The next morning was... well, it was still a disaster, but at least I was alive. And not in jail. Those were both major wins in my book.
I dragged myself out of bed, still feeling like I was living in a bad sitcom. The letter had been delivered. Mrs. Luna hadn't called the cops. Things were... strangely calm. Too calm.
So, of course, I had to go back to work at Super Value Max, where, apparently, my life was destined to get weirder.
I slapped on my nametag, grabbed my wobbly apron, and shuffled out the door like I was headed to an execution. It wasn't so much that I hated working there; I just hated everything else about my life at the moment. And I was pretty sure the cashier section was where bad decisions went to die.
When I walked into the break room, the first thing I noticed was a group of MILFs gathered around the table, chatting and laughing. They were all regulars, and of course, they had no idea I was that guy—the one who was probably now infamous for making Mrs. Luna's life a living hell. But apparently, my stalker incident had made it into the unofficial gossip grapevine.
I grabbed a coffee, trying to stay invisible in the corner of the room, but the MILFs were loud and all in on the conversation.
"You hear about that guy last night?" Karen, one of the more outspoken moms, said, her voice practically vibrating with the excitement of gossip. "The one who chased Mrs. Luna? I swear, I thought she was going to have a heart attack. Poor woman."
"Ugh, I heard," said Debbie, another mom from the produce aisle. "I mean, how does someone even accidentally stalk someone? Was he on something? Or just... that socially awkward?"
I didn't know whether to die of embarrassment or just start a new life under a fake name.
"I think he might've been a little off his rocker," Karen continued. "And the way he ran after her? Like something out of a horror movie."
"Seriously," Debbie chimed in. "Imagine running after me like that. I would've given him a piece of my mind and then some. That poor woman is probably traumatized."
My face felt like it was on fire. They were talking about me. The stalker. And not only that, but they had no idea that I was standing right there—listening to the whole thing. I could feel my pulse pounding in my temples.
"Hey, you think he's still around?" Karen asked, her voice low and conspiratorial. "Like, do you think he'll try to talk to Mrs. Luna again?"
I didn't want to know the answer. Really, I didn't. But I couldn't help myself. I leaned a little closer, ears practically burning.
Debbie shook her head. "I'm pretty sure he's a lost cause. I doubt Mrs. Luna wants to see him again after what happened."
They all nodded, as if they were just going to let the whole thing go... except they weren't. I could see it now. They were going to talk about me until the end of time. Or until the next bigger scandal came along, which, let's face it, would probably happen by noon.
But before I could make my escape, I felt it.
A weird, almost magnetic pull. It wasn't a huge thing, but it was enough to make me feel... uneasy. Like I was being watched, only it wasn't the normal "Oh god, I'm socially awkward" kind of feeling. No, this was something else.
I looked around the break room, trying to ignore the voice of reason in my head that screamed, Don't look, don't look, don't look, but of course, I looked. And when I did, I saw it.
She was standing by the vending machine—a woman I'd never seen before. Maybe in her early forties, wearing a loose blouse that seemed to hang just right and a pair of sunglasses perched atop her head like she was too cool for Super Value Max. But that wasn't it. No, it was the way she was looking at me. Like I was the last slice of pizza at a party, and she was hungry.
And my heart? It skipped. And then I realized what was happening.
[Passive Skill Activated: MILF Magnet]
[Effect: MILFs within 20 meters will subconsciously feel drawn to you. Stronger effect when shirtless.]
"Oh, no," I muttered under my breath. Not again.
The woman—who I'm pretty sure was actually looking at me now—took a step forward. Her eyes were locked on mine like I was some kind of forbidden fruit, and I felt a weird pull toward her. Like, yeah, she was attractive, but this whole thing was definitely not normal.
I quickly turned back to the coffee machine, pretending to adjust the cup, but my brain was on fire. Was I really about to become the center of another MILF spectacle? This wasn't a good skill. It was a disaster waiting to happen.
[New Objective Unlocked!]
[Quest Title: MILF Hunter – Stage One]
[Objective: Make a good impression on the mysterious MILF by casually interacting with her. Do not screw this up.]
[Reward: +1 Affection (If you don't ruin this one too).]
"Ugh..." I whispered under my breath, pressing my back against the wall. "This is going to end so badly."
I looked back at the vending machine. She was still there. Still staring. And now, I could feel my face turning pink again.
"Alright," I muttered to myself, wiping my sweaty palms on my apron. "I got this. Just a normal interaction. Don't be weird. No chasing. No weird flip-flop ninja moves. Just... talk. Like a regular person."
I took a deep breath. And then, as if the universe was playing some sick joke on me, I saw her take a step toward me.
I stood there, frozen in place like a deer caught in the headlights, as the woman—who, for all I knew, was about to either seduce me or break my spirit—stepped closer. I could feel my heart thumping like a jackhammer, and the sense of impending doom started to cloud my mind.
But before I could even form a coherent thought, the system dinged—like it was a digital referee announcing the start of a ridiculously awkward game.
[MILF Tamer System: MILF Profile Unlocked!]
Name: Audrey Summers
Age: 42
Occupation: Marketing Manager at Some Fancy Company
Current Mood: Curious
Known Aliases: "The Queen of Coffee" (Seriously, she drinks a lot of it)
Relationship Status: Single, but not for long if this keeps up.
Interests: Yoga, vintage record shopping, awkwardly staring at guys in supermarkets
Hobbies: Pilates, late-night Netflix binges, complaining about the youth of today
Favorite Foods: Sushi, spicy tuna rolls, anything with a high likelihood of ruining her lipstick
Dislikes: Slow Wi-Fi, people who chew loudly, and bad service at restaurants
Affection Level: 0% (But we'll see where this goes…)
It was like the system had just delivered a whole dossier on this woman, as if she were a spy and I was her handler. It was weird. Not only was it highly intrusive, but also... extremely helpful.
[Additional Info: MILF Magnet Skill Activated]
[Current Range: 20 Meters]
[Subconscious Draw: 55%]
[Effect: Increased attraction due to proximity. Stronger pull if shirtless.]
I blinked and stared at the glowing screen. Okay, so apparently, this was my life now. Some random, mysterious woman at work was slowly being drawn to me because of some supernatural magnetism. A magnet that was more likely to cause a disaster than actually help me win any kind of affection.
Audrey was now standing just a few feet away from me, her eyebrow arched as if she had just realized something strange about me.
"So, you work here?" she asked, her voice low and a little flirtatious, which made my insides do a quick somersault.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my apron, feeling the system's presence like a constant, glowing weight in the back of my mind. There was no escape. And no way to turn this off.
"Yeah," I managed, trying to sound casual, even though my voice cracked like a teenager going through puberty. "I, uh, work the register... sometimes. Mostly just... I stock things and help customers find stuff."
Audrey nodded slowly, her eyes scanning me like I was a new item she had to mentally catalog. "I see," she said, her gaze lingering on me a little longer than normal. "You look... familiar. Have I seen you around before?"
I wanted to scream. Have you seen me before?
I internally slapped myself. Of course she'd seen me around. I was the guy who just accidentally caused a massive scene the night before. How could she not remember me?
"No, I don't think so," I lied, giving her a nervous smile. "I'm, uh, pretty forgettable."
She laughed softly, and I swear the whole break room seemed to quiet down as the other MILFs quietly watched our interaction like they were waiting for me to mess this up. Which, I probably would.
Audrey took another step closer, and that magnetic pull just got stronger, which did not help my nerves.
"So, what's your deal?" she asked, her voice smooth, almost teasing. "Are you one of those... 'quiet but deadly' types?"
I opened my mouth, and then promptly closed it, not knowing what in the world to say. I was officially out of my depth.
[System Alert]
[Affection: +1]
[Recommended Action: Use your charm. Seriously. Do not choke.]
Oh, fantastic. Charm. Me? Charm? I couldn't even form a coherent sentence without my brain trying to escape through my ears.
But then the system did something unexpected.
[MILF Tamer System – Bonus Info Unlocked!]
[Tip: Audrey has a soft spot for guys who make genuine, awkward attempts at conversation. She finds confidence in the most unexpected places.]
Well, that was... oddly specific. But hey, maybe I had a shot?
I opened my mouth again, this time with a plan. Or at least vague intentions.
"Well, I, uh... I'm not really deadly," I said, stumbling over my words like I was trying to walk through a minefield. "But I am pretty good at... um... avoiding awkward situations. Like this one." I waved my hand around at the break room, trying to make it look like I had any idea what was going on.
Audrey's lips twitched upward in the most beautiful, knowing smile I had ever seen.
"Really?" she asked, clearly amused. "Because it seems to me like you're doing just fine."
And for the first time in what felt like forever, I relaxed. I don't know if it was the way she said it, or the way she looked at me, but I realized something in that moment: maybe I wasn't totally screwed. Maybe, just maybe, I could do this.
Maybe I could survive a MILF crisis without totally embarrassing myself.
But the system wasn't done with me yet.
[New Mission Unlocked: The First Impressions – Make a lasting impact with Audrey Summers.]
[Objective: Make Audrey laugh. Don't screw it up.]
[Reward: +1 Affection (if you succeed).]
Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the immense pressure of making Audrey laugh. And that was no easy feat.
So, naturally, I did what any sane person would do:
I made a terrible joke.
"You know," I said, "I'm really good at making awkward situations worse. I'm like the king of uncomfortable silences."
Audrey stared at me for a moment. Then, to my surprise, she laughed. A real laugh. Not a polite chuckle. An actual, genuine laugh.
And I felt like maybe... just maybe... I was starting to get the hang of this whole making MILFs not think I'm a stalker thing.
[Affection: +1]
[Mission Status: Ongoing]
[Recommended Action: Keep up the awkward charm.]
Great. Now I just had to survive the next ten minutes without falling on my face. No pressure, right?