''After thirty grueling days of being a bald, babbling nugget with zero dignity, it hit me—I've been reborn in Soul Land. Of all the worlds, it had to be this one? Seriously? I'm stuck in a baby body, can't walk, can't talk, and worst of all... I drool on myself. Peak warrior form, right?''
Nhaa nhaa we have to start from the start
Let's go back to when I was born
Ahem i mean sometime after i was born
My name's Kai. I was just a normal human—yeah, was. Before... well, before this. Hahaha... Witches ( its B not W), fate, karma—who knows? I got reincarnated! Ahem, sorry, I'm not exactly mentally stable at the moment. I mean, would you be? One second you're an adult, and the next you're a helpless little donut-shaped baby. I want to cry, but guess what? No tears. Just vibes and existential confusion.
Just as I was spiraling into another episode of baby-level existential dread, I heard footsteps—soft, graceful, and suspiciously full of motherly energy.
And then she appeared.
A woman with the face of an angel and the aura of someone who's definitely about to pinch my cheeks into another dimension.
She leaned over the crib with a smile so blinding it could cleanse sins.
"Ohhh, my little Kai is awake~"
Lady… I've been awake since 4 AM staring at the ceiling like a sentient loaf.
She picked me up like I weighed nothing (which, I guess, I kinda do now) and began shaking me gently like I was a soda she planned to explode with affection.
"Who's mommy's little sunshine?"
Not me. I'm a grown man trapped in a baby burrito, ma'am.
I tried to scream my frustration—but all that came out was a bubbly giggle.
Traitorous baby body.
Just when I thought things couldn't get more absurd, the door creaked open again—and in walked him.
Tall. Broad shoulders. That smug "I-lift-logs-for-fun" energy radiating off him like heat waves. Yup. This had to be my new dad.
"Is my little warrior awake?" he boomed with a voice that could probably shatter windows if he sneezed hard enough.
Great. Just what I needed. A father who looks like he eats dumbbells for breakfast.
He marched over with the confidence of someone who thought babies were just mini bodybuilders in training.
"She smiled at me yesterday, I swear!" he declared proudly.
I didn't smile, buddy. That was gas. Let's not rewrite history.
He scooped me up with the gentleness of a man holding a sack of potatoes labeled "FRAGILE," and held me high like I was Simba on Pride Rock.
"Look at her grip! That's a future Soul Master right there!"
Sir. Please. I'm gripping your thumb because it's the only thing stopping me from face-planting off this mountain you call a chest.
I let out a soft coo to calm him down. Big mistake. He took it as encouragement and kissed my forehead like he'd just won a championship.
"That's my girl!"
Wait—GIRL? I'm a dude! A DUDE!
Help
Dad: (gazing adoringly at baby Kai) "My little princess, you're so adorable with those dainty kicks!"
Mom: (raising an eyebrow while sipping her coffee) "Hold up, honey—she's not a princess. It's a boy!"
Dad: (startled, nearly dropping Kai) "A boy?! But I've been calling him that all along...?"
Mom: (laughing, teasing) "Really? Then why on earth did you insist on tying a dainty bow on his head? Our baby comes with a built-in label: male!"
Dad: (scratching his head and peering closer) "Huh, I must have been so enchanted by those adorable cheeks, I totally overlooked the details."
Mom: (with mock dramatic flair) "Come on, genius—take a peek at his diaper. Doctor's orders say his little badge of manhood is practically screaming 'It's a boy!'"
(Dad leans in, squints comically, and then bursts out laughing.)
Dad: "Well, color me surprised! Our little champion is officially a boy. No more princess talk for this guy!"
Mom: (smirking while scooping Kai into her arms) "Exactly. Now, since you've finally got your facts straight, why don't you head out and do your work, Mister Dad? I'll take over feeding our future warrior with a dose of Mommy's super fuel."
Dad: (saluting playfully as he exits) "Alright, my little man—I'm off to conquer the world. Keep that adorable charm glowing until I get back!"
(Mom settles in for a cozy feeding session as Kai wiggles, half amused, half bewildered by the day's mix-ups.)
(Kai's inner thought: "I may be a baby, but even I can tell this family is hilariously off-track. At least I'm fueling up for someday being a real hero!")
Finally, some peace at last. You might be wondering what my full name is, right? Don't worry—I'll spill the beans. My family surname is Yang, so call me Yang Kai. I honestly don't even know what "Yang Kai" means—it's Chinese. But hey, what can you do? I was born in the Chinese cultivation world, so of course, that's just how it goes.
Oh, and by the way, my mom's name is Yang Mei and my dad's is Yang Fang.
Well, I'm feeling a bit sleepy now, so I guess I'll meet you all tomorrow. See ya, readers! Or wait—what am I even saying? Am I the protagonist or am I just getting delusional day by day? Clearly, I can't be the main character in some fan fiction, right?
No shit—I'm just a guy trying to sort out this crazy life one misadventure at a time!