Thump.
Haruto hit the bed like a sack of unwashed rice.
His hoodie was torn. His face was caked with dried mud. His soul had clearly left the building around the time the dwarf mentioned the hero army "cleaning up" the ruins with tactical medieval nukes.
He lay there on the creaky wooden bed of the borrowed village house, arms sprawled out, eyes half open, quietly muttering to himself:
"...microwaves... legacy... goats can't be trusted... sparkle curse... throne..."
Kohana gently wiped his forehead with a cloth, though it was unclear if she was trying to help or checking if he was still alive.
"We came all the way from the cursed forest…" she murmured, glancing around the dusty room. "All that travel. All those weird monsters. For this."
Noelle stood near the foot of the bed, nervously clutching her grimoire to her chest. "Will Haruto-sama be okay...?"
"Yup."
The answer came from behind them.
Yue had casually respawned on top of an ancient table, seated cross-legged like a cursed princess in timeout. She stirred tea that had definitely not been there a moment ago.
"This idiot will be fine," she said flatly. "Let him finish spiraling into the void. It's part of the Demon Lord evolution process."
Kohana sat down beside the bed with a sigh. "I've seen people faint from fear or cry from loss, but this… This is the first time I've seen someone emotionally break over five houses and a goat."
She looked at Yue with concern.
"Isn't there anything we can do? Something to help?"
Yue didn't even look up.
She stirred her ghost tea with slow, calculated sass.
"Not really. He's entered the Phase Four Maou Breakdown. Symptoms include incoherent muttering, historical flashbacks, and deeply personal goat-related trauma."
Kohana looked even more worried. "How long does it last?"
Yue sipped her tea.
"Could be an hour. Could be until he sees a buffet."
Noelle stepped closer, clutching Haruto's hand with both of hers. "Haruto-sama… please don't give up. You're still our Maou."
Haruto stirred slightly.
Then mumbled:"…They took the ruins… but they'll never take my instant noodles…"
Kohana covered her mouth, eyes glistening.
Yue rolled her eyes. "This drama arc better have a budget."
Before Yue could finish the word "trashlord," Haruto snapped upright in the bed like someone had jammed a cursed USB stick into his brain.
"—HYEAGGH!!"
The girls collectively jumped three inches off the floor.
His eyes were wild. His hair somehow messier. His hoodie still mud-stained but now filled with unearned resolve.
He said nothing.
Just stared into the middle distance like a haunted war veteran.
And then—
He ran.
Straight out the door.
At full anime sprint speed.
"W-Wait! Haruto?!" Kohana shouted, lunging after him.
"Haruto-sama?!?" Noelle cried, nearly tripping over the bed.
Yue didn't move.
She sipped her tea and watched him vanish in a blur of frayed hoodie and spiritual crisis.
"...Yup," she said with zero emotion. "He's definitely fine."
Kohana looked back in full panic. "Or he's possessed?! Why did he suddenly—?! Should we restrain him?! Cast something?! Hug him?!?"
Yue floated lazily off the table. "Nah. Let him run. It's cheaper than therapy."
Noelle grabbed her grimoire and scrambled after Kohana. "Wait—what if he throws himself into a volcano or—?!"
It didn't take long.
Roughly two minutes later, the trio burst out of the house and found their glorious Demon Lord—
Collapsed.
Face-down.Limp.Sprawled beneath a tree like a discarded festival plushie.
He had run exactly 84 meters.
His leg was still twitching.
Yue hovered over the scene, poked him once with her ghost stick, and nodded solemnly.
"…And now he's back to potato form."
Noelle fell to her knees beside him. "Haruto-sama!! Are you okay?!"
Haruto didn't respond.
He just… drifted.
Face-down in the grass next to the tree, surrounded by worried girls, a confused goat, and one overly smug ghost, he slowly surrendered to unconsciousness.
And slipped into the void.
At first, there was nothing.
Just darkness. Endless. Still. Timeless.
Then—
Drift.
Haruto opened his eyes.
He wasn't on the ground anymore. He wasn't in the forest.He was floating. Weightless. Alone.
The space around him glowed faintly like ink dropped into water—dreamlike, pulsing with slow waves of midnight blue.
"…Where am I?" he muttered.
His voice echoed through the void, bouncing like it had been tossed into an endless cave system.
And then…
Click. Clack. Click.
The sound of typing.
Mechanical. Rapid. Casual.
Haruto slowly turned.
Behind him, floating atop an absurdly modern, oversized gaming desk, was the last person he wanted to see.
Riru Roku.
The bratty, dimension-hopping, chaotic little deity who looked no older than ten, still wearing his ridiculous outfit—a mix of steampunk accessories and street fashion. His mismatched eyes, one glowing blue and the other red, were fixed on a floating holographic keyboard.
"Ah. Oni-chan," Riru said, not looking up. "Didn't expect you back here so soon."
Haruto blinked, then twitched.
"…You."
Riru didn't look up. He was now sipping bubble tea out of a glowing cup with tiny pixelated stars floating inside it.
"I mean, four days," Riru said lazily, "You've only been in Balveria for four days and you've already glitch-crashed into my debug zone. New record, by the way."
Haruto's face contorted in rage.
"YOU—!"
He launched forward, ready to yell. Ready to punch. Ready to lecture.
But Riru just raised one finger.
"Uh-uh. Calm down, oni-chan," he said, still sipping, lips smacking obnoxiously. "You're technically unconscious. Your real body's drooling in a field right now."
Haruto froze.
His eye twitched.
"You—this is all your fault! You never gave me a cheat skill! Or powers! Or ANYTHING!"
Riru casually swiped something on his floating display.
"Nah. That's on you, bro."
Haruto blinked. "What?"
"You rushed it," Riru said, finally locking eyes with him. "I was literally about to offer you some basic set-up stuff—stats, weapons, starter pack, you know, normal isekai stuff—and you screamed, 'I'LL DO IT MYSELF!' and ran face-first into a dimensional portal like a cracked egg."
Haruto blinked again.
Then grimaced.
"…Wait. Did I really—?"
Riru nodded with zero hesitation. "Yup. Didn't even let me finish my intro monologue. Very rude."
He snapped his fingers.
A dozen glowing screens appeared mid-air, showing every humiliating moment Haruto had experienced since arriving in Balveria.
One screen showed the fox girl kneeing him into a wall.
Another showed the spirit monkeys playing hot potato with his body.
A third featured a slow-motion replay of him being spat on by a goat.
Haruto watched in silence.
His face twitched.
Riru? He was laughing his divine little butt off.
"HONESTLY!" he howled, nearly spilling his boba, "THIS IS LIKE… LIKE THE WORST-LUCK SPEEDRUN OF AN ISEKAI! You got cursed pants on DAY ONE! DAY. ONE."
Haruto stared at the screens with dead eyes.
"I hate this world," he whispered.
"Hate this world?" Riru repeated, blinking in surprise as he floated upside down on a rainbow-tinted pillow. "Oni-chan, really?"
He twirled his straw around in his oversized bubble tea, mismatched eyes narrowing playfully.
"But your old life wasn't better either, right? Here at least you've got beauties around you! Isn't that what all men dream of?"He ticked the names off with his fingers."A beautiful fox shrine maiden, an amazing dark sorceress, and—"
"Don't you DARE include that gremlin phantom," Haruto snapped, eyes blazing."I swear I'll call the Isekai Police."
Riru burst into laughter, holding his sides mid-float."You're funny, oni-chan. So funny."
He wiped a tear of amusement away, then glanced at a floating holographic countdown clock that had appeared beside him.
"Anyway," he said, clapping his hands. "You've got about five minutes. Looks like your party is trying to revive your useless meatbag body."
A screen blinked open beside the timer.
Yue was gently poking Haruto's forehead with a stick.
Kohana was panicking and trying very suspiciously untrained CPR.
Noelle was flipping frantically through her grimoire like it had a built-in paramedic spell.
Haruto watched it in horror.
"…They're gonna kill me again."
He stared, then finally spoke.
"Fine. Let's cut to the chase. I need powers. Cheat skills. Something useful, anything—"
"Nope," Riru said instantly, scratching the back of his head.
Haruto's eye twitched.
"…I'm sorry, what."
Riru floated lazily in a loop."Well, you already jumped into the world without setup, remember? No tutorial. No character creation. You refused the power-up sequence. That's on you, big guy."
Haruto stared at him, dead inside. "I said correct... sarcastically."
"Still counts!" Riru chirped. "You manifested in Balveria already. Can't inject cheat skills post-import. It's in the divine terms of service."
Haruto's eyelid twitched harder. Somewhere, a goat probably fainted.
But then Riru floated closer on his technicolor pillow, arms behind his head.
"That said…"
He snapped his fingers, and a scrolling map appeared, glowing with ethereal runes.
"I can lend you a hand, since you're hilarious and entertaining, and the other gods in my server room are placing bets on how long you last."
He tapped the floating map, which rotated until a glowing red X blinked on a mountainous region.
"When you wake up, this'll be in your hands. It leads to an old artifact. Legendary-tier stuff. Real vintage."
Haruto narrowed his eyes.
"…What's the catch?"
Riru sipped his tea.
"Oh, nothing serious. Just a tiny little issue."
Haruto paled. "What kind of issue."
"I wouldn't worry about it!" Riru laughed, voice growing distant as the void began collapsing around them."I believe in you, Oni-chan! Probably!"
"WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN ISSUE—"
FWUMP.
Haruto gasped as air rushed back into his lungs.
His eyes flew open.
And the very first thing he saw—
Was Yue.
Hovering directly above him.
Poking his forehead.
Again.
Their eyes locked.
Hers were completely blank.
Then, with a soft "tsk," she stood up and turned away like she'd just found something sticky on her shoe.
Haruto lay there, broken, reborn, and emotionally microwaved.
In his hand?
A glowing map with a bright red X.