The greatest invention of the 22nd century came from a man named Gloucesterio Pugilinidorf Krachette, the godbrother of the godfather of the seventh uncle of an unnamed top university's philosophy professor who was still fit and strong at over eighty years old. One day, while helpfully sorting trash in the university cafeteria, he picked up an old radar. After fiddling with it for a few hours, he accidentally made contact with the distant planets Celetis and Granchio-Melasinese from across the galaxy.
Though none of them spoke the same language, that didn't stop their passionate tears and grand declarations: We must push the boundaries of science! They swore that once the conditions were right, they'd pursue friendly physical interactions. In their joy, they impulsively made a bet that would stun the galaxy for 800 years: whichever side got conquered first would have to call the other "Dad" and become their vassal planet.
Thus began an era of brutal, exhausting, totally insane competition.
Three bored old men post-retirement accidentally kicked off the greatest wave of interstellar advancement—causing the average evolutionary progress of intelligent life to double in just a hundred years compared to the last thousand.
Yesterday, scientists on Celetis "accidentally" discovered a new element.
Today, humans on Earth "casually" invented a brand-new spaceship.
Tomorrow, doctors on Granchio-Melasinese "freely" announced that the word "disease" no longer exists in their vocabulary.
As the saying goes—some rejoice, others suffer. Gripping the twelfth revised edition of this year's chemistry textbook, high schoolers on Celetis glared at the periodic table with the bitterness of vengeful ghosts.
"Periodic Table, I swear, if you don't stay awake tonight, I'm stealing your toilet."
"Come on then! Let's hurt each other!"
Exhausted spaceship engineers on Earth, who hadn't slept properly in a month, collapsed where they stood. They were already seeing the Grim Reaper in the break room.
Dancing on the edge of sudden death, they felt that the thrill of outwitting death far surpassed any pride from building spaceships. No regrets. Worth it.
Upon learning that disease had been eradicated on Granchio-Melasinese, people began trading tap water for river mud in the town square, demanding to see what germs could do now. Some even publicly injected themselves with viruses, screaming:
"I feel… terrifyingly strong right now!"
惊!人性的泯灭还是道德的沦丧?
22世纪最伟大的发明是:年过八旬依然身体硬朗的,某不知名大学TOP大学哲学教授的表七舅的干爹的义弟——古罗斯特里奥·普吉里尼多尔夫克拉切特在一次热心帮助TOP大学食堂处理废弃物品时,捡了个雷达回去捣鼓几小时后和远在银河系另一头的塞莱特斯星和格兰奇奥-梅拉西内塞星联系上了.
虽然三方语言不通,但这并不影响他们高涨的热情,纷纷洒泪表示一定要好好研究科技,等到条件充足时就进行物理上的友好交流.高兴之余他们一时兴起定下一个震惊全宇宙八百年的奇葩赌约,要是哪一边先被攻下了,那一个星球要全部生物叫另一个星球一声爹,也就是成为对方的附属星球.
从此开始了辛苦费力的疯狂内卷.三个退休后无所事事的老头一句戏言导致宇宙现存生物星球的集体水平在一百年内,已经超越了往前千年的进化速度整整一倍.
昨天塞莱特斯星的科学家"一不小心"发现了新元素,今天地球人类"随随便便"发明了最新型宇宙飞船,明天格兰奇奥-梅拉西内塞星的医学界"随心所欲"宣布疾病一词彻底消失在医学界.
正所谓有人欢喜有人愁,抱着今年第十二次改版的化学书,塞莱特斯星的初高中生带着滔天怨气犹如厉鬼般幽怨地盯着元素表.
元素表君,你今晚最好两只眼睛轮流值班,包到你家偷马桶.来啊,互相伤害啊!
在新型宇宙飞船旁连轴转一整个月没睡好觉的工人们两眼一抹黑,倒地不起,他们已经看到死神的影子.
在猝死的边缘反复横跳,此刻宇宙飞船落成的自豪比不过和死神单挑的爽感.此生死而无憾.
得知格兰奇奥-梅拉西内塞星不会再有疾病后,人们交换着广场上的自来水和河里的泥沙水,跑到政府门口和医院门口叫嚣着,非要看看病毒细菌能奈我何.
更有甚者不怕死地当众将病毒注射体内,高喊着:"我觉得我现在强得可怕!"