Chapter 19: My Driving Lesson That Ended in a Maize Farm
After failing as an actor, I decided:
"Kelvin, be serious. Learn a life skill. Learn how to drive!"
So one Saturday, Uncle Joe offered to teach me.
He had a dusty old Corolla that looked like it had fought in two world wars and lost.
He said:
"Driving is simple. Just listen to me."
We started slow.
Start the engine: ✓ Move forward a little: ✓ Steer left: ✓
Confidence started building up in my chest.
I started feeling like Vin Diesel from Fast and Furious.
Uncle Joe said:
"Okay, now slowly turn and brake."
I heard:
"NOW GO FASTER AND BECOME A LEGEND."
So I pressed the accelerator... HARD.
The car JUMPED like it was escaping from Area 51.
Uncle Joe screamed:
"BRAKE! BRAKE!"
In my panic, instead of hitting the brakes, I pressed the accelerator harder.
We zoomed straight through someone's farm fence —
and stopped right in the middle of a proud, flourishing maize farm.
Farmers came running.
Hoes in hand.
Ready for war.
One of them shouted:
"YOU HAVE HARVESTED WITHOUT PERMISSION!!"
Uncle Joe just sat there, head in hands, muttering scriptures.
Meanwhile, I sat behind the steering wheel...
…smiling nervously like a wet cat.
That was the end of my driving career.
For now, I walk proudly.
Very proudly.