It was late.
The camp had long gone quiet.
The fire had dimmed to glowing embers, and above, the stars glittered with impossible clarity—twinkling constellations that danced across a sky untouched by city light.
Kohana and Noelle were curled up near the fire, both asleep.Kohana's tail twitched slightly in her dreams.Noelle's grimoire floated midair above her lap, flipping pages occasionally on its own before shutting itself with a pout.
Haruto sat a few feet away, hoodie pulled halfway over his head, legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned back on his hands and stared upward.
He couldn't sleep.
Too much on his mind.
"...First, we make it to the old Demon Lord capital," he murmured to himself, his voice just above a whisper. "Then... I'll figure it out. Maybe there's a clue. A weapon. A bed."
His expression darkened slightly.
"…Or a new disaster. Knowing my luck, probably an ancient curse disguised as a discount welcome mat."
A soft whooshing sound interrupted his thoughts.
Floating nearby, Yue hovered just above ground level, arms crossed, eyes glowing faintly in the dark.
She was tonight's "volunteer" for night watch.
Not that she looked remotely motivated.
Just judgmental.
Her eyes weren't just looking at Haruto—they were drilling into his soul like a laser pointer made of disdain.
Haruto shifted uncomfortably.
"…Can you not look at me like that?"
"If you're thinking of anything perverted," Yue said flatly, "I have full authority to strike you down with cursed thunder."
Haruto twitched. "I'm not—! Why do you always assume that?!"
"The way you were staring over at them…" Yue's voice dropped lower, sharper."Like a starving wolf eyeing its prey."
Haruto panicked.
"I-I-I wasn't doing that! I was just—! I was—!!"
"Creeping? Debating the fox girl or the sorceress first?" Yue raised an eyebrow.
"NO?! I was just… just thinking!"
He threw his hands up.
"I haven't been around this many people in forever, okay?! This is the first time in years I've even gone on a trip, let alone—camped out in a fantasy forest with weirdos and ghost lolis!!"
Yue stared at him, unimpressed.
Then slowly gave a face that could only be described as:
"No one cares."
"You're not special, Potato Maou. Everyone's suffering here. Get in line.""Also, sleep. It's a five-day trip to the Demon Lord's capital. And you whine when you're tired."
Haruto sighed.
"…You're right."
He flopped back on the grass like a dropped sack of rice.
"Wake me if we're being attacked. Or if one of the girls tries to kill me in their sleep."
"No promises." Yue coldly replied.
To say Haruto had high hopes would be generous.
He had medium hopes. Slightly toasted, half-melted hopes.
Still, as the party set out toward the old Demon Lord capital, a faint ember of optimism smoldered in his chest. Maybe—just maybe—there'd be something there. A ruined fortress. A dusty throne. A book of demon techniques with sparknotes.
But instead...
Instead, the universe decided to take a fat, magical dump on every inch of that dream.
It started on Day One.
Ten minutes into their journey, Haruto stepped on a magical slime egg, which exploded into glittery goo and turned his pants bright pink for twenty-four hours.
Yue refused to reverse the curse.
Noelle tried to help but accidentally strengthened the enchantment, adding sparkles that emitted harp sounds every time he walked.
"Twinkle step engaged," Yue muttered.
Kohana said nothing. But she giggled. A lot.
Day Two brought rain.
Only over Haruto.
A perfectly clear sky for everyone else.Haruto, meanwhile, was stalked by a single cursed storm cloud that followed only him like a budget-level weather god prank.
When he asked Yue if it was her doing, she only said:
"You're the Maou. Nature probably just hates you."
Day Three?
Haruto fell into a pit trap that somehow wasn't even magical. Just a classic, old-school dirt pit. Everyone else walked past it just fine.
He laid there for an hour, face-first in mud, screaming, "I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE FINAL BOSS!"
No one answered.
Noelle tried to pull him out, but dropped him twice.
Yue filmed it.
By Day Four, Haruto had been bitten by:
A venomous fairy squirrel (twice)
A cursed mushroom that grew fangs mid-chew
A bush (that shouldn't have teeth)
And a tree that may have been alive but refused to explain itself
Meanwhile, Kohana never got dirty once, Noelle's cloak still smelled like roses, and Yue conjured a floating chaise lounge to ride like a smug undead princess.
And finally... Day Five.
The cursed map—drawn by someone who clearly failed cartography and possibly sanity—had promised:
"The Grand Capital of the Demon Lord – Seat of Power, Legacy, and Eternal Flame."
Haruto staggered toward the clearing, his hoodie singed, one shoe missing, twigs in his hair, eyes twitching. Every step echoed with despair.
"I swear," he muttered, "if I don't at least find a demonic sword or magic artifact, I'm going back to Earth and suing."
They pushed past the trees.
The party gasped.
They found—
Five wooden houses.
A single garden plot.
A crooked sign that read:
"Grand Mao Village – Home of Heroically Discounted Turnips"
There was a scarecrow. It was wearing underpants on its head. A goat looked up at Haruto and promptly spat at him.
No ruins. No throne. No castle. No legacy.
Just one field. One goat. One spit.
Haruto stood there.
Utterly silent.
Yue hovered behind him.
"…So," she said flatly. "Is this where you conquer the world?"
Haruto dropped to his knees in the mud.
His voice cracked.
"…I left on journey… for this."
Haruto remained on his knees in the dirt, eyes wide and blank.
Mud smeared across his cheek, his hoodie hung half-off his shoulder, and a goat was sniffing his leg like it was considering a second spit. His mind spun with every poor life decision that led him to this cursed, rural patch of disappointment.
The Grand Demon Lord Capital, they said.An empire of shadow and legacy.
And instead… there was a shack with a turnip sign.
"I got send here…" Haruto muttered to no one in particular, "...and my convenience store microwave bento… for this."
Kohana crouched beside him, patting his back gently.
"There, there…" she said softly. "Maybe the village just needs… time to grow?"
Noelle leaned in from the other side, eyes wide with concern. "Haruto-sama, please don't lose hope! You can rebuild the Maou empire! I—I can help! I've studied demonic agriculture!"
That… did not help.
Haruto's head dipped lower, his soul slowly leaving his body like steam from a cracked rice cooker.
And then—
A gruff old voice interrupted the pity party.
"...Oh-ho! Got yourselves a real dramatic one, huh?"
A short, round old man strolled past, beard like braided wire, eyebrows bushier than the goat's tail. He looked vaguely dwarvish, vaguely retired, and entirely too cheerful for someone standing on the ruins of a fallen empire.
"Afternoon," he greeted casually. "You lot tourists, or just emotionally unstable?"
Kohana blinked. "Um… sir, if you don't mind—what happened to the Demon Lord's capital that was supposed to be here?"
Noelle leaned forward with a serious look.
"Yes. What happened to the ruins of Maou-sama's grand domain?"
The old man scratched his beard and let out a hearty laugh.
"Ahh, you kids really don't know, huh? That explains the dumb faces."
Haruto twitched.
The old man continued, hands on his hips.
"See, after the last Maou got wiped out—well, the hero's army came back around a few years later. Scouted the place. Decided to clean up."
"...Clean up?" Kohana echoed.
"Oh aye," the old man nodded. "Erased every brick. Every stone, every rune, even the outhouse. Ground it all into fine dust. Said they didn't want anyone claiming the title of Maou ever again. Can't have evil empires respawning, yeah?"
Haruto's face twitched.
His eye actually glitched.
Noelle gasped. "Y-You mean… nothing remains?"
"Not a speck," the dwarf said proudly. "Best demolition job I ever saw. Even the air feels less evil now."
Haruto slowly turned to stone.
Kohana, now pale, asked, "And this village?"
"Oh, this?" the dwarf grinned. "We just moved in. A couple families from the mountains. Monsters don't come here—too scared, maybe. Or they just find it depressing. Either way, it was empty, so we set up shop. Planted some turnips. Named the place Grand Mao Village to be cheeky."
He looked at Haruto.
"Your friend okay? He looks like he's been spiritually suplexed."
Haruto was mumbling something.
Noelle leaned in.
He was speaking nonsense.
"...Demon kingdom… microwave… sparkle pants… betrayal… cursed goat politics…"
The old dwarf clapped his hands.
"Well! You're welcome to stay the night. Got an empty house just down the path. I'll show ya. Looks like he needs… uh… multiple naps."
Haruto continued mumbling, face down in the dirt.
Yue finally floated over from behind the party and glanced at him.
"...And here we see the majestic Maou in his natural state," she said flatly. "Crushed by lore dumps and goat villages."