
He nodded furiously and clung to her tail like a terrified child on a leash.
As they walked, Kohana continued casually, like she wasn't dismembering death beasts every few steps.
"Anyway, this forest—official name's The Cursed Veins of Balveria—is basically nature's garbage bin for everything magical the continent didn't want. Cursed spirits, failed experiments, possessed tofu, you name it."
"Possessed what—?!"
BOOF.A carnivorous log with legs leapt from the bushes. Kohana dropkicked it into orbit.
"As for why my people live here," she said, continuing like nothing happened, "the beastkin used to be proud. Fierce. One of the strongest factions on the continent. We sided with the last Maou."
Haruto stumbled over a root. "Wait—the last Demon Lord?"
"Yup. He wasn't a bad guy. Just… catastrophically bad at PR."
A magic wasp tried to ambush them from above. Kohana caught it mid-flight and crushed it between two fingers like it owed her money.
She didn't even look up.
"When the war ended, the kingdoms that 'won' kicked us out. Branded us as traitors. Took our land, burned our cities. Said, 'You liked demons? Go live with the monsters.'"
Haruto looked around nervously.
"So they dumped you in the most cursed forest on the continent?"
Kohana nodded, punching a ghost-shaped shrub so hard it pixelated and de-spawned.
"Pretty much. Said it was 'generous rehabilitation territory.' But we've survived. Adapted. Trained. And now?"
She smiled wide, amber eyes gleaming.
"We're the last line of defense between the world and this forest's full insanity. We're like forest janitors, but buffer."
"…That's actually kinda cool," Haruto muttered.
"I know, right?"
A boulder with legs roared and charged from the treeline. Kohana casually palm-thrusted it into splinters.
Haruto fell to his knees.
"ARE YOU A BOSS MONSTER IN DISGUISE?!"
Kohana didn't reply.
They continued walking through the glowing forest path as if magical murder plants weren't lurking behind every bush.
Haruto tried not to trip on glowing roots. Kohana casually kicked a lightning slug off the path like she was swatting a fly.
Then she glanced at him again, this time with a look of genuine confusion.
"…You seriously don't have any powers?"
Haruto blinked. "Didn't we just establish that I'm built like a soggy rice ball?!"
"No, I mean, I figured something was going on. You're a human, sure, but if you made it this far into the cursed zone without exploding, I thought maybe you had, like, secret skills or a hidden class. Or at least a pocket fairy."
Haruto looked deeply offended.
"I don't even have a starter menu! My entire loadout is emotional trauma and this cursed hoodie!!"
Kohana squinted at him, as if trying to scan him again.
"…Weird. You've got absolutely nothing. Not even beginner stats. No magic, no aura, not even a weak passive. How are you alive?"
"YOU TELL ME!!"
She nodded to herself. "You really are suspicious."
Haruto flailed. "I'm not suspicious! I'm victimized by fate!"
Then—BOOM.
The ground trembled.
Before he could turn, a pair of insanely muscular, wolf-like legs passed one centimeter from his face in slow motion.
A massive shadow landed behind him.
Haruto turned… and saw a living mountain in the shape of a grandma.
Over two meters tall. Ripped like a retired war boss. Silver hair in a long braid. Wolf ears twitching on her head. She leaned gently—too gently—on a delicate little walking stick that clearly hadn't walked anything in its life.
She sniffed Haruto.Grunted.Then spoke with a voice that felt like it should've come from an ancient volcano.
"Kohana. What's this thing? Did the forest spit out another lost snack?"
Kohana beamed. "Oh! Grandma, this is a human I found being dumb near the death traps. I'm taking him in!"
Haruto looked up.
"…I'm what now?"
The grandma squinted at him with the same expression one gives moldy bread.
"Looks like a half-eaten rice cracker with anxiety issues."
Haruto's brain short-circuited.
And then he collapsed, face-first into the dirt, as the full weight of today's stupidity crushed what remained of his will to exist.